¶ The first tale.

THeare was two men of Gotam, & the one was goyng to the market to Nottyngham to buye sheepe and the other dyd come from the Market, and bothe met together vppon Nottingham brydge. Well met said the one to the other. Whether be you going (sayde hee that came from Not­tyngeham, to hym that wente to Nottingeham.) Marye sayde be that wente to Nottyngham, I goe to the market to buye sheepe. [Page] Buye sheepe saide the other? and whyche waye wylte thou brynge them. Marye sayde the other. I wyll brynge them ouer thys bridge. By Robyn hoode sayd he that cam from Nottingham, but thou shalte not. By Mayde Ma­ryon sayde he that wente to the market but I wyll. Thou shalte not sayde the other. I wyll sayde the other. Let bere, sayd the one. Shows theare, sayde the other. They beat theyr staues agaynste the grounde, one agaynste the o­ther, as theare had bene a hun­dred seepe betwixt them. Holde in theare layde the one. Beware of [...]yng ouer the brydge of my sheepe sayd the other, I care not sa [...]d the other, they shal not come thys waye by the masse. By the masse sayde the other, but they [Page] shall. Then sayde the other, and thou make muche to doe, I wyll put my fynger in thy mouthe. A turde thou wilte, saide the other. And as they weare at thys con­tencyon, another man of Gotam dyd come from the market wyth a sacke of meale vppon an horse. And seyng & hearing his neygh­boures at stryfe, for sheepe, and none betwixt them said a fooles will you neuer learne wyt. Helpe we saide bee that had the meale, and laye my sacke vppon my shul­der, they dyd so. And he went to the one side of the bridge, and vn losed the mouth of the sacke, and did shake oute all hys meale in to the ryuer, now neyghbour sayde this man, howe much meale is theare in my sacke nowe, marye theare is noue at all sayde they, [Page] Now by my faythe sayd he euen as muche witte is in youre twoo headdes, to stryue for that thyng which ye haue not.

Which was the wisest of al these three persons? Judge you.

¶ The ii. tale.

THeare was a man of Go­tam dyd ryde to thee mar­ket wyth twoo bussheles of wheate, and bycause hys horse shoulde not beare heauye, hee ca­ryed hys corne vppon hys owne necke, and dyd ryde vppon hys horse, because hys horse shoulde not cary no heauy burthen.

¶ The iii. tale.

On a time the mē of Gotam, [Page] wold haue py [...]ned the Cockow, that she should sing all the yeare and in the myddest of the towne they dyd make a hedge (round in compas,) and they had got a Co­cow, and put her in it and sayde, singe here all the yeare, and thou shalte lacke neyther meate nor drincke. The Cocow as soone as shee was set wyth in the hedge, flew her waye. A vengeaunce on her sayde they, we made not our hedge high ynough.

¶ The iiii. tale.

THere was a man of Gotam the which went to the market to Nottingham to sell cheese. And as hee was goynge downe the hyll to Nottingham b [...]e, one of hys cheeses dyd fall out of [Page] hys poake, and did runne downe the hyl. A horsons said the felow, can you rūne to the market alone I will sende the one after the o­ther of you. He layde downe hys poake, and tooke the cheeses, and dyd trundle them downe the hyll one after another: and some ran into one busshe, and some into a­nother. And at the laste he sayde I charge you all meete me in the market place. When the fellowe dyd come into the market place to meete hys cheeses, hee dyd ta­rie tyll the market was almoste done. Then he went about, and dyd inquyre of hys neighboures, and other men if they did see his cheeses come to the market? Who shoulde bringe them? sayd one of the market men. Marye them selues sayd the fellow, they knew [Page] the way well ynoughe. He taryed still tyll it was nyght. At nyghte he said a vengeaunce on them al. I dyd feare to see that my chee­ses dyd runne so faste, that they runne beyonde the market: I am sure that they be almoste now at Yorke. He hyred a horse to ryde after to Yorke to seeke hys chee­ses wheare they weare not. But to thys daye, no man coulde tell hym of hys cheeses.

