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            <title type="main">The tragedy of Pudd'nhead Wilson</title>
            <author>Twain, Mark, 1835-1910</author>
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                  <addrLine>Paul Royster</addrLine>
                  <addrLine>Library of America</addrLine>
                  <addrLine>14 East 60th Street</addrLine>
                  <addrLine>10022  New York, NY</addrLine>
                  <addrLine>USA</addrLine>
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               <date>1993-06-08</date>
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            <idno type="ota">http://ota.ox.ac.uk/id/3260</idno>
            <idno type="isbn10">1106002598</idno>
            <idno type="isbn13">9781106002594</idno>
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            <bibl>Revised version of  <relatedItem type="older" target="http://ota.ox.ac.uk/id/1650"/>
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            <biblFull>
               <titleStmt>
                  <title>Pudd'nhead Wilson</title>
                  <title level="m">Mississippi writings / Mark Twain</title>
                  <author>Twain, Mark, 1835-1910</author>
               </titleStmt>
               <extent>p. 915-1056 ; 21 cm.</extent>
               <publicationStmt>
                  <publisher>Literary Classics of the United States : Distributed to the trade by the Viking Press</publisher>
                  <pubPlace>New York</pubPlace>
                  <date>c1982</date>
               </publicationStmt>
               <seriesStmt>
                  <p>Library of America</p>
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                  <note anchored="true">Reprint of works originally published 1876-1903</note>
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               <term type="genre">Fiction — United States — 19th century</term>
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         <milestone unit="page" n="915"/>
         <p>
            <emph>A Whisper to the Reader</emph>
         </p>
         <cit>
            <quote>There is no character, howsoever good and fine, but it 
can be destroyed by ridicule, howsoever poor and witless. 
Observe the ass, for instance; his character is about perfect, he 
is the choicest spirit among all the humbler animals, yet see 
what ridicule has brought him to.  Instead of feeling 
complimented when we are called an ass, we are left in doubt. </quote>
            <bibl> — <emph>Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar.</emph> 
            </bibl>
         </cit>
         <p>A person who is ignorant of legal matters is always 
liable to make mistakes when he tries to photograph a court scene 
with his pen; and so I was not willing to let the law chapters in 
this book go to press without first subjecting them to rigid and 
exhausting revision and correction by a trained barrister — if 
that is what they are called.  These chapters are right, now, in 
every detail, for they were rewritten under the immediate eye of 
William Hicks, who studied law part of a while in southwest 
Missouri thirty-five years ago and then came over here to 
Florence for his health and is still helping for exercise and 
board in Macaroni Vermicelli's horse-feed shed which is up the 
back alley as you turn around the corner out of the Piazza del 
Duomo just beyond the house where that stone that Dante used to 
sit on six hundred years ago is let into the wall when he let on 
to be watching them build Giotto's campanile and yet always got 
tired looking as soon as Beatrice passed along on her way to get 
a chunk of chestnut cake to defend herself with in case of a 
Ghibelline outbreak before she got to school, at the same old 
stand where they sell the same old cake to this day and it is 
just as light and good as it was then, too, and this is not 
flattery, far from it.  He was a little rusty on his law, but he 
rubbed up for this book, and those two or three legal chapters 
are right and straight, now.  He told me so himself. 
 </p>
         <cit>
            <quote>Given under my hand this second day of January, 1893, at 
the Villa Viviani, village of Settignano, three miles back of 
Florence, on the hills — the same certainly affording the most 
charming view to be found on this planet, and with it the most 
dream-like and enchanting sunsets to be found in any <milestone unit="page" n="916"/> planet 
or even in any solar system — and given, too, in the swell room 
of the house, with the busts of Cerretani senators and other 
grandees of this line looking approvingly down upon me as they 
used to look down upon Dante and mutely asking me to adopt them 
into my family, which I do with pleasure, for my remotest 
ancestors are but spring chickens compared with these robed and 
stately antiques, and it will be a great and satisfying lift for 
me, that six hundred years will. 
 </quote>
            <bibl>
               <emph>Mark Twain</emph>
            </bibl>
         </cit>
         <div n="1" type="chapter">
            <head>I</head>
            <milestone unit="page" n="917"/>
            <cit>
               <quote>  Tell the truth or trump — but get the trick. </quote>
               <bibl>  — <emph>Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar.</emph>
               </bibl>
            </cit>
            <p>The scene of this chronicle is the town of Dawson's 
Landing, on the Missouri side of the Mississippi, half a day's 
journey, per steamboat, below St. Louis. 
 </p>
            <p>In 1830 it was a snug little collection of modest one- 
and two-story frame dwellings whose whitewashed exteriors were 
almost concealed from sight by climbing tangles of rose vines, 
honeysuckles and morning-glories.  Each of these pretty homes had 
a garden in front fenced with white palings and opulently stocked 
with hollyhocks, marigolds, touch-me-nots, prince's-feathers and 
other old-fashioned flowers; while on the window-sills of the 
houses stood wooden boxes containing moss-rose plants and terra- 
cotta pots in which grew a breed of geranium whose spread of 
intensely red blossoms accented the prevailing pink tint of the 
rose-clad house-front like an explosion of flame.  When there was 
room on the ledge outside of the pots and boxes for a cat, the 
cat was there — in sunny weather — stretched at full length, 
asleep and blissful, with her furry belly to the sun and a paw 
curved over her nose.  Then that house was complete, and its 
contentment and peace were made manifest to the world by this 
symbol, whose testimony is infallible.  A home without a cat — 
and a well-fed, well-petted and properly revered cat — may be a 
perfect home, perhaps, but how can it prove title? 
 </p>
            <p>All along the streets, on both sides, at the outer edge 
of the brick sidewalks, stood locust-trees with trunks protected 
by wooden boxing, and these furnished shade for summer and a 
sweet fragrance in spring when the clusters of buds came forth. 
The main street, one block back from the river, and running 
parallel with it, was the sole business street.  It was six 
blocks long, and in each block two or three brick stores three 
stories high towered above interjected bunches of little frame 
shops.  Swinging signs creaked in the wind, the street's whole 
length.  The candy-striped pole which indicates nobility proud 
and ancient along the palace-bordered canals of Venice, <milestone unit="page" n="918"/> 
indicated merely the humble barber-shop along the main street of 
Dawson's Landing.  On a chief corner stood a lofty unpainted pole 
wreathed from top to bottom with tin pots and pans and cups, the 
chief tinmonger's noisy notice to the world (when the wind blew) 
that his shop was on hand for business at that corner. 
 </p>
            <p>The hamlet's front was washed by the clear waters of the 
great river; its body stretched itself rearward up a gentle 
incline; its most rearward border fringed itself out and 
scattered its houses about the base-line of the hills; the hills 
rose high, inclosing the town in a half-moon curve, clothed with 
forests from foot to summit. 
 </p>
            <p>Steamboats passed up and down every hour or so.  Those 
belonging to the little Cairo line and the little Memphis line 
always stopped; the big Orleans liners stopped for hails only, or 
to land passengers or freight; and this was the case also with 
the great flotilla of "transients." These latter came out of a 
dozen rivers — the Illinois, the Missouri, the Upper 
Mississippi, the Ohio, the Monongahela, the Tennessee, the Red 
River, the White River, and so on; and were bound every whither 
and stocked with every imaginable comfort or necessity which the 
Mississippi's communities could want, from the frosty Falls of 
St. Anthony down through nine climates to torrid New Orleans. 
 </p>
            <p>Dawson's Landing was a slaveholding town, with a rich 
slave-worked grain and pork country back of it.  The town was 
sleepy and comfortable and contented.  It was fifty years old, 
and was growing slowly — very slowly, in fact, but still it was 
growing. 
 </p>
            <p>The chief citizen was York Leicester Driscoll, about 
forty years old, judge of the county court.  He was very proud of 
his old Virginian ancestry, and in his hospitalities and his 
rather formal and stately manners he kept up its traditions.  He 
was fine and just and generous.  To be a gentleman — a gentleman 
without stain or blemish — was his only religion, and to it he 
was always faithful.  He was respected, esteemed and beloved by 
all the community.  He was well off, and was gradually adding to 
his store.  He and his wife were very nearly happy, but not 
quite, for they had no children.  The longing for the treasure of 
a child had grown stronger and <milestone unit="page" n="919"/> stronger as the years 
slipped away, but the blessing never came — and was never to 
come. 
 </p>
            <p>With this pair lived the Judge's widowed sister, Mrs. 
Rachel Pratt, and she also was childless — childless, and 
sorrowful for that reason, and not to be comforted.  The women 
were good and commonplace people, and did their duty and had 
their reward in clear consciences and the community's 
approbation.  They were Presbyterians, the Judge was a free- 
thinker. 
 </p>
            <p>Pembroke Howard, lawyer and bachelor, aged about forty, 
was another old Virginian grandee with proved descent from the 
First Families.  He was a fine, brave, majestic creature, a 
gentleman according to the nicest requirements of the Virginian 
rule, a devoted Presbyterian, an authority on the "code," and a 
man always courteously ready to stand up before you in the field 
if any act or word of his had seemed doubtful or suspicious to 
you, and explain it with any weapon you might prefer from brad- 
awls to artillery.  He was very popular with the people, and was 
the Judge's dearest friend. 
 </p>
            <p>Then there was Colonel Cecil Burleigh Essex, another F. 
F. V. of formidable caliber — however, with him we have no 
concern. 
 </p>
            <p>Percy Northumberland Driscoll, brother to the Judge, and 
younger than he by five years, was a married man, and had had 
children around his hearthstone; but they were attacked in detail 
by measles, croup and scarlet fever, and this had given the 
doctor a chance with his effective antediluvian methods; so the 
cradles were empty.  He was a prosperous man, with a good head 
for speculations, and his fortune was growing.  On the 1st of 
February, 1830, two boy babes were born in his house: one to him, 
the other to one of his slave girls, Roxana by name.  Roxana was 
twenty years old.  She was up and around the same day, with her 
hands full, for she was tending both babies. 
 </p>
            <p>Mrs. Percy Driscoll died within the week.  Roxy remained 
in charge of the children.  She had her own way, for Mr. Driscoll 
soon absorbed himself in his speculations and left her to her own 
devices. 
 </p>
            <p>In that same month of February, Dawson's Landing gained 
a new citizen.  This was Mr. David Wilson, a young fellow of <milestone unit="page" n="920"/>
 Scotch parentage.  He had wandered to this remote region 
from his birthplace in the interior of the State of New York, to 
seek his fortune.  He was twenty-five years old, college-bred, 
and had finished a post-college course in an Eastern law school a 
couple of years before. 
 </p>
            <p>He was a homely, freckled, sandy-haired young fellow, 
with an intelligent blue eye that had frankness and comradeship 
in it and a covert twinkle of a pleasant sort.  But for an 
unfortunate remark of his, he would no doubt have entered at once 
upon a successful career at Dawson's Landing.  But he made his 
fatal remark the first day he spent in the village, and it 
"gaged" him.  He had just made the acquaintance of a group of 
citizens when an invisible dog began to yelp and snarl and howl 
and make himself very comprehensively disagreeable, whereupon 
young Wilson said, much as one who is thinking aloud — 
 </p>
            <p>"I wished I owned half of that dog." 
 </p>
            <p>"Why?" somebody asked. 
 </p>
            <p>"Because I would kill my half." 
 </p>
            <p>The group searched his face with curiosity, with anxiety 
even, but found no light there, no expression that they could 
read.  They fell away from him as from something uncanny, and 
went into privacy to discuss him.  One said: 
 </p>
            <p>"'Pears to be a fool." 
 </p>
            <p>"'Pears?" said another.  "<emph>Is</emph>, I reckon you better 
say." 
 </p>
            <p>"Said he wished he owned <emph>half</emph> of the dog, the idiot," 
said a third.  "What did he reckon would become of the other half 
if he killed his half?  Do you reckon he thought it would live?" 
 </p>
            <p>"Why, he must have thought it, unless he <emph>is</emph> the 
downrightest fool in the world; because if he had n't thought it, 
he would have wanted to own the whole dog, knowing that if he 
killed his half and the other half died, he would be responsible 
for that half just the same as if he had killed that half instead 
of his own.  Don't it look that way to you, gents?" 
 </p>
            <p>"Yes, it does.  If he owned one half of the general dog, 
it would be so; if he owned one end of the dog and another person 
owned the other end, it would be so, just the same; particularly 
in the first case, because if you kill one half of a general dog, 
there ain't any man that can tell whose half it <milestone unit="page" n="921"/> was, but 
if he owned one end of the dog, maybe he could kill his end of it 
and — " 
 </p>
            <p>"No, he could n't, either: he could n't and not be 
responsible if the other end died, which it would.  In my opinion 
the man ain't in his right mind." 
 </p>
            <p>"In my opinion he hain't <emph>got</emph> any mind." 
 </p>
            <p>No. 3 said: "Well, he 's a lummox, anyway." 
 </p>
            <p>"That 's what he is," said No. 4, "he 's a labrick — 
just a Simon-pure labrick, if ever there was one." 
 </p>
            <p>"Yes, sir, he 's a dam fool, that 's the way I put him 
up," said No. 5.  "Anybody can think different that wants to, but 
those are my sentiments." 
 </p>
            <p>"I 'm with you, gentlemen," said No. 6.  "Perfect 
jackass — yes, and it ain't going too far to say he is a 
pudd'nhead.  If he ain't a pudd'nhead, I ain't no judge, that 's 
all." 
 </p>
            <p>Mr. Wilson stood elected.  The incident was told all 
over the town, and gravely discussed by everybody.  Within a week 
he had lost his first name; Pudd'nhead took its place.  In time 
he came to be liked, and well liked too; but by that time the 
nickname had got well stuck on, and it stayed.  That first day's 
verdict made him a fool, and he was not able to get it set aside, 
or even modified.  The nickname soon ceased to carry any harsh or 
unfriendly feeling with it, but it held its place, and was to 
continue to hold its place for twenty long years. 
 </p>
         </div>
         <div n="2" type="chapter">
            <head>II</head>
            <milestone unit="page" n="922"/>
            <cit>
               <quote>  Adam was but human — this explains it all.  He did not 
want the apple for the apple's sake, he wanted it only because it 
was forbidden.  The mistake was in not forbidding the serpent; 
then he would have eaten the serpent. </quote>
               <bibl>  — <emph>Pudd'nhead Wilson's
	    Calendar.</emph>
               </bibl>
            </cit>
            <p>Pudd'nhead Wilson had a trifle of money when he arrived, 
and he bought a small house on the extreme western verge of the 
town.  Between it and Judge Driscoll's house there was only a 
grassy yard, with a paling fence dividing the properties in the 
middle.  He hired a small office down in the town and hung out a 
tin sign with these words on it: 
 </p>
            <p>                 DAVID WILSON. </p>
            <p>      ATTORNEY AND COUNSELOR-AT-LAW. </p>
            <p>       SURVEYING, CONVEYANCING, ETC. 
 </p>
            <p>But his deadly remark had ruined his chance — at least 
in the law.  No clients came.  He took down his sign, after a 
while, and put it up on his own house with the law features 
knocked out of it.  It offered his services now in the humble 
capacities of land-surveyor and expert accountant.  Now and then 
he got a job of surveying to do, and now and then a merchant got 
him to straighten out his books.  With Scotch patience and pluck 
he resolved to live down his reputation and work his way into the 
legal field yet.  Poor fellow, he could not foresee that it was 
going to take him such a weary long time to do it. 
 </p>
            <p>He had a rich abundance of idle time, but it never hung 
heavy on his hands, for he interested himself in every new thing 
that was born into the universe of ideas, and studied it and 
experimented upon it at his house.  One of his pet fads was 
palmistry.  To another one he gave no name, neither would he 
explain to anybody what its purpose was, but merely said it was 
an amusement.  In fact he had found that his fads added to his 
reputation as a pudd'nhead; therefore he was growing chary of 
being too communicative about them.  <milestone unit="page" n="923"/> The fad without a 
name was one which dealt with people's finger-marks.  He carried 
in his coat pocket a shallow box with grooves in it, and in the 
grooves strips of glass five inches long and three inches wide. 
Along the lower edge of each strip was pasted a slip of white 
paper.  He asked people to pass their hands through their hair 
(thus collecting upon them a thin coating of the natural oil) and 
then make a thumb-mark on a glass strip, following it with the 
mark of the ball of each finger in succession.  Under this row of 
faint grease-prints he would write a record on the strip of white 
paper — thus: 
 </p>
            <p>          JOHN SMITH, <emph>right hand</emph> — </p>
            <p>  and add the day of the month and the year, then take 
Smith's left hand on another glass strip, and add name and date 
and the words "left hand." The strips were now returned to the 
grooved box, and took their place among what Wilson called his 
"records." 
 </p>
            <p>He often studied his records, examining and poring over 
them with absorbing interest until far into the night; but what 
he found there — if he found anything — he revealed to no one. 
Sometimes he copied on paper the involved and delicate pattern 
left by the ball of a finger, and then vastly enlarged it with a 
pantograph so that he could examine its web of curving lines with 
ease and convenience. 
 </p>
            <p>One sweltering afternoon — it was the first day of 
July, 1830 — he was at work over a set of tangled account-books 
in his workroom, which looked westward over a stretch of vacant 
lots, when a conversation outside disturbed him.  It was carried 
on in yells, which showed that the people engaged in it were not 
close together: 
 </p>
            <p>"Say, Roxy, how does yo' baby come on?" This from the 
distant voice. 
 </p>
            <p>"Fust-rate; how does <emph>you</emph> come on, Jasper?" This yell 
was from close by. 
 </p>
            <p>"Oh.  I 's middlin'; hain't got noth'n' to complain of. 
I 's gwine to come a-court'n' you bimeby, Roxy." 
 </p>
            <p>"<emph>You</emph> is, you black mud-cat!  Yah — yah — yah!  I got 
somep'n' better to do den 'sociat'n' wid niggers as black as <milestone unit="page" n="924"/>
 you is.  Is ole Miss Cooper's Nancy done give you de 
mitten?" Roxy followed this sally with another discharge of care- 
free laughter. 
 </p>
            <p>"You 's jealous, Roxy, dat 's what 's de matter wid 
<emph>you</emph>, you hussy — yah — yah — yah!  Dat 's de time I got 
you!" 
 </p>
            <p>"Oh, yes, <emph>you</emph> got me, hain't you.  'Clah to goodness 
if dat conceit o' yo'n strikes in, Jasper, it gwine to kill you 
sho'.  If you b'longed to me I 'd sell you down de river 'fo' you 
git too fur gone.  Fust time I runs acrost yo' marster, I 's 
gwine to tell him so." 
 </p>
            <p>This idle and aimless jabber went on and on, both 
parties enjoying the friendly duel and each well satisfied with 
his own share of the wit exchanged — for wit they considered it. 
 </p>
            <p>Wilson stepped to the window to observe the combatants; 
he could not work while their chatter continued.  Over in the 
vacant lots was Jasper, young, coal-black and of magnificent 
build, sitting on a wheelbarrow in the pelting sun — at work, 
supposably, whereas he was in fact only preparing for it by 
taking an hour's rest before beginning.  In front of Wilson's 
porch stood Roxy, with a local hand-made baby-wagon, in which sat 
her two charges — one at each end and facing each other.  From 
Roxy's manner of speech, a stranger would have expected her to be 
black, but she was not.  Only one sixteenth of her was black, and 
that sixteenth did not show.  She was of majestic form and 
stature, her attitudes were imposing and statuesque, and her 
gestures and movements distinguished by a noble and stately 
grace.  Her complexion was very fair, with the rosy glow of 
vigorous health in the cheeks, her face was full of character and 
expression, her eyes were brown and liquid, and she had a heavy 
suit of fine soft hair which was also brown, but the fact was not 
apparent because her head was bound about with a checkered 
handkerchief and the hair was concealed under it.  Her face was 
shapely, intelligent and comely — even beautiful.  She had an 
easy, independent carriage — when she was among her own caste — 
and a high and "sassy" way, withal; but of course she was meek 
and humble enough where white people were. 
 </p>
            <p>To all intents and purposes Roxy was as white as 
anybody, but the one sixteenth of her which was black outvoted 
the other fifteen parts and made her a negro.  She was a slave, 
and  <milestone unit="page" n="925"/> salable as such.  Her child was thirty-one parts 
white, and he, too, was a slave, and by a fiction of law and 
custom a negro.  He had blue eyes and flaxen curls like his white 
comrade, but even the father of the white child was able to tell 
the children apart — little as he had commerce with them — by 
their clothes: for the white babe wore ruffled soft muslin and a 
coral necklace, while the other wore merely a coarse tow-linen 
shirt which barely reached to its knees, and no jewelry. 
 </p>
            <p>The white child's name was Thomas ;aga Becket Driscoll, 
the other's name was Valet de Chambre: no surname — slaves had 
n't the privilege.  Roxana had heard that phrase somewhere, the 
fine sound of it had pleased her ear, and as she had supposed it 
was a name, she loaded it on to her darling.  It soon got 
shortened to "Chambers," of course. 
 </p>
            <p>Wilson knew Roxy by sight, and when the duel of wit 
began to play out, he stepped outside to gather in a record or 
two.  Jasper went to work energetically, at once, perceiving that 
his leisure was observed.  Wilson inspected the children and 
asked — 
 </p>
            <p>"How old are they, Roxy?" 
 </p>
            <p>"Bofe de same age, sir — five months.  Bawn de fust o' 
Feb'uary." 
 </p>
            <p>"They 're handsome little chaps.  One 's just as 
handsome as the other, too." 
 </p>
            <p>A delighted smile exposed the girl's white teeth, and 
she said: 
 </p>
            <p>"Bless yo' soul, Misto Wilson, it 's pow'ful nice o' you 
to say dat, 'ca'se one of 'em ain't on'y a nigger.  Mighty prime 
little nigger, <emph>I</emph> al'ays says, but dat 's 'ca'se it 's mine, o' 
course." 
 </p>
            <p>"How do you tell them apart, Roxy, when they have n't 
any clothes on?" 
 </p>
            <p>Roxy laughed a laugh proportioned to her size, and said: 
 </p>
            <p>"Oh, <emph>I</emph> kin tell 'em 'part, Misto Wilson, but I bet 
Marse Percy could n't, not to save his life." 
 </p>
            <p>Wilson chatted along for a while, and presently got 
Roxy's finger-prints for his collection — right hand and left — 
on a couple of his glass strips; then labeled and dated them, and 
took the "records" of both children, and labeled and dated them 
also. 
 <milestone unit="page" n="926"/>
            </p>
            <p>Two months later, on the 3d of September, he took this 
trio of finger-marks again.  He liked to have a "series," two or 
three "takings" at intervals during the period of childhood, 
these to be followed by others at intervals of several years. 
 </p>
            <p>The next day — that is to say, on the 4th of September 
— something occurred which profoundly impressed Roxana.  Mr. 
Driscoll missed another small sum of money — which is a way of 
saying that this was not a new thing, but had happened before. 
In truth it had happened three times before.  Driscoll's patience 
was exhausted.  He was a fairly humane man toward slaves and 
other animals; he was an exceedingly humane man toward the erring 
of his own race.  Theft he could not abide, and plainly there was 
a thief in his house.  Necessarily the thief must be one of his 
negroes.  Sharp measures must be taken.  He called his servants 
before him.  There were three of these, besides Roxy: a man, a 
woman, and a boy twelve years old.  They were not related.  Mr. 
Driscoll said: 
 </p>
            <p>"You have all been warned before.  It has done no good. 
This time I will teach you a lesson.  I will sell the thief. 
Which of you is the guilty one?" 
 </p>
            <p>They all shuddered at the threat, for here they had a 
good home, and a new one was likely to be a change for the worse. 
The denial was general.  None had stolen anything — not money, 
anyway — a little sugar, or cake, or honey, or something like 
that, that "Marse Percy would n't mind or miss," but not money — 
never a cent of money.  They were eloquent in their 
protestations, but Mr. Driscoll was not moved by them.  He 
answered each in turn with a stern "Name the thief!" 
 </p>
            <p>The truth was, all were guilty but Roxana; she suspected 
that the others were guilty, but she did not know them to be so. 
She was horrified to think how near she had come to being guilty 
herself; she had been saved in the nick of time by a revival in 
the colored Methodist Church, a fortnight before, at which time 
and place she "got religion." The very next day after that 
gracious experience, while her change of style was fresh upon her 
and she was vain of her purified condition, her master left a 
couple of dollars lying unprotected on his desk, and she happened 
upon that temptation <milestone unit="page" n="927"/> when she was polishing around with 
a dust-rag.  She looked at the money a while with a steadily 
rising resentment, then she burst out with — 
 </p>
            <p>"Dad blame dat revival, I wisht it had 'a' be'n put off 
till to-morrow!" 
 </p>
            <p>Then she covered the tempter with a book, and another 
member of the kitchen cabinet got it.  She made this sacrifice as 
a matter of religious etiquette; as a thing necessary just now, 
but by no means to be wrested into a precedent; no, a week or two 
would limber up her piety, then she would be rational again, and 
the next two dollars that got left out in the cold would find a 
comforter — and she could name the comforter. 
 </p>
            <p>Was she bad?  Was she worse than the general run of her 
race?  No.  They had an unfair show in the battle of life, and 
they held it no sin to take military advantage of the enemy — in 
a small way; in a small way, but not in a large one.  They would 
smouch provisions from the pantry whenever they got a chance; or 
a brass thimble, or a cake of wax, or an emery bag, or a paper of 
needles, or a silver spoon, or a dollar bill, or small articles 
of clothing, or any other property of light value; and so far 
were they from considering such reprisals sinful, that they would 
go to church and shout and pray their loudest and sincerest with 
their plunder in their pockets.  A farm smoke-house had to be 
kept heavily padlocked, for even the colored deacon himself could 
not resist a ham when Providence showed him in a dream, or 
otherwise, where such a thing hung lonesome and longed for some 
one to love.  But with a hundred hanging before him the deacon 
would not take two — that is, on the same night.  On frosty 
nights the humane negro prowler would warm the end of a plank and 
put it up under the cold claws of chickens roosting in a tree; a 
drowsy hen would step on to the comfortable board, softly 
clucking her gratitude, and the prowler would dump her into his 
bag, and later into his stomach, perfectly sure that in taking 
this trifle from the man who daily robbed him of an inestimable 
treasure — his liberty — he was not committing any sin that God 
would remember against him in the Last Great Day. 
 </p>
            <p>"Name the thief!" 
 <milestone unit="page" n="928"/>
            </p>
            <p>For the fourth time Mr. Driscoll had said it, and always 
in the same hard tone.  And now he added these words of awful 
import: 
 </p>
            <p>"I give you one minute" — he took out his watch.  "If 
at the end of that time you have not confessed, I will not only 
sell all four of you, <emph>but</emph> — I will sell you DOWN THE RIVER!" 
 </p>
            <p>It was equivalent to condemning them to hell!  No 
Missouri negro doubted this.  Roxy reeled in her tracks and the 
color vanished out of her face; the others dropped to their knees 
as if they had been shot;  tears gushed from their eyes, their 
supplicating hands went up, and three answers came in the one 
instant: 
 </p>
            <p>"I done it!" 
 </p>
            <p>"I done it!" 
 </p>
            <p>"I done it! — have mercy, marster — Lord have mercy on 
us po' niggers!" 
 </p>
            <p>"Very good," said the master, putting up his watch, "I 
will sell you <emph>here</emph>, though you don't deserve it.  You ought to 
be sold down the river." 
 </p>
            <p>The culprits flung themselves prone, in an ecstasy of 
gratitude, and kissed his feet, declaring that they would never 
forget his goodness and never cease to pray for him as long as 
they lived.  They were sincere, for like a god he had stretched 
forth his mighty hand and closed the gates of hell against them. 
He knew, himself, that he had done a noble and gracious thing, 
and was privately well pleased with his magnanimity; and that 
night he set the incident down in his diary, so that his son 
might read it in after years, and be thereby moved to deeds of 
gentleness and humanity himself. 
 </p>
         </div>
         <div n="3" type="chapter">
            <head>III</head>
            <milestone unit="page" n="929"/>
            <p>      
 </p>
            <cit>
               <quote>  Whoever has lived long enough to find out what life is, 
knows how deep a debt of gratitude we owe to Adam, the first 
great benefactor of our race.  He brought death into the world. </quote>
               <bibl>  — <emph>Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar.</emph> 
               </bibl>
            </cit>
            <p>Percy Driscoll slept well the night he saved his house- 
minions from going down the river, but no wink of sleep visited 
Roxy's eyes.  A profound terror had taken possession of her.  Her 
child could grow up and be sold down the river!  The thought 
crazed her with horror.  If she dozed and lost herself for a 
moment, the next moment she was on her feet and flying to her 
child's cradle to see if it was still there.  Then she would 
gather it to her heart and pour out her love upon it in a frenzy 
of kisses, moaning, crying, and saying "Dey sha'n't, oh, dey 
<emph>sha'n't</emph>! — yo' po' mammy will kill you fust!" 
 </p>
            <p>Once, when she was tucking it back in its cradle again, 
the other child nestled in its sleep and attracted her attention. 
She went and stood over it a long time, communing with herself: 
 </p>
            <p>"What has my po' baby done, dat he could n't have yo' 
luck?  He hain't done noth'n'.  God was good to you; why war n't 
he good to him?  Dey can't sell <emph>you</emph> down de river.  I hates yo' 
pappy; he ain't got no heart — for niggers he hain't, anyways. 
I hates him, en I could kill him!" She paused a while, thinking; 
then she burst into wild sobbings again, and turned away, saying, 
"Oh, I got to kill my chile, dey ain't no yuther way, — killin' 
<emph>him</emph> would n't save de chile fum goin' down de river.  Oh, I got 
to do it, yo' po' mammy's got to kill you to save you, honey" — 
she gathered her baby to her bosom, now, and began to smother it 
with caresses — "Mammy 's got to kill you — how <emph>kin</emph> I do it! 
But yo' mammy ain't gwine to desert you, — no, no; <emph>dah</emph>, don't 
cry — she gwine <emph>wid</emph> you, she gwine to kill herself too.  Come 
along, honey, come along wid mammy; we gwine to jump in de river, 
den de troubles o' dis worl' is all over — dey don't sell po' 
niggers down the river over <emph>yonder</emph>." 
 </p>
            <p>She started toward the door, crooning to the child and 
hushing it; midway she stopped, suddenly.  She had caught <milestone unit="page" n="930"/>
 sight of her new Sunday gown — a cheap curtain-calico 
thing, a conflagration of gaudy colors and fantastic figures. 
She surveyed it wistfully, longingly. 
 </p>
            <p>"Hain't ever wore it yet," she said, "en it 's jist 
lovely." Then she nodded her head in response to a pleasant idea, 
and added, "No, I ain't gwine to be fished out, wid everybody 
lookin' at me, in dis mis'able ole linsey-woolsey." 
 </p>
            <p>She put down the child and made the change.  She looked 
in the glass and was astonished at her beauty.  She resolved to 
make her death-toilet perfect.  She took off her handkerchief- 
turban and dressed her glossy wealth of hair "like white folks"; 
she added some odds and ends of rather lurid ribbon and a spray 
of atrocious artificial flowers; finally she threw over her 
shoulders a fluffy thing called a "cloud" in that day, which was 
of a blazing red complexion.  Then she was ready for the tomb. 
 </p>
            <p>She gathered up her baby once more; but when her eye 
fell upon its miserably short little gray tow-linen shirt and 
noted the   contrast between its pauper shabbiness and her own 
volcanic irruption of infernal splendors, her mother-heart was 
touched, and she was ashamed. 
 </p>
            <p>"No, dolling, mammy ain't gwine to treat you so.  De 
angels is gwine to 'mire you jist as much as dey does yo' mammy. 
Ain't gwine to have 'em putt'n' dey han's up 'fo' dey eyes en 
sayin' to David en Goliah en dem yuther prophets, `Dat chile is 
dress' too indelicate fo' dis place.'" 
 </p>
            <p>By this time she had stripped off the shirt.  Now she 
clothed the naked little creature in one of Thomas à Becket's 
snowy long baby-gowns, with its bright blue bows and dainty 
flummery of ruffles. 
 </p>
            <p>"Dah — now you 's fixed." She propped the child in a 
chair and stood off to inspect it.  Straightway her eyes began to 
widen with astonishment and admiration, and she clapped her hands 
and cried out, "Why, it do beat all! — I <emph>never</emph> knowed you was 
so lovely.  Marse Tommy ain't a bit puttier — not a single bit." 
 </p>
            <p>She stepped over and glanced at the other infant; she 
flung a glance back at her own; then one more at the heir of the 
house.  Now a strange light dawned in her eyes, and in a moment 
she was lost in thought.  She seemed in a trance; when <milestone unit="page" n="931"/> 
she came out of it she muttered, "When I 'uz a-washin' 'em in de 
tub, yistiddy, his own pappy asked me which of 'em was his'n." 
 </p>
            <p>She began to move about like one in a dream.  She 
undressed Thomas à Becket, stripping him of everything, and put 
the tow-linen shirt on him.  She put his coral necklace on her 
own child's neck.  Then she placed the children side by side, and 
after earnest inspection she muttered — 
 </p>
            <p>"Now who would b'lieve clo'es could do de like o' dat? 
Dog my cats if it ain't all <emph>I</emph> kin do to tell t' other fum 
which, let alone his pappy." 
 </p>
            <p>She put her cub in Tommy's elegant cradle and said — 
 </p>
            <p>"You 's young Marse <emph>Tom</emph> fum dis out, en I got to 
practise and git used to 'memberin' to call you dat, honey, or I 
's gwine to make a mistake some time en git us bofe into trouble. 
Dah — now you lay still en don't fret no mo', Marse Tom — oh, 
thank de good Lord in heaven, you 's saved, you 's saved! — dey 
ain't no man kin ever sell mammy's po' little honey down de river 
now!" 
 </p>
            <p>She put the heir of the house in her own child's 
unpainted pine cradle, and said, contemplating its slumbering 
form uneasily — 
 </p>
            <p>"I 's sorry for you, honey; I 's sorry, God knows I is, 
— but what <emph>kin</emph> I do, what <emph>could</emph> I do?  Yo' pappy would sell 
him to somebody, some time, en den he' d go down de river, sho', 
en I could n't, could n't, <emph>could n't</emph> stan' it." 
 </p>
            <p>She flung herself on her bed and began to think and 
toss, toss and think.  By and by she sat suddenly upright, for a 
comforting thought had flown through her worried mind — 
 </p>
            <p>"'T ain't no sin — <emph>white</emph> folks has done it!  It ain't 
no sin, glory to goodness it ain't no sin!  <emph>Dey 's</emph> done it — 
yes, en dey was de biggest quality in de whole bilin', too — 
<emph>kings!</emph> --" 
 </p>
            <p>She began to muse; she was trying to gather out of her 
memory the dim particulars of some tale she had heard some time 
or other.  At last she said — 
 </p>
            <p>"Now I 's got it; now I 'member.  It was dat ole nigger 
preacher dat tole it, de time he come over here fum Illinois en 
preached in de nigger church.  He said dey ain't nobody kin save 
his own self — can't do it by faith, can't do it by works, can't 
do it no way at all.  Free grace is de <emph>on'y</emph> way, en <milestone unit="page" n="932"/> 
dat don't come fum nobody but jis' de Lord; en <emph>he</emph> kin give it 
to anybody he please, saint or sinner — <emph>he</emph> don't kyer.  He do 
jis' as he 's a mineter.  He s'lect out anybody dat suit him, en 
put another one in his place, en make de fust one happy forever 
en leave t' other one to burn wid Satan.  De preacher said it was 
jist like dey done in Englan' one time, long time ago.  De queen 
she lef' her baby layin' aroun' one day, en went out callin'; en 
one o' de niggers roun' 'bout de place dat was 'mos' white, she 
come in  en see de chile layin' aroun', en tuck en put her own 
chile's clo'es on de queen's chile, en put de queen's chile's 
clo'es on her own chile, en den lef' her own chile layin' aroun' 
en tuck en toted de queen's chile home to de nigger-quarter, en 
nobody ever foun' it out, en her chile was de king bimeby, en 
sole de queen's chile down de river one time when dey had to 
settle up de estate.  Dah, now — de preacher said it his own 
self, en it ain't no sin, 'ca'se white folks done it.  <emph>Dey</emph> done 
it — yes, <emph>dey</emph> done it; en not on'y jis' common white folks 
nuther, but de biggest quality dey is in de whole bilin'.  Oh, I 
's <emph>so</emph> glad I 'member 'bout dat!" 
 </p>
            <p>She got up light-hearted and happy, and went to the 
cradles and spent what was left of the night "practising." She 
would give her own child a light pat and say humbly, "Lay still, 
Marse Tom," then give the real Tom a pat and say with severity, 
"Lay <emph>still</emph>, Chambers! — does you want me to take somep'n' <emph>to</emph> 
you?" 
