.
 <TITLE ANYTHING FOR A QUIET LIFE.>

    WRITTEN BY THO. MIDDLETON, GENT.
    LONDON:

<Q PROLOGUE.>
HOW ERE TH'INTENTS AND APPETITES OF MEN
ARE DIFFERENT AS THEIR FACES, HOW AND WHEN
T'EMPLOY THEIR ACTIONS, YET ALL WITHOUT STRIFE
MEET IN THIS POINT, ANY THING FOR A QUIET LIFE.
NOR IS THERE ONE I THINK THAT'S HITHER COME
FOR HIS DELIGHT, BUT WOULD FINDE PEACE AT HOME
ON ANY TERMS. THE LAWYER DOES NOT CEASE
TO TALK HIMSELF INTO A SWEAT WITH PAIN,
AND SO HIS FEES BUY QUIET, 'TIS HIS GAIN:
THE POOR MAN DOES ENDURE THE SCORCHING SUN,
AND FEELS NO WEARINESS, HIS DAY-LABOR DONE,
SO HIS WIFE ENTERTAIN HIM WITH A SMILE,
AND THANK HIS TRAVAIL, THOUGH SHE SLEPT THE WHILE:
THIS BEING IN MEN OF ALL CONDITIONS TRUE,
DOES, GIVE OUR PLAY A NAME; AND IF TO YOU
IT YIELD CONTENT, AND USUAL DELIGHT,
FOR OUR PARTS WE SHALL SLEEP SECURE TO-NIGHT.
ANY THING FOR A QUIET LIFE.
<SN ACTUS 1. SCAENA 1.!>
 <SSD  SIR FRANCIS CRESSINGHAM'S HOUSE.!>
 <SSD ENTER THE LORD BEAUFORT, AND SIR FRANCIS CRESSINGHAM>
    <Q BEAUFORT.>
AWAY, I AM ASHAM'D OF YOUR PROCEEDINGS,
AND - SERIOUSLY - YOU HAVE IN THIS ONE ACT
OVERTHROWN THE REPUTATION THE WORLD
HELD OF YOUR WISDOM.
<Q CRESS.> WHY SIR?
<Q BEAU.>CAN YOU NOT SEE
YOUR ERROR? THAT HAVING BURIED SO GOOD A WIFE
NOT A MONETH SINCE; ONE THAT, TO SPEAK THE TRUTH,
HAD ALL THOSE EXCELLENCIES WHICH OUR BOOKS
HAVE ONELY FEIGN'D TO MAKE A COMPLEAT WIFE,
MOST EXACTLY IN HER PRACTICE - AND TO MARRY
A GIRL OF FIFTEEN}...ONE BRED UP I'TH COURT,
THAT BY ALL CONSONANCY OF REASON, IS LIKE
TO CROSS YOUR ESTATE:WHY, ONE NEW GOWN OF HERS
WHEN 'TIS PAID FOR, WILL EAT YOU OUT THE KEEPING
OF A BOUNTIFUL CHRISTMAS. I AM ASHAM'D OF YOU,
FOR YOU SHALL MAKE TOO DEAR A PROOF OF IT,
I FEAR; THAT IN THE ELECTION OF A WIFE,
AS IN A PROJECT OF WAR, TO ERRE BUT ONCE,
IS TO BE UNDONE FOR EVER.
<Q CRESS.> GOOD MY LORD,
I DO BESEECH YOU LET YOUR BETTER JUDGEMENT
GO ALONG WITH YOUR REPREHENSION.
<Q BEAU.>SO IT DOES,
AND CAN FINDE NOUGHT TO EXTENUATE YOUR FAULT,
BUT YOUR DOTAGE:YOU ARE A MAN WELL SUNCK IN YEARS,
AND TO GRAFT SUCH A YONG BLOSSOM INTO YOUR STOCK,
IS THE NEXT WAY TO MAKE EVERY CARNAL EYE
BESPEAK YOUR INJURY. TROTH I PITY HER TOO,
SHE WAS NOT MADE TO WITHER AND GO OUT
BY PAINTED FIRES, THAT YIELDS HER NO MORE HEAT,
THEN TO BE LODG'D IN SOME BLEAK BANQUETTING-HOUSE
I'TH DEAD OF WINTER - AND WHAT FOLLOWS THEN?
YOUR SHAME, AND THE RUINE OF YOUR CHILDREN, AND THERE'S
THE END OF A RASH BARGAIN.
<Q CRESS.> WITH YOUR PARDON,
THAT SHE IS YOUNG IS TRUE; BUT THAT DISCRETION
<Q FRANK.> WELL SIR, EIGHT YARDS, EIGHT FIFTEENS I GIVE,AND CUT IT.
HAS GONE BEYOND HER YEARS, AND OVERTANE
THOSE OF MATURER AGE, DOES MORE IMPROVE
HER GOODNESS. I CONFESS SHE WAS BRED AT COURT,
BUT SO RETIREDLY, THAT (AS STILL THE BEST
IN SOME PLACE IS TO BE LEARNT THERE)SO HER LIFE
DID RECTIFIE IT SELF MORE BY THE COURT CHAPPEL,
THEN BY THE OFFICE OF THE REVELS: BEST OF ALL VERTUES
ARE TO BE FOUND AT COURT, AND WHERE YOU MEET
WITH WRITINGS CONTRARY TO THIS KNOWN TRUTH,
THEY ARE FRAMED BY MEN THAT NEVER WERE SO HAPPY
TO BE PLANTED THERE TO KNOW IT: FOR THE DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN HER YOUTH AND MINE, IF YOU WILL READ
A MATRONS SOBER STAIDNESS IN HER EYE,
AND ALL THE GRAVE DEMEANOR FITTING
THE GOVERNESS OF A HOUSE, YOU'L THEN CONFESS
THERE'S NO DISPARITY BETWEEN US.
<Q BEAU.> COME,COME, YOU READ      <SSD ENTER MASTER! WATER CHAMLET.>
WHAT YOU WOULD HAVE HER TO BE, NOT WHAT SHE IS.