¶ The v. tale.

THeare was a man of Go­tam and he did buy at Not­tynge ham a Trefete (or a Brandyron.) And as he was go­ing home, his shoulder dyd ake: [Page] And hee dyd set downe hys Tre­fete, and see that it had thre feete sayde, a horsen, haste thou three feete, and I but two, thou shalte beare me home if thou wilte, and dyd syt downe on the trefete and sayd, beare me as long as I haue borne the, for if thou do not, thou shalt stand still for mee. The man of Gotam dyd see that hys Tre­fete wolde not goe further, stand styll sayd he in the Mares name, and folowe mee if thou wylte, I wyll tell thee the ryghte waye to my house. Whā he did com home to his house his wife sayd, where is my Brandiron or trefete. The man sayde he hath three legges, and I haue but two legges, and I dyd teach hym the way to my house, let hym come home if hee wyll. Wheare lefte ye the Trefete [Page] sayde the wyfe, at Gotam hyll, sayde the man. The wife did run and fetch home hir trefete, or else she had lost it.

¶ The vi tale.

THeare dwelt a smith in Go­tam the whych had a Was­pes nest in the straw in the ende of his Forge. Theare dyd come one of hys neyghboures to haue hys horse shooed, and the waspes weare so busye that the fellow was stong, with a waspe. He beyng angrye sayde, art thou worthy to keepe a Forge, to haue men st [...]nge here wythe Waspes? O neyghboure sayde the smythe, be content. I wyll put them from theyr neste bye and bye. He tooke a Coulter and heated it in hys [Page] Forge glowyng hote, and thruste it into the strawe in the ende of hys Forge. And so he dyd set hys Forge a fyre, and dyd burne it vppe. Than sayde the Smythe. I tolde thee that I woulde fyre them forth of theyr nestes.

The vii. tale.

WHen that good Frydaye was come, the men of Gotam dyd caste theyr heads together what they shuld doe with theyr whyte hearyng, and theyr red hearyng, and their sprottes, and salt fyshe, One con­sulted with the other, and agre­ed that all such fysh should be cast into their pōd or poole (the whi­che was in the myddle of theyr towne,) that it myghte increase [Page] againste the nexte yeare. Euerye man that had any fishe lefte, dyd cast it into the poole, the one sayd I haue thus manye whyte hea­ringes, the other sayde, I haue thus many sprots, another sayde I haue thus many red hearings, the other said I haue thus much salte fyshe. Let all go together in to the poole or pond, and we shall fare like Lordes next lent. At the beginninge of the next lent, folo­winge, the men dyd drawe theyr ponde to haue theyr syshe: & there was nothing but a great Ele.

(A sayde they all) a mychiefe on this Ele, for he hathe eate vp all our fyshe. What shal we do wyth hym sayde the one to the other. Kill hym said another. Chop him al to peces said another. Nay not so said other, let vs drowne him: be it sayd all.

[Page] They wente to another poole or pond by, and dyd cast in the Eele into the water. Lye theare sayde they and shift for thy selfe, for no helpe thou shalte haue of vs. And theare they lefte the Eele to bee drowned.

The viii. tale.

ON a time the men of Gotam had forgotten to paye theyr rent to their Lord. The one sayd to the other, to morow is our pay day, and what reamedy shall we fynde to sende our money to oure Lorde? The one sayde thys daye I haue taken a quicke Hare, and he shall carye it, for he is lyght of foote. Be it sayde all, he shal haue a letter, and a purse to put in our money and wee wyll tell hym the [Page] waye. When the Letters weare wryt, and the money put into a pursse, they dyd tye them aboute the Hares necke sayinge, fyrste thou must go to Lowghburrow, and thē to Leyceter, and at new­warke theare is our Lorde, and commende vs to him, and theare is hys dutye. The hare as soone as hee was out of theyr handes, he did run a clene contrary way▪ Some cryed out to hym sayinge thou must goe to Lowghburrow fyrste. Some sayde lett the Hare alone, he can tel a nearer way thē the best of vs all: let him go.