 </p>
            <p>As she progressed with her practice, she was surprised 
to see how steadily and surely the awe which had kept her tongue 
reverent and her manner humble toward her young master was 
transferring itself to her speech and manner toward the usurper, 
and how similarly handy she was becoming in transferring her 
motherly curtness of speech and peremptoriness of manner to the 
unlucky heir of the ancient house of Driscoll. 
 </p>
            <p>She took occasional rests from practising, and absorbed 
herself in calculating her chances. 
 </p>
            <p>"Dey 'll sell dese niggers to-day fo' stealin' de money, 
den dey 'll buy some mo' dat don't know de chillen — so <emph>dat 's</emph> 
all right.  When I takes de chillen out to git de air, de minute 
I 's roun' de corner I 's gwine to gaum dey mouths all roun' <milestone unit="page" n="933"/>
 wid jam, den dey can't <emph>nobody</emph> notice dey 's changed. 
Yes, I gwineter do dat till I 's safe, if it 's a year. 
 </p>
            <p>"Dey ain't but one man dat I 's afeard of, en dat 's dat 
Pudd'nhead Wilson.  Dey calls him a pudd'nhead, en says he 's a 
fool.  My lan', dat man ain't no mo' fool den I is!  He 's de 
smartes' man in dis town, less 'n it 's Jedge Driscroll or maybe 
Pem Howard.  Blame dat man, he worries me wid dem ornery glasses 
o' hisn; <emph>I</emph> b'lieve he's a witch.  But nemmine, I 's gwine to 
happen aroun' dah one o' dese days en let on dat I reckon he 
wants to print de chillen's fingers ag'in; en if <emph>he</emph> don't 
notice dey 's changed, I bound dey ain't nobody gwine to notice 
it, en den I 's safe, sho'.  But I reckon I 'll tote along a 
hoss-shoe to keep off de witch-work." 
 </p>
            <p>The new negroes gave Roxy no trouble, of course.  The 
master gave her none, for one of his speculations was in 
jeopardy, and his mind was so occupied that he hardly saw the 
children when he looked at them, and all Roxy had to do was to 
get them both into a gale of laughter when he came about; then 
their faces were mainly cavities exposing gums, and he was gone 
again before the spasm passed and the little creatures resumed a 
human aspect. 
 </p>
            <p>Within a few days the fate of the speculation became so 
dubious that Mr. Percy went away with his brother the Judge, to 
see what could be done with it.  It was a land speculation as 
usual, and it had gotten complicated with a lawsuit.  The men 
were gone seven weeks.  Before they got back Roxy had paid her 
visit to Wilson, and was satisfied.  Wilson took the finger- 
prints, labeled them with the names and with the date — October 
the first — put them carefully away and continued his chat with 
Roxy, who seemed very anxious that he should admire the great 
advance in flesh and beauty which the babies had made since he 
took their finger-prints a month before.  He complimented their 
improvement to her contentment; and as they were without any 
disguise of jam or other stain, she trembled all the while and 
was miserably frightened lest at any moment he — 
 </p>
            <p>But he did n't.  He discovered nothing; and she went 
home jubilant, and dropped all concern about the matter 
permanently out of her mind. 
 </p>
         </div>
         <milestone unit="page" n="934"/>
         <div n="4" type="chapter">
            <head>IV</head>
            <cit>
               <quote>  Adam and Eve had many advantages, but the principal one 
was, that they escaped teething. </quote>
               <bibl>  — <emph>Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar.</emph> 
               </bibl>
            </cit>
            <cit>
               <quote>  There is this trouble about special providences — 
namely, there is so often a doubt as to which party was intended 
to be the beneficiary.  In the case of the children, the bears 
and the prophet, the bears got more real satisfaction out of the 
episode than the prophet did, because they got the children. </quote>
               <bibl>  — <emph>Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar.</emph> 
               </bibl>
            </cit>
            <p>This history must henceforth accommodate itself to the 
change which Roxana has consummated, and call the real heir 
"Chambers" and the usurping little slave "Thomas à Becket" — 
shortening this latter name to "Tom," for daily use, as the 
people about him did. 
 </p>
            <p>"Tom" was a bad baby, from the very beginning of his 
usurpation.  He would cry for nothing; he would burst into storms 
of devilish temper without notice, and let go scream after scream 
and squall after squall, then climax the thing with "holding his 
breath" — that frightful specialty of the teething nursling, in 
the throes of which the creature exhausts its lungs, then is 
convulsed with noiseless squirmings and twistings and kickings in 
the effort to get its breath, while the lips turn blue and the 
mouth stands wide and rigid, offering for inspection one wee 
tooth set in the lower rim of a hoop of red gums; and when the 
appalling stillness has endured until one is sure the lost breath 
will never return, a nurse comes flying, and dashes water in the 
child's face, and — presto! the lungs fill, and instantly 
discharge a shriek, or a yell, or a howl which bursts the 
listening ear and surprises the owner of it into saying words 
which would not go well with a halo if he had one.  The baby Tom 
would claw anybody who came within reach of his nails, and pound 
anybody he could reach with his rattle.  He would scream for 
water until he got it, and then throw cup and all on the floor 
and scream for more.  He was indulged in all his caprices, 
howsoever troublesome and exasperating they might be; he was 
allowed to eat anything <milestone unit="page" n="935"/> he wanted, particularly things 
that would give him the stomach-ache. 
 </p>
            <p>When he got to be old enough to begin to toddle about 
and say broken words and get an idea of what his hands were for, 
he was a more consummate pest than ever.  Roxy got no rest while 
he was awake.  He would call for anything and everything he saw, 
simply saying "Awnt it!" (want it), which was a command.  When it 
was brought, he said in a frenzy, and motioning it away with his 
hands, "Don't awnt it! don't awnt it!" and the moment it was gone 
he set up frantic yells of "Awnt it! awnt it! awnt it!" and Roxy 
had to give wings to her heels to get that thing back to him 
again before he could get time to carry out his intention of 
going into convulsions about it. 
 </p>
            <p>What he preferred above all other things was the tongs. 
This was because his "father" had forbidden him to have them lest 
he break windows and furniture with them.  The moment Roxy's back 
was turned he would toddle to the presence of the tongs and say 
"Like it!" and cock his eye to one side to see if Roxy was 
observing; then, "Awnt it!" and cock his eye again; then, "Hab 
it!" with another furtive glance; and finally, "Take it!" — and 
the prize was his.  The next moment the heavy implement was 
raised aloft; the next, there was a crash and a squall, and the 
cat was off on three legs to meet an engagement; Roxy would 
arrive just as the lamp or a window went to irremediable smash. 
 </p>
            <p>Tom got all the petting, Chambers got none.  Tom got all 
the delicacies, Chambers got mush and milk, and clabber without 
sugar.  In consequence Tom was a sickly child and Chambers was 
n't.  Tom was "fractious," as Roxy called it, and overbearing; 
Chambers was meek and docile. 
 </p>
            <p>With all her splendid common sense and practical every- 
day ability, Roxy was a doting fool of a mother.  She was this 
toward her child — and she was also more than this: by the 
fiction created by herself, he was become her master; the 
necessity of recognizing this relation outwardly and of 
perfecting herself in the forms required to express the 
recognition, had moved her to such diligence and faithfulness in 
practising these forms that this exercise soon concreted itself 
into habit; it became automatic and unconscious; then a natural 
result <milestone unit="page" n="936"/> followed: deceptions intended solely for others 
gradually grew practically into self-deceptions as well; the mock 
reverence became real reverence, the mock obsequiousness real 
obsequiousness, the mock homage real homage; the little 
counterfeit rift of separation between imitation-slave and 
imitation-master widened and widened, and became an abyss, and a 
very real one — and on one side of it stood Roxy, the dupe of 
her own deceptions, and on the other stood her child, no longer a 
usurper to her, but her accepted and recognized master.  He was 
her darling, her master, and her deity all in one, and in her 
worship of him she forgot who she was and what he had been. 
 </p>
            <p>In babyhood Tom cuffed and banged and scratched Chambers 
unrebuked, and Chambers early learned that between meekly bearing 
it and resenting it, the advantage all lay with the former 
policy.  The few times that his persecutions had moved him beyond 
control and made him fight back had cost him very dear at 
headquarters; not at the hands of Roxy, for if she ever went 
beyond scolding him sharply for "forgitt'n' who his young master 
was," she at least never extended her punishment beyond a box on 
the ear.  No, Percy Driscoll was the person.  He told Chambers 
that under no provocation whatever was he privileged to lift his 
hand against his little master.  Chambers overstepped the line 
three times, and got three such convincing canings from the man 
who was his father and did n't know it, that he took Tom's 
cruelties in all humility after that, and made no more 
experiments. 
 </p>
            <p>Outside of the house the two boys were together all 
through their boyhood.  Chambers was strong beyond his years, and 
a good fighter; strong because he was coarsely fed and hard 
worked about the house, and a good fighter because Tom furnished 
him plenty of practice — on white boys whom he hated and was 
afraid of.  Chambers was his constant body-guard, to and from 
school; he was present on the playground at recess to protect his 
charge.  He fought himself into such a formidable reputation, by 
and by, that Tom could have changed clothes with him, and "ridden 
in peace," like Sir Kay in Launcelot's armor. 
 </p>
            <p>He was good at games of skill, too.  Tom staked him with 
marbles to play "keeps" with, and then took all the winnings <milestone unit="page" n="937"/>
 away from him.  In the winter season Chambers was on 
hand, in Tom's worn-out clothes, with "holy" red mittens, and 
"holy" shoes, and pants "holy" at the knees and seat, to drag a 
sled up the hill for Tom, warmly clad, to ride down on; but he 
never got a ride himself.  He built snow men and snow 
fortifications under Tom's directions.  He was Tom's patient 
target when Tom wanted to do some snowballing, but the target 
could n't fire back.  Chambers carried Tom's skates to the river 
and strapped them on him, then trotted around after him on the 
ice, so as to be on hand when wanted; but he was n't ever asked 
to try the skates himself. 
 </p>
            <p>In summer the pet pastime of the boys of Dawson's 
Landing was to steal apples, peaches, and melons from the 
farmers' fruit-wagons, — mainly on account of the risk they ran 
of getting their head laid open with the butt of the farmer's 
whip.  Tom was a distinguished adept at these thefts — by proxy. 
Chambers did his stealing, and got the peach-stones, apple-cores, 
and melon-rinds for his share. 
 </p>
            <p>Tom always made Chambers go in swimming with him, and 
stay by him as a protection.  When Tom had had enough, he would 
slip out and tie knots in Chambers's shirt, dip the knots in the 
water to make them hard to undo, then dress himself and sit by 
and laugh while the naked shiverer tugged at the stubborn knots 
with his teeth. 
 </p>
            <p>Tom did his humble comrade these various ill turns 
partly out of native viciousness, and partly because he hated him 
for his superiorities of physique and pluck, and for his manifold 
clevernesses.  Tom could n't dive, for it gave him splitting 
headaches.  Chambers could dive without inconvenience, and was 
fond of doing it.  He excited so much admiration, one day, among 
a crowd of white boys, by throwing back somersaults from the 
stern of a canoe, that it wearied Tom's spirit, and at last he 
shoved the canoe underneath Chambers while he was in the air — 
so he came down on his head in the canoe-bottom; and while he lay 
unconscious, several of Tom's ancient adversaries saw that their 
long-desired opportunity was come, and they gave the false heir 
such a drubbing that with Chambers's best help he was hardly able 
to drag himself home afterward. 
 </p>
            <p>When the boys were fifteen and upward, Tom was "showing <milestone unit="page" n="938"/>
 off" in the river one day, when he was taken with a 
cramp, and shouted for help.  It was a common trick with the boys 
— particularly if a stranger was present — to pretend a cramp 
and howl for help; then when the stranger came tearing hand over 
hand to the rescue, the howler would go on struggling and howling 
till he was close at hand, then replace the howl with a sarcastic 
smile and swim blandly away, while the town boys assailed the 
dupe with a volley of jeers and laughter.  Tom had never tried 
this joke as yet, but was supposed to be trying it now, so the 
boys held warily back; but Chambers believed his master was in 
earnest, therefore he swam out, and arrived in time, 
unfortunately, and saved his life. 
 </p>
            <p>This was the last feather.  Tom had managed to endure 
everything else, but to have to remain publicly and permanently 
under such an obligation as this to a nigger, and to this nigger 
of all niggers — this was too much.  He heaped insults upon 
Chambers for "pretending" to think he was in earnest in calling 
for help, and said that anybody but a blockheaded nigger would 
have known he was funning and left him alone. 
 </p>
            <p>Tom's enemies were in strong force here, so they came 
out with their opinions quite freely.  They laughed at him, and 
called him coward, liar, sneak, and other sorts of pet names, and 
told him they meant to call Chambers by a new name after this, 
and make it common in the town — "Tom Driscoll's niggerpappy," - 
- to signify that he had had a second birth into this life, and 
that Chambers was the author of his new being.  Tom grew frantic 
under these taunts, and shouted — 
 </p>
            <p>"Knock their heads off, Chambers! knock their heads off! 
What do you stand there with your hands in your pockets for?" 
 </p>
            <p>Chambers expostulated, and said, "But, Marse Tom, dey 's 
too many of 'em — dey 's — " 
 </p>
            <p>"Do you hear me?" 
 </p>
            <p>"Please, Marse Tom, don't make me!  Dey 's so many of 
'em dat — " 
 </p>
            <p>Tom sprang at him and drove his pocket-knife into him 
two or three times before the boys could snatch him away <milestone unit="page" n="939"/> 
and give the wounded lad a chance to escape.  He was considerably 
hurt, but not seriously.  If the blade had been a little longer 
his career would have ended there. 
 </p>
            <p>Tom had long ago taught Roxy "her place." It had been 
many a day now since she had ventured a caress or a fondling 
epithet in his quarter.  Such things, from a "nigger," were 
repulsive to him, and she had been warned to keep her distance 
and remember who she was.  She saw her darling gradually cease 
from being her son, she saw <emph>that</emph> detail perish utterly; all 
that was left was master — master, pure and simple, and it was 
not a gentle mastership, either.  She saw herself sink from the 
sublime height of motherhood to the somber deeps of unmodified 
slavery.  The abyss of separation between her and her boy was 
complete.  She was merely his chattel, now, his convenience, his 
dog, his cringing and helpless slave, the humble and unresisting 
victim of his capricious temper and vicious nature. 
 </p>
            <p>Sometimes she could not go to sleep, even when worn out 
with fatigue, because her rage boiled so high over the day's 
experiences with her boy.  She would mumble and mutter to herself 
— 
 </p>
            <p>"He struck me, en I war n't no way to blame — struck me 
in de face, right before folks.  En he 's al'ays callin' me 
nigger-wench, en hussy, en all dem mean names, when I 's doin' de 
very bes' I kin.  Oh, Lord, I done so much for him — I lift' him 
away up to what he is — en dis is what I git for it." 
 </p>
            <p>Sometimes when some outrage of peculiar offensiveness 
stung her to the heart, she would plan schemes of vengeance and 
revel in the fancied spectacle of his exposure to the world as an 
impostor and a slave; but in the midst of these joys fear would 
strike her: she had made him too strong; she could prove nothing, 
and — heavens, she might get sold down the river for her pains! 
So her schemes always went for nothing, and she laid them aside 
in impotent rage against the fates, and against herself for 
playing the fool on that fatal September day in not providing 
herself with a witness for use in the day when such a thing might 
be needed for the appeasing of her vengeance-hungry heart. 
 </p>
            <p>And yet the moment Tom happened to be good to her, and 
kind, — and this occurred every now and then, — all her <milestone unit="page" n="940"/>
 sore places were healed, and she was happy; happy and 
proud, for this was her son, her nigger son, lording it among the 
whites and securely avenging their crimes against her race. 
 </p>
            <p>There were two grand funerals in Dawson's Landing that 
fall — the fall of 1845.  One was that of Colonel Cecil Burleigh 
Essex, the other that of Percy Driscoll. 
 </p>
            <p>On his death-bed Driscoll set Roxy free and delivered 
his idolized ostensible son solemnly into the keeping of his 
brother the Judge and his wife.  Those childless people were glad 
to get him.  Childless people are not difficult to please. 
 </p>
            <p>Judge Driscoll had gone privately to his brother, a 
month before, and bought Chambers.  He had heard that Tom had 
been trying to get his father to sell the boy down the river, and 
he wanted to prevent the scandal — for public sentiment did not 
approve of that way of treating family servants for light cause 
or for no cause. 
 </p>
            <p>Percy Driscoll had worn himself out in trying to save 
his great speculative landed estate, and had died without 
succeeding.  He was hardly in his grave before the boom collapsed 
and left his hitherto envied young devil of an heir a pauper. 
But that was nothing; his uncle told him he should be his heir 
and have all his fortune when he died; so Tom was comforted. 
 </p>
            <p>Roxy had no home, now; so she resolved to go around and 
say good-by to her friends and then clear out and see the world - 
- that is to say, she would go chambermaiding on a steamboat, the 
darling ambition of her race and sex. 
 </p>
            <p>Her last call was on the black giant, Jasper.  She found 
him chopping Pudd'nhead Wilson's winter provision of wood. 
 </p>
            <p>Wilson was chatting with him when Roxy arrived.  He 
asked her how she could bear to go off chambermaiding and leave 
her boys; and chaffingly offered to copy off a series of their 
finger-prints, reaching up to their twelfth year, for her to 
remember them by; but she sobered in a moment, wondering if he 
suspected anything; then she said she believed she did n't want 
them.  Wilson said to himself, "The drop of black blood in her is 
superstitious; she thinks there 's some devilry, some witch- 
business about my glass mystery somewhere; she used to come here 
with an old horseshoe in her hand; it could have been an 
accident, but I doubt it." 
 </p>
         </div>
         <div n="5" type="chapter">
            <milestone unit="page" n="941"/>
            <head>V</head>
            <cit>
               <quote>  Training is everything.  The peach was once a bitter 
almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college 
education. </quote>
               <bibl>  — <emph>Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar.</emph> 
               </bibl>
            </cit>
            <cit>
               <quote>  Remark of Dr. Baldwin's, concerning up-starts: We don't 
care to eat toadstools that think they are truffles. </quote>
               <bibl>  — <emph>Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar.</emph> 
               </bibl>
            </cit>
            <p>Mrs. York Driscoll enjoyed two years of bliss with that 
prize, Tom — bliss that was troubled a little at times, it is 
true, but bliss nevertheless; then she died, and her husband and 
his childless sister, Mrs. Pratt, continued the bliss-business at 
the old stand.  Tom was petted and indulged and spoiled to his 
entire content — or nearly that.  This went on till he was 
nineteen, then he was sent to Yale.  He went handsomely equipped 
with "conditions," but otherwise he was not an object of 
distinction there.  He remained at Yale two years, and then threw 
up the struggle.  He came home with his manners a good deal 
improved; he had lost his surliness and brusqueness, and was 
rather pleasantly soft and smooth, now; he was furtively, and 
sometimes openly, ironical of speech, and given to gently 
touching people on the raw, but he did it with a good-natured 
semiconscious air that carried it off safely, and kept him from 
getting into trouble.  He was as indolent as ever and showed no 
very strenuous desire to hunt up an occupation.  People argued 
from this that he preferred to be supported by his uncle until 
his uncle's shoes should become vacant.  He brought back one or 
two new habits with him, one of which he rather openly practised 
— tippling — but concealed another, which was gambling.  It 
would not do to gamble where his uncle could hear of it; he knew 
that quite well. 
 </p>
            <p>Tom's Eastern polish was not popular among the young 
people.  They could have endured it, perhaps, if Tom had stopped 
there; but he wore gloves, and that they could n't stand, and 
would n't; so he was mainly without society.  He brought home 
with him a suit of clothes of such exquisite style and cut and 
fashion, — Eastern fashion, city fashion, —  <milestone unit="page" n="942"/> that it 
filled everybody with anguish and was regarded as a peculiarly 
wanton affront.  He enjoyed the feeling which he was exciting, 
and paraded the town serene and happy all day; but the young 
fellows set a tailor to work that night, and when Tom started out 
on his parade next morning he found the old deformed negro bell- 
ringer straddling along in his wake tricked out in a flamboyant 
curtain-calico exaggeration of his finery, and imitating his 
fancy Eastern graces as well as he could. 
 </p>
            <p>Tom surrendered, and after that clothed himself in the 
local fashion.  But the dull country town was tiresome to him, 
since his acquaintanceship with livelier regions, and it grew 
daily more and more so.  He began to make little trips to St. 
Louis for refreshment.  There he found companionship to suit him, 
and pleasures to his taste, along with more freedom, in some 
particulars, than he could  have at home.  So, during the next 
two years his visits to the city grew in frequency and his 
tarryings there grew steadily longer in duration. 
 </p>
            <p>He was getting into deep waters.  He was taking chances, 
privately, which might get him into trouble some day — in fact, 
<emph>did</emph>. 
 </p>
            <p>Judge Driscoll had retired from the bench and from all 
business activities in 1850, and had now been comfortably idle 
three years.  He was president of the Free-thinkers' Society, and 
Pudd'nhead Wilson was the other member.  The society's weekly 
discussions were now the old lawyer's main interest in life. 
Pudd'nhead was still toiling in obscurity at the bottom of the 
ladder, under the blight of that unlucky remark which he had let 
fall twenty-three years before about the dog. 
 </p>
            <p>Judge Driscoll was his friend, and claimed that he had a 
mind above the average, but that was regarded as one of the 
Judge's whims, and it failed to modify the public opinion.  Or 
rather, that was one of the reasons why it failed, but there was 
another and better one.  If the judge had stopped with bare 
assertion, it would have had a good deal of effect; but he made 
the mistake of trying to prove his position.  For some years 
Wilson had been privately at work on a whimsical almanac, for his 
amusement — a calendar, with a little dab of ostensible 
philosophy, usually in ironical form, appended to each date; and 
the Judge thought that these quips and fancies <milestone unit="page" n="943"/> of 
Wilson's were neatly turned and cute; so he carried a handful of 
them around, one day, and read them to some of the chief 
citizens.  But irony was not for those people; their mental 
vision was not focussed for it.  They read those playful trifles 
in the solidest earnest, and decided without hesitancy that if 
there had ever been any doubt that Dave Wilson was a pudd'nhead - 
- which there had n't — this revelation removed that doubt for 
good and all.  That is just the way in this world; an enemy can 
partly ruin a man, but it takes a good-natured injudicious friend 
to complete the thing and make it perfect.  After this the Judge 
felt tenderer than ever toward Wilson, and surer than ever that 
his calendar had merit. 
 </p>
            <p>Judge Driscoll could be a free-thinker and still hold 
his place in society because he was the person of most 
consequence in the community, and therefore could venture to go 
his own way and follow out his own notions.  The other member of 
his pet organization was allowed the like liberty because he was 
a cipher in the estimation of the public, and nobody attached any 
importance to what he thought or did.  He was liked, he was 
welcome enough all around, but he simply did n't count for 
anything. 
 </p>
            <p>The widow Cooper — affectionately called "aunt Patsy" 
by everybody — lived in a snug and comely cottage with her 
daughter Rowena, who was nineteen, romantic, amiable, and very 
pretty, but otherwise of no consequence.  Rowena had a couple of 
young brothers — also of no consequence. 
 </p>
            <p>The widow had a large spare room which she let to a 
lodger, with board, when she could find one, but this room had 
been empty for a year now, to her sorrow.  Her income was only 
sufficient for the family support, and she needed the lodging- 
money for trifling luxuries.  But now, at last, on a flaming June 
day, she found herself happy; her tedious wait was ended; her 
year-worn advertisement had been answered; and not by a village 
applicant, oh, no! — this letter was from away off yonder in the 
dim great world to the North; it was from St. Louis.  She sat on 
her porch gazing out with unseeing eyes upon the shining reaches 
of the mighty Mississippi, her thoughts steeped in her good 
fortune.  Indeed it was specially good fortune, for she was to 
have two lodgers instead of one. 
 <milestone unit="page" n="944"/>
            </p>
            <p>She had read the letter to the family, and Rowena had 
danced away to see to the cleaning and airing of the room by the 
slave woman Nancy, and the boys had rushed abroad in the town to 
spread the great news, for it was matter of public interest, and 
the public would wonder and not be pleased if not informed. 
Presently Rowena returned, all ablush with joyous excitement, and 
begged for a re-reading of the letter.  It was framed thus: 
 </p>
            <p>HONORED MADAM: My brother and I have seen your 
advertisement, by chance, and beg leave to take the room you 
offer.  We are twenty-four years of age and twins.  We are 
Italians by birth, but have lived long in the various countries 
of Europe, and several years in the United States.  Our names are 
Luigi and Angelo Capello.  You desire but one guest; but dear 
Madam, if you will allow us to pay for two, we will not incommode 
you.  We shall be down Thursday. 
 </p>
            <p>"Italians!  How romantic!  Just think, ma — there 's 
never been one in this town, and everybody will be dying to see 
them, and they 're all <emph>ours</emph>!  Think of that!" 
 </p>
            <p>"Yes, I reckon they 'll make a grand stir." 
 </p>
            <p>"Oh, indeed they will.  The whole town will be on its 
head!  Think — they 've been in Europe and everywhere!  There 's 
never been a traveler in this town before.  Ma, I should n't 
wonder if they 've seen kings!" 
 </p>
            <p>"Well, a body can't tell; but they 'll make stir enough, 
without that." 
 </p>
            <p>"Yes, that 's of course.  Luigi — Angelo.  They 're 
lovely names; and so grand and foreign — not like Jones and 
Robinson and such.  Thursday they are coming, and this is only 
Tuesday; it 's a cruel long time to wait.  Here comes Judge 
Driscoll in at the gate.  He 's heard about it.  I 'll go and 
open the door." 
 </p>
            <p>The judge was full of congratulations and curiosity. 
The letter was read and discussed.  Soon Justice Robinson arrived 
with more congratulations, and there was a new reading and a new 
discussion.  This was the beginning.  Neighbor after neighbor, of 
both sexes, followed, and the procession drifted in and out all 
day and evening and all Wednesday and Thursday.  <milestone unit="page" n="945"/> The 
letter was read and re-read until it was nearly worn out; 
everybody admired its courtly and gracious tone, and smooth and 
practised style, everybody was sympathetic and excited, and the 
Coopers were steeped in happiness all the while. 
 </p>
            <p>The boats were very uncertain in low water, in these 
primitive times.  This time the Thursday boat had not arrived at 
ten at night — so the people had waited at the landing all day 
for nothing; they were driven to their homes by a heavy storm 
without having had a view of the illustrious foreigners. 
 </p>
            <p>Eleven o'clock came; and the Cooper house was the only 
one in the town that still had lights burning.  The rain and 
thunder were booming yet, and the anxious family were still 
waiting, still hoping.  At last there was a knock at the door and 
the family jumped to open it.  Two negro men entered, each 
carrying a trunk, and proceeded up-stairs toward the guest-room. 
Then entered the twins — the handsomest, the best dressed, the 
most distinguished-looking pair of young fellows the West had 
ever seen.  One was a little fairer than the other, but otherwise 
they were exact duplicates. 
 </p>
         </div>
         <div n="6" type="chapter">
            <milestone unit="page" n="946"/>
            <head>VI</head>
            <cit>
               <quote>  Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even 
the undertaker will be sorry. </quote>
               <bibl>  — <emph>Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar.</emph> 
               </bibl>
            </cit>
            <cit>
               <quote>  Habit is habit, and not to be flung out of the window by 
any man, but coaxed down-stairs a step at a time. </quote>
               <bibl>  — <emph>Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar.</emph> 
               </bibl>
            </cit>
            <p>At breakfast in the morning the twins' charm of manner 
and easy and polished bearing made speedy conquest of the 
family's good graces.  All constraint and formality quickly 
disappeared, and the friendliest feeling succeeded.  Aunt Patsy 
called them by their Christian names almost from the beginning. 
She was full of the keenest curiosity about them, and showed it; 
they responded by talking about themselves, which pleased her 
greatly.  It presently appeared that in their early youth they 
had known poverty and hardship.  As the talk wandered along the 
old lady watched for the right place to drop in a question or two 
concerning that matter, and when she found it she said to the 
blond twin, who was now doing the biographies in his turn while 
the brunette one rested — 
 </p>
            <p>"If it ain't asking what I ought not to ask, Mr. Angelo, 
how did you come to be so friendless and in such trouble when you 
were little?  Do you mind telling?  But don't if you do." 
 </p>
            <p>"Oh, we don't mind it at all, madam; in our case it was 
merely misfortune, and nobody's fault.  Our parents were well to 
do, there in Italy, and we were their only child.  We were of the 
old Florentine nobility" — Rowena's heart gave a great bound, 
her nostrils expanded, and a fine light played in her eyes — 
"and when the war broke out my father was on the losing side and 
had to fly for his life.  His estates were confiscated, his 
personal property seized, and there we were, in Germany, 
strangers, friendless, and in fact paupers.  My brother and I 
were ten years old, and well educated for that age, very 
studious, very fond of our books, and well grounded in the 
German, French, Spanish, and English languages.  <milestone unit="page" n="947"/> Also, 
we were marvelous musical prodigies — if you will allow me to 
say it, it being only the truth. 
 </p>
            <p>"Our father survived his misfortunes only a month, our 
mother soon followed him, and we were alone in the world.  Our 
parents could have made themselves comfortable by exhibiting us 
as a show, and they had many and large offers; but the thought 
revolted their pride, and they said they would starve and die 
first.  But what they would n't consent to do we had to do 
without the formality of consent.  We were seized for the debts 
occasioned by their illness and their funerals, and placed among 
the attractions of a cheap museum in Berlin to earn the 
liquidation money.  It took us two years to get out of that 
slavery.  We traveled all about Germany, receiving no wages, and 
not even our keep.  We had to be exhibited for nothing, and beg 
our bread. 
 </p>
            <p>"Well, madam, the rest is not of much consequence.  When 
we escaped from that slavery at twelve years of age, we were in 
some respects men.  Experience had taught us some valuable 
things; among others, how to take care of ourselves, how to avoid 
and defeat sharks and sharpers, and how to conduct our own 
business for our own profit and without other people's help.  We 
traveled everywhere — years and years — picking up smatterings 
of strange tongues, familiarizing ourselves with strange sights 
and strange customs, accumulating an education of a wide and 
varied and curious sort.  It was a pleasant life.  We went to 
Venice — to London, Paris, Russia, India, China, Japan — " 
 </p>
            <p>At this point Nancy the slave woman thrust her head in 
at the door and exclaimed: 
 </p>
            <p>"Ole Missus, de house is plum' jam full o' people, en 
dey 's jes a-spi'lin' to see de gen'lmen!" She indicated the 
twins with a nod of her head, and tucked it back out of sight 
again. 
 </p>
            <p>It was a proud occasion for the widow, and she promised 
herself high satisfaction in showing off her fine foreign birds 
before her neighbors and friends — simple folk who had hardly 
ever seen a foreigner of any kind, and never one of any 
distinction or style.  Yet her feeling was moderate indeed when 
contrasted with Rowena's.  Rowena was in the clouds, she walked 
on air; this was to be the greatest day, the most romantic 
episode, in the colorless history of that dull country <milestone unit="page" n="948"/> 
town.  She was to be familiarly near the source of its glory and 
feel the full flood of it pour over her and about her; the other 
girls could only gaze and envy, not partake. 
 </p>
            <p>The widow was ready, Rowena was ready, so also were the 
foreigners. 
 </p>
            <p>The party moved along the hall, the twins in advance, 
and entered the open parlor door, whence issued a low hum of 
conversation.  The twins took a position near the door, the widow 
stood at Luigi's side, Rowena stood beside Angelo, and the march- 
past and the introductions began.  The widow was all smiles and 
contentment.  She received the procession and passed it on to 
Rowena. 
 </p>
            <p>"Good mornin', Sister Cooper" — hand-shake. 
 </p>
            <p>"Good morning, Brother Higgins — Count Luigi Capello, 
Mr. Higgins" — hand-shake, followed by a devouring stare and "I 
'm glad to see ye," on the part of Higgins, and a courteous 
inclination of the head and a pleasant "Most happy!" on the part 
of Count Luigi. 
 </p>
            <p>"Good mornin', Roweny" — hand-shake. 
 </p>
            <p>"Good morning, Mr. Higgins — present you to Count 
Angelo Capello." Hand-shake, admiring stare, "Glad to see ye," — 
courteous nod, smily "Most happy!" and Higgins passes on. 
 </p>
            <p>None of these visitors was at ease, but, being honest 
people, they did n't pretend to be.  None of them had ever seen a 
person bearing a title of nobility before, and none had been 
expecting to see one now, consequently the title came upon them 
as a kind of pile-driving surprise and caught them unprepared.  A 
few tried to rise to the emergency, and got out an awkward "My 
lord," or "Your lordship," or something of that sort, but the 
great majority were overwhelmed by the unaccustomed word and its 
dim and awful associations with gilded courts and stately 
ceremony and anointed kingship, so they only fumbled through the 
hand-shake and passed on, speechless.  Now and then, as happens 
at all receptions everywhere, a more than ordinarily friendly 
soul blocked the procession and kept it waiting while he inquired 
how the brothers liked the village, and how long they were going 
to stay, and if their families were well, and dragged in the 
weather, and hoped it would get cooler soon, and all that sort <milestone unit="page" n="949"/>
 of thing, so as to be able to say, when they got home, 
"I had quite a long talk with them"; but nobody did or said 
anything of a regrettable kind, and so the great affair went 
through to the end in a creditable and satisfactory fashion. 
 </p>
            <p>General conversation followed, and the twins drifted 
about from group to group, talking easily and fluently and 
winning approval, compelling admiration and achieving favor from 
all.  The widow followed their conquering march with a proud eye, 
and every now and then Rowena said to herself with deep 
satisfaction, "And to think they are ours — all ours!" 
 </p>
            <p>There were no idle moments for mother or daughter. 
Eager inquiries concerning the twins were pouring into their 
enchanted ears all the time; each was the constant center of a 
group of breathless listeners; each recognized that she knew now 
for the first time the real meaning of that great word Glory, and 
perceived the stupendous value of it, and understood why men in 
all ages had been willing to throw away meaner happinesses, 
treasure, life itself, to get a taste of its sublime and supreme 
joy.  Napoleon and all his kind stood accounted for — and 
justified. 
 </p>
            <p>When Rowena had at last done all her duty by the people 
in the parlor, she went up-stairs to satisfy the longings of an 
overflow-meeting there, for the parlor was not big enough to hold 
all the comers.  Again she was besieged by eager questioners and 
again she swam in sunset seas of glory.  When the forenoon was 
nearly gone, she recognized with a pang that this most splendid 
episode of her life was almost over, that nothing could prolong 
it, that nothing quite its equal could ever fall to her fortune 
again.  But never mind, it was sufficient unto itself, the grand 
occasion had moved on an ascending scale from the start, and was 
a noble and memorable success.  If the twins could but do some 
crowning act, now, to climax it, something unusual, something 
startling, something to concentrate upon themselves the company's 
loftiest admiration, something in the nature of an electric 
surprise — 
 </p>
            <p>Here a prodigious slam-banging broke out below, and 
everybody rushed down to see.  It was the twins knocking out a 
classic four-handed piece on the piano, in great style.  Rowena 
was satisfied — satisfied down to the bottom of her heart. 
 <milestone unit="page" n="950"/>
            </p>
            <p>The young strangers were kept long at the piano.  The 
villagers were astonished and enchanted with the magnificence of 
their performance, and could not bear to have them stop.  All the 
music that they had ever heard before seemed spiritless prentice- 
work and barren of grace or charm when compared with these 
intoxicating floods of melodious sound.  They realized that for 
once in their lives they were hearing masters. 
 </p>
         </div>
         <div n="7" type="chapter">
            <milestone unit="page" n="951"/>
            <head>VII</head>
            <cit>
               <quote>  One of the most striking differences between a cat and a 
lie is that a cat has only nine lives. </quote>
               <bibl>  — <emph>Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar.</emph> 
               </bibl>
            </cit>
            <p>The company broke up reluctantly, and drifted toward 
their several homes, chatting with vivacity, and all agreeing 
that it would be many a long day before Dawson's Landing would 
see the equal of this one again.  The twins had accepted several 
invitations while the reception was in progress, and had also 
volunteered to play some duets at an amateur entertainment for 
the benefit of a local charity.  Society was eager to receive 
them to its bosom.  Judge Driscoll had the good fortune to secure 
them for an immediate drive, and to be the first to display them 
in public.  They entered his buggy with him, and were paraded 
down the main street, everybody flocking to the windows and 
sidewalks to see. 