OH MASTER! WATER CHAMLET, YOU ARE WELCOME.
<Q CHAM.> I THANK YOUR LORDSHIP.
<Q BEAU.> AND WHAT NEWS STIRRING IN CHEAPSIDE?
<Q CHAM.> NOTHING NEW THERE MY LORD, BUT THE STANDARD.
<Q BEAU.>OH THAT'S A MONUMENT YOUR WIVES TAKE GREAT DELIGHT IN;
I DO HEAR YOU ARE GROWN A MIGHTY PURCHASER, I HOPE SHORTLY TO FINDE YOU
A CONTINUAL RESIDENT UPON THE NORTH ISLE OF THE EXCHANGE.
<Q CHAM.> WHERE? WITH THE SCOTCH-MEN?
<Q BEAU.>NO SIR, WITH THE ALDERMEN.
<Q CHAM.> BELIEVE IT,I AM A POOR COMMONER.
<Q CRESS.>COME,YOU ARE WARM, AND BLEST WITH A FAIR WIFE.
<Q CHAM.> THERE'S IT,HER GOING BRAVE HAS THE ONELY VERTUE TO IMPROVE
MY CREDIT IN THE SUBSIDY-BOOK.
<Q BEAU.>BUT I PRAY,HOW THRIVES YOUR NEW PLANTATION OF SILKWORMS,
THOSE I SAW LAST SUMMER AT YOUR GARDEN?
<Q CHAM.> THEY ARE REMOV'D SIR.
<Q BEAU.>WHETHER?
<Q CHAM.> THIS WINTER MY WIFE HAS REMOV'D THEM HOME TO A FAIR
CHAMBER, WHERE DIVERS COURTIERS USE TO COME AND SEE THEM, AND MY
WIFE CARRIES THEM UP; I THINK SHORTLY, WHAT WITH THE STORE OF VISITANTS,
THEY'L PROVE AS CHARGEABLE TO ME AS THE MORROW AFTER SIMON AND JUDE,
ONELY EXCEPTING THE TAKING DOWN AND SETTING UP AGAIN OF MY GLASS-
WINDOWS.
<Q BEAU.>THAT A MAN OF YOUR ESTATE SHOULD BE SO GRIPPLE-MINDED, AND
REPINING AT HIS WIVES BOUNTY}
<Q CRESS.> THERE ARE NO SUCH RIDICULOUS THINGS I'TH WORLD, AS THOSE
LOVE MONEY BETTER THEN THEMSELVES;FOR THOUGH THEY HAVE UNDERSTANDING
TO KNOW RICHES, AND A MINDE TO SEEK THEM, AND A WIT TO FINDE THEM, AND
POLICY TO KEEP THEM,AND LONG LIFE TO POSSESS THEM;YET COMMONLY THEY
HAVE WITHAL SUCH A FALSE SIGHT, SUCH BLEARD-EYES, ALL THEIR WEALTH WHEN
IT LIES BEFORE THEM,DOES SEEM POVERTY, AND SUCH A ONE ARE YOU.
<Q CHAM.> GOOD SIR FRANCIS, YOU HAVE HAD SORE EYES TOO, YOU HAVE
BEEN A GAMESTER, BUT YOU HAVE GIVEN IT O'RE, AND TO REDEEM THE VICE
BELONG'D TO'T, NOW YOU ENTERTAIN CERTAIN  P!ARCELS OF SILENC'D MINISTERS,
WHICH I THINK WILL EQUALLY UNDO YOU;YET SHOULD THESE WASTE YOU BUT
LENATIVELY, YOUR DEVISING NEW WATER-MILL S! FOR RECOVERY OF DROWN'D
LAND, AND CERTAIN DREAMS YOU HAVE IN ALCHIMY TO FINDE THE PHILOSPHERS
STONE, WILL CERTAINLY DRAW YOU TO'TH BOTTOM: I SPEAK FREELY SIR, AND WOULD
NOT HAVE YOU ANGRY, FOR I LOVE YOU.
<Q CRESS.> I AM DEEPLY IN YOUR BOOKS FOR FURNISHING MY LATE WEDDING;
HAVE YOU BROUGHT A NOTE OF THE PARTICULARS?
<Q CHAM.> NO SIR, AT MORE LEISURE.
<Q CRESS.> WHAT COMES THE SUM TO?
<Q CHAM.> FOR TISSUE,CLOTH OF GOLD,VELVETS AND SILKS, ABOUT FIFTEEN
HUNDRED POUNDS.
<Q CRESS.> YOUR MONEY IS READY.
<Q CHAM.> SIR,I THANK YOU.
<Q CRESS.> AND HOW DOES MY TWO YONG CHILDREN,WHOM I HAVE PUT TO
BOARD WITH YOU?
<Q BEAU.>HAVE YOU PUT FORTH TWO OF YOUR CHILDREN ALREADY?
<Q CRESS.> TWAS MY WIFES DISCRETION TO HAVE IT SO.
<Q BEAU.>COME,TIS THE FIRST PRINCIPLE IN A MOTHER-IN-LAWS'S CHOP-
LOGICK, TO DIVIDE THE FAMILY, TO REMOVE FROM FORTH YOUR SIGHT THE
OBJECT S!, THAT HER CUNNING KNOWS WOULD DULL HER INSINUATION: HAD YOU
BEEN A KINDE FATHER, IT WOULD HAVE BEEN YOUR PRACTICE EVERY DAY TO HAVE
PREACHT TO THESE TWO YOUNG ONES CAREFULLY YOUR LATE WIFES FUNERAL
SERMON. 'LAS POOR SOULS, ARE THEY TURN'D SO SOON A-GRASING?
  <SSD ENTER GEORGE CRESSINGHAM & FRANKLIN.>
<Q CHAM.> MY LORD, THEY ARE PLAC'D WHERE THEY SHALL BE RESPECTED AS
MINE OWN.
<Q BEAU.>I MAKE NO QUESTION OF IT, GOOD MASTER!CHAMLET.