The ix. tale.

ON a tyme theare was one of Gotam mowynge in the meades, and found a great gras­hopper. [Page] He dyd caste downe hys sythe and dyd runne home to his neighbours and sayde that there was a Deuill in the fyelde that hopped in the grasse. Then there was euerye man readye wythe clubbes and staues, wythe, Hal­bardes, and other weapons, to go to kill the Grashopper. Whan they did come to the place where that the Grashopper shoulde bee. Sayde the one to the other, lette euerye man crosse hym selfe from this deuill, for we wyll not med­dle wyth hym. And so they retur­ned home againe and sayde, wee weare well bleste thys daye that we went no further. A cowardes sayd he that had the sythe in the mead, helpe me to fetch my sithe. No saide they, it is good to sleape in a whole skynne: better it is to [Page] leese thy sithe, then to mar vs all.

The x. tale.

IN a certaine tyme theare weare twelue of Gotam did goe a fysshyng, & some did wade in the water, and some stoode a drye lande. And when that they went homewarde, the one sayde to the other, wee haue ventured farre to day in wadyng I pray god that none of vs (that dyd come from home) bee drow­ned. Marye sayde the one to the other, let vs see that, for theare dyd twelue of vs come oute. And they tolde themselues, and eue­rye man dyd tell a leuen, and the twelfe man dyd neuer tell hym selfe. Alas sayde the one to the o­ther there is one of vs drowned. [Page] They went backe to the brooke whear that they had ben fishing and sought vp and down for him that was drowned, & dyd make great lamentacion. A Courtyer dyd come ridyng by and dyd aske what that they dyd seeke. And whye they weare so sorye. O sayd they this daye we wente to fysshe this brooke and there dyd come out twelue of vs, and one is drowned. Why said the Courtier tell how many be of you. And the one tolde. xi. and hee dyd not tell himselfe. Well sayd the Courtier what will you geue mee & I wyll fynd out twelue [...] Syr sayde they, al the money that we haue. Geue mee the money: sayde the courtier. And he began with the fyrste, and did geue him a te [...]o [...] ­bētibus ouer the shoulders that [Page] he groned, and sayd there is one: so be serued all that they groned on the matter when he dyd come to the laste he payde him a good sayinge, here is the twelfe man. Gods blessing on your hart sayd nil the companie, that you haue found out our neighbour.

¶ The xi. tale.

THere was a man of Gotam did ride by y^e way & did find a cheese in the bye way, & he puld, out his sword, & poryd & prieked with the poynte of his swerd to take by the cheese. Theare did come another mā by & did a lyght & toke vp the chese & rid his way. The man of gotam did ride back to Nottingham to buye a longer swerd to take vp the cheese. And whē he had bought his swerd he [...]turned back.

[Page] And when he did come to y^e place wheare the cheese dyd lye he pul­led out his swerde and prycked at the grounde sayinge, a mur­ryon take it, if I had had thys swerde I had had the cheese.

¶ The. xii. tale.

THere was a man of Gotam & hee dyd not loue his wyfe: & she hauinge a fayre heare, hir husbande said diuers times y^t he would cut it of, & he durste not doe it when she was waking, but when she was a sleape. So on a night he toke vp a paire of sheres and layde them vnder hys beads head, the whyche the wyfe per­ceyued. And then shee dyd call to her one of her maydes and sayde, go to bead to my husband, for hee [Page] is mynded to cut of my heare to nyght, let hym cut of thy heare, & I wyll giue thee as good a kyrtle as euer thou dydst weare. The mayde dyd so, & faynded her selfe a sleepe the whiche the man per­ceyuyng cut of the maydes heare and dyd wrap it about the shetes and layde it vnder hys beaddes head, and fell a sleape. The wyfe made her mayde to aryse, & tooke the heare and the sheres, & went into the hall & burnte the heare. This man had a horse the which hee dyd loue aboue all thynges. The wyfe went into the stable, & cut of the horse tayle. & dyd wrap the sheres in the horse tayle, and layd it vnder hir husbāds heade. In the mornynge shee dyd ryse be time, & did sit by the fire keyming hir head. At last the mā did come [Page] to the fire, & seynge his wife key­ming hir hed maruelled on it the maide seing her master standyng in a browne studie saide, what a deuil aileth the horse in the stable for he bledeth sare, the good man ran into the stable, & fou [...]de that h [...]s horse taile was cut of hee wēt to his beads head & did finde the sheres wrapt in hys horse taile, & did com to his wife saying, I cry the merit for I had thought that I had cut of thy heare to night, & I haue cut of my horse tayle. Ye sayd she selfe do selfe haue, manye a man thinketh to do another mā a shrewdde turne, and turnethe oft tymes to his owne selfe.