 </p>
            <p>The Judge showed the strangers the new graveyard, and 
the jail, and where the richest man lived, and the Freemasons' 
hall, and the Methodist church, and the Presbyterian church, and 
where the Baptist church was going to be when they got some money 
to build it with, and showed them the town hall and the 
slaughter-house, and got out the independent fire company in 
uniform and had them put out an imaginary fire; then he let them 
inspect the muskets of the militia company, and poured out an 
exhaustless stream of enthusiasm over all these splendors, and 
seemed very well satisfied with the responses he got, for the 
twins admired his admiration, and paid him back the best they 
could, though they could have done better if some fifteen or 
sixteen hundred thousand previous experiences of this sort in 
various countries had not already rubbed off a considerable part 
of the novelty of it. 
 </p>
            <p>The Judge laid himself out hospitably to make them have 
a good time, and if there was a defect anywhere it was not his 
fault.  He told them a good many humorous anecdotes, and always 
forgot the nub, but they were always able to furnish it, for 
these yarns were of a pretty early vintage, and they had had many 
a rejuvenating pull at them before.  And he told <milestone unit="page" n="952"/> them 
all about his several dignities, and how he had held this and 
that and the other place of honor or profit, and had once been to 
the legislature, and was now president of the Society of Free- 
thinkers.  He said the society had been in existence four years, 
and already had two members, and was firmly established.  He 
would call for the brothers in the evening if they would like to 
attend a meeting of it. 
 </p>
            <p>Accordingly he called for them, and on the way he told 
them all about Pudd'nhead Wilson, in order that they might get a 
favorable impression of him in advance and be prepared to like 
him.  This scheme succeeded — the favorable impression was 
achieved.  Later it was confirmed and solidified when Wilson 
proposed that out of courtesy to the strangers the usual topics 
be put aside and the hour be devoted to conversation upon 
ordinary subjects and the cultivation of friendly relations and 
good-fellowship, — a proposition which was put to vote and 
carried. 
 </p>
            <p>The hour passed quickly away in lively talk, and when it 
was ended the lonesome and neglected Wilson was richer by two 
friends than he had been when it began.  He invited the twins to 
look in at his lodgings, presently, after disposing of an 
intervening engagement, and they accepted with pleasure. 
 </p>
            <p>Toward the middle of the evening they found themselves 
on the road to his house.  Pudd'nhead was at home waiting for 
them and putting in his time puzzling over a thing which had come 
under his notice that morning.  The matter was this: He happened 
to be up very early — at dawn, in fact, and he crossed the 
hall which divided his cottage through the center, and entered a 
room to get something there.  The window of the room had no 
curtains, for that side of the house had long been unoccupied, 
and through this window he caught sight of something which 
surprised and interested him.  It was a young woman — a young 
woman where properly no young woman belonged; for she was in 
Judge Driscoll's house, and in the bedroom over the Judge's 
private study or sitting-room.  This was young Tom Driscoll's 
bedroom.  He and the Judge, the Judge's widowed sister Mrs. Pratt 
and three negro servants were the only people who belonged in the 
house.  Who, then, might this young lady be?  The two houses were 
separated by an ordinary yard, with a low fence running back <milestone unit="page" n="953"/>
 through its middle from the street in front to the lane 
in the rear.  The distance was not great, and Wilson was able to 
see the girl very well, the window-shades of the room she was in 
being up and the window also.  The girl had on a neat and trim 
summer dress, patterned in broad stripes of pink and white, and 
her bonnet was equipped with a pink veil.  She was practising 
steps, gaits and attitudes, apparently; she was doing the thing 
gracefully, and was very much absorbed in her work.  Who could 
she be, and how came she to be in young Tom Driscoll's room? 
 </p>
            <p>Wilson had quickly chosen a position from which he could 
watch the girl without running much risk of being seen by her, 
and he remained there hoping she would raise her veil and betray 
her face.  But she disappointed him.  After a matter of twenty 
minutes she disappeared, and although he stayed at his post half 
an hour longer, she came no more. 
 </p>
            <p>Toward noon he dropped in at the Judge's and talked with 
Mrs. Pratt about the great event of the day, the levee of the 
distinguished foreigners at Aunt Patsy Cooper's.  He asked after 
her nephew Tom, and she said he was on his way home, and that she 
was expecting him to arrive a little before night; and added that 
she and the Judge were gratified to gather from his letters that 
he was conducting himself very nicely and creditably — at which 
Wilson winked to himself privately.  Wilson did not ask if there 
was a newcomer in the house, but he asked questions that would 
have brought light-throwing answers as to that matter if Mrs. 
Pratt had had any light to throw; so he went away satisfied that 
he knew of things that were going on in her house of which she 
herself was not aware. 
 </p>
            <p>He was now waiting for the twins, and still puzzling 
over the problem of who that girl might be, and how she happened 
to be in that young fellow's room at daybreak in the morning. 
 </p>
         </div>
         <div n="8" type="chapter">
            <milestone unit="page" n="954"/>
            <head>VIII</head>
            <cit>
               <quote>  The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady 
and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole 
lifetime, if not asked to lend money. </quote>
               <bibl>  — <emph>Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar.</emph> 
               </bibl>
            </cit>
            <cit>
               <quote>  Consider well the proportions of things.  It is better 
to be a young June-bug than an old bird of paradise. </quote>
               <bibl>  — <emph>Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar.</emph> 
               </bibl>
            </cit>
            <p>It is necessary now, to hunt up Roxy. 
 </p>
            <p>At the time she was set free and went away 
chambermaiding, she was thirty-five.  She got a berth as second 
chambermaid on a Cincinnati boat in the New Orleans trade, the 
<emph>Grand Mogul</emph>.  A couple of trips made her wonted and easy-going 
at the work, and infatuated her with the stir and adventure and 
independence of steamboat life.  Then she was promoted and became 
head chambermaid.  She was a favorite with the officers, and 
exceedingly proud of their joking and friendly ways with her. 
 </p>
            <p>During eight years she served three parts of the year on 
that boat, and the winters on a Vicksburg packet.  But now for 
two months she had had rheumatism in her arms, and was obliged to 
let the wash-tub alone.  So she resigned.  But she was well fixed 
— rich, as she would have described it; for she had lived a 
steady life, and had banked four dollars every month in New 
Orleans as a provision for her old age.  She said in the start 
that she had "put shoes on one bar'footed nigger to tromple on 
her with," and that one mistake like that was enough; she would 
be independent of the human race thenceforth forevermore if hard 
work and economy could accomplish it.  When the boat touched the 
levee at New Orleans she bade good-by to her comrades on the 
<emph>Grand Mogul</emph> and moved her kit ashore. 
 </p>
            <p>But she was back in an hour.  The bank had gone to smash 
and carried her four hundred dollars with it.  She was a pauper, 
and homeless.  Also disabled bodily, at least for the present. 
The officers were full of sympathy for her in her trouble, and 
made up a little purse for her.  She resolved to go to her <milestone unit="page" n="955"/>
 birthplace; she had friends there among the negroes, and 
the unfortunate always help the unfortunate, she was well aware 
of that; those lowly comrades of her youth would not let her 
starve. 
 </p>
            <p>She took the little local packet at Cairo, and now she 
was on the home-stretch.  Time had worn away her bitterness 
against her son, and she was able to think of him with serenity. 
She put the vile side of him out of her mind, and dwelt only on 
recollections of his occasional acts of kindness to her.  She 
gilded and otherwise decorated these, and made them very pleasant 
to contemplate.  She began to long to see him.  She would go and 
fawn upon him, slave-like — for this would have to be her 
attitude, of course — and maybe she would find that time had 
modified him, and that he would be glad to see his long-forgotten 
old nurse and treat her gently.  That would be lovely; that would 
make her forget her woes and her poverty. 
 </p>
            <p>Her poverty!  That thought inspired her to add another 
castle to her dream: maybe he would give her a trifle now and 
then — maybe a dollar, once a month, say; any little thing like 
that would help, oh, ever so much. 
 </p>
            <p>By the time she reached Dawson's Landing she was her old 
self again; her blues were gone, she was in high feather.  She 
would get along, surely; there were many kitchens where the 
servants would share their meals with her, and also steal sugar 
and apples and other dainties for her to carry home — or give 
her a chance to pilfer them herself, which would answer just as 
well.  And there was the church.  She was a more rabid and 
devoted Methodist than ever, and her piety was no sham, but was 
strong and sincere.  Yes, with plenty of creature comforts and 
her old place in the amen-corner in her possession again, she 
would be perfectly happy and at peace thenceforward to the end. 
 </p>
            <p>She went to Judge Driscoll's kitchen first of all.  She 
was received there in great form and with vast enthusiasm.  Her 
wonderful travels, and the strange countries she had seen and the 
adventures she had had, made her a marvel, and a heroine of 
romance.  The negroes hung enchanted upon the great story of her 
experiences, interrupting her all along with eager questions, 
with laughter, exclamations of delight and expressions <milestone unit="page" n="956"/> 
of applause; and she was obliged to confess to herself that if 
there was anything better in this world than steamboating, it was 
the glory to be got by telling about it.  The audience loaded her 
stomach with their dinners and then stole the pantry bare to load 
up her basket. 
 </p>
            <p>Tom was in St. Louis.  The servants said he had spent 
the best part of his time there during the previous two years. 
Roxy came every day, and had many talks about the family and its 
affairs.  Once she asked why Tom was away so much.  The 
ostensible "Chambers" said: 
 </p>
            <p>"De fac' is, ole marster kin git along better when young 
marster 's away den he kin when he 's in de town; yes, en he love 
him better, too; so he gives him fifty dollahs a month — " 
 </p>
            <p>"No, is dat so?  Chambers, you 's a-jokin', ain't you?" 
 </p>
            <p>"'Clah to goodness I ain't, mammy; Marse Tom tole me so 
his own self.  But nemmine, 't ain't enough." 
 </p>
            <p>"My lan', what de reason 't ain't enough?" 
 </p>
            <p>"Well, I 's gwine to tell you, if you gimme a chanst, 
mammy.  De reason it ain't enough is 'ca'se Marse Tom gambles." 
 </p>
            <p>Roxy threw up her hands in astonishment and Chambers 
went on — 
 </p>
            <p>"Ole marster found it out, 'ca'se he had to pay two 
hunderd dollahs for Marse Tom's gamblin' debts, en dat 's true, 
mammy, jes as dead certain as you 's bawn." 
 </p>
            <p>"Two — hund'd — dollahs!  Why, what is you talkin' 
'bout?  Two — hund'd — dollahs.  Sakes alive, it 's 'mos' 
enough to buy a tol'able good second-hand nigger wid.  En you 
ain't lyin', honey? — you would n't lie to yo' ole mammy?" 
 </p>
            <p>"It 's God's own truth, jes as I tell you — two hund'd 
dollahs — I wisht I may never stir outen my tracks if it ain't 
so.  En, oh, my lan', ole Marse was jes a-hoppin'! he was b'ilin' 
mad, I tell you!  He tuck 'n' dissenhurrit him." 
 </p>
            <p>He licked his chops with relish after that stately word. 
Roxy struggled with it a moment, then gave it up and said — 
 </p>
            <p>"Dissen<emph>whiched</emph> him?" 
 </p>
            <p>"Dissenhurrit him." 
 </p>
            <p>"What 's dat?  What do it mean?" 
 <milestone unit="page" n="957"/>
            </p>
            <p>"Means he bu'sted de will." 
 </p>
            <p>"Bu's — ted de will!  He would n't <emph>ever</emph> treat him so! 
Take it back, you mis'able imitation nigger dat I bore in sorrow 
en tribbilation." 
 </p>
            <p>Roxy's pet castle — an occasional dollar from Tom's 
pocket — was tumbling to ruin before her eyes.  She could not 
abide such a disaster as that; she could n't endure the thought 
of it.  Her remark amused Chambers: 
 </p>
            <p>"Yah-yah-yah! jes listen to dat!  If I 's imitation, 
what is you?  Bofe of us is imitation <emph>white</emph> — dat 's what we 
is — en pow'ful good imitation, too — yah-yah-yah! — we don't 
'mount to noth'n' as imitation <emph>niggers</emph>; en as for — " 
 </p>
            <p>"Shet up yo' foolin', 'fo' I knock you side de head, en 
tell me 'bout de will.  Tell me 't ain't bu'sted — do, honey, en 
I 'll never forgit you." 
 </p>
            <p>"Well, <emph>'tain't</emph> — 'ca'se dey 's a new one made, en 
Marse Tom 's all right ag'in.  But what is you in sich a sweat 
'bout it for, mammy?  'T ain't none o' your business I don't 
reckon." 
 </p>
            <p>"'T ain't none o' my business?  Whose business is it 
den, I 'd like to know?  Wuz I his mother tell he was fifteen 
years old, or wus n't I? — you answer me dat.  En you speck I 
could see him turned out po' en ornery on de worl' en never care 
noth'n' 'bout it?  I reckon if you 'd ever be'n a mother yo'self, 
Valet de Chambers, you would n't talk sich foolishness as dat." 
 </p>
            <p>"Well, den, ole Marse forgive him en fixed up de will 
ag'in — do dat satisfy you?" 
 </p>
            <p>Yes, she was satisfied now, and quite happy and 
sentimental over it.  She kept coming daily, and at last she was 
told that Tom had come home.  She began to tremble with emotion, 
and straightway sent to beg him to let his "po' ole nigger mammy 
have jes one sight of him en die for joy." 
 </p>
            <p>Tom was stretched at his lazy ease on a sofa when 
Chambers brought the petition.  Time had not modified his ancient 
detestation of the humble drudge and protector of his boyhood; it 
was still bitter and uncompromising.  He sat up and bent a severe 
gaze upon the fair face of the young fellow whose name he was 
unconsciously using and whose family rights he was enjoying.  He 
maintained the gaze until the victim <milestone unit="page" n="958"/> of it had become 
satisfactorily pallid with terror, then he said — 
 </p>
            <p>"What does the old rip want with me?" 
 </p>
            <p>The petition was meekly repeated. 
 </p>
            <p>"Who gave you permission to come and disturb me with the 
social attentions of niggers?" 
 </p>
            <p>Tom had risen.  The other young man was trembling now, 
visibly.  He saw what was coming, and bent his head sideways, and 
put up his left arm to shield it.  Tom rained cuffs upon the head 
and its shield, saying no word; the victim received each blow 
with a beseeching "Please, Marse Tom! — oh, please, Marse Tom!" 
Seven blows — then Tom said, "Face the door — march!" He 
followed behind with one, two, three solid kicks.  The last one 
helped the pure-white slave over the door-sill, and he limped 
away mopping his eyes with his old ragged sleeve.  Tom shouted 
after him, "Send her in!" 
 </p>
            <p>Then he flung himself panting on the sofa again, and 
rasped out the remark, "He arrived just at the right moment; I 
was full to the brim with bitter thinkings, and nobody to take it 
out of.  How refreshing it was!  I feel better." 
 </p>
            <p>Tom's mother entered now, closing the door behind her, 
and approached her son with all the wheedling and supplicating 
servilities that fear and interest can impart to the words and 
attitudes of the born slave.  She stopped a yard from her boy and 
made two or three admiring exclamations over his manly stature 
and general handsomeness, and Tom put an arm under his head and 
hoisted a leg over the sofa-back in order to look properly 
indifferent. 
 </p>
            <p>"My lan', how you is growed, honey!  'Clah to goodness, 
I would n't a-knowed you, Marse Tom! 'deed I would n't!  Look at 
me good; does you 'member old Roxy? — does you know yo' old 
nigger mammy, honey?  Well now, I kin lay down en die in peace, 
'ca'se I 's seed — " 
 </p>
            <p>"Cut it short, ------ it, cut it short!  What is it you 
want?" 
 </p>
            <p>"You heah dat?  Jes de same old Marse Tom, al'ays so gay 
and funnin' wid de ole mammy.  I 'uz jes as shore — " 
 </p>
            <p>"Cut it short, I tell you, and get along!  What do you 
want?" 
 </p>
            <p>This was a bitter disappointment.  Roxy had for so many 
days nourished and fondled and petted her notion that Tom <milestone unit="page" n="959"/>
 would be glad to see his old nurse, and would make her 
proud and happy to the marrow with a cordial word or two, that it 
took two rebuffs to convince her that he was not funning, and 
that her beautiful dream was a fond and foolish vanity, a shabby 
and pitiful mistake.  She was hurt to the heart, and so ashamed 
that for a moment she did not quite know what to do or how to 
act.  Then her breast began to heave, the tears came, and in her 
forlornness she was moved to try that other dream of hers — an 
appeal to her boy's charity; and so, upon the impulse, and 
without reflection, she offered her supplication: 
 </p>
            <p>"Oh, Marse Tom, de po' ole mammy is in sich hard luck 
dese days; en she 's kinder crippled in de arms en can't work, en 
if you could gimme a dollah — on'y jes one little dol — " 
 </p>
            <p>Tom was on his feet so suddenly that the supplicant was 
startled into a jump herself. 
 </p>
            <p>"A dollar! — give you a dollar!  I've a notion to 
strangle you!  Is <emph>that</emph> your errand here?  Clear out! and be 
quick about it!" 
 </p>
            <p>Roxy backed slowly toward the door.  When she was half- 
way she stopped, and said mournfully: 
 </p>
            <p>"Marse Tom, I nussed you when you was a little baby, en 
I raised you all by myself tell you was 'most a young man; en now 
you is young en rich, en I is po' en gitt'n' ole, en I come heah 
b'lievin' dat you would he'p de ole mammy 'long down de little 
road dat 's lef' 'twix' her en de grave, en — " 
 </p>
            <p>Tom relished this tune less than any that had preceded 
it, for it began to wake up a sort of echo in his conscience; so 
he interrupted and said with decision, though without asperity, 
that he was not in a situation to help her, and was n't going to 
do it. 
 </p>
            <p>"Ain't you ever gwine to he'p me, Marse Tom?" 
 </p>
            <p>"No!  Now go away and don't bother me any more." 
 </p>
            <p>Roxy's head was down, in an attitude of humility.  But 
now the fires of her old wrongs flamed up in her breast and began 
to burn fiercely.  She raised her head slowly, till it was well 
up, and at the same time her great frame unconsciously assumed an 
erect and masterful attitude, with all the majesty and grace of 
her vanished youth in it.  She raised her finger and punctuated 
with it: 
 <milestone unit="page" n="960"/>
            </p>
            <p>"You has said de word.  You has had yo' chance, en you 
has trompled it under yo' foot.  When you git another one, you 
'll git down on yo' knees en <emph>beg</emph> for it!" 
 </p>
            <p>A cold chill went to Tom's heart, he did n't know why; 
for he did not reflect that such words, from such an incongruous 
source, and so solemnly delivered, could not easily fail of that 
effect.  However, he did the natural thing: he replied with 
bluster and mockery: 
 </p>
            <p>"<emph>You 'll</emph> give me a chance — <emph>you!</emph> Perhaps I 'd 
better get down on my knees now!  But in case I don't — just for 
argument's sake — what 's going to happen, pray?" 
 </p>
            <p>"Dis is what is gwine to happen.  I 's gwine as straight 
to yo' uncle as I kin walk, en tell him every las' thing I knows 
'bout you." 
 </p>
            <p>Tom's cheek blenched, and she saw it.  Disturbing 
thoughts began to chase each other through his head.  "How can 
she know?  And yet she must have found out — she looks it.  I 
've had the will back only three months, and am already deep in 
debt again, and moving heaven and earth to save myself from 
exposure and destruction, with a reasonably fair show of getting 
the thing covered up if I 'm let alone, and now this fiend has 
gone and found me out somehow or other.  I wonder how much she 
knows?  Oh, oh, oh, it 's enough to break a body's heart!  But I 
've got to humor her — there 's no other way." 
 </p>
            <p>Then he worked up a rather sickly sample of a gay laugh 
and a hollow chipperness of manner, and said: 
 </p>
            <p>"Well, well, Roxy dear, old friends like you and me must 
n't quarrel.  Here 's your dollar — now tell me what you know." 
 </p>
            <p>He held out the wild-cat bill; she stood as she was, and 
made no movement.  It was her turn to scorn persuasive foolery, 
now, and she did not waste it.  She said, with a grim 
implacability in voice and manner which made Tom almost realize 
that even a former slave can remember for ten minutes insults and 
injuries returned for compliments and flatteries received, and 
can also enjoy taking revenge for them when the opportunity 
offers: 
 </p>
            <p>"What does I know?  I 'll tell you what I knows.  I 
knows enough to bu'st dat will to flinders — en more, mind you, 
<emph>more!</emph>" 
 <milestone unit="page" n="961"/>
            </p>
            <p>Tom was aghast. 
 </p>
            <p>"More?" he said.  "What do you call more?  Where 's 
there any room for more?" 
 </p>
            <p>Roxy laughed a mocking laugh, and said scoffingly, with 
a toss of her head, and her hands on her hips — 
 </p>
            <p>"Yes! — oh, I reckon!  <emph>Co'se</emph> you 'd like to know — 
wid yo' po' little ole rag dollah.  What you reckon I 's gwine to 
tell <emph>you</emph> for? — you ain't got no money.  I 's gwine to tell 
yo' uncle — en I 'll do it dis minute, too — he 'll gimme 
<emph>five</emph> dollahs for de news, en mighty glad, too." 
 </p>
            <p>She swung herself around disdainfully, and started away. 
Tom was in a panic.  He seized her skirts, and implored her to 
wait.  She turned and said, loftily — 
 </p>
            <p>"Look-a-heah, what 'uz it I tole you?" 
 </p>
            <p>"You — you — I don't remember anything.  What was it 
you told me?" 
 </p>
            <p>"I tole you dat de next time I give you a chance you 'd 
git down on yo' knees en beg for it." 
 </p>
            <p>Tom was stupefied for a moment.  He was panting with 
excitement.  Then he said: 
 </p>
            <p>"Oh, Roxy, you would n't require your young master to do 
such a horrible thing.  You can't mean it." 
 </p>
            <p>"I 'll let you know mighty quick whether I means it or 
not!  You call me names, en as good as spit on me when I comes 
here po' en ornery en 'umble, to praise you for bein' growed up 
so fine en handsome, en tell you how I used to nuss you en tend 
you en watch you when you 'uz sick en had n't no mother but me in 
de whole worl', en beg you to give de po' ole nigger a dollah for 
to git her sum'n' to eat, en you call me names — <emph>names</emph>, dad 
blame you!  Yassir, I gives you jes one chance mo', and dat's 
<emph>now</emph>, en it las' on'y a half a second — you hear?" 
 </p>
            <p>Tom slumped to his knees and began to beg, saying — 
 </p>
            <p>"You see I 'm begging, and it 's honest begging, too! 
Now tell me, Roxy, tell me." 
 </p>
            <p>The heir of two centuries of unatoned insult and outrage 
looked down on him and seemed to drink in deep draughts of 
satisfaction.  Then she said — 
 </p>
            <p>"Fine nice young white gen'l'man kneelin' down to a 
nigger-wench!  I 's wanted to see dat jes once befo' I 's called. 
Now, Gabr'el, blow de hawn, I 's ready ...  Git up!" 
 <milestone unit="page" n="962"/>
            </p>
            <p>Tom did it.  He said, humbly — 
 </p>
            <p>"Now, Roxy, don't punish me any more.  I deserved what I 
've got, but be good and let me off with that.  Don't go to 
uncle.  Tell me — I 'll give you the five dollars." 
 </p>
            <p>"Yes, I bet you will; en you won't stop dah, nuther. 
But I ain't gwine to tell you heah — " 
 </p>
            <p>"Good gracious, no!" 
 </p>
            <p>"Is you 'feared o' de ha'nted house?" 
 </p>
            <p>"N-no." 
 </p>
            <p>"Well, den, you come to de ha'nted house 'bout ten or 
'leven to-night, en climb up de ladder, 'ca'se de sta'r-steps is 
broke down, en you 'll fine me.  I 's a-roostin' in de ha'nted 
house 'ca'se I can't 'ford to roos' nowher's else." She started 
toward the door, but stopped and said, "Gimme de dollah bill!" He 
gave it to her.  She examined it and said, "H'm — like enough de 
bank 's bu'sted." She started again, but halted again.  "Has you 
got any whisky?" 
 </p>
            <p>"Yes, a little." 
 </p>
            <p>"Fetch it!" 
 </p>
            <p>He ran to his room overhead and brought down a bottle 
which was two thirds full.  She tilted it up and took a drink. 
Her eyes sparkled with satisfaction, and she tucked the bottle 
under her shawl, saying, "It 's prime.  I 'll take it along." 
 </p>
            <p>Tom humbly held the door for her, and she marched out as 
grim and erect as a grenadier. 
 </p>
         </div>
         <div n="9" type="chapter">
            <milestone unit="page" n="963"/>
            <head>IX</head>
            <cit>
               <quote>  Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a 
funeral?  It is because we are not the person involved. </quote>
               <bibl>  — <emph>Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar.</emph> 
               </bibl>
            </cit>
            <cit>
               <quote>  It is easy to find fault, if one has that disposition. 
There was once a man who, not being able to find any other fault 
with his coal, complained that there were too many prehistoric 
toads in it. </quote>
               <bibl>  — <emph>Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar.</emph> 
               </bibl>
            </cit>
            <p>Tom flung himself on the sofa, and put his throbbing 
head in his hands, and rested his elbows on his knees.  He rocked 
himself back and forth and moaned. 
 </p>
            <p> "I 've knelt to a nigger-wench!" he muttered.  "I 
thought I had struck the deepest depths of degradation before, 
but oh, dear, it was nothing to this. ... Well, there is one 
consolation, such as it is — I 've struck bottom this time; 
there 's nothing lower." 
 </p>
            <p>But that was a hasty conclusion. 
 </p>
            <p>At ten that night he climbed the ladder in the haunted 
house, pale, weak, and wretched.  Roxy was standing in the door 
of one of the rooms, waiting, for she had heard him. 
 </p>
            <p>This was a two-story log house which had acquired the 
reputation a few years before of being haunted, and that was the 
end of its usefulness.  Nobody would live in it afterward, or go 
near it by night, and most people even gave it a wide berth in 
the daytime.  As it had no competition, it was called <emph>the</emph> 
haunted house.  It was getting crazy and ruinous, now, from long 
neglect.  It stood three hundred yards beyond Pudd'nhead Wilson's 
house, with nothing between but vacancy.  It was the last house 
in the town at that end. 
 </p>
            <p>Tom followed Roxy into the room.  She had a pile of 
clean straw in the corner for a bed, some cheap but well-kept 
clothing was hanging on the wall, there was a tin lantern 
freckling the floor with little spots of light, and there were 
various soap- and candle-boxes scattered about, which served for 
chairs.  The two sat down.  Roxy said — 
 </p>
            <p>"Now den, I 'll tell you straight off, en I 'll begin to 
k'leck <milestone unit="page" n="964"/> de money later on; I ain't in no hurry.  What 
does you reckon I 's gwine to tell you?" 
 </p>
            <p>"Well, you — you — oh, Roxy, don't make it too hard 
for me!  Come right out and tell me you 've found out somehow 
what a shape I 'm in on account of dissipation and foolishness." 
 </p>
            <p>"Disposition en foolishness!  <emph>No</emph> sir, dat ain't it. 
Dat jist ain't nothin' at all, 'longside o' what <emph>I</emph> knows." 
 </p>
            <p>Tom stared at her, and said — 
 </p>
            <p>"Why, Roxy, what do you mean?" 
 </p>
            <p>She rose, and gloomed above him like a Fate. 
 </p>
            <p>"I means dis — en it 's de Lord's truth.  You ain't no 
more kin to ole Marse Driscoll den I is! — <emph>dat 's</emph> what I 
means!" and her eyes flamed with triumph. 
 </p>
            <p>"What!" 
 </p>
            <p>"Yassir, en <emph>dat</emph> ain't all!  You 's a <emph>nigger</emph>! — 
<emph>bawn</emph> a nigger en a <emph>slave</emph>! — en you 's a nigger en a slave 
dis minute; en if I opens my mouf ole Marse Driscoll 'll sell you 
down de river befo' you is two days older den what you is now!" 
 </p>
            <p>"It 's a thundering lie, you miserable old 
blatherskite!" 
 </p>
            <p>"It ain't no lie, nuther.  It 's jes de truth, en 
nothin' <emph>but</emph> de truth, so he'p me.  Yassir — you 's my <emph>son</emph> — 
" 
 </p>
            <p>"You devil!" 
 </p>
            <p>"En dat po' boy dat you 's be'n a-kickin' en a-cuffin' 
to-day is Percy Driscoll's son en yo' <emph>marster</emph> — " 
 </p>
            <p>"You beast!" 
 </p>
            <p>"En <emph>his</emph> name 's Tom Driscoll, en <emph>yo'</emph> name 's Valet 
de Chambers, en you ain't <emph>got</emph> no fambly name, beca'se niggers 
don't <emph>have</emph> 'em!" 
 </p>
            <p>Tom sprang up and seized a billet of wood and raised it; 
but his mother only laughed at him, and said — 
 </p>
            <p>"Set down, you pup!  Does you think you kin skyer me? 
It ain't in you, nor de likes of you.  I reckon you 'd shoot me 
in de back, maybe, if you got a chance, for dat 's jist yo' style 
— <emph>I</emph> knows you, thoo en thoo — but I don't mind gitt'n' 
killed, beca'se all dis is down in writin', en it 's in safe 
hands, too, en de man dat 's got it knows whah to look for de 
right man when I gits killed.  Oh, bless yo' soul, if you puts 
yo' mother up for as big a fool as <emph>you</emph> is, you 's pow'ful 
mistaken, I kin <milestone unit="page" n="965"/> tell you!  Now den, you set still en 
behave yo'self; en don't you git up ag'in till I tell you!" 
 </p>
            <p>Tom fretted and chafed awhile in a whirlwind of 
disorganizing sensations and emotions, and finally said, with 
something like settled conviction — 
 </p>
            <p>"The whole thing is moonshine; now then, go ahead and do 
your worst; I 'm done with you." 
 </p>
            <p>Roxy made no answer.  She took the lantern and started 
toward the door.  Tom was in a cold panic in a moment. 
 </p>
            <p>"Come back, come back!" he wailed.  "I did n't mean it, 
Roxy; I take it all back, and I 'll never say it again!  Please 
come back, Roxy!" 
 </p>
            <p>The woman stood a moment, then she said gravely: 
 </p>
            <p>"Dah 's one thing you 's got to stop, Valet de Chambers. 
You can't call me <emph>Roxy</emph>, same as if you was my equal.  Chillen 
don't speak to dey mammies like dat.  You 'll call me ma or 
mammy, dat 's what you 'll call me — leastways when dey ain't 
nobody aroun'.  <emph>Say</emph> it!" 
 </p>
            <p>It cost Tom a struggle, but he got it out. 
 </p>
            <p>"Dat 's all right.  Don't you ever forgit it ag'in, if 
you knows what 's good for you.  Now den, you has said you would 
n't ever call it lies en moonshine ag'in.  I 'll tell you dis, 
for a warnin': if you ever does say it ag'in, it 's de <emph>las'</emph> 
time you 'll ever say it to me; I 'll tramp as straight to de 
Judge as I kin walk, en tell him who you is, en <emph>prove</emph> it.  Does 
you b'lieve me when I says dat?" 
 </p>
            <p>"Oh," groaned Tom, "I more than believe it; I <emph>know</emph> 
it." 
 </p>
            <p>Roxy knew her conquest was complete.  She could have 
proved nothing to anybody, and her threat about the writings was 
a lie; but she knew the person she was dealing with, and had made 
both statements without any doubt as to the effect they would 
produce. 
 </p>
            <p>She went and sat down on her candle-box, and the pride 
and pomp of her victorious attitude made it a throne.  She said - 
- 
 </p>
            <p>"Now den, Chambers, we 's gwine to talk business, en dey 
ain't gwine to be no mo' foolishness.  In de fust place, you gits 
fifty dollahs a month; you 's gwine to han' over half of it to 
yo' ma.  Plank it out!" 
 <milestone unit="page" n="966"/>
            </p>
            <p>But Tom had only six dollars in the world.  He gave her 
that, and promised to start fair on next month's pension. 
 </p>
            <p>"Chambers, how much is you in debt?" 
 </p>
            <p>Tom shuddered, and said — 
 </p>
            <p>"Nearly three hundred dollars." 
 </p>
            <p>"How is you gwine to pay it?" 
 </p>
            <p>Tom groaned out — 
 </p>
            <p>"Oh, I don't know; don't ask me such awful questions." 
 </p>
            <p>But she stuck to her point until she wearied a 
confession out of him: he had been prowling about in disguise, 
stealing small valuables from private houses; in fact, had made a 
good deal of a raid on his fellow-villagers a fortnight before, 
when he was supposed to be in St. Louis; but he doubted if he had 
sent away enough stuff to realize the required amount, and was 
afraid to make a further venture in the present excited state of 
the town.  His mother approved of his conduct, and offered to 
help, but this frightened him.  He tremblingly ventured to say 
that if she would retire from the town he should feel better and 
safer, and could hold his head higher — and was going on to make 
an argument, but she interrupted and surprised him pleasantly by 
saying she was ready; it did n't make any difference to her where 
she stayed, so that she got her share of the pension regularly. 
She said she would not go far, and would call at the haunted 
house once a month for her money.  Then she said — 
 </p>
            <p>"I don't hate you so much now, but I 've hated you a 
many a year — and anybody would.  Did n't I change you off, en 
give you a good fambly en a good name, en made you a white 
gen'l'man en rich, wid store clothes on — en what did I git for 
it?  You despised me all de time, en was al'ays sayin' mean hard 
things to me befo' folks, en would n't ever let me forgit I 's a 
nigger — en — en — " 
 </p>
            <p>She fell to sobbing, and broke down.  Tom said — 
 </p>
            <p>"But you know I did n't know you were my mother; and 
besides — " 
 </p>
            <p>"Well, nemmine 'bout dat, now; let it go.  I 's gwine to 
fo'git it." Then she added fiercely, "En don't you ever make me 
remember it ag'in, or you 'll be sorry, <emph>I</emph> tell you." 
 </p>
            <p>When they were parting, Tom said, in the most persuasive 
way he could command — 
 <milestone unit="page" n="967"/>
            </p>
            <p>"Ma, would you mind telling me who was my father?" 
 </p>
            <p>He had supposed he was asking an embarrassing question. 
He was mistaken.  Roxy drew herself up with a proud toss of her 
head, and said — 
 </p>
            <p>"Does I mine tellin' you?  No, dat I don't!  You ain't 
got no 'casion to be shame' o' yo' father, <emph>I</emph> kin tell you.  He 
wuz de highest quality in dis whole town — ole Virginny stock. 
Fust famblies, he wuz.  Jes as good stock as de Driscolls en de 
Howards, de bes' day dey ever seed." She put on a little prouder 
air, if possible, and added impressively: "Does you 'member 
Cunnel Cecil Burleigh Essex, dat died de same year yo' young 
Marse Tom Driscoll's pappy died, en all de Masons en Odd Fellers 
en Churches turned out en give him de bigges' funeral dis town 
ever seed?  Dat 's de man." 
 </p>
            <p>Under the inspiration of her soaring complacency the 
departed graces of her earlier days returned to her, and her 
bearing took to itself a dignity and state that might have passed 
for queenly if her surroundings had been a little more in keeping 
with it. 
 </p>
            <p>"Dey ain't another nigger in dis town dat 's as high- 
bawn as you is.  Now den, go 'long!  En jes you hold yo' head up 
as high as you want to — you has de right, en dat I kin swah." 
 </p>
         </div>
         <div n="10" type="chapter">
            <milestone unit="page" n="968"/>
            <head>X</head>
            <cit>
               <quote>  All say, "How hard it is that we have to die" — a 
strange complaint to come from the mouths of people who have had 
to live. </quote>
               <bibl>  — <emph>Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar.</emph> 
               </bibl>
            </cit>
            <cit>
               <quote>  When angry, count four; when very angry, swear. </quote>
               <bibl>  — <emph>Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar.</emph> 
               </bibl>
            </cit>
            <p>Every now and then, after Tom went to bed, he had sudden 
wakings out of his sleep, and his first thought was, "Oh, joy, it 
was all a dream!" Then he laid himself heavily down again, with a 
groan and the muttered words, "A nigger!  I am a nigger!  Oh, I 
wish I was dead!" 
 </p>
            <p>He woke at dawn with one more repetition of this horror, 
and then he resolved to meddle no more with that treacherous 
sleep.  He began to think.  Sufficiently bitter thinkings they 
were.  They wandered along something after this fashion: 
 </p>
            <p>"Why were niggers <emph>and</emph> whites made?  What crime did the 
uncreated first nigger commit that the curse of birth was decreed 
for him?  And why is this awful difference made between white and 
black?  ... How hard the nigger's fate seems, this morning! — 
yet until last night such a thought never entered my head." 
 </p>
            <p>He sighed and groaned an hour or more away.  Then 
"Chambers" came humbly in to say that breakfast was nearly ready. 