SEE HERE YOUR ELDEST SON, GEORGE!CRESSINGHAM}
<Q CRESS.> YOU HAVE DISPLEAS'D AND GRIEV'D YOU MOTHER IN LAW,
AND TILL YOU HAVE MADE SUBMISSION AND PROCUR'D
HER PARDON, ILE NOT KNOW YOU FOR MY SON.
<Q GEORGE CRESS.>I HAVE WROUGHT HER NO OFFENCE SIR, THE DIFFERENCE
GREW ABOUT CERTAIN JEWELS WHICH MY MOTHER
(BY YOUR CONSENT) LYING UPON HER DEATH-BED,
BEQUEATH'D TO HER THREE CHILDREN;THESE I DEMANDED,
AND BEING DENY'D THESE, THOUGHT THIS SIN OF HERS,
TO VIOLATE SO GENTLE A REQUEST
OF HER PREDECESSOR, WAS AN ILL FOREGOING
OF A MOTHER IN LAWS HARSH NATURE.
<Q CRESS.>  SIR, UNDERSTAND
MY WILL MOV'D IN HER DENIAL:YOU HAVE JEWELS,
TO PAWN OR SELL THEM} SIRRAH,I WILL HAVE YOU
AS OBEDIENT TO THIS WOMAN AS TO MY SELF,
TILL THEN YOU ARE NONE OF MINE.
<Q CHAM.> OH  MASTER! GEORGE,
BE RUL'D, DO ANYTHING FOR A QUIET LIFE,
YOUR FATHERS PEACE OF LIFE MOVES  IN IT TOO.
I HAVE A WIFE-WHEN SHE IS IN THE SULLENS,
LIKE A COOKS DOG THAT YOU SEE TURN A WHEEL,
SHE WILL BE SURE TO GO AND HIDE HER SELF
OUT OF THE WAY DINNER AND SUPPER:AND IN
THESE FITS BOWE-BELL IS A STILL ORGAN TO HER-
WHEN WE WERE MARRIED FIRST,I WELL REMEMBER,
HER RAILING DID APPEAR BUT A VISION,
TILL CERTAIN SCRATCHES ON MY HAND AND FACE,
ASSUR'D ME IT WAS SUBSTANTIAL. SHE'S A CREATURE
USES TO WAYLAY MY FAULTS, AND MORE DESIRES
TO FINDE THEM OUT, THEN TO HAVE THEM AMENDED:
SHE HAS A BOOK,
WHICH I MAY TRULY NOMINATE HER BLACK-BOOK,
FOR SHE REMEMBERS IN IT IN SHORT ITEMS
ALL MY MISDEMEANORS:
AS, ITEM SUCH A DAY I WAS GOT FOX'D WITH FOOLISH METHEGLIN, IN THE
COMPANY OF CERTAIN WELSH CHAPMEN. ITEM, SUCH A DAY BEING AT THE
ARTILLERY-GARDEN, ONE OF MY NEIGHBORS IN COURTESIE TO SALUTE ME WITH
HIS MUSQUET,SET A-FIRE MY FUSTIAN-AND-APES BREECHES. SUCH A DAY I
LOST FIFTY POUND IN HUGGER MUGGER,AT DICE AT THE QUEST-HOUSE, ITEM I
LENT MONEY TO A SEA-CAPTAIN,ON HIS BARE CONFOUND-HIM HE WOULD PAY
ME AGAIN THE NEXT MORNING,AND SUCH LIKE;
FOR WHICH SHE RAIL'D UPON ME WHEN I SHOULD SLEEP,
AND THAT'S, YOU KNOW, INTOLLERABLE; FOR INDEED
'TWILL TAME AN ELEPHANT.
<Q GEORGE CRESS.> TIS A SHREWD VEXATION,
BUT YOUR DISCRETION SIR, DOES BEAR IT OUT
WITH A MONETHS SUFFERANCE.
<Q CHAM.> YES, AND I WOULD WISH YOU
TO FOLLOW MINE EXAMPLE.
<Q FRANKLIN.> HERE'S SMALL COMFORT,
GEORGE,FROM YOUR FATHER. HERE'S A LORD WHOM I
HAVE LONG DEPENDED UPON FOR EMPLOYMENT,I WILL SEE
IF MY SUIT WILL THRIVE BETTER.  TO BEAUFORT! PLEASE YOUR LORDSHIP,
YOU KNOW I AM A YOUNGER BROTHER, AND MY FATE
THROWING ME UPON THE LATE ILL-STARR'D VOYAGE
TO GUIANA,FAILING OF OUR GOLDEN HOPES,
I AND MY SHIP ADDREST OUR SELVES TO SERVE
THE DUKE OF FLORENCE.
<Q BEAU.> YES, I UNDERSTOOD SO.
<Q FRANKLIN.> WHO GAVE ME BOTH ENCOURAGEMENT AND MEANS,
TO DO HIM SOME SMALL SERVICE 'GAINST THE TURK;
BEING SETTLED THERE BOTH IN HIS PAY AND TRUST,
YOUR LORDSHIP MINDING TO RIGG FORTH A SHIP
TO TRADE FOR THE EAST-INDIES,SENT FOR ME,
AND WHAT YOUR PROMISE WAS,IF I WOULD LEAVE
SO GREAT A FORTUNE TO BECOME YOUR SERVANT,
YOUR LETTER YET CAN WITNESS.
<Q BEAU.> YES,WHAT FOLLOWS?
<Q FRANKLIN.> THAT FOR OUGHT I PERCEIVE,YOUR FORMER PURPOSE
IS QUITE FORGOTTEN;I HAVE STAYED HERE TWO MONETHS,
AND FINDE YOUR INTENDED VOYAGE BUT A DREAM,
AND THE SHIP YOU TALK OF AS IMAGINARY,
AS THAT THE ASTRONOMERS POINT AT IN THE CLOUDS.