¶ The. xiii. tale.

THere was a man in Gotam that layde a wager wythe hys wyfe that shee shoulde [Page] not make him cokold. No said she but I can. Spare not said he, do what thou canste, On a tyme she hyd al the sypggots & fassets in y^e house, and shee went into her but terie and set a barrell a broche, & cryed to her husband and sayde, I preye you brynge me heather a spyggot and a fasset, or else al the ale wyll runne out. The good mā sought vp and downe and coulde fynde none. Come hether sayde she than, and holde your fynger in the tap hole. She pulled out her finger, and the good man put in hys. She then called to her a Tayler the whyche did dwell at the nexte doore, with whom shee made a blinde bargyne. And wythin a whyle shee did come to her husbande and dyd brynge a spiggot & a fasset with hir saying [Page] pul out your finger out of the tap hole gentle Cockold for you haue lost your bargayn. I be shrew thy hair for thy fauour said the good man. Make no suche bargaynes then sayde she with me.

¶ The xiiii. tale.

THeare was a man of Gotam that had take a Bustard, & to the eating of it bee did did. iiii. or. v. gentlemens seruaunts. The wyfe had kylled an olde broone goose: and she and two of hir gos­seps had eaten vpp the Bustarde. The olde goose was layde to the fyre for the gentlemens seruants. Whan that they were come, and the old goose set before thē, what is this sayd one of the men? The goodmā said, a good fat bustard. [Page] A bustard said they? it is an olde goose, and thou arte a knaue to mocke vs. And in a great anger they departed out of the house & went home. The fellow was sory that the gentlemans seruanntes weare angry, and dyd take a bag and dyd put in the Bustardes fe­thers, and thought to go to them and shew them the fethers of the Bustarde, and so to please them. The wife prayed hir husband (or he wente) to fetche in a blocke to the fyre: and in the meane space she dyd put out all the Bustardes fethers, and dyd put in the goose fethers. The man takynge hys purse or bag, went to the gen­tlemens seruauntes and sayde. I pray you be not angrye wyth mee for you shall see here that I had a bustard, for here be the fethers▪ & [Page] he opened his bag, and did shake out the goose fethers, The gentlemens seruants seing the goose fe­thers sayde, why knaue couldest thou not be cōtented to mocke vs at home at thine owne house, but art come to mock vs here, the one tooke a waster, & dyd geue hym a dosen stripes sayng, take this for a reward, & mock vs no more.

¶ The xv. tale.

THeare was a yonge man of Gotam the which should go a woing to a faire maid: his mother did warne hym sayinge, whē than dost loke vpon her, cast a sheepes eye and saye, bow daye sweete pygges aye? The felowe went to y^e butchers & bought vii. or. viii. sheepeseyes, & when thys lusty woer did sit, at di [...]t he wold [Page] loke vpon his faire wench & wold caste in hir face a sheepes eye say­inge, how do you my pigges nye. how do I (said the wēch swines face, why doest y^u cast the sheepes eye vpon me. O sweete piggs eye sayd he, haue at thee another. I defye thee swynes face sayde the wenche. The fellow beinge abas­shed sayd, what sweete pygge be content for and if thou do liue vntill the next yeare, thou wilt be a foule sow▪ Walk knaue walk sayd she, for if thou dust liue til y^e next yeare, thou wil be a starke kneue a lubber, and a foole. Here a man may see, for a mans good will he shall haue euil will & dipleasure.