"Tom" blushed scarlet to see this aristocratic white youth cringe 
to him, a nigger, and call him "Young Marster." He said roughly - 
- 
 </p>
            <p>"Get out of my sight!" and when the youth was gone, he 
muttered, "He has done me no harm, poor wretch, but he is an 
eyesore to me now, for he is Driscoll the young gentleman, and I 
am a — oh, I wish I was dead!" 
 </p>
            <p>A gigantic irruption, like that of Krakatoa a few years 
ago, with the accompanying earthquakes, tidal waves, and clouds 
of volcanic dust, changes the face of the surrounding landscape 
beyond recognition, bringing down the high lands, elevating the 
low, making fair lakes where deserts had been, and deserts where 
green prairies had smiled before.  The tremendous <milestone unit="page" n="969"/> 
catastrophe which had befallen Tom had changed his moral 
landscape in much the same way.  Some of his low places he found 
lifted to ideals, some of his ideals had sunk to the valleys, and 
lay there with the sackcloth and ashes of pumice-stone and 
sulphur on their ruined heads. 
 </p>
            <p>For days he wandered in lonely places, thinking, 
thinking, thinking — trying to get his bearings.  It was new 
work.  If he met a friend, he found that the habit of a lifetime 
had in some mysterious way vanished — his arm hung limp, instead 
of involuntarily extending the hand for a shake.  It was the 
"nigger" in him asserting its humility, and he blushed and was 
abashed.  And the "nigger" in him was surprised when the white 
friend put out his hand for a shake with him.  He found the 
"nigger" in him involuntarily giving the road, on the sidewalk, 
to the white rowdy and loafer.  When Rowena, the dearest thing 
his heart knew, the idol of his secret worship, invited him in, 
the "nigger" in him made an embarrassed excuse and was afraid to 
enter and sit with the dread white folks on equal terms.  The 
"nigger" in him went shrinking and skulking here and there and 
yonder, and fancying it saw suspicion and maybe detection in all 
faces, tones, and gestures.  So strange and uncharacteristic was 
Tom's conduct that people noticed it, and turned to look after 
him when he passed on; and when he glanced back — as he could 
not help doing, in spite of his best resistance — and caught 
that puzzled expression in a person's face, it gave him a sick 
feeling, and he took himself out of view as quickly as he could. 
He presently came to have a hunted sense and a hunted look, and 
then he fled away to the hilltops and the solitudes.  He said to 
himself that the curse of Ham was upon him. 
 </p>
            <p>He dreaded his meals; the "nigger" in him was ashamed to 
sit at the white folks' table, and feared discovery all the time; 
and once when Judge Driscoll said, "What 's the matter with you? 
You look as meek as a nigger," he felt as secret murderers are 
said to feel when the accuser says, "Thou art the man!" Tom said 
he was not well, and left the table. 
 </p>
            <p>His ostensible "aunt's" solicitudes and endearments were 
become a terror to him, and he avoided them. 
 </p>
            <p>And all the time, hatred of his ostensible "uncle" was 
steadily growing in his heart; for he said to himself, "He is 
white; <milestone unit="page" n="970"/> and I am his chattel, his property, his goods, 
and he can sell me, just as he could his dog." 
 </p>
            <p>For as much as a week after this, Tom imagined that his 
character had undergone a pretty radical change.  But that was 
because he did not know himself. 
 </p>
            <p>In several ways his opinions were totally changed, and 
would never go back to what they were before, but the main 
structure of his character was not changed, and could not be 
changed.  One or two very important features of it were altered, 
and in time effects would result from this, if opportunity 
offered — effects of a quite serious nature, too.  Under the 
influence of a great mental and moral upheaval his character and 
habits had taken on the appearance of complete change, but after 
a while with the subsidence of the storm both began to settle 
toward their former places.  He dropped gradually back into his 
old frivolous and easy-going ways and conditions of feeling and 
manner of speech, and no familiar of his could have detected 
anything in him that differentiated him from the weak and 
careless Tom of other days. 
 </p>
            <p>The theft-raid which he had made upon the village turned 
out better than he had ventured to hope.  It produced the sum 
necessary to pay his gaming-debts, and saved him from exposure to 
his uncle and another smashing of the will.  He and his mother 
learned to like each other fairly well.  She could n't love him, 
as yet, because there "war n't nothing <emph>to</emph> him," as she 
expressed it, but her nature needed something or somebody to rule 
over, and he was better than nothing.  Her strong character and 
aggressive and commanding ways compelled Tom's admiration in 
spite of the fact that he got more illustrations of them than he 
needed for his comfort.  However, as a rule her conversation was 
made up of racy tattle about the privacies of the chief families 
of the town (for she went harvesting among their kitchens every 
time she came to the village), and Tom enjoyed this.  It was just 
in his line.  She always collected her half of his pension 
punctually, and he was always at the haunted house to have a chat 
with her on these occasions.  Every now and then she paid him a 
visit there on between-days also. 
 </p>
            <p>Occasionally he would run up to St. Louis for a few 
weeks, <milestone unit="page" n="971"/> and at last temptation caught him again.  He won 
a lot of money, but lost it, and with it a deal more besides, 
which he promised to raise as soon as possible. 
 </p>
            <p>For this purpose he projected a new raid on his town. 
He never meddled with any other town, for he was afraid to 
venture into houses whose ins and outs he did not know and the 
habits of whose households he was not acquainted with.  He 
arrived at the haunted house in disguise on the Wednesday before 
the advent of the twins — after writing his aunt Pratt that he 
would not arrive until two days after — and lay in hiding there 
with his mother until toward daylight Friday morning, when he 
went to his uncle's house and entered by the back way with his 
own key, and slipped up to his room, where he could have the use 
of mirror and toilet articles.  He had a suit of girl's clothes 
with him in a bundle as a disguise for his raid, and was wearing 
a suit of his mother's clothing, with black gloves and veil.  By 
dawn he was tricked out for his raid, but he caught a glimpse of 
Pudd'nhead Wilson through the window over the way, and knew that 
Pudd'n-head had caught a glimpse of him.  So he entertained 
Wilson with some airs and graces and attitudes for a while, then 
stepped out of sight and resumed the other disguise, and by and 
by went down and out the back way and started down town to 
reconnoiter the scene of his intended labors. 
 </p>
            <p>But he was ill at ease.  He had changed back to Roxy's 
dress, with the stoop of age added to the disguise, so that 
Wilson would not bother himself about a humble old woman leaving 
a neighbor's house by the back way in the early morning, in case 
he was still spying.  But supposing Wilson had seen him leave, 
and had thought it suspicious, and had also followed him?  The 
thought made Tom cold.  He gave up the raid for the day, and 
hurried back to the haunted house by the obscurest route he knew. 
His mother was gone; but she came back, by and by, with the news 
of the grand reception at Patsy Cooper's, and soon persuaded him 
that the opportunity was like a special providence, it was so 
inviting and perfect.  So he went raiding, after all, and made a 
nice success of it while everybody was gone to Patsy Cooper's. 
Success gave him nerve and even actual intrepidity; insomuch, 
indeed, <milestone unit="page" n="972"/> that after he had conveyed his harvest to his 
mother in a back alley, he went to the reception himself, and 
added several of the valuables of that house to his takings. 
 </p>
            <p>AFTER this long digression we have now arrived once more 
at the point where Pudd'nhead Wilson, while waiting for the 
arrival of the twins on that same Friday evening, sat puzzling 
over the strange apparition of that morning — a girl in young 
Tom Driscoll's bedroom; fretting, and guessing, and puzzling over 
it, and wondering who the shameless creature might be. 
 </p>
         </div>
         <div n="11" type="chapter">
            <milestone unit="page" n="973"/>
            <head>XI</head>
            <cit>
               <quote>  There are three infallible ways of pleasing an author, 
and the three form a rising scale of compliment: 1, to tell him 
you have read one of his books; 2, to tell him you have read all 
of his books; 3, to ask him to let you read the manuscript of his 
forthcoming book.  No. 1 admits you to his respect; No. 2 admits 
you to his admiration; No. 3 carries you clear into his heart. </quote>
               <bibl>  — <emph>Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar.</emph> 
               </bibl>
            </cit>
            <cit>
               <quote>  As to the Adjective: when in doubt, strike it out. </quote>
               <bibl>  — <emph>Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar.</emph> 
               </bibl>
            </cit>
            <p>The twins arrived presently, and talk began.  It flowed 
along chattily and sociably, and under its influence the new 
friendship gathered ease and strength.  Wilson got out his 
Calendar, by request, and read a passage or two from it, which 
the twins praised quite cordially.  This pleased the author so 
much that he complied gladly when they asked him to lend them a 
batch of the work to read at home.  In the course of their wide 
travels they had found out that there are three sure ways of 
pleasing an author; they were now working the best of the three. 
 </p>
            <p>There was an interruption, now.  Young Tom Driscoll 
appeared, and joined the party.  He pretended to be seeing the 
distinguished strangers for the first time when they rose to 
shake hands; but this was only a blind, as he had already had a 
glimpse of them at the reception, while robbing the house.  The 
twins made mental note that he was smooth-faced and rather 
handsome, and smooth and undulatory in his movements — graceful, 
in fact.  Angelo thought he had a good eye; Luigi thought there 
was something veiled and sly about it.  Angelo thought he had a 
pleasant free-and-easy way of talking; Luigi thought it was more 
so than was agreeable.  Angelo thought he was a sufficiently nice 
young man; Luigi reserved his decision.  Tom's first contribution 
to the conversation was a question which he had put to Wilson a 
hundred times before.  It was always cheerily and good-naturedly 
put, and always inflicted a little pang, for it touched a secret 
sore; but this time the pang was sharp, since strangers were 
present. 
 <milestone unit="page" n="974"/>
            </p>
            <p>"Well, how does the law come on?  Had a case yet?" 
 </p>
            <p>Wilson bit his lip, but answered, "No — not yet," with 
as much indifference as he could assume.  Judge Driscoll had 
generously left the law feature out of the Wilson biography which 
he had furnished to the twins.  Young Tom laughed pleasantly, and 
said: 
 </p>
            <p>"Wilson 's a lawyer, gentlemen, but he does n't practise 
now." 
 </p>
            <p>The sarcasm bit, but Wilson kept himself under control, 
and said without passion: 
 </p>
            <p>"I don't practise, it is true.  It is true that I have 
never had a case, and have had to earn a poor living for twenty 
years as an expert accountant in a town where I can't get hold of 
a set of books to untangle as often as I should like.  But it is 
also true that I did fit myself well for the practice of the law. 
By the time I was your age, Tom, I had chosen a profession, and 
was soon competent to enter upon it." Tom winced.  "I never got a 
chance to try my hand at it, and I may never get a chance; and 
yet if I ever do get it I shall be found ready, for I have kept 
up my law-studies all these years." 
 </p>
            <p>"That 's it; that 's good grit!  I like to see it.  I 
've a notion to throw all my business your way.  My business and 
your law-practice ought to make a pretty gay team, Dave," and the 
young fellow laughed again. 
 </p>
            <p>"If you will throw — " Wilson had thought of the girl 
in Tom's bedroom, and was going to say, "If you will throw the 
surreptitious and disreputable part of your business my way, it 
may amount to something"; but thought better of it and said, 
"However, this matter does n't fit well in a general 
conversation." 
 </p>
            <p>"All right, we 'll change the subject; I guess you were 
about to give me another dig, anyway, so I'm willing to change. 
How 's the Awful Mystery flourishing these days?  Wilson 's got a 
scheme for driving plain window-glass out of the market by 
decorating it with greasy finger-marks, and getting rich by 
selling it at famine prices to the crowned heads over in Europe 
to outfit their palaces with.  Fetch it out, Dave." 
 </p>
            <p>Wilson brought three of his glass strips, and said — 
 </p>
            <p>"I get the subject to pass the fingers of his right hand 
through his hair, so as to get a little coating of the natural 
oil <milestone unit="page" n="975"/> on them, and then press the balls of them on the 
glass.  A fine and delicate print of the lines in the skin 
results, and is permanent, if it does n't come in contact with 
something able to rub it off.  You begin, Tom." 
 </p>
            <p>"Why, I think you took my finger-marks once or twice 
before." 
 </p>
            <p>"Yes; but you were a little boy the last time, only 
about twelve years old." 
 </p>
            <p>"That 's so.  Of course I 've changed entirely since 
then, and variety is what the crowned heads want, I guess." 
 </p>
            <p>He passed his fingers through his crop of short hair, 
and pressed them one at a time on the glass.  Angelo made a print 
of his fingers on another glass, and Luigi followed with the 
third.  Wilson marked the glasses with names and date, and put 
them away.  Tom gave one of his little laughs, and said — 
 </p>
            <p>"I thought I would n't say anything, but if variety is 
what you are after, you have wasted a piece of glass.  The hand- 
print of one twin is the same as the hand-print of the fellow- 
twin." 
 </p>
            <p>"Well, it 's done now, and I like to have them both, 
anyway," said Wilson, returning to his place. 
 </p>
            <p>"But look here, Dave," said Tom, "you used to tell 
people's fortunes, too, when you took their finger-marks.  Dave 
's just an all-round genius — a genius of the first water, 
gentlemen; a great scientist running to seed here in this 
village, a prophet with the kind of honor that prophets generally 
get at home — for here they don't give shucks for his 
scientifics, and they call his skull a notion-factory — hey, 
Dave, ain't it so?  But never mind; he 'll make his mark some day 
— finger-mark, you know, he-he!  But really, you want to let him 
take a shy at your palms once; it 's worth twice the price of 
admission or your money 's returned at the door.  Why, he 'll 
read your wrinkles as easy as a book, and not only tell you fifty 
or sixty things that 's going to happen to you, but fifty or 
sixty thousand that ain't.  Come, Dave, show the gentlemen what 
an inspired Jack-at-all-science we 've got in this town, and 
don't know it." 
 </p>
            <p>Wilson winced under this nagging and not very courteous 
chaff, and the twins suffered with him and for him.  They <milestone unit="page" n="976"/>
 rightly judged, now, that the best way to relieve him 
would be to take the thing in earnest and treat it with respect, 
ignoring Tom's rather overdone raillery; so Luigi said — 
 </p>
            <p>"We have seen something of palmistry in our wanderings, 
and know very well what astonishing things it can do.  If it is 
n't a science, and one of the greatest of them, too, I don't know 
what its other name ought to be.  In the Orient — " 
 </p>
            <p>Tom looked surprised and incredulous.  He said — 
 </p>
            <p>"That juggling a science?  But really, you ain't 
serious, are you?" 
 </p>
            <p>"Yes, entirely so.  Four years ago we had our hands read 
out to us as if our palms had been covered with print." 
 </p>
            <p>"Well, do you mean to say there was actually anything in 
it?" asked Tom, his incredulity beginning to weaken a little. 
 </p>
            <p>"There was this much in it," said Angelo; "what was told 
us of our characters was minutely exact — we could not have 
bettered it ourselves.  Next, two or three memorable things that 
had happened to us were laid bare — things which no one present 
but ourselves could have known about." 
 </p>
            <p>"Why, it 's rank sorcery!" exclaimed Tom, who was now 
becoming very much interested.  "And how did they make out with 
what was going to happen to you in the future?" 
 </p>
            <p>"On the whole, quite fairly," said Luigi.  "Two or three 
of the most striking things foretold have happened since; much 
the most striking one of all happened within that same year. 
Some of the minor prophecies have come true; some of the minor 
and some of the major ones have not been fulfilled yet, and of 
course may never be: still, I should be more surprised if they 
failed to arrive than if they did n't." 
 </p>
            <p>Tom was entirely sobered, and profoundly impressed.  He 
said, apologetically — 
 </p>
            <p>"Dave, I was n't meaning to belittle that science; I was 
only chaffing — chattering, I reckon I 'd better say.  I wish 
you would look at their palms.  Come, won't you?" 
 </p>
            <p>"Why, certainly, if you want me to; but you know I 've 
had no chance to become an expert, and don't claim to be one. 
When a past event is somewhat prominently recorded in the palm I 
can generally detect that, but minor ones often escape me, — not 
always, of course, but often, — but I have n't much confidence 
in myself when it comes to reading the <milestone unit="page" n="977"/> future.  I am 
talking as if palmistry was a daily study with me, but that is 
not so.  I have n't examined half a dozen hands in the last half 
dozen years; you see, the people got to joking about it, and I 
stopped to let the talk die down.  I 'll tell you what we 'll do, 
Count Luigi: I 'll make a try at your past, and if I have any 
success there — no, on the whole, I 'll let the future alone; 
that 's really the affair of an expert." 
 </p>
            <p>He took Luigi's hand.  Tom said — 
 </p>
            <p>"Wait — don't look yet, Dave!  Count Luigi, here 's 
paper and pencil.  Set down that thing that you said was the most 
striking one that was foretold to you, and happened less than a 
year afterward, and give it to me so I can see if Dave finds it 
in your hand." 
 </p>
            <p>Luigi wrote a line privately, and folded up the piece of 
paper, and handed it to Tom, saying — 
 </p>
            <p>"I 'll tell you when to look at it, if he finds it." 
 </p>
            <p>Wilson began to study Luigi's palm, tracing life lines, 
heart lines, head lines, and so on, and noting carefully their 
relations with the cobweb of finer and more delicate marks and 
lines that enmeshed them on all sides; he felt of the fleshy 
cushion at the base of the thumb, and noted its shape; he felt of 
the fleshy side of the hand between the wrist and the base of the 
little finger, and noted its shape also; he painstakingly 
examined the fingers, observing their form, proportions, and 
natural manner of disposing themselves when in repose.  All this 
process was watched by the three spectators with absorbing 
interest, their heads bent together over Luigi's palm, and nobody 
disturbing the stillness with a word.  Wilson now entered upon a 
close survey of the palm again, and his revelations began. 
 </p>
            <p>He mapped out Luigi's character and disposition, his 
tastes, aversions, proclivities, ambitions, and eccentricities in 
a way which sometimes made Luigi wince and the others laugh, but 
both twins declared that the chart was artistically drawn and was 
correct. 
 </p>
            <p>Next, Wilson took up Luigi's history.  He proceeded 
cautiously and with hesitation, now, moving his finger slowly 
along the great lines of the palm, and now and then halting it at 
a "star" or some such landmark, and examining that neighborhood 
minutely.  He proclaimed one or two past <milestone unit="page" n="978"/> events, Luigi 
confirmed his correctness, and the search went on.  Presently 
Wilson glanced up suddenly with a surprised expression — 
 </p>
            <p>"Here is record of an incident which you would perhaps 
not wish me to — " 
 </p>
            <p>"Bring it out," said Luigi, good-naturedly; "I promise 
you it sha'n't embarrass me." 
 </p>
            <p>But Wilson still hesitated, and did not seem quite to 
know what to do.  Then he said — 
 </p>
            <p>"I think it is too delicate a matter to — to — I 
believe I would rather write it or whisper it to you, and let you 
decide for yourself whether you want it talked out or not." 
 </p>
            <p>"That will answer," said Luigi; "write it." 
 </p>
            <p>Wilson wrote something on a slip of paper and handed it 
to Luigi, who read it to himself and said to Tom — 
 </p>
            <p>"Unfold your slip and read it, Mr. Driscoll." 
 </p>
            <p>Tom read: 
 </p>
            <p>
               <emph>"It was prophesied that I would kill a man.  It came 
true before the year was out."</emph>
            </p>
            <p>Tom added, "Great Scott!" 
 </p>
            <p>Luigi handed Wilson's paper to Tom, and said — 
 </p>
            <p>"Now read this one." 
 </p>
            <p>Tom read: 
 </p>
            <p>
               <emph>"You have killed some one, but whether man, woman or 
child, I do not make out."</emph>
            </p>
            <p>"Caesar's ghost!" commented Tom, with astonishment.  "It 
beats anything that was ever heard of!  Why, a man's own hand is 
his deadliest enemy!  Just think of that — a man's own hand 
keeps a record of the deepest and fatalest secrets of his life, 
and is treacherously ready to expose him to any black-magic 
stranger that comes along.  But what do you let a person look at 
your hand for, with that awful thing printed in it?" 
 </p>
            <p>"Oh," said Luigi, reposefully, "I don't mind it.  I 
killed the man for good reasons, and I don't regret it." 
 </p>
            <p>"What were the reasons?" 
 </p>
            <p>"Well, he needed killing." 
 </p>
            <p>"I 'll tell you why he did it, since he won't say 
himself," said Angelo, warmly.  "He did it to save my life, that 
's what <milestone unit="page" n="979"/> he did it for.  So it was a noble act, and not a 
thing to be hid in the dark." 
 </p>
            <p>"So it was, so it was," said Wilson; "to do such a thing 
to save a brother's life is a great and fine action." 
 </p>
            <p>"Now come," said Luigi, "it is very pleasant to hear you 
say these things, but for unselfishness, or heroism, or 
magnanimity, the circumstances won't stand scrutiny.  You 
overlook one detail: suppose I had n't saved Angelo's life, what 
would have become of mine?  If I had let the man kill him, would 
n't he have killed me, too?  I saved my own life, you see." 
 </p>
            <p>"Yes; that is your way of talking," said Angelo, "but I 
know you — I don't believe you thought of yourself at all.  I 
keep that weapon yet that Luigi killed the man with, and I 'll 
show it to you some time.  That incident makes it interesting, 
and it had a history before it came into Luigi's hands which adds 
to its interest.  It was given to Luigi by a great Indian prince, 
the Gaikowar of Baroda, and it had been in his family two or 
three centuries.  It killed a good many disagreeable people who 
troubled that hearthstone at one time and another.  It is n't 
much to look at, except that it is n't shaped like other knives, 
or dirks, or whatever it may be called — here, I 'll draw it for 
you." He took a sheet of paper and made a rapid sketch.  "There 
it is — a broad and murderous blade, with edges like a razor for 
sharpness.  The devices engraved on it are the ciphers or names 
of its long line of possessors — I had Luigi's name added in 
Roman letters myself with our coat of arms, as you see.  You 
notice what a curious handle the thing has.  It is solid ivory, 
polished like a mirror, and is four or five inches long — round, 
and as thick as a large man's wrist, with the end squared off 
flat, for your thumb to rest on; for you grasp it, with your 
thumb resting on the blunt end — so — and lift it aloft and 
strike downward.  The Gaikowar showed us how the thing was done 
when he gave it to Luigi, and before that night was ended Luigi 
had used the knife, and the Gaikowar was a man short by reason of 
it.  The sheath is magnificently ornamented with gems of great 
value.  You will find the sheath more worth looking at than the 
knife itself, of course." 
 </p>
            <p>Tom said to himself — 
 <milestone unit="page" n="980"/>
            </p>
            <p>"It's lucky I came here.  I would have sold that knife 
for a song; I supposed the jewels were glass." 
 </p>
            <p>"But go on; don't stop," said Wilson.  "Our curiosity is 
up now, to hear about the homicide.  Tell us about that." 
 </p>
            <p>"Well, briefly, the knife was to blame for that, all 
around.  A native servant slipped into our room in the palace in 
the night, to kill us and steal the knife on account of the 
fortune incrusted on its sheath, without a doubt.  Luigi had it 
under his pillow; we were in bed together.  There was a dim 
night-light burning.  I was asleep, but Luigi was awake, and he 
thought he detected a vague form nearing the bed.  He slipped the 
knife out of the sheath and was ready, and unembarrassed by 
hampering bed-clothes, for the weather was hot and we had n't 
any.  Suddenly that native rose at the bedside, and bent over me 
with his right hand lifted and a dirk in it aimed at my throat; 
but Luigi grabbed his wrist, pulled him downward, and drove his 
own knife into the man's neck.  That is the whole story." 
 </p>
            <p>Wilson and Tom drew deep breaths, and after some general 
chat about the tragedy, Pudd'nhead said, taking Tom's hand — 
 </p>
            <p>"Now, Tom, I 've never had a look at your palms, as it 
happens; perhaps you 've got some little questionable privacies 
that need — hel-lo!" 
 </p>
            <p>Tom had snatched away his hand, and was looking a good 
deal confused. 
 </p>
            <p>"Why, he 's blushing!" said Luigi. 
 </p>
            <p>Tom darted an ugly look at him, and said sharply — 
 </p>
            <p>"Well, if I am, it ain't because I 'm a murderer!" 
Luigi's dark face flushed, but before he could speak or move, Tom 
added with anxious haste: "Oh, I beg a thousand pardons.  I did 
n't mean that; it was out before I thought, and I 'm very, very 
sorry — you must forgive me!" 
 </p>
            <p>Wilson came to the rescue, and smoothed things down as 
well as he could; and in fact was entirely successful as far as 
the twins were concerned, for they felt sorrier for the affront 
put upon him by his guest's outburst of ill manners than for the 
insult offered to Luigi.  But the success was not so pronounced 
with the offender.  Tom tried to seem at his ease, and he went 
through the motions fairly well, but at bottom <milestone unit="page" n="981"/> he felt 
resentful toward all the three witnesses of his exhibition; in 
fact, he felt so annoyed at them for having witnessed it and 
noticed it that he almost forgot to feel annoyed at himself for 
placing it before them.  However, something presently happened 
which made him almost comfortable, and brought him nearly back to 
a state of charity and friendliness.  This was a little spat 
between the twins; not much of a spat, but still a spat; and 
before they got far with it they were in a decided condition of 
irritation with each other.  Tom was charmed; so pleased, indeed, 
that he cautiously did what he could to increase the irritation 
while pretending to be actuated by more respectable motives.  By 
his help the fire got warmed up to the blazing-point, and he 
might have had the happiness of seeing the flames show up, in 
another moment, but for the interruption of a knock on the door - 
- an interruption which fretted him as much as it gratified 
Wilson.  Wilson opened the door. 
 </p>
            <p>The visitor was a good-natured, ignorant, energetic, 
middle-aged Irishman named John Buckstone, who was a great 
politician in a small way, and always took a large share in 
public matters of every sort.  One of the town's chief 
excitements, just now, was over the matter of rum.  There was a 
strong rum party and a strong anti-rum party.  Buckstone was 
training with the rum party, and he had been sent to hunt up the 
twins and invite them to attend a mass-meeting of that faction. 
He delivered his errand, and said the clans were already 
gathering in the big hall over the market-house.  Luigi accepted 
the invitation cordially, Angelo less cordially, since he 
disliked crowds, and did not drink the powerful intoxicants of 
America.  In fact, he was even a teetotaler sometimes — when it 
was judicious to be one. 
 </p>
            <p>The twins left with Buckstone, and Tom Driscoll joined 
company with them uninvited. 
 </p>
            <p>In the distance one could see a long wavering line of 
torches drifting down the main street, and could hear the 
throbbing of the bass drum, the clash of cymbals, the squeaking 
of a fife or two, and the faint roar of remote hurrahs.  The 
tail-end of this procession was climbing the market-house stairs 
when the twins arrived in its neighborhood; when they reached the 
hall it was full of people, torches, smoke, noise, <milestone unit="page" n="982"/> and 
enthusiasm.  They were conducted to the platform by Buckstone — 
Tom Driscoll still following — and were delivered to the 
chairman in the midst of a prodigious explosion of welcome.  When 
the noise had moderated a little, the chair proposed that "our 
illustrious guests be at once elected, by complimentary 
acclamation, to membership in our ever-glorious organization, the 
paradise of the free and the perdition of the slave." 
 </p>
            <p>This eloquent discharge opened the flood-gates of 
enthusiasm again, and the election was carried with thundering 
unanimity.  Then arose a storm of cries: 
 </p>
            <p>"Wet them down!  Wet them down!  Give them a drink!" 
 </p>
            <p>Glasses of whisky were handed to the twins.  Luigi waved 
his aloft, then brought it to his lips; but Angelo set his down. 
There was another storm of cries: 
 </p>
            <p>"What 's the matter with the other one?" "What is the 
blond one going back on us for?" "Explain!  Explain!" 
 </p>
            <p>The chairman inquired, and then reported — 
 </p>
            <p>"We have made an unfortunate mistake, gentlemen.  I find 
that the Count Angelo Cappello is opposed to our creed — is a 
teetotaler, in fact, and was not intending to apply for 
membership with us.  He desires that we reconsider the vote by 
which he was elected.  What is the pleasure of the house?" 
 </p>
            <p>There was a general burst of laughter, plentifully 
accented with whistlings and cat-calls, but the energetic use of 
the gavel presently restored something like order.  Then a man 
spoke from the crowd, and said that while he was very sorry that 
the mistake had been made, it would not be possible to rectify it 
at the present meeting.  According to the by-laws it must go over 
to the next regular meeting for action.  He would not offer a 
motion, as none was required.  He desired to apologize to the 
gentleman in the name of the house, and begged to assure him that 
as far as it might lie in the power of the Sons of Liberty, his 
temporary membership in the order would be made pleasant to him. 
 </p>
            <p>This speech was received with great applause, mixed with 
cries of — 
 </p>
            <p>"That 's the talk!" "He 's a good fellow, any way, if he 
<emph>is</emph> a teetotaler!" "Drink his health!" "Give him a rouser, and 
no heel-taps!" 
 <milestone unit="page" n="983"/>
            </p>
            <p>Glasses were handed around, and everybody on the 
platform drank Angelo's health, while the house bellowed forth in 
song: 
 </p>
            <lg>
               <l>For he 's a jolly good fel-low, </l>
               <l>  For he 's a jolly good fel-low, </l>
               <l>  For he 's a jolly good fe-el-low, — </l>
               <l>  Which nobody can deny. </l>
            </lg>
            <p>Tom Driscoll drank.  It was his second glass, for he had 
drunk Angelo's the moment that Angelo had set it down.  The two 
drinks made him very merry — almost idiotically so — and he 
began to take a most lively and prominent part in the 
proceedings, particularly in the music and cat-call and side- 
remarks. 
 </p>
            <p>The chairman was still standing at the front, the twins 
at his side.  The extraordinarily close resemblance of the 
brothers to each other suggested a witticism to Tom Driscoll, and 
just as the chairman began a speech he skipped forward and said 
with an air of tipsy confidence to the audience — 
 </p>
            <p>"Boys, I move that he keeps still and lets this human 
philopena snip you out a speech." 
 </p>
            <p>The descriptive aptness of the phrase caught the house, 
and a mighty burst of laughter followed. 
 </p>
            <p>Luigi's southern blood leaped to the boiling-point in a 
moment under the sharp humiliation of this insult delivered in 
the presence of four hundred strangers.  It was not in the young 
man's nature to let the matter pass, or to delay the squaring of 
the account.  He took a couple of strides and halted behind the 
unsuspecting joker.  Then he drew back and delivered a kick of 
such titanic vigor that it lifted Tom clear over the footlights 
and landed him on the heads of the front row of the Sons of 
Liberty. 
 </p>
            <p>Even a sober person does not like to have a human being 
emptied on him when he is not doing any harm; a person who is not 
sober cannot endure such an attention at all.  The nest of Sons 
of Liberty that Driscoll landed in had not a sober bird in it; in 
fact there was probably not an entirely sober one in the 
auditorium.  Driscoll was promptly and indignantly flung on to 
the heads of Sons in the next row, and these Sons <milestone unit="page" n="984"/> passed 
him on toward the rear, and then immediately began to pummel the 
front-row Sons who had passed him to them.  This course was 
strictly followed by bench after bench as Driscoll traveled in 
his tumultuous and airy flight toward the door; so he left behind 
him an ever lengthening wake of raging and plunging and fighting 
and swearing humanity.  Down went group after group of torches, 
and presently above the deafening clatter of the gavel, roar of 
angry voices, and crash of succumbing benches, rose the 
paralyzing cry of 
 </p>
            <p>"FIRE!" 
 </p>
            <p>The fighting ceased instantly; the cursing ceased; for 
one distinctly defined moment there was a dead hush, a motionless 
calm, where the tempest had been; then with one impulse the 
multitude awoke to life and energy again, and went surging and 
struggling and swaying, this way and that, its outer edges 
melting away through windows and doors and gradually lessening 
the pressure and relieving the mass. 
 </p>
            <p>The fire-boys were never on hand so suddenly before; for 
there was no distance to go, this time, their quarters being in 
the rear end of the market-house.  There was an engine company 
and a hook-and-ladder company.  Half of each was composed of 
rummies and the other half of anti-rummies, after the moral and 
political share-and-share-alike fashion of the frontier town of 
the period.  Enough anti-rummies were loafing in quarters to man 
the engine and the ladders.  In two minutes they had their red 
shirts and helmets on — they never stirred officially in 
unofficial costume — and as the mass meeting overhead smashed 
through the long row of windows and poured out upon the roof of 
the arcade, the deliverers were ready for them with a powerful 
stream of water which washed some of them off the roof and nearly 
drowned the rest.  But water was preferable to fire, and still 
the stampede from the windows continued, and still the pitiless 
drenchings assailed it until the building was empty; then the 
fire-boys mounted to the hall and flooded it with water enough to 
annihilate forty times as much fire as there was there; for a 
village fire-company does not often get a chance to show off, and 
so when it does get a chance it makes the most of it.  Such 
citizens of that village as were of a thoughtful and judicious 
temperament did not insure against fire; they insured against the 
fire-company. 
 </p>
         </div>
         <div n="12" type="chapter">
            <milestone unit="page" n="985"/>
            <head>XII</head>
            <cit>
               <quote>  Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear — not 
absence of fear.  Except a creature be part coward it is not a 
compliment to say it is brave; it is merely a loose 
misapplication of the word.  Consider the flea! — incomparably 
the bravest of all the creatures of God, if ignorance of fear 
were courage.  Whether you are asleep or awake he will attack 
you, caring nothing for the fact that in bulk and strength you 
are to him as are the massed armies of the earth to a sucking 
child; he lives both day and night and all days and nights in the 
very lap of peril and the immediate presence of death, and yet is 
no more afraid than is the man who walks the streets of a city 
that was threatened by an earthquake ten centuries before.  When 
we speak of Clive, Nelson, and Putnam as men who "did n't know 
what fear was," we ought always to add the flea — and put him at 
the head of the procession. </quote>
               <bibl>  — <emph>Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar.</emph> 
               </bibl>
            </cit>
            <p>Judge Driscoll was in bed and asleep by ten o'clock on 
Friday night, and he was up and gone a-fishing before daylight in 
the morning with his friend Pembroke Howard.  These two had been 
boys together in Virginia when that State still ranked as the 
chief and most imposing member of the Union, and they still 
coupled the proud and affectionate adjective "old" with her name 
when they spoke of her.  In Missouri a recognized superiority 
attached to any person who hailed from Old Virginia; and this 
superiority was exalted to supremacy when a person of such 
nativity could also prove descent from the First Families of that 
great commonwealth.  The Howards and Driscolls were of this 
aristocracy.  In their eyes it was a nobility.  It had its 
unwritten laws, and they were as clearly defined and as strict as 
any that could be found among the printed statutes of the land. 
The F. F. V. was born a gentleman; his highest duty in life was 
to watch over that great inheritance and keep it unsmirched.  He 
must keep his honor spotless.  Those laws were his chart; his 
course was marked out on it; if he swerved from it by so much as 
half a point of the compass it meant shipwreck to his honor; that 
is to say, degradation from his rank as a gentleman.  These laws <milestone unit="page" n="986"/>
 required certain things of him which his religion might 
forbid: then his religion must yield — the laws could not be 
relaxed to accommodate religions or anything else.  Honor stood 
first; and the laws defined what it was and wherein it differed 
in certain details from honor as defined by church creeds and by 
the social laws and customs of some of the minor divisions of the 
globe that had got crowded out when the sacred boundaries of 
Virginia were staked out. 
 </p>
            <p>If Judge Driscoll was the recognized first citizen of 
Dawson's Landing, Pembroke Howard was easily its recognized 
second citizen.  He was called "the great lawyer" — an earned 
title.  He and Driscoll were of the same age — a year or two 
past sixty. 
 </p>
            <p>Although Driscoll was a free-thinker and Howard a strong 
and determined Presbyterian, their warm intimacy suffered no 
impairment in consequence.  They were men whose opinions were 
their own property and not subject to revision and amendment, 
suggestion or criticism, by anybody, even their friends. 
 </p>
            <p>The day's fishing finished, they came floating down 
stream in their skiff, talking national politics and other high 
matters, and presently met a skiff coming up from town, with a 
man in it who said: 
 </p>
            <p>"I reckon you know one of the new twins gave your nephew 
a kicking last night, Judge?" 
 </p>
            <p>"Did <emph>what</emph>?" 
 </p>
            <p>"Gave him a kicking." 
 </p>
            <p>The old Judge's lips paled, and his eyes began to flame. 
He choked with anger for a moment, then he got out what he was 
trying to say — 
 </p>
            <p>"Well — well — go on!  Give me the details." 