I HAVE SPENT TWO THOUSAND DUCKETS SINCE MY ARRIVAL;
MEN THAT HAVE COMMAND,MY LORD, AT SEA,CANNOT LIVE
A-SHORE WITHOUT MONEY.
<Q BEAU.> KNOW SIR, A LATE PURCHASE
WHICH COST ME A GREAT SUM, HAS DIVERTED ME
FROM MY FORMER PURPOSE-BESIDES SUITS IN LAW
DO EVERY TERM SO TROUBLE ME BY LAND,
I HAVE FORGOT GOING BY WATER. IF YOU PLEASE
TO RANK YOUR SELF AMONG MY FOLLOWERS.
YOU SHALL BE WELCOME,AND ILE MAKE YOUR MEANS
BETTER THAN ANY GENTLEMANS I KEEP.
<Q FRANKLIN.> SOME  TWENTY MARK A YEAR}WILL THAT MAINTAIN
SCARLET AND GOLD-LACE,PLAY AT TH'ORDINARY,
AND BEAVERS AT THE TAVERN?
<Q BEAU.> I HAD THOUGHT
TO PREFER YOU TO HAVE BEEN CAPTAIN OF A SHIP
THAT'S BOUND FOR THE RED-SEA.
<Q FRANK.> WHAT HINDERS IT?
<Q BEAU.> WHY CERTAINLY THE MERCHANTS ARE POSSEST
YOU HAVE BEEN A PYRATE.
<Q FRANK.> SAY I WERE ONE STILL,
IF I WERE PAST THE LINE ONCE, WHY METHINKS
I SHOULD DO THEM BETTER SERVICE.
<SSD ENTER KNAVES-BEE.>
<Q BEAU.> PRAY FORBEAR:HERE  I!S A GENTLEMAN WHOSE BUSINESS
MUST INGROSS ME WHOLLY.  <SSD  BEAUFORT AND KNAVES-BEE CONVERSE APART.!>
<Q GEORGE CRESS.> WHAT'S HE, DOST THOU KNOW HIM?
<Q FRANK.> A POX UPON HIM, A VERY KNAVE AND RASCAL,
THAT GOES A-HUNTING WITH THE PENAL STATUTES;
AND GOOD FOR NOUGHT BUT TO PERSWADE THEIR LORDS
TO RACK THEIR RENTS, AND GIVE O'RE HOUSE-KEEPING;
SUCH CATERPILLARS MAY HANG AT THEIR LORDS EARS,
WHEN BETTER MEN ARE NEGLECTED.
<Q GEORGE CRESS.> WHAT'S HIS NAME?
<Q FRANK.> KNAVES-BEE.
<Q GEORGE CRESS.> KNAVES-BEE}
<Q FRANK.> ONE THAT DEALS IN A TENTH SHARE
ABOUT PROJECTIONS: HE AND HIS PARTNERS WHEN
THEY HAVE GOT A SUIT ONCE PAST THE SEAL, WILL SO
WRANGLE ABOUT PARTITION,AND SOMETIMES
THEY FALL TO'TH EARES ABOUT IT,LIKE YOUR FENCERS,
THAT CUDGEL ONE ANOTHER BY PATENT;YOU SHALL SEE HIM
SO TERRRIBLY BEDASHT IN A MICHAELMAS TERM
COMING FROM WESTMINSTER,THAT YOU WOULD SWEAR
HE WERE LIGHTED FROM A HORSE-RACE;HANG HIM,HANG HIM,
HE'S A SCURVEY INFORMER,HAS MORE COUZENAGE IN HIM,
THEN IS IN FIVE TRAVELLING LOTTERIES,
TO FEED A KITE WITH THE CARRION OF THIS KNAVE
WHEN HE'S DEAD,AND RECLAIM HER,OH SHE WOULD PROVE
AN EXCELLENT HAWK FOR TALLON:HAS A FAIR CREATURE
TO HIS WIFE TOO, AND A WITTY ROGUE IT IS,
AND SOME MEN THINK THIS KNAVE WILL WINK AT SMALL FAULTS;
BUT HONEST GEORGE,WHAT SHALL BECOME OF US NOW?
<Q GEORGE CRESS.> 'FAITH I AM RESOLV'D TO SET UP MY REST FOR THE
LOW-COUNTREYS.
<Q FRANK.> TO SERVE THERE?
<Q G. CRESS.> YES CERTAIN.
<Q FRANK.> THERE'S THIN COMMONS,
BESIDES THEY HAVE ADDED ONE DAY MORE TO'TH WEEK
THEN WAS IN THE CREATION;ART THOU VALIANT?
ART THOU VALIANT, GEORGE?
<Q GEO. CRESS.> I MAY BE,AND I BE PUT TO!'T.
<Q FRANK.> O NEVER FEAR THAT,
THOU CANST NOT LIVE TWO HOURS AFTER THY LANDING
WITHOUT A QUARREL. THOU MUST RESOLVE TO FIGHT,
OR LIKE A SUMNER,THOU'LT BE BASTANADO'D
AT EVERY TOWNES END. YOU SHALL HAVE GALLANTS THERE
AS RAGGED AS THE FALL O'TH LEAF,THAT LIVE
IN HOLLAND, WHERE THE FINEST LINNEN'S MADE,
AND YET WEAR NE'RE A SHIRT: THESE WILL NOT ONELY
QUARREL WITH A NEW-COMMER WHEN THEY ARE DRUNK,
BUT THEY WILL QUARREL WITH ANY MAN HAS MEANS
TO BE DRUNK AFORE THEM:FOLLOW MY COUNCIL,GEORGE,
THOU SHALT NOT GO O'RE,WEE'L LIVE HERE I'TH CITY.
<Q GEO. CRESS.> BUT HOW?
<Q FRANK.> HOW? WHY, AS OTHER GALLANTS DO
THAT FEED HIGH,AND PLAY COPIOUSLY,YET BRAG
THEY HAVE BUT NINE POUND A YEAR TO LIVE ON:THESE HAVE WIT
TO TURN RICH FOOLS AND GULLS INTO QUARTER-DAYS,
THAT BRING THEM IN CERTAIN PAYMENT. I HAVE A PROJECT
REFLECTS UPON YON MERCER, MASTER! CHAMLET,
SHALL PUT US INTO MONEY.