¶ The xvi. tale.

A Mans wife of Gotam was brought a bed of a mā childe [Page] The father dyd vyd the gossops, the whiche were chyldren of viii. or nyne yeares of age. The eldest childes name that should be god­father was named Gylbert. The second chyld was named Hūfry. And the godmothers name was Christabell. The friends of them dyd monyshe them sayinge, that dyuers tymes they must say after the prieste. Whan all weare come to the church dore, the priest said, be you agreed of the name? be you said Gylbert agreed of the name? Be you sayde Hūfry agreed of the name. Be you said Chrystabell a­greed of the name, the priest sayd whearfore bee you come hether? Gylbert sayde, wherefore be you come hether. Humfry said where­fore hee you come hether Christa­bell sayde whearfore, be you come [Page] hether. The priest being amased coulde not tell what to saye, but whisteled & saide whew, Gylbert whisteled and said whew, Hūfry whistled and said whew, & so did Christabell. The priest being an­gry said, go home fooles go home Go home fooles go home said gil­bert, go home fooles go hom said Humfry, go home fooles go home said Christabell. The priest then prouided for God fathers & God­mothers. Here a man maye see that chyldren can do nothing w^t out good instructions. And they be not wise y^t wil regard childrēs wordes.

¶ The xvii. tale.

THere was a man of Gotam the whych shuld be maried, & when the day of maryage was [Page] appoynted, & the time came that they shoulde be maried together, the priest sayd say after me. The man said say after me. The priest said, say not after me such words but say after me as I wil tel thee. The fellow said, say not after me such wordes, but saye after me as I will tell thee. The priest sayde, thou dost playe the foole and the knaue, to mock with this holy sacrament of matrymony. The fel­low said, thou dost play the foole and the knaue to mock with this holie sacrament of matrymonye. The priest could not tell what to say, but said what shal I do with this foole? The felow said, what shal I doe with this foole. Fare­well sayde the prieste, I wyll not marrie thee. Farewell sayde the fellow, I wyll not marrye thee. [Page] The prieste departed: how bee it the fellow (by other men) was in­structed how to doe: & after that hee was maryed. And I hard say such a folish pranke was played at Kingston of late dayes.

The xviii. tale.

Theare was a Scottish man the whiche dyd dwell at go­tam, and hee had taken an house a lytle from London, and of it he would make an Inne, and to his Signe hee woulde haue a Bores head. And he wente to London to haue a Bores head made. He dyd come to a Caruer (or a Joy­ner) saying in his mother-tonge, I saye spek, kens thou make me a Bare heade?; ye said the Caruer. [Page] Than sayd the skotyshman, mek me a bare head anenst yowle, an thowse bus haue xx pence for thy hyre. I wyll doe it sayde the Caruer. On S. Andrewes daye before Chrystmas (the which is named yowle in Scotland, & in England in the north.) the skot­tish mā did com to Londē for his Bores heade to set at a dore for a signe. I say speke said the skotish man, haste thou made me a Bare head? Yea said the Caruer. Then thowse a gewd fellow. The Car­uer went and did bryng a mans head of wod that was bare and sayd, syr here is youre bare head. I say sayde the skotyshman, the mokyl deuill, is this a bare head? Ye said the caruer. I say sayd the Shotishman, I will haue a bare head, syk an head as doth follow [Page] a Sew that hath Gryces. Syr said the caruer, I cā not tel what is a Sew, nor what is a Gryce. whet hersō, kenst thou not a sew that wil greet & grone, & her gry­ces wil run after her & cry a weke a weke. O said the Caruer, it is a pigge. Yea said the skotish mā, let me haue his fathers head made in timber, & mek me a bird & set it on his skalps, and cause her to sing whip whir, whip whir. The caruer sayde, I can not cause her to singe whip whir. Whe horson sayde the skotish man gar her as she woulde singe whip whir.

Here a man maye see that euerye man doth delight in his owne sē ­ces, or doth reioice in his fantasie

¶ The xix. tale.