 </p>
            <p>The man did it.  At the finish the Judge was silent a 
minute, turning over in his mind the shameful picture of Tom's 
flight over the footlights; then he said, as if musing aloud — 
 </p>
            <p>"H'm — I don't understand it.  I was asleep at home. 
He did n't wake me.  Thought he was competent to manage his 
affair without my help, I reckon." His face lit up with pride and 
pleasure at that thought, and he said with a cheery complacency, 
"I like that — it 's the true old blood — hey, Pembroke?" 
 <milestone unit="page" n="987"/>
            </p>
            <p>Howard smiled an iron smile, and nodded his head 
approvingly.  Then the news-bringer spoke again — 
 </p>
            <p>"But Tom beat the twin on the trial." 
 </p>
            <p>The Judge looked at the man wonderingly, and said — 
 </p>
            <p>"The trial?  What trial?" 
 </p>
            <p>"Why, Tom had him up before Judge Robinson for assault 
and battery." 
 </p>
            <p>The old man shrank suddenly together like one who has 
received a death-stroke.  Howard sprang for him as he sank 
forward in a swoon, and took him in his arms, and bedded him on 
his back in the boat.  He sprinkled water in his face, and said 
to the startled visitor — 
 </p>
            <p>"Go, now — don't let him come to and find you here. 
You see what an effect your heedless speech has had; you ought to 
have been more considerate than to blurt out such a cruel piece 
of slander as that." 
 </p>
            <p>"I 'm right down sorry I did it now, Mr. Howard, and I 
would n't have done it if I had thought: but it ain't a slander; 
it 's perfectly true, just as I told him." 
 </p>
            <p>He rowed away.  Presently the old Judge came out of his 
faint and looked up piteously into the sympathetic face that was 
bent over him. 
 </p>
            <p>"Say it ain't true, Pembroke; tell me it ain't true!" he 
said in a weak voice. 
 </p>
            <p>There was nothing weak in the deep organ-tones that 
responded — 
 </p>
            <p>"You know it 's a lie as well as I do, old friend.  He 
is of the best blood of the Old Dominion." 
 </p>
            <p>"God bless you for saying it!" said the old gentleman, 
fervently.  "Ah, Pembroke, it was such a blow!" 
 </p>
            <p>Howard stayed by his friend, and saw him home, and 
entered the house with him.  It was dark, and past supper-time, 
but the Judge was not thinking of supper; he was eager to hear 
the slander refuted from headquarters, and as eager to have 
Howard hear it, too.  Tom was sent for, and he came immediately. 
He was bruised and lame, and was not a happy-looking object.  His 
uncle made him sit down, and said — 
 </p>
            <p>"We have been hearing about your adventure, Tom, with a 
handsome lie added to it for embellishment.  Now pulverize <milestone unit="page" n="988"/>
 that lie to dust!  What measures have you taken?  How 
does the thing stand?" 
 </p>
            <p>Tom answered guilelessly: "It don't stand at all; it 's 
all over.  I had him up in court and beat him.  Pudd'nhead Wilson 
defended him — first case he ever had, and lost it.  The judge 
fined the miserable hound five dollars for the assault." 
 </p>
            <p>Howard and the Judge sprang to their feet with the 
opening sentence — why, neither knew; then they stood gazing 
vacantly at each other.  Howard stood a moment, then sat 
mournfully down without saying anything.  The Judge's wrath began 
to kindle, and he burst out — 
 </p>
            <p>"You cur!  You scum!  You vermin!  Do you mean to tell 
me that blood of my race has suffered a blow and crawled to a 
court of law about it?  Answer me!" 
 </p>
            <p>Tom's head drooped, and he answered with an eloquent 
silence.  His uncle stared at him with a mixed expression of 
amazement and shame and incredulity that was sorrowful to see. 
At last he said — 
 </p>
            <p>"Which of the twins was it?" 
 </p>
            <p>"Count Luigi." 
 </p>
            <p>"You have challenged him?" 
 </p>
            <p>"N — no," hesitated Tom, turning pale. 
 </p>
            <p>"You will challenge him to-night.  Howard will carry 
it." 
 </p>
            <p>Tom began to turn sick, and to show it.  He turned his 
hat round and round in his hand, his uncle glowering blacker and 
blacker upon him as the heavy seconds drifted by; then at last he 
began to stammer, and said piteously — 
 </p>
            <p>"Oh, please don't ask me to do it, uncle!  He is a 
murderous devil — I never could — I — I 'm afraid of him!" 
 </p>
            <p>Old Driscoll's mouth opened and closed three times 
before he could get it to perform its office; then he stormed out 
— 
 </p>
            <p>"A coward in my family!  A Driscoll a coward!  Oh, what 
have I done to deserve this infamy!" He tottered to his secretary 
in the corner repeating that lament again and again in 
heartbreaking tones, and got out of a drawer a paper, which he 
slowly tore to bits scattering the bits absently in his track as 
he walked up and down the room, still grieving and lamenting.  At 
last he said — 
 </p>
            <p>"There it is, shreds and fragments once more — my will. 
Once more you have forced me to disinherit you, you base <milestone unit="page" n="989"/> 
son of a most noble father!  Leave my sight!  Go — before I spit 
on you!" 
 </p>
            <p>The young man did not tarry.  Then the Judge turned to 
Howard: 
 </p>
            <p>"You will be my second, old friend?" 
 </p>
            <p>"Of course." 
 </p>
            <p>"There is pen and paper.  Draft the cartel, and lose no 
time." 
 </p>
            <p>"The Count shall have it in his hands in fifteen 
minutes," said Howard. 
 </p>
            <p>Tom was very heavy-hearted.  His appetite was gone with 
his property and his self-respect.  He went out the back way and 
wandered down the obscure lane grieving, and wondering if any 
course of future conduct, however discreet and carefully 
perfected and watched over, could win back his uncle's favor and 
persuade him to reconstruct once more that generous will which 
had just gone to ruin before his eyes.  He finally concluded that 
it could.  He said to himself that he had accomplished this sort 
of triumph once already, and that what had been done once could 
be done again.  He would set about it.  He would bend every 
energy to the task, and he would score that triumph once more, 
cost what it might to his convenience, limit as it might his 
frivolous and liberty-loving life. 
 </p>
            <p>"To begin," he said to himself, "I 'll square up with 
the proceeds of my raid, and then gambling has got to be stopped 
— and stopped short off.  It 's the worst vice I 've got — from 
my standpoint, anyway, because it 's the one he can most easily 
find out, through the impatience of my creditors.  He thought it 
expensive to have to pay two hundred dollars to them for me once. 
Expensive — <emph>that!</emph> Why, it cost me the whole of his fortune — 
but of course he never thought of that; some people can't think 
of any but their own side of a case.  If he had known how deep I 
am in, now, the will would have gone to pot without waiting for a 
duel to help.  Three hundred dollars!  It 's a pile!  But he 'll 
never hear of it, I 'm thankful to say.  The minute I 've cleared 
it off, I 'm safe; and I 'll never touch a card again.  Anyway, I 
won't while he lives, I make oath to that.  I 'm entering on my 
last reform — I know it — yes, and I 'll win; but after that, 
if I ever slip again I 'm gone." 
 </p>
         </div>
         <div n="13" type="chapter">
            <milestone unit="page" n="990"/>
            <head>XIII</head>
            <cit>
               <quote>  When I reflect upon the number of disagreeable people 
who I know have gone to a better world, I am moved to lead a 
different life. </quote>
               <bibl>  — <emph>Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar.</emph> 
               </bibl>
            </cit>
            <cit>
               <quote>  October.  This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months 
to speculate in stocks in.  The others are July, January, 
September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August, 
and February. </quote>
               <bibl>  — <emph>Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar.</emph> 
               </bibl>
            </cit>
            <p>Thus mournfully communing with himself Tom moped along 
the lane past Pudd'nhead Wilson's house, and still on and on 
between fences inclosing vacant country on each hand till he 
neared the haunted house, then he came moping back again, with 
many sighs and heavy with trouble.  He sorely wanted cheerful 
company.  Rowena!  His heart gave a bound at the thought, but the 
next thought quieted it — the detested twins would be there. 
 </p>
            <p>He was on the inhabited side of Wilson's house, and now 
as he approached it he noticed that the sitting-room was lighted. 
This would do; others made him feel unwelcome sometimes, but 
Wilson never failed in courtesy toward him, and a kindly courtesy 
does at least save one's feelings, even if it is not professing 
to stand for a welcome.  Wilson heard footsteps at his threshold, 
then the clearing of a throat. 
 </p>
            <p>"It's that fickle-tempered, dissipated young goose — 
poor devil, he finds friends pretty scarce to-day, likely, after 
the disgrace of carrying a personal-assault case into a law- 
court." 
 </p>
            <p>A dejected knock.  "Come in!" 
 </p>
            <p>Tom entered, and drooped into a chair, without saying 
anything.  Wilson said kindly — 
 </p>
            <p>"Why, my boy, you look desolate.  Don't take it so hard. 
Try and forget you have been kicked." 
 </p>
            <p>"Oh, dear," said Tom, wretchedly, "it 's not that, 
Pudd'n-head — it 's not that.  It's a thousand times worse than 
that — oh, yes, a million times worse." 
 </p>
            <p>"Why, Tom, what do you mean?  Has Rowena — " 
 <milestone unit="page" n="991"/>
            </p>
            <p>"Flung me?  No, but the old man has." 
 </p>
            <p>Wilson said to himself, "Aha!" and thought of the 
mysterious girl in the bedroom.  "The Driscolls have been making 
discoveries!" Then he said aloud, gravely: 
 </p>
            <p>"Tom, there are some kinds of dissipation which — " 
 </p>
            <p>"Oh, shucks, this has n't got anything to do with 
dissipation.  He wanted me to challenge that derned Italian 
savage, and I would n't do it." 
 </p>
            <p>"Yes, of course he would do that," said Wilson in a 
meditative matter-of-course way; "but the thing that puzzled me 
was, why he did n't look to that last night, for one thing, and 
why he let you carry such a matter into a court of law at all, 
either before the duel or after it.  It 's no place for it.  It 
was not like him.  I could n't understand it.  How did it 
happen?" 
 </p>
            <p>"It happened because he did n't know anything about it. 
He was asleep when I got home last night." 
 </p>
            <p>"And you did n't wake him?  Tom, is that possible?" 
 </p>
            <p>Tom was not getting much comfort here.  He fidgeted a 
moment, then said: 
 </p>
            <p>"I did n't choose to tell him — that 's all.  He was 
going a-fishing before dawn, with Pembroke Howard, and if I got 
the twins into the common calaboose — and I thought sure I could 
— I never dreamed of their slipping out on a paltry fine for 
such an outrageous offense — well, once in the calaboose they 
would be disgraced, and uncle would n't want any duels with that 
sort of characters, and would n't allow any." 
 </p>
            <p>"Tom, I am ashamed of you!  I don't see how you could 
treat your good old uncle so.  I am a better friend of his than 
you are; for if I had known the circumstances I would have kept 
that case out of court until I got word to him and let him have a 
gentleman's chance." 
 </p>
            <p>"You would?" exclaimed Tom, with lively surprise.  "And 
it your first case!  And you know perfectly well there never 
would have <emph>been</emph> any case if he had got that chance, don't you? 
And you 'd have finished your days a pauper nobody, instead of 
being an actually launched and recognized lawyer to-day.  And you 
would really have done that, would you?" 
 </p>
            <p>"Certainly." 
 </p>
            <p>Tom looked at him a moment or two, then shook his head 
sorrowfully and said — 
 <milestone unit="page" n="992"/>
            </p>
            <p>"I believe you — upon my word I do.  I don't know why I 
do, but I do.  Pudd'nhead Wilson, I think you 're the biggest 
fool I ever saw." 
 </p>
            <p>"Thank you." 
 </p>
            <p>"Don't mention it." 
 </p>
            <p>"Well, he has been requiring you to fight the Italian 
and you have refused.  You degenerate remnant of an honorable 
line!  I 'm thoroughly ashamed of you, Tom!" 
 </p>
            <p>"Oh, that 's nothing!  I don't care for anything, now 
that the will 's torn up again." 
 </p>
            <p>"Tom, tell me squarely — did n't he find any fault with 
you for anything but those two things — carrying the case into 
court and refusing to fight?" 
 </p>
            <p>He watched the young fellow's face narrowly, but it was 
entirely reposeful, and so also was the voice that answered: 
 </p>
            <p>"No, he did n't find any other fault with me.  If he had 
had any to find, he would have begun yesterday, for he was just 
in the humor for it.  He drove that jack-pair around town and 
showed them the sights, and when he came home he could n't find 
his father's old silver watch that don't keep time and he thinks 
so much of, and could n't remember what he did with it three or 
four days ago when he saw it last; and so when I arrived he was 
all in a sweat about it, and when I suggested that it probably 
was n't lost but stolen, it put him in a regular passion and he 
said I was a fool — which convinced me, without any trouble, 
that that was just what he was afraid <emph>had</emph> happened, himself, 
but did not want to believe it, because lost things stand a 
better chance of being found again than stolen ones." 
 </p>
            <p>"Whe-ew!" whistled Wilson; "score another on the list." 
 </p>
            <p>"Another what?" 
 </p>
            <p>"Another theft!" 
 </p>
            <p>"Theft?" 
 </p>
            <p>"Yes, theft.  That watch is n't lost, it 's stolen. 
There 's been another raid on the town — and just the same old 
mysterious sort of thing that has happened once before, as you 
remember." 
 </p>
            <p>"You don't mean it!" 
 </p>
            <p>"It 's as sure as you are born!  Have you missed 
anything yourself?" 
 <milestone unit="page" n="993"/>
            </p>
            <p>"No.  That is, I did miss a silver pencil-case that Aunt 
Mary Pratt gave me last birthday — " 
 </p>
            <p>"You 'll find it 's stolen — that 's what you 'll 
find." 
 </p>
            <p>"No, I sha'n't; for when I suggested theft about the 
watch and got such a rap, I went and examined my room, and the 
pencil-case was missing, but it was only mislaid, and I found it 
again." 
 </p>
            <p>"You are sure you missed nothing else?" 
 </p>
            <p>"Well, nothing of consequence.  I missed a small plain 
gold ring worth two or three dollars, but that will turn up.  I 
'll look again." 
 </p>
            <p>"In my opinion you 'll not find it.  There 's been a 
raid, I tell you.  Come <emph>in</emph>!" 
 </p>
            <p>Mr. Justice Robinson entered, followed by Buckstone and 
the town-constable, Jim Blake.  They sat down, and after some 
wandering and aimless weather-conversation Wilson said — 
 </p>
            <p>"By the way, we 've just added another to the list of 
thefts, maybe two.  Judge Driscoll's old silver watch is gone, 
and Tom here has missed a gold ring." 
 </p>
            <p>"Well, it is a bad business," said the Justice, "and 
gets worse the further it goes.  The Hankses, the Dobsons, the 
Pilligrews, the Ortons, the Grangers, the Hales, the Fullers, the 
Holcombs, in fact everybody that lives around about Patsy 
Cooper's has been robbed of little things like trinkets and 
teaspoons and such-like small valuables that are easily carried 
off.  It 's perfectly plain that the thief took advantage of the 
reception at Patsy Cooper's, when all the neighbors were in her 
house and all their niggers hanging around her fence for a look 
at the show, to raid the vacant houses undisturbed.  Patsy is 
miserable about it; miserable on account of the neighbors, and 
particularly miserable on account of her foreigners, of course; 
so miserable on their account that she has n't any room to worry 
about her own little losses." 
 </p>
            <p>"It 's the same old raider," said Wilson.  "I suppose 
there is n't any doubt about that." 
 </p>
            <p>"Constable Blake does n't think so." 
 </p>
            <p>"No, you 're wrong there," said Blake; "the other times 
it was a man; there was plenty of signs of that, as we know, in 
the profession, though we never got hands on him; but this time 
it 's a woman." 
 <milestone unit="page" n="994"/>
            </p>
            <p>Wilson thought of the mysterious girl straight off.  She 
was always in his mind now.  But she failed him again.  Blake 
continued: 
 </p>
            <p>"She 's a stoop-shouldered old woman with a covered 
basket on her arm, in a black veil, dressed in mourning.  I saw 
her going aboard the ferry-boat yesterday.  Lives in Illinois, I 
reckon; but I don't care where she lives, I 'm going to get her - 
- she can make herself sure of that." 
 </p>
            <p>"What makes you think she 's the thief?" 
 </p>
            <p>"Well, there ain't any other, for one thing; and for 
another, some of the nigger draymen that happened to be driving 
along saw her coming out of or going into houses, and told me so 
— and it just happens that they was <emph>robbed</emph> houses, every 
time." 
 </p>
            <p>It was granted that this was plenty good enough 
circumstantial evidence.  A pensive silence followed, which 
lasted some moments, then Wilson said — 
 </p>
            <p>"There 's one good thing, anyway.  She can't either pawn 
or sell Count Luigi's costly Indian dagger." 
 </p>
            <p>"My!" said Tom, "is <emph>that</emph> gone?" 
 </p>
            <p>"Yes." 
 </p>
            <p>"Well, that was a haul!  But why can't she pawn it or 
sell it?" 
 </p>
            <p>"Because when the twins went home from the Sons of 
Liberty meeting last night, news of the raid was sifting in from 
everywhere, and Aunt Patsy was in distress to know if they had 
lost anything.  They found that the dagger was gone, and they 
notified the police and pawnbrokers everywhere.  It was a great 
haul, yes, but the old woman won't get anything out of it, 
because she 'll get caught." 
 </p>
            <p>"Did they offer a reward?" asked Buckstone. 
 </p>
            <p>"Yes; five hundred dollars for the knife, and five 
hundred more for the thief." 
 </p>
            <p>"What a leather-headed idea!" exclaimed the constable. 
"The thief da's n't go near them, nor send anybody.  Whoever goes 
is going to get himself nabbed, for there ain't any pawnbroker 
that 's going to lose the chance to — " 
 </p>
            <p>If anybody had noticed Tom's face at that time, the 
gray-green color of it might have provoked curiosity; but nobody 
did.  He said to himself: "I 'm gone!  I never can square up; <milestone unit="page" n="995"/>
 the rest of the plunder won't pawn or sell for half of 
the bill.  Oh, I know it — I 'm gone, I 'm gone — and this time 
it 's for good.  Oh, this is awful — I don't know what to do, 
nor which way to turn!" 
 </p>
            <p>"Softly, softly," said Wilson to Blake.  "I planned 
their scheme for them at midnight last night, and it was all 
finished up shipshape by two this morning.  They 'll get their 
dagger back, and then I 'll explain to you how the thing was 
done." 
 </p>
            <p>There were strong signs of a general curiosity, and 
Buckstone said — 
 </p>
            <p>"Well, you have whetted us up pretty sharp, Wilson, and 
I 'm free to say that if you don't mind telling us in confidence 
— " 
 </p>
            <p>"Oh, I 'd as soon tell as not, Buckstone, but as long as 
the twins and I agreed to say nothing about it, we must let it 
stand so.  But you can take my word for it you won't be kept 
waiting three days.  Somebody will apply for that reward pretty 
promptly, and I 'll show you the thief and the dagger both very 
soon afterward." 
 </p>
            <p>The constable was disappointed, and also perplexed.  He 
said — 
 </p>
            <p>"It may all be — yes, and I hope it will, but I 'm 
blamed if I can see my way through it.  It 's too many for yours 
truly." 
 </p>
            <p>The subject seemed about talked out.  Nobody seemed to 
have anything further to offer.  After a silence the justice of 
the peace informed Wilson that he and Buckstone and the constable 
had come as a committee, on the part of the Democratic party, to 
ask him to run for mayor — for the little town was about to 
become a city and the first charter election was approaching.  It 
was the first attention which Wilson had ever received at the 
hands of any party; it was a sufficiently humble one, but it was 
a recognition of his début into the town's life and activities at 
last; it was a step upward, and he was deeply gratified.  He 
accepted, and the committee departed, followed by young Tom. 
 </p>
         </div>
         <div n="14" type="chapter">
            <milestone unit="page" n="996"/>
            <head>XIV</head>
            <cit>
               <quote>  The true Southern watermelon is a boon apart, and not to 
be mentioned with commoner things.  It is chief of this world's 
luxuries, king by the grace of God over all the fruits of the 
earth.  When one has tasted it, he knows what the angels eat.  It 
was not a Southern watermelon that Eve took: we know it because 
she repented. </quote>
               <bibl>  — <emph>Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar.</emph> 
               </bibl>
            </cit>
            <p>About the time that Wilson was bowing the committee out, 
Pembroke Howard was entering the next house to report.  He found 
the old Judge sitting grim and straight in his chair, waiting. 
 </p>
            <p>"Well, Howard — the news?" 
 </p>
            <p>"The best in the world." 
 </p>
            <p>"Accepts, does he?" and the light of battle gleamed 
joyously in the Judge's eye. 
 </p>
            <p>"Accepts?  Why, he jumped at it." 
 </p>
            <p>"Did, did he?  Now that 's fine — that 's very fine.  I 
like that.  When is it to be?" 
 </p>
            <p>"Now!  Straight off!  To-night!  An admirable fellow — 
admirable!" 
 </p>
            <p>"Admirable?  He 's a darling!  Why, it 's an honor as 
well as a pleasure to stand up before such a man.  Come — off 
with you!  Go and arrange everything — and give him my heartiest 
compliments.  A rare fellow, indeed; an admirable fellow, as you 
have said!" 
 </p>
            <p>Howard hurried away, saying — 
 </p>
            <p>"I 'll have him in the vacant stretch between Wilson's 
and the haunted house within the hour, and I 'll bring my own 
pistols." 
 </p>
            <p>Judge Driscoll began to walk the floor in a state of 
pleased excitement; but presently he stopped, and began to think 
— began to think of Tom.  Twice he moved toward the secretary, 
and twice he turned away again; but finally he said — 
 </p>
            <p>"This may be my last night in the world — I must not 
take the chance.  He is worthless and unworthy, but it is largely 
my fault.  He was intrusted to me by my brother on his dying <milestone unit="page" n="997"/>
 bed, and I have indulged him to his hurt, instead of 
training him up severely, and making a man of him.  I have 
violated my trust, and I must not add the sin of desertion to 
that.  I have forgiven him once already, and would subject him to 
a long and hard trial before forgiving him again, if I could 
live; but I must not run that risk.  No, I must restore the will. 
But if I survive the duel, I will hide it away, and he will not 
know, and I will not tell him until he reforms and I see that his 
reformation is going to be permanent." 
 </p>
            <p>He re-drew the will, and his ostensible nephew was heir 
to a fortune again.  As he was finishing his task, Tom, wearied 
with another brooding tramp, entered the house and went tiptoeing 
past the sitting-room door.  He glanced in, and hurried on, for 
the sight of his uncle had nothing but terrors for him to-night. 
But his uncle was writing!  That was unusual at this late hour. 
What could he be writing?  A chill of anxiety settled down upon 
Tom's heart.  Did that writing concern him?  He was afraid so. 
He reflected that when ill luck begins, it does not come in 
sprinkles, but in showers.  He said he would get a glimpse of 
that document or know the reason why.  He heard some one coming, 
and stepped out of sight and hearing.  It was Pembroke Howard. 
What could be hatching? 
 </p>
            <p>Howard said, with great satisfaction: 
 </p>
            <p>"Everything 's right and ready.  He's gone to the 
battle-ground with his second and the surgeon — also with his 
brother.  I 've arranged it all with Wilson — Wilson 's his 
second.  We are to have three shots apiece." 
 </p>
            <p>"Good!  How is the moon?" 
 </p>
            <p>"Bright as day, nearly.  Perfect, for the distance — 
fifteen yards.  No wind — not a breath; hot and still." 
 </p>
            <p>"All good; all first-rate.  Here, Pembroke, read this, 
and witness it." 
 </p>
            <p>Pembroke read and witnessed the will, then gave the old 
man's hand a hearty shake and said: 
 </p>
            <p>"Now that 's right, York — but I knew you would do it. 
You could n't leave that poor chap to fight along without means 
or profession, with certain defeat before him, and I knew you 
would n't, for his father's sake if not for his own." 
 </p>
            <p>"For his dead father's sake I could n't, I know; for 
poor <milestone unit="page" n="998"/> Percy — but you know what Percy was to me.  But 
mind — Tom is not to know of this unless I fall to-night." 
 </p>
            <p>"I understand.  I 'll keep the secret." 
 </p>
            <p>The Judge put the will away, and the two started for the 
battle-ground.  In another minute the will was in Tom's hands. 
His misery vanished, his feelings underwent a tremendous 
revulsion.  He put the will carefully back in its place, and 
spread his mouth and swung his hat  once, twice, three times 
around his head, in imitation of three rousing huzzas, no sound 
issuing from his lips.  He fell to communing with himself 
excitedly and joyously, but every now and then he let off another 
volley of dumb hurrahs. 
 </p>
            <p>He said to himself: "I 've got the fortune again, but I 
'll not let on that I know about it.  And this time I 'm going to 
hang on to it.  I take no more risks.  I 'll gamble no more, I 
'll drink no more, because — well, because I 'll not go where 
there is any of that sort of thing going on, again.  It 's the 
sure way, and the only sure way; I might have thought of that 
sooner — well, yes, if I had wanted to.  But now — dear me, I 
've had a bad scare this time, and I 'll take no more chances. 
Not a single chance more.  Land!  I persuaded myself this evening 
that I could fetch him around without any great amount of effort, 
but I 've been getting more and more heavy-hearted and doubtful 
straight along, ever since.  If he tells me about this thing, all 
right; but if he does n't, I sha'n't let on.  I — well, I 'd 
like to tell Pudd'nhead Wilson, but — no, I 'll think about 
that; perhaps I won't." He whirled off another dead huzza, and 
said, "I 'm reformed, and this time I 'll stay so, sure!" 
 </p>
            <p>He was about to close with a final grand silent 
demonstration, when he suddenly recollected that Wilson had put 
it out of his power to pawn or sell the Indian knife, and that he 
was once more in awful peril of exposure by his creditors for 
that reason.  His joy collapsed utterly, and he turned away and 
moped toward the door moaning and lamenting over the bitterness 
of his luck.  He dragged himself upstairs, and brooded in his 
room a long time disconsolate and forlorn, with Luigi's Indian 
knife for a text.  At last he sighed and said: 
 </p>
            <p>"When I supposed these stones were glass and this ivory 
bone, the thing had n't <milestone unit="page" n="999"/> any interest for me because it 
had n't any value, and could n't help me out of my trouble.  But 
now — why, now it is full of interest; yes, and of a sort to 
break a body's heart.  It 's a bag of gold that has turned to 
dirt and ashes in my hands.  It could save me, and save me so 
easily, and yet I 've got to go to ruin.  It 's like drowning 
with a life-preserver in my reach.  All the hard luck comes to 
me, and all the good luck goes to other people — Pudd'nhead 
Wilson, for instance; even his career has got a sort of a little 
start at last, and what has he done to deserve it, I should like 
to know?  Yes, he has opened his own road, but he is n't content 
with that, but must block mine.  It 's a sordid, selfish world, 
and I wish I was out of it." He allowed the light of the candle 
to play upon the jewels of the sheath, but the flashings and 
sparklings had no charm for his eye; they were only just so many 
pangs to his heart.  "I must not say anything to Roxy about this 
thing," he said, "she is too daring.  She would be for digging 
these stones out and selling them, and then — why, she would be 
arrested and the stones traced, and then — " The thought made 
him quake, and he hid the knife away, trembling all over and 
glancing furtively about, like a criminal who fancies that the 
accuser is already at hand. 
 </p>
            <p>Should he try to sleep?  Oh, no, sleep was not for him; 
his trouble was too haunting, too afflicting for that.  He must 
have somebody to mourn with.  He would carry his despair to Roxy. 
 </p>
            <p>He had heard several distant gunshots, but that sort of 
thing was not uncommon, and they had made no impression upon him. 
He went out at the back door, and turned westward.  He passed 
Wilson's house and proceeded along the lane, and presently saw 
several figures approaching Wilson's place through the vacant 
lots.  These were the duelists returning from the fight; he 
thought he recognized them, but as he had no desire for white 
people's company, he stooped down behind the fence until they 
were out of his way. 
 </p>
            <p>Roxy was feeling fine.  She said: 
 </p>
            <p>"Whah was you, child?  Warn't you in it?" 
 </p>
            <p>"In what?" 
 </p>
            <p>"In de duel." 
 </p>
            <p>"Duel?  Has there been a duel?" 
 <milestone unit="page" n="1000"/>
            </p>
            <p>"'Co'se dey has.  De ole Jedge has be'n havin' a duel 
wid one o' dem twins." 
 </p>
            <p>"Great Scott!" Then he added to himself: "That 's what 
made him re-make the will; he thought he might get killed, and it 
softened him toward me.  And that 's what he and Howard were so 
busy about ... Oh dear, if the twin had only killed him, I should 
be out of my — " 
 </p>
            <p>"What is you mumblin' 'bout, Chambers?  Whah was you? 
Did n't you know dey was gwyne to be a duel?" 
 </p>
            <p>"No.  I did n't.  The old man tried to get me to fight 
one with Count Luigi, but he did n't succeed, so I reckon he 
concluded to patch up the family honor himself." 
 </p>
            <p>He laughed at the idea, and went rambling on with a 
detailed account of his talk with the Judge, and how shocked and 
ashamed the Judge was to find that he had a coward in his family. 
He glanced up at last, and got a shock himself.  Roxana's bosom 
was heaving with suppressed passion, and she was glowering down 
upon him with measureless contempt written in her face. 
 </p>
            <p>"En you refuse' to fight a man dat kicked you, 'stid o' 
jumpin' at de chance!  En you ain't got no mo' feelin' den to 
come en tell me, dat fetched sich a po' low-down ornery rabbit 
into de worl'!  Pah! it make me sick!  It 's de nigger in you, 
dat 's what it is.  Thirty-one parts o' you is white, en on'y one 
part nigger, en dat po' little one part is yo' <emph>soul</emph>.  Tain't 
wuth savin'; tain't wuth totin' out on a shovel en thowin in de 
gutter.  You has disgraced yo' birth.  What would yo' pa think o' 
you?  It 's enough to make him turn in his grave." 
 </p>
            <p>The last three sentences stung Tom into a fury, and he 
said to himself that if his father were only alive and in reach 
of assassination his mother would soon find that he had a very 
clear notion of the size of his indebtedness to that man, and was 
willing to pay it up in full, and would do it too, even at risk 
of his life; but he kept his thought to himself; that was safest 
in his mother's present state. 
 </p>
            <p>"Whatever has come o' yo' Essex blood?  Dat 's what I 
can't understand.  En it ain't on'y jist Essex blood dat 's in 
you, not by a long sight — 'deed it ain't.  My great-great- 
great-gran'father en yo' great-great-great-great-gran'father was 
ole Cap'n John Smith, de highest blood dat Ole Virginny ever <milestone unit="page" n="1001"/>
 turned out, en <emph>his</emph> great-great-gran'mother or somers 
along back dah, was Pocahontas de Injun queen, en her husbun' was 
a nigger king outen Africa — en yit here you is, a slinkin' 
outen a duel en disgracin' our whole line like a ornery low-down 
hound!  Yes, it 's de nigger in you!" 
 </p>
            <p>She sat down on her candle-box and fell into a reverie. 
Tom did not disturb her; he sometimes lacked prudence, but it was 
not in circumstances of this kind.  Roxana's storm went gradually 
down, but it died hard, and even when it seemed to be quite gone, 
it would now and then break out in a distant rumble, so to speak, 
in the form of muttered ejaculations.  One of these was, "Ain't 
nigger enough in him to show in his finger-nails, en dat takes 
mighty little — yit dey 's enough to paint his soul." 
 </p>
            <p>Presently she muttered, "Yassir, enough to paint a whole 
thimbleful of 'em." At last her ramblings ceased altogether, and 
her countenance began to clear — a welcome sign to Tom, who had 
learned her moods, and knew she was on the threshold of good- 
humor, now.  He noticed that from time to time she unconsciously 
carried her finger to the end of her nose.  He looked closer and 
said: 
 </p>
            <p>"Why, mammy, the end of your nose is skinned.  How did 
that come?" 
 </p>
            <p>She sent out the sort of whole-hearted peal of laughter 
which God has vouchsafed in its perfection to none but the happy 
angels in heaven and the bruised and broken black slave on the 
earth, and said: 
 </p>
            <p>"Dad fetch dat duel, I be'n in it myself." 
 </p>
            <p>"Gracious! did a bullet do that?" 
 </p>
            <p>"Yassir, you bet it did!" 
 </p>
            <p>"Well, I declare!  Why, how did that happen?" 
 </p>
            <p>"Happen dis-away.  I 'uz a-sett'n' here kinder dozin' in 
de dark, en <emph>che-bang!</emph> goes a gun, right out dah.  I skips along 
out towards t' other end o' de house to see what 's gwyne on, en 
stops by de ole winder on de side towards Pudd'nhead Wilson's 
house dat ain't got no sash in it, — but dey ain't none of 'em 
got any sashes, fur as dat 's concerned, — en I stood dah in de 
dark en look out, en dar in de moonlight, right down under me 'uz 
one o' de twins a-cussin' — not much, but jist a-cussin' soft — 
it 'uz de brown one dat 'uz <milestone unit="page" n="1002"/> cussin', 'ca'se he 'uz hit 
in de shoulder.  En Doctor Claypool he 'uz a-workin' at him, en 
Pudd'nhead Wilson he 'uz a-he'pin', en ole Jedge Driscoll en Pem 
Howard 'uz a-standin' out yonder a little piece waitin' for 'em 
to git ready agin.  En treckly dey squared off en give de word, 
en <emph>bang-bang</emph> went de pistols, en de twin he say, `Ouch!' — hit 
him on de han' dis time, — en I hear dat same bullet go <emph>spat!</emph> 
ag'in' de logs under de winder; en de nex' time dey shoot, de 
twin say, `Ouch!' ag'in, en I done it too, 'ca'se de bullet 
glance' on his cheek-bone en skip up here en glance on de side o' 
de winder en whiz right acrost my face en tuck de hide off'n my 
nose — why, if I 'd 'a' be'n jist a inch or a inch en a half 
furder 't would 'a' tuck de whole nose en disfigger me.  Here 's 
de bullet; I hunted her up." 
 </p>
            <p>"Did you stand there all the time?" 
 </p>
            <p>"Dat 's a question to ask, ain't it!  What else would I 
do?  Does I git a chance to see a duel every day?" 
 </p>
            <p>"Why, you were right in range!  Were n't you afraid?" 
 </p>
            <p>The woman gave a sniff of scorn. 
 </p>
            <p>"'Fraid!  De Smith-Pocahontases ain't 'fraid o' nothin', 
let alone bullets." 
 </p>
            <p>"They 've got pluck enough, I suppose; what they lack is 
judgment.  <emph>I</emph> would n't have stood there." 
 </p>
            <p>"Nobody 's accusin' you!" 
 </p>
            <p>"Did anybody else get hurt?" 
 </p>
            <p>"Yes, we all got hit 'cep' de blon' twin en de doctor en 
de seconds.  De Jedge did n't git hurt, but I hear Pudd'nhead say 
de bullet snip some o' his ha'r off." 
 </p>
            <p>"'George!" said Tom to himself, "to come so near being 
out of my trouble, and miss it by an inch.  Oh dear, dear, he 
will live to find me out and sell me to some nigger-trader yet — 
yes, and he would do it in a minute." Then he said aloud, in a 
grave tone — 
 </p>
            <p>"Mother, we are in an awful fix." 
 </p>
            <p>Roxana caught her breath with a spasm, and said — 
 </p>
            <p>"Chile!  What you hit a body so sudden for, like dat? 
What 's be'n en gone en happen'?" 
 </p>
            <p>"Well, there 's one thing I did n't tell you.  When I 
would n't fight, he tore up the will again, and — " 
 </p>
            <p>Roxana's face turned a dead white, and she said — 
 <milestone unit="page" n="1003"/>
            </p>
            <p>"Now you 's <emph>done</emph>! — done forever!  Dat 's de end. 
Bofe un us is gwyne to starve to — " 
 </p>
            <p>"Wait and hear me through, can't you!  I reckon that 
when he resolved to fight, himself, he thought he might get 
killed and not have a chance to forgive me any more in this life, 
so he made the will again, and I 've seen it, and it 's all 
right.  But — " 
 </p>
            <p>"Oh, thank goodness, den we 's safe agin! — safe! en so 
what did you want to come here en talk sich dreadful — " 
 </p>
            <p>"Hold <emph>on</emph>, I tell you, and let me finish.  The swag I 
gathered won't half square me up, and the first thing we know, my 
creditors — well, you know what 'll happen." 