<Q GEORGE CRESS.> WHAT IS'T?
<Q FRANK.> NAY,
I WILL NOT STALE IT AFORE-HAND,'TIS A NEW ONE:
NOR CHEATING AMONGST GALLANTS MAY SEEM STRANGE;
WHY,A REACHING WIT GOES CURRANT ON TH'EXCHANGE.
<SSD EXEUNT GEORGE CRESSINGHAM AND FRANKLIN.>
<Q KNAVES-BEE.> O MY LORD, I REMEMBER YOU AND I WERE STUDENTS
TOGETHER AT CAMBRIDGE;BUT BELIEVE ME,YOU WENT FAR BEYOND ME.
<Q BEAU.> WHEN I STUDIED THERE , I HAD SO FANTASTICAL A BRAIN,THAT LIKE
A PHELPHARE,FRIGHTED IN WINTER BY A BIRDING-PEICE,I COULD SETLE NO-
WHERE;HERE AND THERE A LITTLE OF EVERY SEVERAL ART,AND AWAY.
<Q KNAVES-BEE.> NOW MY WIT,THOUGH IT WERE MORE DULL,YET I WENT
SLOWLY ON,AND AS DIVERS OTHERS,WHEN I COULD NOT PROVE AN EXCELLENT
SCHOLAR BY A PLODDING PATIENCE,I ATTAIN'D TO BE A PETTY LAWYER; AND
I THANK MY DULNESS FOR'T, YOU MAY STAMP IN LEAD ANY FIGURE,BUT IN
OYL OR QUICK-SILVER NOTHING CAN BE IMPRINTED, FOR THEY KEEP NO CERTAIN
STATION.
<Q BEAU.> O, YOU TAX ME WELL OF IRRESOLUTION; BUT SAY WORTHY FRIEND,
HOW THRIVES MY WEIGHTY SUIT WHICH I HAVE TRUSTED TO YOUR FRIENDLY
BOSOM? IS THERE ANY HOPE TO MAKE ME HAPPY?
<Q KNAVES-BEE.> TIS YET QUESTIONABLE, FOR I HAVE NOT BROKE THE YCE
TO HER;AN HOUR HENCE COME TO MY HOUSE,AND IF IT LYE IN MAN,BE SURE,
AS THE LAW PHRASE SAYS,I WILL CREATE YOU LORD PARAMOUNT OF YOUR WISHES.
<Q BEAU.> O MY BEST FRIEND,AND ONE THAT TAKES THE HARDEST COURSE I'TH
WORLD, TO MAKE HIMSELF SO} <SSD TO CRESSINGHAM!> SIR, NOW ILE TAKE MY LEAVE
<Q CRESS.> NAY GOOD MY LORD, MY WIFE IS COMING DOWN.
<SSD ENTER LADY CRESSINGHAM AND SAUNDER.>
<Q BEAU.> PRAY PARDON ME, I HAVE BUSINESS SO IMPORTUNES ME O'TH
SUDDEN, I CANNOT STAY; DELIVER MINE EXCUSE,AND IN YOUR EAR THIS. LET
NOT A FAIR WOMAN MAKE YOU FORGET YOUR CHILDREN.  <SSD  EXIT.!>
<Q LA. CRESS.> WHAT? ARE YOU TAKING LEAVE TOO?
<Q CHAM.> YES,GOOD MADAM.
<Q LA. CRESS.> THE RICH STUFF S! WHICH MY HUSBAND BOUGHT OF YOU-
THE WORKS OF THEM ARE TOO COMMON:I HAVE GOT A DUTCH PAINTER TO
DRAW PATTERNS. WHICH ILE HAVE SENT TO YOU FACTORS;AS IN ITALY, AT
FLORENCE AND RAGUSA,WHERE THESE STUFFS ARE WOVEN,TO HAVE PIECES MADE
FOR MINE OWN WEARING OF A NEW INVENTION.
<Q CHAM.> YOU MAY LADY,BUT 'TWILL BE SOMEWHAT CHARGEABLE.
<Q LA. CRESS.> CHARGEABLE} WHAT OF THAT? IF I LIVE ANOTHER YEAR, ILE
HAVE MY AGENTS SHALL LYE FOR ME AT PARIS, AND AT VENICE, AND AT VALIDOLET
IN SPAIN, FOR INTELLIGENCE OF ALL NEW FASHIONS.
<Q CRESS.> DO SWEETEST, THOU DESERV'ST TO BE EXQUISITE IN ALL THINGS.
<Q CHAM.> THE TWO CHILDREN TO WHICH YOU ARE MOTHER IN LAW, WOULD
BE REPAIRED TOO,'TIS TIME THEY HAD NEW CLOTHING.
<Q LA. CRESS.> I PRAY SIR, DO NOT TROUBLE ME WITH THEM;THEY HAVE A
FATHER INDULGENT AND CAREFUL OF THEM.
<Q CRESS.> I AM SORRY YOU MADE THE MOTION TO HER.
<Q CHAM.> I HAVE DONE:
<SSD  ASIDE!> HE HAS RUN HIMSELF INTO A PRETTY DOTAGE-
MADAM,WITH YOUR LEAVE;    <SSD  SALUTES HER!>
HE'S TY'D TO A NEW LAW,AND A NEW WIFE-
YET TO MY  OLD PROVERB,ANYTHING FOR A QUIET LIFE}    <SSD EXIT CHAMLET.>
<Q LA. CRESS.> GOOD FRIEND, I HAVE A SUIT TO YOU.
<Q CRESS.> DEEREST SELF, YOU MOST POWERFULLY SWAY ME.
<Q LA. CRESS.> THAT YOU WOULD GIVE O'RE THIS FRUITLESS, IF I MAY NOT
SAY THIS IDLE,STUDY OF ALCHIMY;WHY HALF YOUR HOUSE LOOKS LIKE A
GLASS-HOUSE.