IN old time whē as these afore said Jestes was (as mē of that [Page] cuntrey reporteth) that such fan­tasticall matters weare done at gotam (the which I can not tell halfe.) The wyues weare gathe­red together in an ale house and the one sayde to the other y^t they weare all profitable to their hus­bandes. Whyche waye good gos­sips sayd the Ale wife. The fyrste sayd, I shall tell you all good gos­sips: I can neither bake nor brew nor I can doe no worke, wheare­fore I do make euery day holiday & I go to the ale house, bicause at all times I cānot go to y^e church, & in the ale house I praye to God to speede well my husband. And I do think my praier shal do him much more good then my labour if I could worke. Then sayde the second, I am profitable to my husbād in sauing of cādels in winter [Page] for I do cause my husband and al my house solkes to go to bead by daylighte, & to rile by daylight. The thyrd wife sayd, & I am pro­fytable to my husbande in spen­ding of bread, for I will eate but litle, for to the drinckyng of a ga­lon or two of good ale, I care for no meate. The fourth wife saide, I am loth to spend meat & drinke at home in my owne house, wher fore I do go to the wine tauerne at Nottingham, & do take wine, and such things as god shal send me theare. The fifte wyfe sayd a man shall euer haue more compa­nye in another mans house then his owne (& most cōmonlye in an Ale house is the best cheare in a towne.) And for sparing of meate & drynke and other necessaryes, I do go to the ale house. The sixt [Page] wife said, my husband hath woll, and flax and tow: and to spare it, I go to other mens houses to do other mens worke. The seuenth wife said, I do spare my husbāds wood & cole, and do sit talking al the day by other mens fires. The eight said, beefe, mutton, & porcke is dere, wherfore I doe spare it, & do take pigge, goose, hen, chicken conye and capon, the which be of lower pryce. The ninth said, & I do spare my husbands sope & lye, for when hee shoulde be wasshed once in a weeke, I doe wash once in a quarter of a yeer. Then sayd the ale wife, and I doe keepe my husbandes ale (that I do brew,) from sowryng. For wheare as I was wont to drynke vp all, nowe I do haue neuer a drop.

The. xx. tale.

ON Ash wednesday the priest of gotam wold make a cola­cion to his parishoners and said, freyndes the tyme is come that you must vse praier and fasting, & almes dedes, and this weke cum you to shryfte, and I wyll tel you more of my mynd, for as for pray­ers, I thinke theare bit not two persons in the parish can say halfe their Pater noster. As for fasting you fast styll: for you haue not a good meales meat through the whole yeare. As for almes dedes, what shuld you do to giue any thyng, that hath nothing to take to. But when that you doe come to shrift, I will tel you more of my mynd. After masse, y^e good man that did keepe the ale house, did come to shrift, & aboue al thinges bee confessed hymselfe to bee [Page] drunck diuers times in the yeere, specially in Lent. The priest sayd in Lent thou shouldest moste re­fraine from drūkenes, & abstaine frō drinke. Not so said the fellow, for it is an old prouerbe, that fishe must swim, Ye sayd the prieste, it must swim in water. I crye God mercy sayd the fellow. I thought it shuld haue swom in good ale.

¶ The xxi tale.

SO one after another the men of Gotam did come to shrift, & whan they were shryuē the priest said I cannot tell what penaūce to geue you. If I should enioyne you to prayer, there is non of you that can say your Pater noster, & you be now to old to learne. And i [...] [...] [...]nioye you to fast, it weare but folyshnes, for you doe not eate a good meales meate in a yeare. [Page] Wherefore I do inioyne the to la­bour wel the weeke, y^t thou maist farewel to diner on the sondaies: and I wil come to dnner and see that it be so, and take part. Ano­ther man hee dyd enioyne to fare well the monday. And another the tuesday. And so one after a­nother, that one or other shoulde fare well once a weeke, that hee myght haue parte of the meate. And as for almes deedes y^e priest sayd, you be but beggers all, excepte it be one or two, therfore bestowe the almes on youre owne selues.