 </p>
            <p>Roxana dropped her chin, and told her son to leave her 
alone — she must think this matter out.  Presently she said 
impressively: 
 </p>
            <p>"You got to go mighty keerful now, I tell you!  En here 
's what you got to do.  He did n't git killed, en if you gives 
him de least reason, he 'll bust de will ag'in, en dat 's de 
<emph>las</emph>' time, now you hear me!  So — you 's got to show him what 
you kin do in de nex' few days.  You 's got to be pison good, en 
let him see it; you got to do everything dat 'll make him b'lieve 
in you, en you got to sweeten aroun' ole Aunt Pratt, too, — she 
's pow'ful strong wid de Jedge, en de bes' frien' you got.  Nex', 
you 'll go 'long away to Sent Louis, en dat 'll <emph>keep</emph> him in yo' 
favor.  Den you go en make a bargain wid dem people.  You tell 
'em he ain't gwyne to live long — en dat 's de fac', too, — en 
tell 'em you 'll pay 'em intrust, en big intrust, too, — ten per 
— what you call it?" 
 </p>
            <p>"Ten per cent. a month?" 
 </p>
            <p>"Dat 's it.  Den you take and sell yo' truck aroun', a 
little at a time, en pay de intrust.  How long will it las'?" 
 </p>
            <p>"I think there 's enough to pay the interest five or six 
months." 
 </p>
            <p>"Den you 's all right.  If he don't die in six months, 
dat don't make no diff'rence — Providence 'll provide.  You 's 
gwyne to be safe — if you behaves." She bent an austere eye on 
him and added, "En you <emph>is</emph> gwyne to behave — does you know 
dat?" 
 </p>
            <p>He laughed and said he was going to try, anyway.  She 
did not unbend.  She said gravely: 
 <milestone unit="page" n="1004"/>
            </p>
            <p>"Tryin' ain't de thing.  You 's gwyne to <emph>do</emph> it.  You 
ain't gwyne to steal a pin — 'ca'se it ain't safe no mo'; en you 
ain't gwyne into no bad comp'ny — not even once, you understand; 
en you ain't gwyne to drink a drop — nary single drop; en you 
ain't gwyne to gamble one single gamble — not one!  Dis ain't 
what you 's gwyne to <emph>try</emph> to do, it 's what you 's gwyne to 
<emph>do</emph>.  En I 'll tell you how I knows it.  Dis is how.  I 's gwyne 
to foller along to Sent Louis my own self; en you 's gwyne to 
come to me every day o' yo' life, en I 'll look you over; en if 
you fails in one single one o' dem things — jist <emph>one</emph> — I take 
my oath I 'll come straight down to dis town en tell de Jedge you 
's a nigger en a slave — en <emph>prove</emph> it!" She paused to let her 
words sink home.  Then she added, "Chambers, does you b'lieve me 
when I says dat?" 
 </p>
            <p>Tom was sober enough now.  There was no levity in his 
voice when he answered: 
 </p>
            <p>"Yes, mother.  I know, now, that I am reformed — and 
permanently.  Permanently — and beyond the reach of any human 
temptation." 
 </p>
            <p>"Den g' long home en begin!" 
 </p>
         </div>
         <div n="15" type="chapter">
            <milestone unit="page" n="1005"/>
            <head>XV</head>
            <cit>
               <quote>  Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits. </quote>
               <bibl>  — <emph>Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar.</emph> 
               </bibl>
            </cit>
            <cit>
               <quote>  Behold, the fool saith, "Put not all thine eggs in the 
one basket" — which is but a manner of saying, "Scatter your 
money and your attention"; but the wise man saith, "Put all your 
eggs in the one basket and — WATCH THAT BASKET." </quote>
               <bibl>  — <emph>Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar.</emph> 
               </bibl>
            </cit>
            <p>What a time of it Dawson's Landing was having!  All its 
life it had been asleep, but now it hardly got a chance for a 
nod, so swiftly did big events and crashing surprises come along 
in one another's wake: Friday morning, first glimpse of Real 
Nobility, also grand reception at Aunt Patsy Cooper's, also great 
robber-raid; Friday evening, dramatic kicking of the heir of the 
chief citizen in presence of four hundred people; Saturday 
morning, emergence as practising lawyer of the long-submerged 
Pudd'nhead Wilson; Saturday night, duel between chief citizen and 
titled stranger. 
 </p>
            <p>The people took more pride in the duel than in all the 
other events put together, perhaps.  It was a glory to their town 
to have such a thing happen there.  In their eyes the principals 
had reached the summit of human honor.  Everybody paid homage to 
their names; their praises were in all mouths.  Even the 
duelists' subordinates came in for a handsome share of the public 
approbation: wherefore Pudd'nhead Wilson was suddenly become a 
man of consequence.  When asked to run for the mayoralty Saturday 
night he was risking defeat, but Sunday morning found him a made 
man and his success assured. 
 </p>
            <p>The twins were prodigiously great, now; the town took 
them to its bosom with enthusiasm.  Day after day, and night 
after night, they went dining and visiting from house to house, 
making friends, enlarging and solidifying their popularity, and 
charming and surprising all with their musical prodigies, and now 
and then heightening the effects with samples of what they could 
do in other directions, out of their stock of rare and curious 
accomplishments.  They were <milestone unit="page" n="1006"/> so pleased that they gave 
the regulation thirty days' notice, the required preparation for 
citizenship, and resolved to finish their days in this pleasant 
place.  That was the climax.  The delighted community rose as one 
man and applauded; and when the twins were asked to stand for 
seats in the forthcoming aldermanic board, and consented, the 
public contentment was rounded and complete. 
 </p>
            <p>Tom Driscoll was not happy over these things; they sunk 
deep, and hurt all the way down.  He hated the one twin for 
kicking him, and the other one for being the kicker's brother. 
 </p>
            <p>Now and then the people wondered why nothing was heard 
of the raider, or of the stolen knife or the other plunder, but 
nobody was able to throw any light on that matter.  Nearly a week 
had drifted by, and still the thing remained a vexed mystery. 
 </p>
            <p>On Saturday Constable Blake and Pudd'nhead Wilson met on 
the street, and Tom Driscoll joined them in time to open their 
conversation for them.  He said to Blake — 
 </p>
            <p>"You are not looking well, Blake; you seem to be annoyed 
about something.  Has anything gone wrong in the detective 
business?  I believe you fairly and justifiably claim to have a 
pretty good reputation in that line, is n't it so?" — which made 
Blake feel good, and look it; but Tom added, "for a country 
detective" — which made Blake feel the other way, and not only 
look it, but betray it in his voice — 
 </p>
            <p>"Yes, sir, I <emph>have</emph> got a reputation; and it 's as good 
as anybody's in the profession, too, country or no country." 
 </p>
            <p>"Oh, I beg pardon; I did n't mean any offense.  What I 
started out to ask was only about the old woman that raided the 
town — the stoop-shouldered old woman, you know, that you said 
you were going to catch; and I knew you would, too, because you 
have the reputation of never boasting, and — well, you — you 
've caught the old woman?" 
 </p>
            <p>"D ------ the old woman!" 
 </p>
            <p>"Why, sho! you don't mean to say you have n't caught 
her?" 
 </p>
            <p>"No; I have n't caught her.  If anybody could have 
caught her, I could; but nobody could n't, I don't care who he 
is." 
 </p>
            <p>"I am sorry, real sorry — for your sake; because, when 
it <milestone unit="page" n="1007"/> gets around that a detective has expressed himself 
so confidently, and then — " 
 </p>
            <p>"Don't you worry, that 's all — don't you worry; and as 
for the town, the town need n't worry, either.  She 's my meat — 
make yourself easy about that.  I 'm on her track; I 've got 
clues that — " 
 </p>
            <p>"That 's good!  Now if you could get an old veteran 
detective down from St. Louis to help you find out what the clues 
mean, and where they lead to, and then — " 
 </p>
            <p>"I 'm plenty veteran enough myself, and I don't need 
anybody's help.  I 'll have her inside of a we — inside of a 
month.  That I 'll swear to!" 
 </p>
            <p>Tom said carelessly — 
 </p>
            <p>"I suppose that will answer — yes, that will answer. 
But I reckon she is pretty old, and old people don't often 
outlive the cautious pace of the professional detective when he 
has got his clues together and is out on his still-hunt." 
 </p>
            <p>Blake's dull face flushed under this gibe, but before he 
could set his retort in order Tom had turned to Wilson, and was 
saying, with placid indifference of manner and voice — 
 </p>
            <p>"Who got the reward, Pudd'nhead?" 
 </p>
            <p>Wilson winced slightly, and saw that his own turn was 
come. 
 </p>
            <p>"What reward?" 
 </p>
            <p>"Why, the reward for the thief, and the other one for 
the knife." 
 </p>
            <p>Wilson answered — and rather uncomfortably, to judge by 
his hesitating fashion of delivering himself — 
 </p>
            <p>"Well, the — well, in fact, nobody has claimed it yet." 
 </p>
            <p>Tom seemed surprised. 
 </p>
            <p>"Why, is that so?" 
 </p>
            <p>Wilson showed a trifle of irritation when he replied — 
 </p>
            <p>"Yes, it 's so.  And what of it?" 
 </p>
            <p>"Oh, nothing.  Only I thought you had struck out a new 
idea, and invented a scheme that was going to revolution-ize the 
time-worn and ineffectual methods of the — " He stopped, and 
turned to Blake, who was happy now that another had taken his 
place on the gridiron: "Blake, did n't you understand him to 
intimate that it would n't be necessary for you to hunt the old 
woman down?" 
 <milestone unit="page" n="1008"/>
            </p>
            <p>"B'George, he said he 'd have thief and swag both inside 
of three days — he did, by hokey! and that 's just about a week 
ago.  Why, I said at the time that no thief and no thief's pal 
was going to try to pawn or sell a thing where he knowed the 
pawnbroker could get both rewards by taking <emph>him</emph> into camp 
<emph>with</emph> the swag.  It was the blessedest idea that ever <emph>I</emph> 
struck!" 
 </p>
            <p>"You 'd change your mind," said Wilson, with irritated 
bluntness, "if you knew the entire scheme instead of only part of 
it." 
 </p>
            <p>"Well," said the constable, pensively, "I had the idea 
that it would n't work, and up to now I 'm right, anyway." 
 </p>
            <p>"Very well, then, let it stand at that, and give it a 
further show.  It has worked at least as well as your own 
methods, you perceive." 
 </p>
            <p>The constable had n't anything handy to hit back with, 
so he discharged a discontented sniff, and said nothing. 
 </p>
            <p>After the night that Wilson had partly revealed his 
scheme at his house, Tom had tried for several days to guess out 
the secret of the rest of it, but had failed.  Then it occurred 
to him to give Roxana's smarter head a chance at it.  He made up 
a supposititious case, and laid it before her.  She thought it 
over, and delivered her verdict upon it.  Tom said to himself, 
"She 's hit it, sure!" He thought he would test that verdict, 
now, and watch Wilson's face; so he said reflectively — 
 </p>
            <p>"Wilson, you 're not a fool — a fact of recent 
discovery.  Whatever your scheme was, it had sense in it, Blake's 
opinion to the contrary notwithstanding.  I don't ask you to 
reveal it, but I will suppose a case — a case which will answer 
as a starting-point for the real thing I am going to come at, and 
that 's all I want.  You offered five hundred dollars for the 
knife, and five hundred for the thief.  We will suppose, for 
argument's sake, that the first reward is <emph>advertised</emph>, and the 
second offered by <emph>private letter</emph> to pawnbrokers and — " 
 </p>
            <p>Blake slapped his thigh, and cried out — 
 </p>
            <p>"By Jackson, he 's got you, Pudd'nhead!  Now why could 
n't I or <emph>any</emph> fool have thought of that?" 
 </p>
            <p>Wilson said to himself, "Anybody with a reasonably good 
head would have thought of it.  I am not surprised that Blake did 
n't detect it; I am only surprised that Tom did.  There is <milestone unit="page" n="1009"/>
 more to him than I supposed." He said nothing aloud, 
and Tom went on: 
 </p>
            <p>"Very well.  The thief would not suspect that there was 
a trap, and he would bring or send the knife, and say he bought 
it for a song, or found it in the road, or something like that, 
and try to collect the reward, and be arrested — would n't he?" 
 </p>
            <p>"Yes," said Wilson. 
 </p>
            <p>"I think so," said Tom.  "There can't be any doubt of 
it.  Have you ever seen that knife?" 
 </p>
            <p>"No." 
 </p>
            <p>"Has any friend of yours?" 
 </p>
            <p>"Not that I know of." 
 </p>
            <p>"Well, I begin to think I understand why your scheme 
failed." 
 </p>
            <p>"What do you mean, Tom?  What are you driving at?" asked 
Wilson, with a dawning sense of discomfort. 
 </p>
            <p>"Why, that there <emph>is n't</emph> any such knife." 
 </p>
            <p>"Look here, Wilson," said Blake, "Tom Driscoll 's right, 
for a thousand dollars — if I had it." 
 </p>
            <p>Wilson's blood warmed a little, and he wondered if he 
had been played upon by those strangers; it certainly had 
something of that look.  But what could they gain by it?  He 
threw out that suggestion.  Tom replied: 
 </p>
            <p>"Gain?  Oh, nothing that you would value, maybe.  But 
they are strangers making their way in a new community.  Is it 
nothing to them to appear as pets of an Oriental prince — at no 
expense?  Is it nothing to them to be able to dazzle this poor 
little town with thousand-dollar rewards — at no expense? 
Wilson, there is n't any such knife, or your scheme would have 
fetched it to light.  Or if there is any such knife, they 've got 
it yet.  I believe, myself, that they 've seen such a knife, for 
Angelo pictured it out with his pencil too swiftly and handily 
for him to have been inventing it, and of course I can't swear 
that they 've never had it; but this I 'll go bail for — if they 
had it when they came to this town, they 've got it yet." 
 </p>
            <p>Blake said — 
 </p>
            <p>"It looks mighty reasonable, the way Tom puts it; it 
most certainly does." 
 <milestone unit="page" n="1010"/>
            </p>
            <p>Tom responded, turning to leave — 
 </p>
            <p>"You find the old woman, Blake, and if she can't furnish 
the knife, go and search the twins!" 
 </p>
            <p>Tom sauntered away.  Wilson felt a good deal depressed. 
He hardly knew what to think.  He was loth to withdraw his faith 
from the twins, and was resolved not to do it on the present 
indecisive evidence; but — well, he would think, and then decide 
how to act. 
 </p>
            <p>"Blake, what do you think of this matter?" 
 </p>
            <p>"Well, Pudd'nhead, I 'm bound to say I put it up the way 
Tom does.  They had n't the knife; or if they had it, they 've 
got it yet." 
 </p>
            <p>The men parted.  Wilson said to himself: 
 </p>
            <p>"I believe they had it; if it had been stolen, the 
scheme would have restored it, that is certain.  And so I believe 
they 've got it yet." 
 </p>
            <p>Tom had no purpose in his mind when he encountered those 
two men.  When he began his talk he hoped to be able to gall them 
a little and get a trifle of malicious entertainment out of it. 
But when he left, he left in great spirits, for he perceived that 
just by pure luck and no troublesome labor he had accomplished 
several delightful things: he had touched both men on a raw spot 
and seen them squirm; he had modified Wilson's sweetness for the 
twins with one small bitter taste that he would n't be able to 
get out of his mouth right away; and, best of all, he had taken 
the hated twins down a peg with the community; for Blake would 
gossip around freely, after the manner of detectives, and within 
a week the town would be laughing at them in its sleeve for 
offering a gaudy reward for a bauble which they either never 
possessed or had n't lost.  Tom was very well satisfied with 
himself. 
 </p>
            <p>Tom's behavior at home had been perfect during the 
entire week.  His uncle and aunt had seen nothing like it before. 
They could find no fault with him anywhere. 
 </p>
            <p>Saturday evening he said to the Judge — 
 </p>
            <p>"I 've had something preying on my mind, uncle, and as I 
am going away, and might never see you again, I can't bear it any 
longer.  I made you believe I was afraid to fight that Italian 
adventurer.  I had to get out of it on some pretext or  <milestone unit="page" n="1011"/> 
other, and maybe I chose badly, being taken unawares, but no 
honorable person could consent to meet him in the field, knowing 
what I knew about him." 
 </p>
            <p>"Indeed?  What was that?" 
 </p>
            <p>"Count Luigi is a confessed assassin." 
 </p>
            <p>"Incredible!" 
 </p>
            <p>"It is perfectly true.  Wilson detected it in his hand, 
by palmistry, and charged him with it, and cornered him up so 
close that he had to confess; but both twins begged us on their 
knees to keep the secret, and swore they would lead straight 
lives here; and it was all so pitiful that we gave our word of 
honor never to expose them while they kept that promise.  You 
would have done it yourself, uncle." 
 </p>
            <p>"You are right, my boy; I would.  A man's secret is 
still his own property, and sacred, when it has been surprised 
out of him like that.  You did well, and I am proud of you." Then 
he added mournfully, "But I wish I could have been saved the 
shame of meeting an assassin on the field of honor." 
 </p>
            <p>"It could n't be helped, uncle.  If I had known you were 
going to challenge him I should have felt obliged to sacrifice my 
pledged word in order to stop it, but Wilson could n't be 
expected to do otherwise than keep silent." 
 </p>
            <p>"Oh no; Wilson did right, and is in no way to blame. 
Tom, Tom, you have lifted a heavy load from my heart; I was stung 
to the very soul when I seemed to have discovered that I had a 
coward in my family." 
 </p>
            <p>"You may imagine what it cost <emph>me</emph> to assume such a 
part, uncle." 
 </p>
            <p>"Oh, I know it, poor boy, I know it.  And I can 
understand how much it has cost you to remain under that unjust 
stigma to this time.  But it is all right now, and no harm is 
done.  You have restored my comfort of mind, and with it your 
own; and both of us had suffered enough." 
 </p>
            <p>The old man sat a while plunged in thought; then he 
looked up with a satisfied light in his eye, and said: "That this 
assassin should have put the affront upon me of letting me meet 
him on the field of honor as if he were a gentleman is a matter 
which I will presently settle — but not now.  I will not shoot 
him until after election.  I see a way to ruin them both <milestone unit="page" n="1012"/>
 before; I will attend to that first.  Neither of them 
shall be elected, that I promise.  You are sure that the fact 
that he is an assassin has not got abroad?" 
 </p>
            <p>"Perfectly certain of it, sir." 
 </p>
            <p>"It will be a good card.  I will fling a hint at it from 
the stump on the polling-day.  It will sweep the ground from 
under both of them." 
 </p>
            <p>"There 's not a doubt of it.  It will finish them." 
 </p>
            <p>"That and outside work among the voters will, to a 
certainty.  I want you to come down here by and by and work 
privately among the rag-tag and bobtail.  You shall spend money 
among them; I will furnish it." 
 </p>
            <p>Another point scored against the detested twins!  Really 
it was a great day for Tom.  He was encouraged to chance a 
parting shot, now, at the same target, and did it. 
 </p>
            <p>"You know that wonderful Indian knife that the twins 
have been making such a to-do about?  Well, there 's no track or 
trace of it yet; so the town is beginning to sneer and gossip and 
laugh.  Half the people believe they never had any such knife, 
the other half believe they had it and have got it still.  I 've 
heard twenty people talking like that to-day." 
 </p>
            <p>Yes, Tom's blemishless week had restored him to the 
favor of his aunt and uncle. 
 </p>
            <p>His mother was satisfied with him, too.  Privately, she 
believed she was coming to love him, but she did not say so.  She 
told him to go along to St. Louis, now, and she would get ready 
and follow.  Then she smashed her whisky bottle and said — 
 </p>
            <p>"Dah now!  I 's a-gwyne to make you walk as straight as 
a string, Chambers, en so I 's bown' you ain't gwyne to git no 
bad example out o' yo' mammy.  I tole you you could n't go into 
no bad comp'ny.  Well, you 's gwyne into my comp'ny, en I 's 
gwyne to fill de bill.  Now, den, trot along, trot along!" 
 </p>
            <p>Tom went aboard one of the big transient boats that 
night with his heavy satchel of miscellaneous plunder, and slept 
the sleep of the unjust, which is serener and sounder than the 
other kind, as we know by the hanging-eve history of a million 
rascals.  But when he got up in the morning, luck was against him 
again: A brother-thief had robbed him while he slept, and gone 
ashore at some intermediate landing. 
 </p>
         </div>
         <div n="16" type="chapter">
            <milestone unit="page" n="1013"/>
            <head>XVI</head>
            <cit>
               <quote>  If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, 
he will not bite you.  This is the principal difference between a 
dog and a man. </quote>
               <bibl>  — <emph>Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar.</emph> 
               </bibl>
            </cit>
            <cit>
               <quote>  We know all about the habits of the ant, we know all 
about the habits of the bee, but we know nothing at all about the 
habits of the oyster.  It seems almost certain that we have been 
choosing the wrong time for studying the oyster. </quote>
               <bibl>  — <emph>Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar.</emph> 
               </bibl>
            </cit>
            <p>When Roxana arrived, she found her son in such despair 
and misery that her heart was touched and her motherhood rose up 
strong in her.  He was ruined past hope, now; his destruction 
would be immediate and sure, and he would be an outcast and 
friendless.  That was reason enough for a mother to love a child; 
so she loved him, and told him so.  It made him wince, secretly - 
- for she was a "nigger." That he was one himself was far from 
reconciling him to that despised race. 
 </p>
            <p>Roxana poured out endearments upon him, to which he 
responded uncomfortably, but as well as he could.  And she tried 
to comfort him, but that was not possible.  These intimacies 
quickly became horrible to him, and within the hour he began to 
try to get up courage enough to tell her so, and require that 
they be discontinued or very considerably modified.  But he was 
afraid of her; and besides, there came a lull, now, for she had 
begun to think.  She was trying to invent a saving plan.  Finally 
she started up, and said she had found a way out.  Tom was almost 
suffocated by the joy of this sudden good news.  Roxana said: 
 </p>
            <p>"Here is de plan, en she 'll win, sure.  I 's a nigger, 
en nobody ain't gwyne to doubt it dat hears me talk.  I 's wuth 
six hund'd dollahs.  Take en sell me, en pay off dese gamblers." 
 </p>
            <p>Tom was dazed.  He was not sure he had heard aright.  He 
was dumb for a moment; then he said: 
 </p>
            <p>"Do you mean that you would be sold into slavery to save 
me?" 
 <milestone unit="page" n="1014"/>
            </p>
            <p>"Ain't you my chile?  En does you know anything dat a 
mother won't do for her chile?  Dey ain't nothin' a white mother 
won't do for her chile.  Who made 'em so?  De Lord done it.  En 
who made de niggers?  De Lord made 'em.  In de inside, mothers is 
all de same.  De good Lord he made 'em so.  I 's gwyne to be sole 
into slavery, en in a year you 's gwyne to buy yo' ole mammy free 
ag'in.  I 'll show you how.  Dat 's de plan." 
 </p>
            <p>Tom's hopes began to rise, and his spirits along with 
them.  He said — 
 </p>
            <p>"It 's lovely of you, mammy — it 's just — " 
 </p>
            <p>"Say it ag'in!  En keep on sayin' it!  It 's all de pay 
a body kin want in dis worl', en it 's mo' den enough.  Laws 
bless you, honey, when I 's slavin' aroun', en dey 'buses me, if 
I knows you 's a-sayin' dat, 'way off yonder somers, it 'll heal 
up all de sore places, en I kin stan' 'em." 
 </p>
            <p>"I <emph>do</emph> say it again, mammy, and I 'll keep on saying 
it, too.  But how am I going to sell you?  You 're free, you 
know." 
 </p>
            <p>"Much diff'rence dat make!  White folks ain't 
partic'lar.  De law kin sell me now if dey tell me to leave de 
State in six months en I don't go.  You draw up a paper — bill 
o' sale — en put it 'way off yonder, down in de middle 'o 
Kaintuck somers, en sign some names to it, en say you 'll sell me 
cheap 'ca'se you 's hard up; you 'll fine you ain't gwyne to have 
no trouble.  You take me up de country a piece, en sell me on a 
farm; dem people ain't gwyne to ask no questions if I 's a 
bargain." 
 </p>
            <p>Tom forged a bill of sale and sold his mother to an 
Arkansas cotton-planter for a trifle over six hundred dollars. 
He did not want to commit this treachery, but luck threw the man 
in his way, and this saved him the necessity of going up country 
to hunt up a purchaser, with the added risk of having to answer a 
lot of questions, whereas this planter was so pleased with Roxy 
that he asked next to none at all.  Besides, the planter insisted 
that Roxy would n't know where she was, at first, and that by the 
time she found out she would already have become contented.  And 
Tom argued with himself that it was an immense advantage for Roxy 
to have a master who was so pleased with her, as this planter 
manifestly was.  In almost no time his flowing reasonings carried 
him to the <milestone unit="page" n="1015"/> point of even half believing he was doing 
Roxy a splendid surreptitious service in selling her "down the 
river." And then he kept diligently saying to himself all the 
time: "It 's for only a year.  In a year I buy her free again; 
she 'll keep that in mind, and it 'll reconcile her." Yes; the 
little deception could do no harm, and everything would come out 
right and pleasant in the end, any way.  By agreement, the 
conversation in Roxy's presence was all about the man's "up- 
country" farm, and how pleasant a place it was, and how happy the 
slaves were there; so poor Roxy was entirely deceived; and 
easily, for she was not dreaming that her own son could be guilty 
of treason to a mother who, in voluntarily going into slavery — 
slavery of any kind, mild or severe, or of any duration, brief or 
long — was making a sacrifice for him compared with which death 
would have been a poor and commonplace one.  She lavished tears 
and loving caresses upon him privately, and then went away with 
her owner — went away broken-hearted, and yet proud of what she 
was doing, and glad that it was in her power to do it. 
 </p>
            <p>Tom squared his accounts, and resolved to keep to the 
very letter of his reform, and never to put that will in jeopardy 
again.  He had three hundred dollars left.  According to his 
mother's plan, he was to put that safely away, and add her half 
of his pension to it monthly.  In one year this fund would buy 
her free again. 
 </p>
            <p>For a whole week he was not able to sleep well, so much 
the villainy which he had played upon his trusting mother preyed 
upon his rag of a conscience; but after that he began to get 
comfortable again, and was presently able to sleep like any other 
miscreant. 
 </p>
            <p>THE boat bore Roxy away from St. Louis at four in the 
afternoon, and she stood on the lower guard abaft the paddle-box 
and watched Tom through a blur of tears until he melted into the 
throng of people and disappeared; then she looked no more, but 
sat there on a coil of cable crying till far into the night. 
When she went to her foul steerage-bunk at last, between the 
clashing engines, it was not to sleep, but only to wait for the 
morning, and, waiting, grieve. 
 </p>
            <p>It had been imagined that she "would not know," and <milestone unit="page" n="1016"/>
 would think she was traveling up stream.  She!  Why, 
she had been steamboating for years.  At dawn she got up and went 
listlessly and sat down on the cable-coil again.  She passed many 
a snag whose "break" could have told her a thing to break her 
heart, for it showed a current moving in the same direction that 
the boat was going; but her thoughts were elsewhere, and she did 
not notice.  But at last the roar of a bigger and nearer break 
than usual brought her out of her torpor, and she looked up, and 
her practised eye fell upon that tell-tale rush of water.  For 
one moment her petrified gaze fixed itself there.  Then her head 
dropped upon her breast, and she said — 
 </p>
            <p>"Oh, de good Lord God have mercy on po' sinful me — <emph>I 
's sole down de river!</emph>" 
 </p>
         </div>
         <div n="17" type="chapter">
            <milestone unit="page" n="1017"/>
            <head>XVII</head>
            <cit>
               <quote>  Even popularity can be overdone.  In Rome, along at 
first, you are full of regrets that Michelangelo died; but by and 
by you only regret that you did n't see him do it. </quote>
               <bibl>  — <emph>Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar.</emph> 
               </bibl>
            </cit>
            <p>
               <emph>July 4.</emph>  Statistics show that we lose more fools on 
this day than in all the other days of the year put together. 
This proves, by the number left in stock, that one Fourth of July 
per year is now inadequate, the country has grown so. </p>
            <p>
               <emph>Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar.</emph>
            </p>
            <p>The summer weeks dragged by, and then the political 
campaign opened — opened in pretty warm fashion, and waxed 
hotter and hotter daily.  The twins threw themselves into it with 
their whole heart, for their self-love was engaged.  Their 
popularity, so general at first, had suffered afterward; mainly 
because they had been <emph>too</emph> popular, and so a natural reaction 
had followed.  Besides, it had been diligently whispered around 
that it was curious — indeed, <emph>very</emph> curious — that that 
wonderful knife of theirs did not turn up — <emph>if</emph> it was so 
valuable, or <emph>if</emph> it had ever existed.  And with the whisperings 
went chucklings and nudgings and winks, and such things have an 
effect.  The twins considered that success in the election would 
reinstate them, and that defeat would work them irreparable 
damage.  Therefore they worked hard, but not harder than Judge 
Driscoll and Tom worked against them in the closing days of the 
canvass.  Tom's conduct had remained so letter-perfect during two 
whole months, now, that his uncle not only trusted him with money 
with which to persuade voters, but trusted him to go and get it 
himself out of the safe in the private sitting-room. 
 </p>
            <p>The closing speech of the campaign was made by Judge 
Driscoll, and he made it against both of the foreigners.  It was 
disastrously effective.  He poured out rivers of ridicule upon 
them, and forced the big mass-meeting to laugh and applaud.  He 
scoffed at them as adventurers, mountebanks, side-show riff-raff, 
dime-museum freaks; he assailed their showy titles with 
measureless derision; he said they were back-alley barbers <milestone unit="page" n="1018"/>
 disguised as nobilities, peanut pedlers masquerading as 
gentlemen, organ-grinders bereft of their brother-monkey.  At 
last he stopped and stood still.  He waited until the place had 
become absolutely silent and expectant, then he delivered his 
deadliest shot; delivered it with ice-cold seriousness and 
deliberation, with a significant emphasis upon the closing words: 
he said he believed that the reward offered for the lost knife 
was humbug and buncombe, and that its owner would know where to 
find it whenever he should have occasion <emph>to assassinate 
somebody</emph>. 
 </p>
            <p>Then he stepped from the stand, leaving a startled and 
impressive hush behind him instead of the customary explosion of 
cheers and party cries. 
 </p>
            <p>The strange remark flew far and wide over the town and 
made an extraordinary sensation.  Everybody was asking, "What 
could he mean by that?" And everybody went on asking that 
question, but in vain; for the Judge only said he knew what he 
was talking about, and stopped there; Tom said he had n't any 
idea what his uncle meant, and Wilson, whenever he was asked what 
he thought it meant, parried the question by asking the 
questioner what <emph>he</emph> thought it meant. 
 </p>
            <p>Wilson was elected, the twins were defeated — crushed, 
in fact, and left forlorn and substantially friendless.  Tom went 
back to St. Louis happy. 
 </p>
            <p>Dawson's Landing had a week of repose, now, and it 
needed it.  But it was in an expectant state, for the air was 
full of rumors of a new duel.  Judge Driscoll's election labors 
had prostrated him, but it was said that as soon as he was well 
enough to entertain a challenge he would get one from Count 
Luigi. 
 </p>
            <p>The brothers withdrew entirely from society, and nursed 
their humiliation in privacy.  They avoided the people, and went 
out for exercise only late at night, when the streets were 
deserted. 
 </p>
         </div>
         <div n="18" type="chapter">
            <milestone unit="page" n="1019"/>
            <head>XVIII</head>
            <cit>
               <quote>  Gratitude and treachery are merely the two extremities 
of the same procession.  You have seen all of it that is worth 
staying for when the band and the gaudy officials have gone by. </quote>
               <bibl>  — <emph>Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar.</emph> 
               </bibl>
            </cit>
            <cit>
               <quote>  Thanksgiving Day.  Let all give humble, hearty, and 
sincere thanks, now, but the turkeys.  In the island of Fiji they 
do not use turkeys; they use plumbers.  It does not become you 
and me to sneer at Fiji. </quote>
               <bibl>  — <emph>Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar.</emph> 
               </bibl>
            </cit>
            <p>The Friday after the election was a rainy one in St. 
Louis.  It rained all day long, and rained hard, apparently 
trying its best to wash that soot-blackened town white, but of 
course not succeeding.  Toward midnight Tom Driscoll arrived at 
his lodgings from the theater in the heavy downpour, and closed 
his umbrella and let himself in; but when he would have shut the 
door, he found that there was another person entering — 
doubtless another lodger; this person closed the door and tramped 
up-stairs behind Tom.  Tom found his door in the dark, and 
entered it and turned up the gas.  When he faced about, lightly 
whistling, he saw the back of a man.  The man was closing and 
locking his door for him.  His whistle faded out and he felt 
uneasy.  The man turned around, a wreck of shabby old clothes 
sodden with rain and all a-drip, and showed a black face under an 
old slouch hat.  Tom was frightened.  He tried to order the man 
out, but the words refused to come, and the other man got the 
start.  He said, in a low voice — 
 </p>
            <p>"Keep still — I 's yo' mother!" 
 </p>
            <p>Tom sunk in a heap on a chair, and gasped out — 
 </p>
            <p>"It was mean of me, and base — I know it; but I meant 
it for the best, I did indeed — I can swear it." 
 </p>
            <p>Roxana stood awhile looking mutely down on him while he 
writhed in shame and went on incoherently babbling self- 
accusations mixed with pitiful attempts at explanation and 
palliation of his crime; then she seated herself and took off <milestone unit="page" n="1020"/>
 her hat, and her unkempt masses of long brown hair 
tumbled down about her shoulders. 
 </p>
            <p>"It ain't no fault o' yo'n dat dat ain't gray," she said 
sadly, noticing the hair. 
 </p>
            <p>"I know it, I know it!  I 'm a scoundrel.  But I swear I 
meant for the best.  It was a mistake, of course, but I thought 
it was for the best, I truly did." 
 </p>
            <p>Roxy began to cry softly, and presently words began to 
find their way out between her sobs.  They were uttered 
lamentingly, rather than angrily — 
 </p>
            <p>"Sell a pusson down de river — <emph>down de river!</emph> — for 
de bes'!  I would n't treat a dog so!  I is all broke down en 
wore out, now, en so I reckon it ain't in me to storm aroun' no 
mo', like I used to when I 'uz trompled on en 'bused.  I don't 
know — but maybe it 's so.  Leastways, I 's suffered so much dat 
mournin' seem to come mo' handy to me now den stormin'." 
 </p>
            <p>These words should have touched Tom Driscoll, but if 
they did, that effect was obliterated by a stronger one — one 
which removed the heavy weight of fear which lay upon him, and 
gave his crushed spirit a most grateful rebound, and filled all 
his small soul with a deep sense of relief.  But he kept 
prudently still, and ventured no comment.  There was a voiceless 
interval of some duration, now, in which no sounds were heard but 
the beating of the rain upon the panes, the sighing and 
complaining of the winds, and now and then a muffled sob from 
Roxana.  The sobs became more and more infrequent, and at last 
ceased.  Then the refugee began to talk again: 
 </p>
            <p>"Shet down dat light a little.  More.  More yit.  A 
pusson dat is hunted don't like de light.  Dah — dat 'll do.  I 
kin see whah you is, en dat 's enough.  I 's gwine to tell you de 
tale, en cut it jes as short as I kin, en den I 'll tell you what 
you 's got to do.  Dat man dat bought me ain't a bad man; he 's 
good enough, as planters goes; en if he could 'a' had his way I 
'd 'a' be'n a house servant in his fambly en be'n comfortable: 
but his wife she was a Yank, en not right down good lookin', en 
she riz up agin me straight off; so den dey sent me out to de 
quarter 'mongst de common fiel' han's.  Dat woman war n't 
satisfied even wid dat, but she worked up de overseer ag'in' <milestone unit="page" n="1021"/>
 me, she 'uz dat jealous en hateful; so de overseer he 
had me out befo' day in de mawnin's en worked me de whole long 
day as long as dey 'uz any light to see by; en many 's de 
lashin's I got 'ca'se I could n't come up to de work o' de 
stronges'.  Dat overseer wuz a Yank, too, outen New Englan', en 
anybody down South kin tell you what dat mean.  <emph>Dey</emph> knows how 
to work a nigger to death, en dey knows how to whale 'em, too — 
whale 'em till dey backs is welted like a washboard.  'Long at 
fust my marster say de good word for me to de overseer, but dat 
'uz bad for me; for de mistis she fine it out, en arter dat I 
jist ketched it at every turn — dey war n't no mercy for me no 
mo'." 
 </p>
            <p>Tom's heart was fired — with fury against the planter's 
wife; and he said to himself, "But for that meddlesome fool, 
everything would have gone all right." He added a deep and bitter 
curse against her. 