<Q SAUNDER.> AND THE SMOKE YOU MAKE IS A WORSE ENEMY TO GOOD
HOUSE-KEEPING,THEN TOBACCO.
<Q LA. CRESS.> SHOULD ONE OF YOUR GLASSES BREAK,IT MIGHT BRING YOU
TO A DEAD PALSIE.
<Q SAUNDER.> MY  LORD, YOUR QUCKSILVER HAS MADE ALL YOUR MORE
SOLID GOLD AND SILVER FLIE IN FUME.
<Q CRESS.> ILE BY RUL'D BY YOU IN ANYTHING.
<Q LA. CRESS.> GO SAUNDER, BREAK ALL THE GLASSES.
<Q SAUNDER.> I FLIE TO'T.    <SSD EXIT SAUNDER.>
<Q LA. CRESS.> WHY NOBLE FRIEND, WOULD YOU FINDE THE TRUE PHILO-
SOPHERS-STONE INDEED, MY GOOD HOUSWIFRY SHOULD DO IT.  YOU UNDERSTAND
I WAS BRED UP WITH A GREAT COURTLY LADY-DO NOT THINK ALL WOMEN
MINDE GAY CLOTHES AND RIOT,THERE ARE SOME WIDOWS LIVING HAVE IM-
PROV'D BOTH THEIR OWN FORTUNES AND THEIR CHILDRENS: WOULD YOU TAKE
MY COUNSEL, I'DE ADVISE YOU TO SELL YOUR LAND.
<Q CRESS.> MY LAND}
<Q LA. CRESS.> YES, AND THE MANNOR HOUSE UPON'T, TIS ROTTEN:OH THE
NEW-FASHION'D BUILDINGS BROUGHT FROM THE HAGUE}'TIS STATELY. I HAVE
INTELLIGENCE OF A PURCHASE,AND THE TITLE SOUND,WILL FOR HALF THE MONEY
YOU MAY SELL YOURS FOR,BRING YOU IN MORE RENT THEN YOURS NOW YIELDS
YOU.
<Q CRESS.> IF IT BE SO GOOD A PENNYWORTH,I NEED NOT SELL MY LAND TO
PURCHASE IT, ILE PROCURE MONEY TO DO IT.
<Q LA. CRESS.> WHERE SIR?
<Q CRESS.> WHY,ILE TAKE IT UP AT INTEREST.
<Q LA. CRESS.> NEVER DID ANY MAN THRIVE THAT PURCHAST WITH USE-MONY.
<Q CRESS.> HOW COME YOU TO KNOW THESE THRIFTY PRINCIPLES?
<Q LA. CRESS.> HOW? WHY MY FATHER WS A LAWYER,AND DIED IN THE
COMMISSION,AND MAY NOT I BY A NATURAL INSTINCT, HAVE  A REACHING
THAT WAY? THERE ARE ON MINE OWN KNOWLEDGE SOME DIVINES DAUGHTERS
INFINITELY AFFECTED WITH READING CONTROVERSIES,AND THAT,SOME THINK,
HAS BEEN A MEANS TO BRING SO MANY SUITS INTO THE SPIRITUAL COURT. PRAY
BE ADVISED, SELL YOUR LAND, AND PURCHASE MORE:I KNEW A PEDLAR BY
BEING MERCHANT THIS WAY,IS BECOME LORD OF MANY MANNORS:WE SHOULD
LOOK TO LENGTHEN OUR ESTATES AS WE DO OUR LIVES;    <SSD ENTER SAUNDER.>
AND THOUGH I AM YOUNG, YET I AM CONFIDENT
YOUR ABLE CONSTITUTION OF BODY
WHEN YOU ARE PAST FOURSCORE,SHALL KEEP YOU FRESH
TILL I ARRIVE AT THE NEGLECTED YEAR
THAT I AM PAST CHILDE-BEARING,AND YET EVE N! THE N!
QUICKNING OUR FAINT HEATS IN A SOFT EMBRACE,
AND KINDLING DIVINE FLAMES IN FERVENT PRAYERS,
WE MAY BOTH GO OUT TOGETHER,AND ONE TOMB
QUIT OUR EXECUTORS THE RITES OF TWO.
<Q CRESS.> OH YOU ARE SO WISE,AND SO GOOD IN EVERY THING,
I MOVE BY YOUR DIRECTION.
<Q SAUNDER.> <SSD  ASIDE!> SHE HAS CAUGHT HIM} <SSD EXEUNT.>
<SN ACTUS II.  SCAENA I.!>
<SSD  KNAVES-BEE'S HOUSE.!>
<SSD ENTER KNAVES-BEE AND HIS WIFE.>    <SSD TABLE.>
<Q KNA.> HAVE YOU DRUNK THE EGGS AND MUSKADINE I SENT YOU?
<Q WIFE.> NO, THEY ARE TOO FULSOM.
<Q KNA.> AWAY, Y'ARE A FOOL,
<SSD  ASIDE!> HOW SHALL I BEGIN TO BREAK THE MATTER TO HER?
I DO LONG, WIFE.
<Q WIFE.> LONG,SIR}
<Q KNA.> LONG INFINITELY.
SIT DOWN,THERE IS A PENITENTIAL MOTION IN ME,
WHICH IF THOU WILT BUT SECOND,I SHALL BE
ONE OF THE HAPPIEST MEN IN EUROPE.
<Q WIFE.> WHAT MIGHT THAT BE?
<Q KNA.> I HAD LAST NIGHT ONE OF THE STRANGEST DREAMS;
ME THOUGHT I WAS THY CONFESSOR,THOU MINE,
AND WE REVEAL'D BETWEEN US PRIVATELY
HOW OFTEN WE HAD WRONG'D EACH OTHERS BED
SINCE WE WERE MARRIED.
<Q WIFE.> CAME YOU DRUNK TO BED?
THERE WAS A DREAM WITH A WITNESS.
<Q KNA.> NO,NO WITNESS;
I DREAMT NO BODY HEARD IT BUT WE TWO.
THIS DREAM WIFE,DO I LONG TO PUT IN ACT,
LET US CONFESS EACH OTHER,AND I VOW
WHAT EVER THOU HAST DONE WITH THAT SWEET CORPS
IN THE WAY OF NATURAL FRAILTY, I PROTEST
MOST FREELY I WILL PARDON.
<Q WIFE.> GO SLEEP AGAIN;
WAS THERE EVER SUCH A MOTION?
<Q KNA.> NAY SWEET WOMAN,
AND THOU WILT NOT HAVE ME RUN MAD WITH MY DESIRE,
BE PERSWADED TO'T.
<Q WIFE.> WELL, BE IT YOUR PLEASURE.
<Q KNA.> BUT TO ANSWER TRULY.
<Q WIFE.> O MOST SINCERELY.
<Q KNA.> BEGIN THEN; EXAMINE ME FIRST.
<Q WIFE.> WHY,I KNOW NOT WHAT TO ASK YOU.
<Q KNA.> LET ME SEE,YOUR FATHER WAS A CAPTAIN;DEMAND OF ME HOW
MANY DEAD PAYS I AM TO ANSWER FOR IN THE MUSTER-BOOK OF WEDLOCK,
BY THE MARTIAL FAULT OF BORROWING FROM MY NEIGHBORS?
<Q WIFE.> TROTH I CAN ASK NO SUCH FOOLISH QUESTIONS.
<Q KNA.> WHY THEN OPEN CONFESSION I HOPE DEAR WIFE,WILL MERIT FREER
PARDON:I SINN'D TWICE WITH MY LAUNDRESS,AND LAST CIRCUIT THERE WAS
AT  BANBURY A SHE-CHAMBERLAIN THAT HAD A SPICE OF PURITY, BUT AT LAST
I PREVAILED OVER HER.
<Q WIFE.> O, YOU ARE AN UNGRACIOUS HUSBAND.
<Q KNA.> I HAVE MADE A VOW NEVER TO RIDE ABROAD BUT IN THY COMPANY;
OH A LITTLE DRINK MAKES ME CLAMBER LIKE A MONKEY:NOW SWEET WIFE,
YOU HAVE BEEN AN OUT-LYER TOO,WHICH IS BEST FEED-IN THE FOREST, OR
IN THE PURLEWES?
<Q WIFE.> A FOOLISH MINDE OF YOU I' THIS.
<Q KNA.> NAY SWEET LOVE,CONFESS FREELY,I HAVE GIVEN YOU THE EXAMPLE.
<Q WIFE.> WHY YOU KNOW I WENT LAST YEAR TO STURB R!IDGE-FAIR.
<Q KNA.> YES.
<Q WIFE.> AND BEING IN CAMBRIDGE,A HANDSOM SCHOLAR,ONE OF EM-
 M!ANUEL COLLEDGE,FELL IN LOVE WITH ME.
<Q KNA.> O YOU SWEET-BREADTH'D MONKEY}      <SSD  KISSES HER.!>
<Q WIFE.> GO HANG,YOU ARE SO BOISTEROUS.
<Q KNA.> BUT DID THIS SCHOLAR SHEW THEE HIS CHAMBER?
<Q WIFE.> YES.
<Q KNA.> AND DIDST THOU LIKE HIM?
<Q WIFE.> LIKE HIM}OH HE HAD THE MOST ENTICINGST STRAW-COLOUR'D
BEARD,A WOMAN WITH BLACK EYES WOULD HAVE LOV'D HIM LIKE JEAT:HE
WAS THE FINEST MAN,WITH A FORMAL WIT;AND HE HAD A FINE DOG THAT SURE
WAS WHELPT I'TH COLLEDGE, FOR HE UNDERSTOOD LATINE.
<Q KNA.> PUE WAWE,THIS IS NOTHING,TILL I KNOW WHAT HE DID IN'S CHAMBER.
<Q WIFE.> HE BURNT WORMWOOD IN'T,TO KILL THE FLEAS I'TH RUSHES.
<Q KNA.> BUT WHAT HE TO THEE THERE?
<Q WIFE.> SOME FIVE AND TWENTY YEARS HENCE I MAY CHANCE TELL YOU.
FIE UPON YOU, WHAT TRICKS? WHAT CROTCHETS ARE THESE?HAVE YOU PLAC'T
ANYBODY BEHINDE THE ARRAS TO HEAR MY CONFESSION? I HEARD ONE IN
ENGLAND GOT A DIVORCE FROM'S WIFE BY SUCH A TRICK; WERE I DISPOS'D
NOW,I WOULD MAKE YOU AS MAD. YOU SHALL SEE ME PLAY THE CHANGLING.
<Q KNA.> NO,NO WIFE,YOU SHALL SEE ME PLAY THE CHANGLING:HADST THOU
CONFEST,THIS OTHER SUIT ILE NOW PREFER TO THEE,WOULD HAVE BEEN DISPATCHT
IN A TRICE.
<Q WIFE.> AND WHAT'S THAT SIR?
<Q KNA.> THOU WILT WONDER AT IT FOUR AND TWENTY YEARS LONGER THEN
NINE DAYS.
<Q WIFE.> I WOUDL VERY FAIN HEAR IT.
<Q KNA.> THERE IS A LORD O'TH COURT, UPON CREDIT A MOST DEAR,
HONORABLE FRIEND OF MINE,THAT MUST LYE WITH THEE. DO YOU LAUGH?
'TIS NO COME TO THAT,YOU'L LAUGH WHEN YOU KNOW WHO 'TIS.
<Q WIFE.> ARE YOU STARK MAD?
<Q KNA.> ON MY RELIGION I HAVE PAST MY WORD FOR'T,
'TIS THE LORD BEAUFORT-THOU ART MADE HAPPY FOR EVER-
THE GENEROUS AND BOUNTIFUL LORD BEAUFORT:
YOU BEING BOTH SO EXCELLENT,'TWERE PITY
IF SUCH RARE PIECES SHOULD NOT BE CONFERR'D,
AND SAMPLED TOGETHER.