 </p>
            <p>The expression of this sentiment was fiercely written in 
his face, and stood thus revealed to Roxana by a white glare of 
lightning which turned the somber dusk of the room into dazzling 
day at that moment.  She was pleased — pleased and grateful; for 
did not that expression show that her child was capable of 
grieving for his mother's wrongs and of feeling resentment toward 
her persecutors? — a thing which she had been doubting.  But her 
flash of happiness was only a flash, and went out again and left 
her spirit dark; for she said to herself, "He sole me down de 
river — he can't feel for a body long; dis 'll pass en go." Then 
she took up her tale again. 
 </p>
            <p>"'Bout ten days ago I 'uz sayin' to myself dat I could 
n't las' many mo' weeks I 'uz so wore out wid de awful work en de 
lashin's, en so downhearted en misable.  En I did n't care no 
mo', nuther — life war n't wuth noth'n' to me if I got to go on 
like dat.  Well, when a body is in a frame o' mine like dat, what 
do a body care what a body do?  Dey was a little sickly nigger 
wench 'bout ten year ole dat 'uz good to me, en had n't no mammy, 
po' thing, en I loved her en she loved me; en she come out whah I 
'uz workin' en she had a roasted tater, en tried to slip it to 
me, — robbin' herself, you see, 'ca'se she knowed de overseer 
did n't gimme enough to eat, — en he ketched her at it, en give 
her a lick acrost de back wid his stick, which 'uz as thick as a 
broom-handle, en she drop' <milestone unit="page" n="1022"/> screamin' on de groun', en 
squirmin' en wallerin' aroun' in de dust like a spider dat 's got 
crippled.  I could n't stan' it.  All de hell-fire dat 'uz ever 
in my heart flame' up, en I snatch de stick outen his han' en 
laid him flat.  He laid dah moanin' en cussin', en all out of his 
head, you know, en de niggers 'uz plumb sk'yerd to death.  Dey 
gathered roun' him to he'p him, en I jumped on his hoss en took 
out for de river as tight as I could go.  I knowed what dey would 
do wid me.  Soon as he got well he would start in en work me to 
death if marster let him; en if dey did n't do dat, they 'd sell 
me furder down de river, en dat 's de same thing.  So I 'lowed to 
drown myself en git out o' my troubles.  It 'uz gitt'n' towards 
dark.  I 'uz at de river in two minutes.  Den I see a canoe, en I 
says dey ain't no use to drown myself tell I got to; so I ties de 
hoss in de edge o' de timber en shove out down de river, keepin' 
in under de shelter o' de bluff bank en prayin' for de dark to 
shet down quick.  I had a pow'ful good start, 'ca'se de big house 
'uz three mile back f'om de river en on'y de work-mules to ride 
dah on, en on'y niggers to ride 'em, en <emph>dey</emph> war n't gwine to 
hurry — dey 'd gimme all de chance dey could.  Befo' a body 
could go to de house en back it would be long pas' dark, en dey 
could n't track de hoss en fine out which way I went tell 
mawnin', en de niggers would tell 'em all de lies dey could 'bout 
it. 
 </p>
            <p>"Well, de dark come, en I went on a-spinnin' down de 
river.  I paddled mo'n two hours, den I war n't worried no mo', 
so I quit paddlin', en floated down de current, considerin' what 
I 'uz gwine to do if I did n't have to drown myself.  I made up 
some plans, en floated along, turnin' 'em over in my mine.  Well, 
when it 'uz a little pas' midnight, as I reckoned, en I had come 
fifteen or twenty mile, I see de lights o' a steamboat layin' at 
de bank, whah dey war n't no town en no woodyard, en putty soon I 
ketched de shape o' de chimbly-tops ag'in' de stars, en de good 
gracious me, I 'most jumped out o' my skin for joy!  It 'uz de 
<emph>Gran' Mogul</emph> — I 'uz chambermaid on her for eight seasons in de 
Cincinnati en Orleans trade.  I slid 'long pas' — don't see 
nobody stirrin' nowhah — hear 'em a-hammerin' away in de engine- 
room, den I knowed what de matter was — some o' de machinery 's 
broke.  I got asho' below de boat and turn' de canoe loose, <milestone unit="page" n="1023"/>
 den I goes 'long up, en dey 'uz jes one plank out, en I 
step' 'board de boat.  It 'uz pow'ful hot, deckhan's en 
roustabouts 'uz sprawled aroun' asleep on de fo'cas'l', de second 
mate, Jim Bangs, he sot dah on de bitts wid his head down, asleep 
—  'ca'se dat 's de way de second mate stan' de cap'n's watch! - 
-  en de ole watchman, Billy Hatch, he 'uz a-noddin' on de 
companionway; — en I knowed 'em all; 'en, lan', but dey did look 
good!  I says to myself, I wished old marster 'd come along <emph>now</emph> 
en try to take me — bless yo' heart, I 's 'mong frien's, I is. 
So I tromped right along 'mongst 'em, en went up on de b'iler 
deck en 'way back aft to de ladies' cabin guard, en sot down dah 
in de same cheer dat I 'd sot in 'mos' a hund'd million times, I 
reckon; en it 'uz jist home ag'in, I tell you! 
 </p>
            <p>"In 'bout an hour I heard de ready-bell jingle, en den 
de racket begin.  Putty soon I hear de gong strike.  `Set her 
back on de outside,' I says to myself — `I reckon I knows dat 
music!' I hear de gong ag'in.  `Come ahead on de inside,' I says. 
Gong ag'in.  `Stop de outside.' Gong ag'in.  `Come ahead on de 
outside — now we 's pinted for Sent Louis, en I 's outer de 
woods en ain't got to drown myself at all.' I knowed de <emph>Mogul</emph> 
'uz in de Sent Louis trade now, you see.  It 'uz jes fair 
daylight when we passed our plantation, en I seed a gang o' 
niggers en white folks huntin' up en down de sho', en trou-blin' 
deyselves a good deal 'bout me; but I war n't troublin' myself 
none 'bout dem. 
 </p>
            <p>"'Bout dat time Sally Jackson, dat used to be my second 
chambermaid en 'uz head chambermaid now, she come out on de 
guard, en 'uz pow'ful glad to see me, en so 'uz all de officers; 
en I tole 'em I 'd got kidnapped en sole down de river, en dey 
made me up twenty dollahs en give it to me, en Sally she rigged 
me out wid good clo'es, en when I got here I went straight to 
whah you used to wuz, en den I come to dis house, en dey say you 
's away but 'spected back every day; so I did n't dast to go down 
de river to Dawson's, 'ca'se I might miss you. 
 </p>
            <p>"Well, las' Monday I 'uz pass'n' by one o' dem places in 
Fourth street whah dey sticks up runaway-nigger bills, en he'ps 
to ketch 'em, en I seed my marster!  I 'mos' flopped down on de 
groun', I felt so gone.  He had his back to me, en <milestone unit="page" n="1024"/> 'uz 
talkin' to de man en givin' him some bills — nigger-bills, I 
reckon, en I 's de nigger.  He 's offerin' a reward — dat 's it. 
Ain't I right, don't you reckon?" 
 </p>
            <p>Tom had been gradually sinking into a state of ghastly 
terror, and he said to himself, now: "I 'm lost, no matter what 
turn things take!  This man has said to me that he thinks there 
was something suspicious about that sale.  He said he had a 
letter from a passenger on the <emph>Grand Mogul</emph> saying that Roxy 
came here on that boat and that everybody on board knew all about 
the case; so he says that her coming here instead of flying to a 
free State looks bad for me, and that if I don't find her for 
him, and that pretty soon, he will make trouble for me.  I never 
believed that story; I could n't believe she would be so dead to 
all motherly instincts as to come here, knowing the risk she 
would run of getting me into irremediable trouble.  And after 
all, here she is!  And I stupidly swore I would help him find 
her, thinking it was a perfectly safe thing to promise.  If I 
venture to deliver her up, she — she — but how can I help 
myself?  I 've got to do that or pay the money, and where 's the 
money to come from?  I — I — well, I should think that if he 
would swear to treat her kindly hereafter — and she says, 
herself, that he is a good man — and if he would swear to never 
allow her to be overworked, or ill fed, or — " 
 </p>
            <p>A flash of lightning exposed Tom's pallid face, drawn 
and rigid with these worrying thoughts.  Roxana spoke up sharply 
now, and there was apprehension in her voice — 
 </p>
            <p>"Turn up dat light!  I want to see yo' face better.  Dah 
now — lemme look at you.  Chambers, you 's as white as yo' 
shirt!  Has you seen dat man?  Has he be'n to see you?" 
 </p>
            <p>"Ye-s." 
 </p>
            <p>"When?" 
 </p>
            <p>"Monday noon." 
 </p>
            <p>"Monday noon!  Was he on my track?" 
 </p>
            <p>"He — well, he thought he was.  That is, he hoped he 
was.  This is the bill you saw." He took it out of his pocket. 
 </p>
            <p>"Read it to me!" 
 </p>
            <p>She was panting with excitement, and there was a dusky 
glow in her eyes that Tom could not translate with certainty, but 
there seemed to be something threatening about it.  The handbill 
had the usual rude woodcut of a turbaned negro <milestone unit="page" n="1025"/> woman 
running, with the customary bundle on a stick over her shoulder, 
and the heading in bold type, "$100 REWARD." Tom read the bill 
aloud — at least the part that described Roxana and named the 
master and his St. Louis address and the address of the Fourth- 
street agency; but he left out the item that applicants for the 
reward might also apply to Mr. Thomas Driscoll. 
 </p>
            <p>"Gimme de bill!" 
 </p>
            <p>Tom had folded it and was putting it in his pocket.  He 
felt a chilly streak creeping down his back, but said as 
carelessly as he could — 
 </p>
            <p>"The bill?  Why, it is n't any use to you; you can't 
read it.  What do you want with it?" 
 </p>
            <p>"Gimme de bill!" Tom gave it to her, but with a 
reluctance which he could not entirely disguise.  "Did you read 
it <emph>all</emph> to me?" 
 </p>
            <p>"Certainly I did." 
 </p>
            <p>"Hole up yo' han' en swah to it." 
 </p>
            <p>Tom did it.  Roxana put the bill carefully away in her 
pocket, with her eyes fixed upon Tom's face all the while; then 
she said — 
 </p>
            <p>"You 's lyin'!" 
 </p>
            <p>"What would I want to lie about it for?" 
 </p>
            <p>"I don't know — but you is.  Dat 's my opinion, 
anyways.  But nemmine 'bout dat.  When I seed dat man I 'uz dat 
sk'yerd dat I could sca'cely wobble home.  Den I give a nigger 
man a dollar for dese clo'es, en I ain't be'n in a house sence, 
night ner day, till now.  I blacked my face en laid hid in de 
cellar of a ole house dat 's burnt down, daytimes, en robbed de 
sugar hogsheads en grain sacks on de wharf, nights, to git 
somethin' to eat, en never dast to try to buy noth'n', en I 's 
'mos' starved.  En I never dast to come near dis place till dis 
rainy night, when dey ain't no people roun' sca'cely.  But to- 
night I be'n a-stannin' in de dark alley ever sence night come, 
waitin' for you to go by.  En here I is." 
 </p>
            <p>She fell to thinking.  Presently she said — 
 </p>
            <p>"You seed dat man at noon, las' Monday?" 
 </p>
            <p>"Yes." 
 </p>
            <p>"I seed him de middle o' dat arternoon.  He hunted you 
up, did n't he?" 
 <milestone unit="page" n="1026"/>
            </p>
            <p>"Yes." 
 </p>
            <p>"Did he give you de bill dat time?" 
 </p>
            <p>"No, he had n't got it printed yet." 
 </p>
            <p>Roxana darted a suspicious glance at him. 
 </p>
            <p>"Did you he'p him fix up de bill?" 
 </p>
            <p>Tom cursed himself for making that stupid blunder, and 
tried to rectify it by saying he remembered, now, that it <emph>was</emph> 
at noon Monday that the man gave him the bill.  Roxana said — 
 </p>
            <p>"You 's lyin' ag'in, sho." Then she straightened up and 
raised her finger: 
 </p>
            <p>"Now den!  I 's gwine to ast you a question, en I wants 
to know how you 's gwine to git aroun' it.  You knowed he 'uz 
arter me; en if you run off, 'stid o' stayin' here to he'p him, 
he 'd know dey 'uz somethin' wrong 'bout dis business, en den he 
would inquire 'bout you, en dat would take him to yo' uncle, en 
yo' uncle would read de bill en see dat you be'n sellin' a free 
nigger down de river, en you know <emph>him</emph>, I reckon!  He 'd t'ar up 
de will en kick you outen de house.  Now, den, you answer me dis 
question: hain't you tole dat man dat I would be sho' to come 
here, en den you would fix it so he could set a trap en ketch 
me?" 
 </p>
            <p>Tom recognized that neither lies nor arguments could 
help him any longer — he was in a vise, with the screw turned 
on, and out of it there was no budging.  His face began to take 
on an ugly look, and presently he said, with a snarl — 
 </p>
            <p>"Well, what could I do?  You see, yourself, that I was 
in his grip and could n't get out." 
 </p>
            <p>Roxy scorched him with a scornful gaze awhile, then she 
said — 
 </p>
            <p>"What could you do?  You could be Judas to yo' own 
mother to save yo' wuthless hide!  Would anybody b'lieve it?  No 
— a dog could n't!  You is de low-downest orneriest hound dat 
was ever pup'd into dis worl' — en I 's 'sponsible for it!" — 
and she spat on him. 
 </p>
            <p>He made no effort to resent this.  Roxy reflected a 
moment, then she said — 
 </p>
            <p>"Now I 'll tell you what you 's gwine to do.  You 's 
gwine to give dat man de money dat you 's got laid up, en make <milestone unit="page" n="1027"/>
 him wait till you kin go to de Jedge en git de res' en 
buy me free agin." 
 </p>
            <p>"Thunder! what are you thinking of?  Go and ask him for 
three hundred dollars and odd?  What would I tell him I want with 
it, pray?" 
 </p>
            <p>Roxy's answer was delivered in a serene and level voice 
— 
 </p>
            <p>"You 'll tell him you 's sole me to pay yo' gamblin' 
debts en dat you lied to me en was a villain, en dat I 'quires 
you to git dat money en buy me back ag'in." 
 </p>
            <p>"Why, you 've gone stark mad!  He would tear the will to 
shreds in a minute — don't you know that?" 
 </p>
            <p>"Yes, I does." 
 </p>
            <p>"Then you don't believe I 'm idiot enough to go to him, 
do you?" 
 </p>
            <p>"I don't b'lieve nothin' 'bout it — I <emph>knows</emph> you 's a- 
goin', I knows it 'ca'se you knows dat if you don't raise dat 
money I 'll go to him myself, en den he 'll sell <emph>you</emph> down de 
river, en you kin see how you like it!" 
 </p>
            <p>Tom rose, trembling and excited, and there was an evil 
light in his eye.  He strode to the door and said he must get out 
of this suffocating place for a moment and clear his brain in the 
fresh air so that he could determine what to do.  The door would 
n't open.  Roxy smiled grimly, and said — 
 </p>
            <p>"I 's got de key, honey — set down.  You need n't cle'r 
up yo' brain none to fine out what you gwine to do — <emph>I</emph> knows 
what you 's gwine to do." Tom sat down and began to pass his 
hands through his hair with a helpless and desperate air.  Roxy 
said, "Is dat man in dis house?" 
 </p>
            <p>Tom glanced up with a surprised expression, and asked — 
 </p>
            <p>"What gave you such an idea?" 
 </p>
            <p>"You done it.  Gwine out to cle'r yo' brain!  In de fust 
place you ain't got none to cle'r, en in de second place yo' 
ornery eye tole on you.  You 's de low-downest hound dat ever — 
but I done tole you dat befo'.  Now den, dis is Friday.  You kin 
fix it up wid dat man, en tell him you 's gwine away to git de 
res' o' de money, en dat you 'll be back wid it nex' Tuesday, or 
maybe Wednesday.  You understan'?" 
 </p>
            <p>Tom answered sullenly — 
 </p>
            <p>"Yes." 
 <milestone unit="page" n="1028"/>
            </p>
            <p>"En when you gits de new bill o' sale dat sells me to my 
own self, take en send it in de mail to Mr. Pudd'nhead Wilson, en 
write on de back dat he 's to keep it tell I come.  You 
understan'?" 
 </p>
            <p>"Yes." 
 </p>
            <p>"Dat 's all, den.  Take yo' umbreller, en put on yo' 
hat." 
 </p>
            <p>"Why?" 
 </p>
            <p>"Beca'se you 's gwine to see me home to de wharf.  You 
see dis knife?  I 's toted it aroun' sence de day I seed dat man 
en bought dese clo'es en it.  If he ketched me, I 'uz gwine to 
kill myself wid it.  Now start along, en go sof', en lead de way; 
en if you gives a sign in dis house, or if anybody comes up to 
you in de street, I 's gwine to jam it into you.  Chambers, does 
you b'lieve me when I says dat?" 
 </p>
            <p>"It 's no use to bother me with that question.  I know 
your word 's good." 
 </p>
            <p>"Yes, it 's diff'rent from yo'n!  Shet de light out en 
move along — here 's de key." 
 </p>
            <p>They were not followed.  Tom trembled every time a late 
straggler brushed by them on the street, and half expected to 
feel the cold steel in his back.  Roxy was right at his heels and 
always in reach.  After tramping a mile they reached a wide 
vacancy on the deserted wharves, and in this dark and rainy 
desert they parted. 
 </p>
            <p>As Tom trudged home his mind was full of dreary thoughts 
and wild plans; but at last he said to himself, wearily — 
 </p>
            <p>"There is but the one way out.  I must follow her plan. 
But with a variation — I will not ask for the money and ruin 
myself; I will <emph>rob</emph> the old skinflint." 
 </p>
         </div>
         <div n="19" type="chapter">
            <head>XIX</head>
            <milestone unit="page" n="1029"/>
            <cit>
               <quote>  Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance 
of a good example. </quote>
               <bibl>  — <emph>Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar.</emph> 
               </bibl>
            </cit>
            <cit>
               <quote>  It were not best that we should all think alike; it is 
difference of opinion that makes horse-races. </quote>
               <bibl>  — <emph>Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar.</emph> 
               </bibl>
            </cit>
            <p>Dawson's Landing was comfortably finishing its season of 
dull repose and waiting patiently for the duel.  Count Luigi was 
waiting, too; but not patiently, rumor said.  Sunday came, and 
Luigi insisted on having his challenge conveyed.  Wilson carried 
it.  Judge Driscoll declined to fight with an assassin — "that 
is," he added significantly, "in the field of honor." 
 </p>
            <p>Elsewhere, of course, he would be ready.  Wilson tried 
to convince him that if he had been present himself when Angelo 
told about the homicide committed by Luigi, he would not have 
considered the act discreditable to Luigi; but the obstinate old 
man was not to be moved. 
 </p>
            <p>Wilson went back to his principal and reported the 
failure of his mission.  Luigi was incensed, and asked how it 
could be that the old gentleman, who was by no means dull-witted, 
held his trifling nephew's evidence and inferences to be of more 
value than Wilson's.  But Wilson laughed, and said — 
 </p>
            <p>"That is quite simple; that is easily explicable.  I am 
not his doll — his baby — his infatuation: his nephew is.  The 
Judge and his late wife never had any children.  The Judge and 
his wife were past middle age when this treasure fell into their 
lap.  One must make allowances for a parental instinct that has 
been starving for twenty-five or thirty years.  It is famished, 
it is crazed with hunger by that time, and will be entirely 
satisfied with anything that comes handy; its taste is atrophied, 
it can't tell mud-cat from shad.  A devil born to a young couple 
is measurably recognizable by them as a devil before long, but a 
devil adopted by an old couple is an angel to them, and remains 
so, through thick and thin.  Tom is this old man's angel; he is 
infatuated with him.  Tom can persuade him into <milestone unit="page" n="1030"/> things 
which other people can 't — not all things; I don't mean that, 
but a good many — particularly one class of things: the things 
that create or abolish personal partialities or prejudices in the 
old man's mind.  The old man liked both of you.  Tom conceived a 
hatred for you.  That was enough; it turned the old man around at 
once.  The oldest and strongest friendship must go to the ground 
when one of these late-adopted darlings throws a brick at it." 
 </p>
            <p>"It 's a curious philosophy," said Luigi. 
 </p>
            <p>"It ain't a philosophy at all — it 's a fact.  And 
there is something pathetic and beautiful about it, too.  I think 
there is nothing more pathetic than to see one of these poor old 
childless couples taking a menagerie of yelping little worthless 
dogs to their hearts; and then adding some cursing and squawking 
parrots and a jackass-voiced macaw; and next a couple of hundred 
screeching song-birds, and presently some fetid guinea-pigs and 
rabbits, and a howling colony of cats.  It is all a groping and 
ignorant effort to construct out of base metal and brass filings, 
so to speak, something to take the place of that golden treasure 
denied them by Nature, a child.  But this is a digression.  The 
unwritten law of this region requires you to kill Judge Driscoll 
on sight, and he and the community will expect that attention at 
your hands — though of course your own death by his bullet will 
answer every purpose.  Look out for him!  Are you heeled — that 
is, fixed?" 
 </p>
            <p>"Yes; he shall have his opportunity.  If he attacks me I 
will respond." 
 </p>
            <p>As Wilson was leaving, he said — 
 </p>
            <p>"The Judge is still a little used up by his campaign 
work, and will not get out for a day or so; but when he does get 
out, you want to be on the alert." 
 </p>
            <p>About eleven at night the twins went out for exercise, 
and started on a long stroll in the veiled moonlight. 
 </p>
            <p>Tom Driscoll had landed at Hackett's Store, two miles 
below Dawson's, just about half an hour earlier, the only 
passenger for that lonely spot, and had walked up the shore road 
and entered Judge Driscoll's house without having encountered any 
one either on the road or under the roof. 
 </p>
            <p>He pulled down his window-blinds and lighted his candle. 
He laid off his coat and hat and began his preparations.  He <milestone unit="page" n="1031"/>
 unlocked his trunk and got his suit of girl's clothes 
out from under the male attire in it, and laid it by.  Then he 
blacked his face with burnt cork and put the cork in his pocket. 
His plan was, to slip down to his uncle's private sitting-room 
below, pass into the bed-room, steal the safe-key from the old 
gentleman's clothes, and then go back and rob the safe.  He took 
up his candle to start.  His courage and confidence were high, up 
to this point, but both began to waver a little, now.  Suppose he 
should make a noise, by some accident, and get caught — say, in 
the act of opening the safe?  Perhaps it would be well to go 
armed.  He took the Indian knife from its hiding-place, and felt 
a pleasant return of his waning courage.  He slipped stealthily 
down the narrow stair, his hair rising and his pulses halting at 
the slightest creak.  When he was half-way down, he was disturbed 
to perceive that the landing below was touched by a faint glow of 
light.  What could that mean?  Was his uncle still up?  No, that 
was not likely; he must have left his night-taper there when he 
went to bed.  Tom crept on down, pausing at every step to listen. 
He found the door standing open, and glanced in.  What he saw 
pleased him beyond measure.  His uncle was asleep on the sofa; on 
a small table at the head of the sofa a lamp was burning low, and 
by it stood the old man's small tin cash-box, closed.  Near the 
box was a pile of bank-notes and a piece of paper covered with 
figures in pencil.  The safe-door was not open.  Evidently the 
sleeper had wearied himself with work upon his finances, and was 
taking a rest. 
 </p>
            <p>Tom set his candle on the stairs, and began to make his 
way toward the pile of notes, stooping low as he went.  When he 
was passing his uncle, the old man stirred in his sleep, and Tom 
stopped instantly — stopped, and softly drew the knife from its 
sheath, with his heart thumping, and his eyes fastened upon his 
benefactor's face.  After a moment or two he ventured forward 
again — one step — reached for his prize and seized it, 
dropping the knife-sheath.  Then he felt the old man's strong 
grip upon him, and a wild cry of "Help! help!" rang in his ear. 
Without hesitation he drove the knife home — and was free.  Some 
of the notes escaped from his left hand and fell in the blood on 
the floor.  He dropped the knife and snatched them up and started 
to fly; transferred them to his <milestone unit="page" n="1032"/> left hand, and seized 
the knife again, in his fright and confusion, but remembered 
himself and flung it from him, as being a dangerous witness to 
carry away with him. 
 </p>
            <p>He jumped for the stair-foot, and closed the door behind 
him; and as he snatched his candle and fled upward, the stillness 
of the night was broken by the sound of urgent footsteps 
approaching the house.  In another moment he was in his room and 
the twins were standing aghast over the body of the murdered man! 
 </p>
            <p>Tom put on his coat, buttoned his hat under it, threw on 
his suit of girl's clothes, dropped the veil, blew out his light, 
locked the room door by which he had just entered, taking the 
key, passed through his other door into the back hall, locked 
that door and kept the key, then worked his way along in the dark 
and descended the back stairs.  He was not expecting to meet 
anybody, for all interest was centered in the other part of the 
house, now; his calculation proved correct.  By the time he was 
passing through the back yard, Mrs. Pratt, her servants, and a 
dozen half-dressed neighbors had joined the twins and the dead, 
and accessions were still arriving at the front door. 
 </p>
            <p>As Tom, quaking as with a palsy, passed out at the gate, 
three women came flying from the house on the opposite side of 
the lane.  They rushed by him and in at the gate, asking him what 
the trouble was there, but not waiting for an answer.  Tom said 
to himself, "Those old maids waited to dress — they did the same 
thing the night Stevens's house burned down next door." In a few 
minutes he was in the haunted house.  He lighted a candle and 
took off his girl-clothes.  There was blood on him all down his 
left side, and his right hand was red with the stains of the 
blood-soaked notes which he had crushed in it; but otherwise he 
was free from this sort of evidence.  He cleansed his hand on the 
straw, and cleaned most of the smut from his face.  Then he 
burned his male and female attire to ashes, scattered the ashes, 
and put on a disguise proper for a tramp.  He blew out his light, 
went below, and was soon loafing down the river road with the 
intent to borrow and use one of Roxy's devices.  He found a canoe 
and paddled off down-stream, setting the canoe adrift as dawn 
approached, and making his way by land <milestone unit="page" n="1033"/> to the next 
village, where he kept out of sight till a transient steamer came 
along, and then took deck passage for St. Louis.  He was ill at 
ease until Dawson's Landing was behind him; then he said to 
himself, "All the detectives on earth could n't trace me now; 
there 's not a vestige of a clue left in the world; that homicide 
will take its place with the permanent mysteries, and people 
won't get done trying to guess out the secret of it for fifty 
years." 
 </p>
            <p>In St. Louis, next morning, he read this brief telegram 
in the papers — dated at Dawson's Landing: 
 </p>
            <p>Judge Driscoll, an old and respected citizen, was 
assassinated here about midnight by a profligate Italian nobleman 
or barber on account of a quarrel growing out of the recent 
election.  The assassin will probably be lynched. 
 </p>
            <p>"One of the twins!" soliloquized Tom; "how lucky!  It is 
the knife that has done him this grace.  We never know when 
fortune is trying to favor us.  I actually cursed Pudd'nhead 
Wilson in my heart for putting it out of my power to sell that 
knife.  I take it back, now." 
 </p>
            <p>Tom was now rich and independent.  He arranged with the 
planter, and mailed to Wilson the new bill of sale which sold 
Roxana to herself; then he telegraphed his Aunt Pratt: 
 </p>
            <p>Have seen the awful news in the papers and am almost 
prostrated with grief.  Shall start by packet to-day.  Try to 
bear up till I come. 
 </p>
            <p>When Wilson reached the house of mourning and had 
gathered such details as Mrs. Pratt and the rest of the crowd 
could tell him, he took command as mayor, and gave orders that 
nothing should be touched, but everything left as it was until 
Justice Robinson should arrive and take the proper measures as 
coroner.  He cleared everybody out of the room but the twins and 
himself.  The sheriff soon arrived and took the twins away to 
jail.  Wilson told them to keep heart, and promised to do his 
best in their defense when the case should come to trial. 
Justice Robinson came presently, and with him Constable Blake. 
They examined the room thoroughly.  They found the knife and the 
sheath.  Wilson noticed that there were finger-prints on the 
knife-handle.  That pleased him, for <milestone unit="page" n="1034"/> the twins had 
required the earliest comers to make a scrutiny of their hands 
and clothes, and neither these people nor Wilson himself had 
found any blood-stains upon them.  Could there be a possibility 
that the twins had spoken the truth when they said they found the 
man dead when they ran into the house in answer to the cry for 
help?  He thought of that mysterious girl at once.  But this was 
not the sort of work for a girl to be engaged in.  No matter; Tom 
Driscoll's room must be examined. 
 </p>
            <p>After the coroner's jury had viewed the body and its 
surroundings, Wilson suggested a search up-stairs, and he went 
along.  The jury forced an entrance to Tom's room, but found 
nothing, of course. 
 </p>
            <p>The coroner's jury found that the homicide was committed 
by Luigi, and that Angelo was accessory to it. 
 </p>
            <p>The town was bitter against the unfortunates, and for 
the first few days after the murder they were in constant danger 
of being lynched.  The grand jury presently indicted Luigi for 
murder in the first degree, and Angelo as accessory before the 
fact.  The twins were transferred from the city jail to the 
county prison to await trial. 
 </p>
            <p>Wilson examined the finger-marks on the knife-handle and 
said to himself, "Neither of the twins made those marks." Then 
manifestly there was another person concerned, either in his own 
interest or as hired assassin. 
 </p>
            <p>But who could it be?  That, he must try to find out. 
The safe was not open, the cash-box was closed, and had three 
thousand dollars in it.  Then robbery was not the motive, and 
revenge was.  Where had the murdered man an enemy except Luigi? 
There was but that one person in the world with a deep grudge 
against him. 
 </p>
            <p>The mysterious girl!  The girl was a great trial to 
Wilson.  If the motive had been robbery, the girl might answer; 
but there was n't any girl that would want to take this old man's 
life for revenge.  He had no quarrels with girls; he was a 
gentleman. 
 </p>
            <p>Wilson had perfect tracings of the finger-marks of the 
knife-handle; and among his glass-records he had a great array of 
the finger-prints of women and girls, collected during the last 
fifteen or eighteen years, but he scanned them in vain, <milestone unit="page" n="1035"/> 
they successfully withstood every test; among them were no 
duplicates of the prints on the knife. 
 </p>
            <p>The presence of the knife on the stage of the murder was 
a worrying circumstance for Wilson.  A week previously he had as 
good as admitted to himself that he believed Luigi had possessed 
such a knife, and that he still possessed it notwithstanding his 
pretense that it had been stolen.  And now here was the knife, 
and with it the twins.  Half the town had said the twins were 
humbugging when they claimed that they had lost their knife, and 
now these people were joyful, and said, "I told you so!" 
 </p>
            <p>If their finger-prints had been on the handle — but it 
was useless to bother any further about that; the finger-prints 
on the handle were <emph>not</emph> theirs — that he knew perfectly. 
 </p>
            <p>Wilson refused to suspect Tom; for first, Tom could n't 
murder anybody — he had n't character enough; secondly, if he 
could murder a person he would n't select his doting benefactor 
and nearest relative; thirdly, self-interest was in the way; for 
while the uncle lived, Tom was sure of a free support and a 
chance to get the destroyed will revived again, but with the 
uncle gone, that chance was gone, too.  It was true the will had 
really been revived, as was now discovered, but Tom could not 
have been aware of it, or he would have spoken of it, in his 
native talky, unsecretive way.  Finally, Tom was in St. Louis 
when the murder was done, and got the news out of the morning 
journals, as was shown by his telegram to his aunt.  These 
speculations were unemphasized sensations rather than articulated 
thoughts, for Wilson would have laughed at the idea of seriously 
connecting Tom with the murder. 
 </p>
            <p>Wilson regarded the case of the twins as desperate — in 
fact, about hopeless.  For he argued that if a confederate was 
not found, an enlightened Missouri jury would hang them, sure; if 
a confederate was found, that would not improve the matter, but 
simply furnish one more person for the sheriff to hang.  Nothing 
could save the twins but the discovery of a person who did the 
murder on his sole personal account — an undertaking which had 
all the aspect of the impossible.  Still, the person who made the 
finger-prints must be sought.  The twins might have no case 
<emph>with</emph> him, but they certainly would have none without him. 
 <milestone unit="page" n="1036"/>
            </p>
            <p>So Wilson mooned around, thinking, thinking, guessing, 
guessing, day and night, and arriving nowhere.  Whenever he ran 
across a girl or a woman he was not acquainted with, he got her 
finger-prints, on one pretext or another; and they always cost 
him a sigh when he got home, for they never tallied with the 
finger-marks on the knife-handle. 
 </p>
            <p>As to the mysterious girl, Tom swore he knew no such 
girl, and did not remember ever seeing a girl wearing a dress 
like the one described by Wilson.  He admitted that he did not 
always lock his room, and that sometimes the servants forgot to 
lock the house doors; still, in his opinion the girl must have 
made but few visits or she would have been discovered.  When 
Wilson tried to connect her with the stealing-raid, and thought 
she might have been the old woman's confederate, if not the very 
thief herself disguised as an old woman, Tom seemed struck, and 
also much interested, and said he would keep a sharp eye out for 
this person or persons, although he was afraid that she or they 
would be too smart to venture again into a town where everybody 
would now be on the watch for a good while to come. 
 </p>
            <p>Everybody was pitying Tom, he looked so quiet and 
sorrowful, and seemed to feel his great loss so deeply.  He was 
playing a part, but it was not all a part.  The picture of his 
alleged uncle, as he had last seen him, was before him in the 
dark pretty frequently, when he was awake, and called again in 
his dreams, when he was asleep.  He would n't go into the room 
where the tragedy had happened.  This charmed the doting Mrs. 
Pratt, who realized now, "as she had never done before," she 
said, what a sensitive and delicate nature her darling had, and 
how he adored his poor uncle. 
 </p>
         </div>
         <div n="20" type="chapter">
            <head>XX</head>
            <milestone unit="page" n="1037"/>
            <cit>
               <quote>Even the clearest and most perfect circumstantial 
evidence is likely to be at fault, after all, and therefore ought 
to be received with great caution.  Take the case of any pencil, 
sharpened by any woman: if you have witnesses, you will find she 
did it with a knife; but if you take simply the aspect of the 
pencil, you will say she did it with her teeth. </quote>
               <bibl>  — <emph>Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar.</emph> 
               </bibl>
            </cit>
            <p>The weeks dragged along, no friend visiting the jailed 
twins but their counsel and Aunt Patsy Cooper, and the day of 
trial came at last — the heaviest day in Wilson's life; for with 
all his tireless diligence he had discovered no sign or trace of 
the missing confederate.  "Confederate" was the term he had long 
ago privately accepted for that person — not as being 
unquestionably the right term, but as being at least possibly the 
right one, though he was never able to understand why the twins 
did not vanish and escape, as the confederate had done, instead 
of remaining by the murdered man and getting caught there. 
 </p>
            <p>The court-house was crowded, of course, and would remain 
so to the finish, for not only in the town itself, but in the 
country for miles around, the trial was the one topic of 
conversation among the people.  Mrs. Pratt, in deep mourning, and 
Tom with a weed on his hat, had seats near Pembroke Howard, the 
public prosecutor, and back of them sat a great array of friends 
of the family.  The twins had but one friend present to keep 
their counsel in countenance, their poor old sorrowing landlady. 
She sat near Wilson, and looked her friendliest.  In the "nigger 
corner" sat Chambers; also Roxy, with good clothes on, and her 
bill of sale in her pocket.  It was her most precious possession, 
and she never parted with it, day or night.  Tom had allowed her 
thirty-five dollars a month ever since he came into his property, 
and had said that he and she ought to be grateful to the twins 
for making them rich; but had roused such a temper in her by this 
speech that he did not repeat the argument afterward.  She said 
the old Judge had treated her child a thousand times better than <milestone unit="page" n="1038"/>
 he deserved, and had never done her an unkindness in 
his life; so she hated these outlandish devils for killing him, 
and should n't ever sleep satisfied till she saw them hanged for 
it.  She was here to watch the trial, now, and was going to lift 
up just one "hooraw" over it if the County Judge put her in jail 
a year for it.  She gave her turbaned head a toss and said, "When 
dat verdic' comes, I 's gwine to lif' dat <emph>roof</emph>, now, I <emph>tell</emph> 
you." 
 </p>
            <p>Pembroke Howard briefly sketched the State's case.  He 
said he would show by a chain of circumstantial evidence without 
break or fault in it anywhere, that the principal prisoner at the 
bar committed the murder; that the motive was partly revenge, and 
partly a desire to take his own life out of jeopardy, and that 
his brother, by his presence, was a consenting accessory to the 
crime; a crime which was the basest known to the calendar of 
human misdeeds — assassination; that it was conceived by the 
blackest of hearts and consummated by the cowardliest of hands; a 
crime which had broken a loving sister's heart, blighted the 
happiness of a young nephew who was as dear as a son, brought 
inconsolable grief to many friends, and sorrow and loss to the 
whole community.  The utmost penalty of the outraged law would be 
exacted, and upon the accused, now present at the bar, that 
penalty would unquestionably be executed.  He would reserve 
further remark until his closing speech. 
 </p>
            <p>He was strongly moved, and so also was the whole house; 
Mrs. Pratt and several other women were weeping when he sat down, 
and many an eye that was full of hate was riveted upon the 
unhappy prisoners. 
 </p>
            <p>Witness after witness was called by the State, and 
questioned at length; but the cross-questioning was brief. 
Wilson knew they could furnish nothing valuable for his side. 
People were sorry for Pudd'nhead; his budding career would get 
hurt by this trial. 
 </p>
            <p>Several witnesses swore they heard Judge Driscoll say in 
his public speech that the twins would be able to find their lost 
knife again when they needed it to assassinate somebody with. 
This was not news, but now it was seen to have been sorrowfully 
prophetic, and a profound sensation quivered <milestone unit="page" n="1039"/> through 
the hushed court-room when those dismal words were repeated. 
 </p>
            <p>The public prosecutor rose and said that it was within 
his knowledge, through a conversation held with Judge Driscoll on 
the last day of his life, that counsel for the defense had 
brought him a challenge from the person charged at this bar with 
murder; that he had refused to fight with a confessed assassin — 
"that is, on the field of honor," but had added significantly, 
that he would be ready for him elsewhere.  Presumably the person 
here charged with murder was warned that he must kill or be 
killed the first time he should meet Judge Driscoll.  If counsel 
for the defense chose to let the statement stand so, he would not 
call him to the witness stand.  Mr. Wilson said he would offer no 
denial.  [Murmurs in the house — "It is getting worse and worse 
for Wilson's case."] 
 </p>
            <p>Mrs. Pratt testified that she heard no outcry, and did 
not know what woke her up, unless it was the sound of rapid 
footsteps approaching the front door.  She jumped up and ran out 
in the hall just as she was, and heard the footsteps flying up 
the front steps and then following behind her as she ran to the 
sitting-room.  There she found the accused standing over her 
murdered brother.  [Here she broke down and sobbed.  Sensation in 
the court.] Resuming, she said the persons entering behind her 
were Mr. Rogers and Mr. Buckstone. 
 </p>
            <p>Cross-examined by Wilson, she said the twins proclaimed 
their innocence; declared that they had been taking a walk, and 
had hurried to the house in response to a cry for help which was 
so loud and strong that they had heard it at a considerable 
distance; that they begged her and the gentlemen just mentioned 
to examine their hands and clothes — which was done, and no 
blood-stains found. 
 </p>
            <p>Confirmatory evidence followed from Rogers and 
Buckstone. 
 </p>
            <p>The finding of the knife was verified, the advertisement 
minutely describing it and offering a reward for it was put in 
evidence, and its exact correspondence with that description 
proved.  Then followed a few minor details, and the case for the 
State was closed. 
 </p>
            <p>Wilson said that he had three witnesses, the Misses 
Clarkson, <milestone unit="page" n="1040"/> who would testify that they met a veiled 
young woman leaving Judge Driscoll's premises by the back gate a 
few minutes after the cries for help were heard, and that their 
evidence, taken with certain circumstantial evidence which he 
would call the court's attention to, would in his opinion 
convince the court that there was still one person concerned in 
this crime who had not yet been found, and also that a stay of 
proceedings ought to be granted, in justice to his clients, until 
that person should be discovered.  As it was late, he would ask 
leave to defer the examination of his three witnesses until the 
next morning. 
 </p>
            <p>The crowd poured out of the place and went flocking away 
in excited groups and couples, talking the events of the session 
over with vivacity and consuming interest, and everybody seemed 
to have had a satisfactory and enjoyable day except the accused, 
their counsel, and their old-lady friend.  There was no cheer 
among these, and no substantial hope. 
 </p>
            <p>In parting with the twins Aunt Patsy did attempt a good- 
night with a gay pretense of hope and cheer in it, but broke down 
without finishing. 
 </p>
            <p>Absolutely secure as Tom considered himself to be, the 
opening solemnities of the trial had nevertheless oppressed him 
with a vague uneasiness, his being a nature sensitive to even the 
smallest alarms; but from the moment that the poverty and 
weakness of Wilson's case lay exposed to the court, he was 
comfortable once more, even jubilant.  He left the court-room 
sarcastically sorry for Wilson.  "The Clarksons met an unknown 
woman in the back lane," he said to himself — "<emph>that</emph> is his 
case!  I 'll give him a century to find her in — a couple of 
them if he likes.  A woman who does n't exist any longer, and the 
clothes that gave her her sex burnt up and the ashes thrown away 
— oh, certainly, he 'll find <emph>her</emph> easy enough!" This reflection 
set him to admiring, for the hundredth time, the shrewd 
ingenuities by which he had insured himself against detection — 
more, against even suspicion. 
 </p>
            <p>"Nearly always in cases like this there is some little 
detail or other overlooked, some wee little track or trace left 
behind, and detection follows; but here there 's not even the 
faintest suggestion of a trace left.  No more than a bird leaves 
when it flies through the air — yes, through the night, you may 
say.  <milestone unit="page" n="1041"/> The man that can track a bird through the air in 
the dark and find that bird is the man to track me out and find 
the Judge's assassin — no other need apply.  And that is the job 
that has been laid out for poor Pudd'nhead Wilson, of all people 
in the world!  Lord, it will be pathetically funny to see him 
grubbing and groping after that woman that don't exist, and the 
right person sitting under his very nose all the time!" The more 
he thought the situation over, the more the humor of it struck 
him.  Finally he said, "I'll never let him hear the last of that 
woman.  Every time I catch him in company, to his dying day, I 
'll ask him in the guileless affectionate way that used to gravel 
him so when I inquired how his unborn law-business was coming 
along, `Got on her track yet — hey, Pudd'nhead?'" He wanted to 
laugh, but that would not have answered; there were people about, 
and he was mourning for his uncle.  He made up his mind that it 
would be good entertainment to look in on Wilson that night and 
watch him worry over his barren law-case and goad him with an 
exasperating word or two of sympathy and commiseration now and 
then. 
 </p>
            <p>Wilson wanted no supper, he had no appetite.  He got out 
all the finger-prints of girls and women in his collection of 
records and pored gloomily over them an hour or more, trying to 
convince himself that that troublesome girl's marks were there 
somewhere and had been overlooked.  But it was not so.  He drew 
back his chair, clasped his hands over his head, and gave himself 
up to dull and arid musings. 
 </p>
            <p>Tom Driscoll dropped in, an hour after dark, and said 
with a pleasant laugh as he took a seat — 
 </p>
            <p>"Hello, we 've gone back to the amusements of our days 
of neglect and obscurity for consolation, have we?" and he took 
up one of the glass strips and held it against the light to 
inspect it.  "Come, cheer up, old man; there 's no use in losing 
your grip and going back to this child's-play merely because this 
big sun-spot is drifting across your shiny new disk.  It 'll 
pass, and you 'll be all right again" — and he laid the glass 
down.  "Did you think you could win always?" 
 </p>
            <p>"Oh, no," said Wilson, with a sigh, "I did n't expect 
that, but I can't believe Luigi killed your uncle, and I feel 
very sorry for him.  It makes me blue.  And you would feel as I 
do, <milestone unit="page" n="1042"/> Tom, if you were not prejudiced against those young 
fellows." 
 </p>
            <p>"I don't know about that," and Tom's countenance 
darkened, for his memory reverted to his kicking; "I owe them no 
good will, considering the brunette one's treatment of me that 
night.  Prejudice or no prejudice, Pudd'nhead, I don't like them, 
and when they get their deserts you 're not going to find me 
sitting on the mourner's bench." 
 </p>
            <p>He took up another strip of glass, and exclaimed — 
 </p>
            <p>"Why, here 's old Roxy's label!  Are you going to 
ornament the royal palaces with nigger paw-marks, too?  By the 
date here, I was seven months old when this was done, and she was 
nursing me and her little nigger cub.  There 's a line straight 
across her thumb-print.  How comes that?" and Tom held out the 
piece of glass to Wilson. 
 </p>
            <p>"That is common," said the bored man, wearily.  "Scar of 
a cut or a scratch, usually" — and he took the strip of glass 
indifferently, and raised it toward the lamp. 
 </p>
            <p>All the blood sunk suddenly out of his face; his hand 
quaked, and he gazed at the polished surface before him with the 
glassy stare of a corpse. 
 </p>
            <p>"Great Heavens, what 's the matter with you, Wilson? 
Are you going to faint?" 
 </p>
            <p>Tom sprang for a glass of water and offered it, but 
Wilson shrank shuddering from him and said — 
 </p>
            <p>"No, no! — take it away!" His breast was rising and 
falling, and he moved his head about in a dull and wandering way, 
like a person who has been stunned.  Presently he said, "I shall 
feel better when I get to bed; I have been overwrought to-day; 
yes, and overworked for many days." 
 </p>
            <p>"Then I 'll leave you and let you get to your rest. 
Good-night, old man." But as Tom went out he could n't deny 
himself a small parting gibe: "Don't take it so hard; a body 
can't win every time; you 'll hang somebody yet." 
 </p>
            <p>Wilson muttered to himself, "It is no lie to say I am 
sorry I have to begin with you, miserable dog though you are!" 
 </p>
            <p>He braced himself up with a glass of cold whisky, and 
went to work again.  He did not compare the new finger-marks 
unintentionally left by Tom a few minutes before on Roxy's glass 
with the tracings of the marks left on the knife-handle, <milestone unit="page" n="1043"/>
 there being no need of that (for his trained eye), but 
busied himself with another matter, muttering from time to time, 
"Idiot that I was! — Nothing but a <emph>girl</emph> would do me — a man 
in girl's clothes never occurred to me." First, he hunted out the 
plate containing the finger-prints made by Tom when he was twelve 
years old, and laid it by itself; then he brought forth the marks 
made by Tom's baby fingers when he was a suckling of seven 
months, and placed these two plates with the one containing this 
subject's newly (and unconsciously) made record. 
 </p>
            <p>"Now the series is complete," he said with satisfaction, 
and sat down to inspect these things and enjoy them. 
 </p>
            <p>But his enjoyment was brief.  He stared a considerable 
time at the three strips, and seemed stupefied with astonishment. 
At last he put them down and said, "I can't make it out at all — 
hang it, the baby's don't tally with the others!" 
 </p>
            <p>He walked the floor for half an hour puzzling over his 
enigma, then he hunted out two other glass plates. 
 </p>
            <p>He sat down and puzzled over these things a good while, 
but kept muttering, "It 's no use; I can't understand it.  They 
don't tally right, and yet I 'll swear the names and dates are 
right, and so of course they <emph>ought</emph> to tally.  I never labeled 
one of these things carelessly in my life.  There is a most 
extraordinary mystery here." 
 </p>
            <p>He was tired out, now, and his brains were beginning to 
clog.  He said he would sleep himself fresh, and then see what he 
could do with this riddle.  He slept through a troubled and 
unrestful hour, then unconsciousness began to shred away, and 
presently he rose drowsily to a sitting posture.  "Now what was 
that dream?" he said, trying to recall it; "what was that dream? 
— it seemed to unravel that puz — " 
 </p>
            <p>He landed in the middle of the floor at a bound, without 
finishing the sentence, and ran and turned up his light and 
seized his "records." He took a single swift glance at them and 
cried out — 
 </p>
            <p>"It 's so!  Heavens, what a revelation!  And for twenty- 
three years no man has ever suspected it!" 
 </p>
         </div>
         <div n="21" type="chapter">
            <head>XXI</head>
            <milestone unit="page" n="1044"/>
            <cit>
               <quote> He is useless on top of the ground; he ought to be under 
it, inspiring the cabbages. </quote>
               <bibl>  — <emph>Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar.</emph> 
               </bibl>
            </cit>
            <cit>
               <quote>
                  <emph>April I.</emph>  This is the day upon which we are reminded 
of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four. </quote>
               <bibl>  — <emph>Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar.</emph> 
               </bibl>
            </cit>
            <p>Wilson put on enough clothes for business purposes and 
went to work under a high pressure of steam.  He was awake all 
over.  All sense of weariness had been swept away by the 
invigorating refreshment of the great and hopeful discovery which 
he had made.  He made fine and accurate reproductions of a number 
of his "records," and then enlarged them on a scale of ten to one 
with his pantograph.  He did these pantograph enlargements on 
sheets of white cardboard, and made each individual line of the 
bewildering maze of whorls or curves or loops which constituted 
the "pattern" of a "record" stand out bold and black by 
reinforcing it with ink.  To the untrained eye the collection of 
delicate originals made by the human finger on the glass plates 
looked about alike; but when enlarged ten times they resembled 
the markings of a block of wood that has been sawed across the 
grain, and the dullest eye could detect at a glance, and at a 
distance of many feet, that no two of the patterns were alike. 
When Wilson had at last finished his tedious and difficult work, 
he arranged its results according to a plan in which a 
progressive order and sequence was a principal feature; then he 
added to the batch several pantograph enlargements which he had 
made from time to time in bygone years. 
 </p>
            <p>The night was spent and the day well advanced, now.  By 
the time he had snatched a trifle of breakfast it was nine 
o'clock, and the court was ready to begin its sitting.  He was in 
his place twelve minutes later with his "records." 
 </p>
            <p>Tom Driscoll caught a slight glimpse of the records, and 
nudged his nearest friend and said, with a wink, "Pudd'n-head's 
got a rare eye to business — thinks that as long as he can't win 
his case it 's at least a noble good chance to advertise <milestone unit="page" n="1045"/>
 his palace-window decorations without any expense." 
Wilson was informed that his witnesses had been delayed, but 
would arrive presently; but he rose and said he should probably 
not have occasion to make use of their testimony.  [An amused 
murmur ran through the room — "It 's a clean back-down! he gives 
up without hitting a lick!"] Wilson continued — "I have other 
testimony — and better.  [This compelled interest, and evoked 
murmurs of surprise that had a detectible ingredient of 
disappointment in them.] If I seem to be springing this evidence 
upon the court, I offer as my justification for this, that I did 
not discover its existence until late last night, and have been 
engaged in examining and classifying it ever since, until half an 
hour ago.  I shall offer it presently; but first I wish to say a 
few preliminary words. 
 </p>
            <p>"May it please the Court, the claim given the front 
place, the claim most persistently urged, the claim most 
strenuously and I may even say aggressively and defiantly 
insisted upon by the prosecution, is this — that the person 
whose hand left the blood-stained finger-prints upon the handle 
of the Indian knife is the person who committed the murder." 
Wilson paused, during several moments, to give impressiveness to 
what he was about to say, and then added tranquilly, <emph>"We grant 
that claim."</emph> 
            </p>
            <p>It was an electrical surprise.  No one was prepared for 
such an admission.  A buzz of astonishment rose on all sides, and 
people were heard to intimate that the overworked lawyer had lost 
his mind.  Even the veteran judge, accustomed as he was to legal 
ambushes and masked batteries in criminal procedure, was not sure 
that his ears were not deceiving him, and asked counsel what it 
was he had said.  Howard's impassive face betrayed no sign, but 
his attitude and bearing lost something of their careless 
confidence for a moment.  Wilson resumed: 
 </p>
            <p>"We not only grant that claim, but we welcome it and 
strongly endorse it.  Leaving that matter for the present, we 
will now proceed to consider other points in the case which we 
propose to establish by evidence, and shall include that one in 
the chain in its proper place." 
 </p>
            <p>He had made up his mind to try a few hardy guesses, in 
mapping out his theory of the origin and motive of the murder — <milestone unit="page" n="1046"/>
 guesses designed to fill up gaps in it — guesses which 
could help if they hit, and would probably do no harm if they did 
n't. 
 </p>
            <p>"To my mind, certain circumstances of the case before 
the court seem to suggest a motive for the homicide quite 
different from the one insisted on by the State.  It is my 
conviction that the motive was not revenge, but robbery.  It has 
been urged that the presence of the accused brothers in that 
fatal room, just after notification that one of them must take 
the life of Judge Driscoll or lose his own the moment the parties 
should meet, clearly signifies that the natural instinct of self- 
preservation moved my clients to go there secretly and save Count 
Luigi by destroying his adversary. 
 </p>
            <p>"Then why did they stay there, after the deed was done? 
Mrs. Pratt had time, although she did not hear the cry for help, 
but woke up some moments later, to run to that room — and there 
she found these men standing, and making no effort to escape.  If 
they were guilty, they ought to have been running out of the 
house at the same time that she was running to that room.  If 
they had had such a strong instinct toward self-preservation as 
to move them to kill that unarmed man, what had become of it now, 
when it should have been more alert than ever?  Would any of us 
have remained there?  Let us not slander our intelligence to that 
degree. 
 </p>
            <p>"Much stress has been laid upon the fact that the 
accused offered a very large reward for the knife with which this 
murder was done; that no thief came forward to claim that 
extraordinary reward; that the latter fact was good 
circumstantial evidence that the claim that the knife had been 
stolen was a vanity and a fraud; that these details taken in 
connection with the memorable and apparently prophetic speech of 
the deceased concerning that knife, and the final discovery of 
that very knife in the fatal room where no living person was 
found present with the slaughtered man but the owner of the knife 
and his brother, form an indestructible chain of evidence which 
fixes the crime upon those unfortunate strangers. 
 </p>
            <p>"But I shall presently ask to be sworn, and shall 
testify that there was a large reward offered for the <emph>thief</emph>, 
also; that it was offered secretly and not advertised; that this 
fact was indiscreetly mentioned — or at least tacitly admitted - 
- in what was <milestone unit="page" n="1047"/> supposed to be safe circumstances, but 
may <emph>not</emph> have been.  The thief may have been present himself. 
[Tom Driscoll had been looking at the speaker, but dropped his 
eyes at this point.] In that case he would retain the knife in 
his possession, not daring to offer it for sale, or for pledge in 
a pawn-shop.  [There was a nodding of heads among the audience by 
way of admission that this was not a bad stroke.] I shall prove 
to the satisfaction of the jury that there <emph>was</emph> a person in 
Judge Driscoll's room several minutes before the accused entered 
it.  [This produced a strong sensation; the last drowsy-head in 
the court-room roused up, now, and made preparation to listen.] 
If it shall seem necessary, I will prove by the Misses Clarkson 
that they met a veiled person — ostensibly a woman — coming out 
of the back gate a few minutes after the cry for help was heard. 
This person was not a woman, but a man dressed in woman's 
clothes." Another sensation.  Wilson had his eye on Tom when he 
hazarded this guess, to see what effect it would produce.  He was 
satisfied with the result, and said to himself, "It was a success 
— he 's hit!" 
 </p>
            <p>"The object of that person in that house was robbery, 
not murder.  It is true that the safe was not open, but there was 
an ordinary tin cash-box on the table, with three thousand 
dollars in it.  It is easily supposable that the thief was 
concealed in the house; that he knew of this box, and of its 
owner's habit of counting its contents and arranging his accounts 
at night — if he had that habit, which I do not assert, of 
course; — that he tried to take the box while its owner slept, 
but made a noise and was seized, and had to use the knife to save 
himself from capture; and that he fled without his booty because 
he heard help coming. 
 </p>
            <p>"I have now done with my theory, and will proceed to the 
evidences by which I propose to try to prove its soundness." 
Wilson took up several of his strips of glass.  When the audience 
recognized these familiar mementos of Pudd'nhead's old-time 
childish "puttering" and folly, the tense and funereal interest 
vanished out of their faces, and the house burst into volleys of 
relieving and refreshing laughter, and Tom chirked up and joined 
in the fun himself; but Wilson was apparently not disturbed.  He 
arranged his records on the table before him, and said — 
 <milestone unit="page" n="1048"/>
            </p>
            <p>"I beg the indulgence of the court while I make a few 
remarks in explanation of some evidence which I am about to 
introduce, and which I shall presently ask to be allowed to 
verify under oath on the witness stand.  Every human being 
carries with him from his cradle to his grave certain physical 
marks which do not change their character, and by which he can 
always be identified — and that without shade of doubt or 
question.  These marks are his signature, his physiological 
autograph, so to speak, and this autograph cannot be 
counterfeited, nor can he disguise it or hide it away, nor can it 
become illegible by the wear and the mutations of time.  This 
signature is not his face — age can change that beyond 
recognition; it is not his hair, for that can fall out; it is not 
his height, for duplicates of that exist; it is not his form, for 
duplicates of that exist also, whereas this signature is each 
man's very own — there is no duplicate of it among the swarming 
populations of the globe!  [The audience were interested once 
more.] 
 </p>
            <p>"This autograph consists of the delicate lines or 
corrugations with which Nature marks the insides of the hands and 
the soles of the feet.  If you will look at the balls of your 
fingers, — you that have very sharp eyesight, — you will 
observe that these dainty curving lines lie close together, like 
those that indicate the borders of oceans in maps, and that they 
form various clearly defined patterns, such as arches, circles, 
long curves, whorls, etc., and that these patterns differ on the 
different fingers.  [Every man in the room had his hand up to the 
light, now, and his head canted to one side, and was minutely 
scrutinizing the balls of his fingers; there were whispered 
ejaculations of "Why, it 's so — I never noticed that before!"] 
The patterns on the right hand are not the same as those on the 
left.  [Ejaculations of "Why, that 's so, too!"] Taken finger for 
finger, your patterns differ from your neighbor's.  [Comparisons 
were made all over the house — even the judge and jury were 
absorbed in this curious work.] The patterns of a twin's right 
hand are not the same as those on his left.  One twin's patterns 
are never the same as his fellow-twin's patterns — the jury will 
find that the patterns upon the finger-balls of the accused 
follow this rule.  [An examination of the twins' hands was begun 
at once.] You have often heard <milestone unit="page" n="1049"/> of twins who were so 
exactly alike that when dressed alike their own parents could not 
tell them apart.  Yet there was never a twin born into this world 
that did not carry from birth to death a sure identifier in this 
mysterious and marvelous natal autograph.  That once known to 
you, his fellow-twin could never personate him and deceive you." 
 </p>
            <p>Wilson stopped and stood silent.  Inattention dies a 
quick and sure death when a speaker does that.  The stillness 
gives warning that something is coming.  All palms and finger- 
balls went down, now, all slouching forms straightened, all heads 
came up, all eyes were fastened upon Wilson's face.  He waited 
yet one, two, three moments, to let his pause complete and 
perfect its spell upon the house; then, when through the profound 
hush he could hear the ticking of the clock on the wall, he put 
out his hand and took the Indian knife by the blade and held it 
aloft where all could see the sinister spots upon its ivory 
handle; then he said, in a level and passionless voice — 
 </p>
            <p>"Upon this haft stands the assassin's natal autograph, 
written in the blood of that helpless and unoffending old man who 
loved you and whom you all loved.  There is but one man in the 
whole earth whose hand can duplicate that crimson sign," — he 
paused and raised his eyes to the pendulum swinging back and 
forth, — "and please God we will produce that man in this room 
before the clock strikes noon!" 
 </p>
            <p>Stunned, distraught, unconscious of its own movement, 
the house half rose, as if expecting to see the murderer appear 
at the door, and a breeze of muttered ejaculations swept the 
place.  "Order in the court! — sit down!" This from the sheriff. 
He was obeyed, and quiet reigned again.  Wilson stole a glance at 
Tom, and said to himself, "He is flying signals of distress, now; 
even people who despise him are pitying him; they think this is a 
hard ordeal for a young fellow who has lost his benefactor by so 
cruel a stroke — and they are right." He resumed his speech: 
 </p>
            <p>"For more than twenty years I have amused my compulsory 
leisure with collecting these curious physical signatures in this 
town.  At my house I have hundreds upon hundreds of them.  Each 
and every one is labeled with name and date; not labeled the next 
day or even the next hour, but in the very minute that the 
impression was taken.  When I go upon <milestone unit="page" n="1050"/> the witness stand 
I will repeat under oath the things which I am now saying.  I 
have the finger-prints of the court, the sheriff, and every 
member of the jury.  There is hardly a person in this room, white 
or black, whose natal signature I cannot produce, and not one of 
them can so disguise himself that I cannot pick him out from a 
multitude of his fellow-creatures and unerringly identify him by 
his hands.  And if he and I should live to be a hundred I could 
still do it!  [The interest of the audience was steadily 
deepening, now.] 
 </p>
            <p>"I have studied some of these signatures so much that I 
know them as well as the bank cashier knows the autograph of his 
oldest customer.  While I turn my back now, I beg that several 
persons will be so good as to pass their fingers through their 
hair, and then press them upon one of the panes of the window 
near the jury, and that among them the accused may set <emph>their</emph> 
finger-marks.  Also, I beg that these experimenters, or others, 
will set their finger-marks upon another pane, and add again the 
marks of the accused, but not placing them in the same order or 
relation to the other signatures as before — for, by one chance 
in a million, a person might happen upon the right marks by pure 
guess-work <emph>once</emph>, therefore I wish to be tested twice." 
 </p>
            <p>He turned his back, and the two panes were quickly 
covered with delicately-lined oval spots, but visible only to 
such persons as could get a dark background for them — the 
foliage of a tree, outside, for instance.  Then, upon call, 
Wilson went to the window, made his examination, and said — 
 </p>
            <p>"This is Count Luigi's right hand; this one, three 
signatures below, is his left.  Here is Count Angelo's right; 
down here is his left.  Now for the other pane: here and here are 
Count Luigi's, here and here are his brother's." He faced about. 
"Am I right?" 
 </p>
            <p>A deafening explosion of applause was the answer.  The 
Bench said — 
 </p>
            <p>"This certainly approaches the miraculous!" 
 </p>
            <p>Wilson turned to the window again and remarked, pointing 
with his finger — 
 </p>
            <p>"This is the signature of Mr. Justice Robinson. 
[Applause.] This, of Constable Blake.  [Applause.] This, of John 
Mason, <milestone unit="page" n="1051"/> juryman.  [Applause.] This, of the sheriff. 
[Applause.] I cannot name the others, but I have them all at 
home, named and dated, and could identify them all by my finger- 
print records." 
 </p>
            <p>He moved to his place through a storm of applause — 
which the sheriff stopped, and also made the people sit down, for 
they were all standing and struggling to see, of course.  Court, 
jury, sheriff, and everybody had been too absorbed in observing 
Wilson's performance to attend to the audience earlier. 
 </p>
            <p>"Now, then," said Wilson, "I have here the natal 
autographs of two children — thrown up to ten times the natural 
size by the pantograph, so that any one who can see at all can 
tell the markings apart at a glance.  We will call the children 
<emph>A</emph> and <emph>B</emph>.  Here are <emph>A's</emph> finger-marks, taken at the age of 
five months.  Here they are again, taken at seven months.  [Tom 
started.] They are alike, you see.  Here are <emph>B's</emph> at five 
months, and also at seven months.  They, too, exactly copy each 
other, but the patterns are quite different from <emph>A's</emph>, you 
observe.  I shall refer to these again presently, but we will 
turn them face down, now. 
 </p>
            <p>"Here, thrown up ten sizes, are the natal autographs of 
the two persons who are here before you accused of murdering 
Judge Driscoll.  I made these pantograph copies last night, and 
will so swear when I go upon the witness stand.  I ask the jury 
to compare them with the finger-marks of the accused upon the 
window-panes, and tell the court if they are the same." 
 </p>
            <p>He passed a powerful magnifying-glass to the foreman. 
 </p>
            <p>One juryman after another took the cardboard and the 
glass and made the comparison.  Then the foreman said to the 
judge — 
 </p>
            <p>"Your honor, we are all agreed that they are identical." 
 </p>
            <p>Wilson said to the foreman — 
 </p>
            <p>"Please turn that cardboard face down, and take this 
one, and compare it searchingly, by the magnifier, with the fatal 
signature upon the knife-handle, and report your findings to the 
court." 
 </p>
            <p>Again the jury made minute examination, and again 
reported — 
 <milestone unit="page" n="1052"/>
            </p>
            <p>"We find them to be exactly identical, your honor." 
 </p>
            <p>Wilson turned toward the counsel for the prosecution, 
and there was a clearly recognizable note of warning in his voice 
when he said — 
 </p>
            <p>"May it please the court, the State has claimed, 
strenuously and persistently, that the blood-stained finger- 
prints upon that knife-handle were left there by the assassin of 
Judge Driscoll.  You have heard us grant that claim, and welcome 
it." He turned to the jury: "Compare the finger-prints of the 
accused with the finger-prints left by the assassin — and 
report." 
 </p>
            <p>The comparison began.  As it proceeded, all movement and 
all sound ceased, and the deep silence of an absorbed and waiting 
suspense settled upon the house; and when at last the words came 
— 
 </p>
            <p>
               <emph>"They do not even resemble,"</emph> a thunder-crash of 
applause followed and the house sprang to its feet, but was 
quickly repressed by official force and brought to order again. 
Tom was altering his position every few minutes, now, but none of 
his changes brought repose nor any small trifle of comfort.  When 
the house's attention was become fixed once more, Wilson said 
gravely, indicating the twins with a gesture — 
 </p>
            <p>"These men are innocent — I have no further concern 
with them.  [Another outbreak of applause began, but was promptly 
checked.] We will now proceed to find the guilty.  [Tom's eyes 
were starting from their sockets — yes, it was a cruel day for 
the bereaved youth, everybody thought.] We will return to the 
infant autographs of <emph>A</emph> and <emph>B</emph>.  I will ask the jury to take 
these large pantograph facsimiles of <emph>A's</emph>, marked five months 
and seven months.  Do they tally? 
 </p>
            <p>The foreman responded — 
 </p>
            <p>"Perfectly." 
 </p>
            <p>"Now examine this pantograph, taken at eight months, and 
also marked <emph>A</emph>.  Does it tally with the other two?" 
 </p>
            <p>The surprised response was — 
 </p>
            <p>
               <emph>"No</emph> — <emph>they differ widely!"</emph> 
            </p>
            <p>"You are quite right.  Now take these two pantographs of 
<emph>B's</emph> autograph, marked five months and seven months.  Do they 
tally with each other?" 
 </p>
            <p>"Yes — perfectly." 
 <milestone unit="page" n="1053"/>
            </p>
            <p>"Take this third pantograph marked <emph>B</emph>, eight months. 
Does it tally with <emph>B's</emph> other two?" 
 </p>
            <p>
               <emph>"By no means!"</emph>
            </p>
            <p>"Do you know how to account for those strange 
discrepancies?  I will tell you.  For a purpose unknown to us, 
but probably a selfish one, somebody changed those children in 
the cradle." 
 </p>
            <p>This produced a vast sensation, naturally; Roxana was 
astonished at this admirable guess, but not disturbed by it.  To 
guess the exchange was one thing, to guess who did it quite 
another.  Pudd'nhead Wilson could do wonderful things, no doubt, 
but he could n't do impossible ones.  Safe?  She was perfectly 
safe.  She smiled privately. 
 </p>
            <p>"Between the ages of seven months and eight months those 
children were changed in the cradle" — he made one of his 
effect-collecting pauses, and added — "and the person who did it 
is in this house!" 
 </p>
            <p>Roxy's pulses stood still!  The house was thrilled as 
with an electric shock, and the people half rose as if to seek a 
glimpse of the person who had made that exchange.  Tom was 
growing limp; the life seemed oozing out of him.  Wilson resumed: 
 </p>
            <p>"<emph>A</emph> was put into <emph>B's</emph> cradle in the nursery; <emph>B</emph> was 
transferred to the kitchen and became a negro and a slave 
[Sensation — confusion of angry ejaculations] — but within a 
quarter of an hour he will stand before you white and free! 
[Burst of applause, checked by the officers.] From seven months 
onward until now, <emph>A</emph> has still been a usurper, and in my finger- 
records he bears <emph>B's</emph> name.  Here is his pantograph at the age 
of twelve.  Compare it with the assassin's signature upon the 
knife-handle.  Do they tally?" 
 </p>
            <p>The foreman answered — 
 </p>
            <p>
               <emph>"To the minutest detail!"</emph>
            </p>
            <p>Wilson said, solemnly — 
 </p>
            <p>"The murderer of your friend and mine — York Driscoll 
of the generous hand and the kindly spirit — sits in among you. 
Valet de Chambre, negro and slave, — falsely called Thomas à 
Becket Driscoll, — make upon the window the finger-prints that 
will hang you!" 
 </p>
            <p>Tom turned his ashen face imploringly toward the 
speaker, <milestone unit="page" n="1054"/> made some impotent movements with his white 
lips, then slid limp and lifeless to the floor. 
 </p>
            <p>Wilson broke the awed silence with the words — 
 </p>
            <p>"There is no need.  He has confessed." 
 </p>
            <p>Roxy flung herself upon her knees, covered her face with 
her hands, and out through her sobs the words struggled — 
 </p>
            <p>"De Lord have mercy on me, po' misable sinner dat I is!" 
 </p>
            <p>The clock struck twelve. 
 </p>
            <p>The court rose; the new prisoner, hand-cuffed, was 
removed. <milestone unit="page" n="1055"/>
            </p>
            <p>     Conclusion 
 </p>
            <cit>
               <quote>  It is often the case that the man who can't tell a lie 
thinks he is the best judge of one. </quote>
               <bibl>  — <emph>Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar.</emph> 
               </bibl>
            </cit>
            <cit>
               <quote>
                  <emph>October</emph> 12, <emph>the Discovery.</emph> It was wonderful to find 
America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it. </quote>
               <bibl>  — <emph>Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar.</emph> 
               </bibl>
            </cit>
            <p>The town sat up all night to discuss the amazing events 
of the day and swap guesses as to when Tom's trial would begin. 
Troop after troop of citizens came to serenade Wilson, and 
require a speech, and shout themselves hoarse over every sentence 
that fell from his lips — for all his sentences were golden, 
now, all were marvelous.  His long fight against hard luck and 
prejudice was ended; he was a made man for good. 
 </p>
            <p>And as each of these roaring gangs of enthusiasts 
marched away, some remorseful member of it was quite sure to 
raise his voice and say — 
 </p>
            <p>"And this is the man the likes of us have called a 
pudd'nhead for more than twenty years.  He has resigned from that 
position, friends." 
 </p>
            <p>"Yes, but it is n't vacant — we 're elected." 
 </p>
            <p>The twins were heroes of romance, now, and with 
rehabilitated reputations.  But they were weary of Western 
adventure, and straightway retired to Europe. 
 </p>
            <p>Roxy's heart was broken.  The young fellow upon whom she 
had inflicted twenty-three years of slavery continued the false 
heir's pension of thirty-five dollars a month to her, but her 
hurts were too deep for money to heal; the spirit in her eye was 
quenched, her martial bearing departed with it, and the voice of 
her laughter ceased in the land.  In her church and its affairs 
she found her only solace. 
 </p>
            <p>The real heir suddenly found himself rich and free, but 
in a most embarrassing situation.  He could neither read nor 
write, and his speech was the basest dialect of the negro 
quarter.  His gait, his attitudes, his gestures, his bearing, his <milestone unit="page" n="1056"/>
 laugh — all were vulgar and uncouth; his manners were 
the manners of a slave.  Money and fine clothes could not mend 
these defects or cover them up; they only made them the more 
glaring and the more pathetic.  The poor fellow could not endure 
the terrors of the white man's parlor, and felt at home and at 
peace nowhere but in the kitchen.  The family pew was a misery to 
him, yet he could nevermore enter into the solacing refuge of the 
"nigger gallery" — that was closed to him for good and all.  But 
we cannot follow his curious fate further — that would be a long 
story. 
 </p>
            <p>The false heir made a full confession and was sentenced 
to imprisonment for life.  But now a complication came up.  The 
Percy Driscoll estate was in such a crippled shape when its owner 
died that it could pay only sixty per cent.  of its great 
indebtedness, and was settled at that rate.  But the creditors 
came forward, now, and complained that inasmuch as through an 
error for which <emph>they</emph> were in no way to blame the false heir was 
not inventoried at that time with the rest of the property, great 
wrong and loss had thereby been inflicted upon them.  They 
rightly claimed that "Tom" was lawfully their property and had 
been so for eight years; that they had already lost sufficiently 
in being deprived of his services during that long period, and 
ought not to be required to add anything to that loss; that if he 
had been delivered up to them in the first place, they would have 
sold him and he could not have murdered Judge Driscoll; therefore 
it was not he that had really committed the murder, the guilt lay 
with the erroneous inventory.  Everybody saw that there was 
reason in this.  Everybody granted that if "Tom" were white and 
free it would be unquestionably right to punish him — it would 
be no loss to anybody; but to shut up a valuable slave for life —
that was quite another matter. 
 </p>
            <p>As soon as the Governor understood the case, he pardoned 
Tom at once, and the creditors sold him down the river. 
 </p>
         </div>
      </body>
  </text>
</TEI>