<Q WIFE.> DO YOU MEAN SERIOUSLY?
<Q KNA.> AS I HOPE FOR PREFERMENT.
<Q WIFE.> AND CAN YOU LOOSE ME THUS?
<Q KNA.> LOOSE YOU}  I SHALL LOVE YOU THE BETTER:WHY, WHAT'S THE
VIEWING ANY WARDROBE,OR JEWEL-HOUSE, WITHOUT A COMPANION TO CONFER
THEIR LIKINGS? YET NOW I VIEW THEE WELL, METHINKS THOU ART A RARE
MONOPOLY,AND GREAT PITY ONE MAN SHOULD ENJOY THEE.
<Q WIFE.> THIS IS PRETTY.
<Q KNA.> LET'S DIVORCE OUR SELVES SO LONG,OR THINK I AM GONE TO'TH'
INDIES, OR LYE WITH HIM WHEN I AM ASLEEP,FOR SOME FAMILISTS OF AM-
STERDAM WILL TELL YOU  IT! MAY BE DONE WITH A SAFE CONSCIENCE: COME
YOU WANTON,WHAT HURT CAN THIS DO TO YOU? I PROTEST NOTHING SO MUCH
AS TO KEEP COMPANY WITH AN OLD WOMAN HAS SORE EYES:NO MORE WRONG
THEN I DO MY BEAVER WHEN I TRY IT THUS. <SSD  RUBS IT THE  WRONG WAY, THEN
SMOOTHES IT!> LOOK,THIS IS ALL;SMOOTH,AND KEEPS FASHION STILL.
<Q WIFE.> YOU ARE ONE OF THE BASEST FELLOWS.
<Q KNA.> I LOOKT FOR CHIDING-
I DO MAKE THIS A KINDE OF FORTITUDE
THE ROMANS NEVER DREAMT OF-AND 'TWERE KNOWN,
I SHOULD BE SPOKE AND WRIT OF WHEN I AM ROTTEN,
FOR 'TIS BEYOND EXAMPLE.
<Q WIFE.> BUT I PRAY RESOLVE ME:
SUPPOSE THIS DONE,COULD YOU EVER LOVE ME AFTER?
<Q KNA.> I PROTEST I NEVER THOUGHT SO WELL OF THEE,
TILL I KNEW HE TOOK A FANCY TO THEE;LIKE ONE
THAT HAS VARIETY OF CHOICE MEAT BEFORE HIM,
YET HAS NO STOMACH TO'T UNTIL HE HEAR
ANOTHER PRAISE  IT!:HARK, MY LORD IS COMING.   <SSD KNOCK WITHIN.>
<Q WIFE.> POSSIBLE}
<Q KNA.> AND MY PREFERMENT COMES ALONG WITH HIM;BE WISE,MIND
YOUR GOOD,AND TO CONFUTE ALL REASON IN THE WORLD WHICH THOU CANST
URGE AGAINST IT-WHEN 'TIS DONE, WE WILL BE MARRIED AGAIN WIFE,
WHICH SOME SAY IS THE ONELY SUPERSEDEAS ABOUT LIMEHOUSE, TO REMOVE
CUCKOLDRY.    <SSD ENTER BEAUFORT.>
<Q BEAU.> COME,ARE YOU READY TO ATTEND ME TO THE COURT?
<Q KNA.> YES MY LORD.
<Q BEAU.> IS THIS FAIR ONE,YOUR WIFE?
<Q KNA.> AT YOUR LORDSHIPS SERVICE; I WILL LOOK UP SOME WRITINGS,
AND RETURN PRESENTLY.      <SSD EXIT KNAVES-BEE.>
<Q WIFE.> <SSD  ASIDE!> TO SEE AND THE BASE FELLOW DO NOT LEAVE'S ALONE TOO
<Q BEAU.> TIS AN EXCELLENT HABIT THIS-WHERE WERE YOU BORN,SWEET?
<Q WIFE.> I AM A SUFFOLK WOMAN, MY LORD.
<Q BEAU.> BELIEVE IT,EVERY COUNTREY YOU BREATH ON, IS THE SWEETER FOR
YOU:LET ME SEE YOUR HAND. THE CASE IS LOTH TO PART WITH THE JEWEL:
FAIREST ONE,I HAVE SKILL IN PALMESTRY.
<Q WIFE.> GOOD MY LORD, WHAT DO YOU FIND THERE?
<Q BEAU.> IN GOOD EARNEST I DO FINDE WRITTEN HERE,ALL MY GOOD FORTUNE
LIES IN YOUR HAND.
<Q WIFE.> YOU'L KEEP A VERY BAD HOUSE THEN, YOU MAY SEE BY THE
SMALNESS OF THE TABLE.
<Q BEAU.> WHO IS YOUR SWEET-HEART?
<Q WIFE.> SWEET-HEART}
<Q BEAU.> YES,COME,I MUST SIFT YOU TO KNOW IT.
<Q WIFE.> I AM A SIEVE TOO CO A!RSE FOR YOUR LORDSHIPS MANCHET.
<Q BEAU.> NAY, PRAY YOU TELL ME, FOR I SEE YOUR HUSBAND IS AN UN-
HANDSOM FELLOW.
<Q WIFE.> OH MY LORD,I TOOK HIM BY WEIGHT, NOT FASHION:GOLD-
SMITHS WIVES TAUGHT ME THAT WAY OF BARGAIN,AND SOME LADIES SWERVE
NOT TO FOLLOW THE EXAMPLE.
<Q BEAU.> BUT WILL YOU NOT TELL ME WHO IS YOUR PRIVATE FRIEND?
<Q WIFE.> YES,AND YOU'L TELL ME WHO IS YOURS.
<Q BEAU.> SHALL I SHEW YOU HER?
<Q WIFE.> YES,WHEN WILL YOU?
<Q BEAU.> INSTANTLY,LOOK YOU THERE YOU MAY SEE HER.
              <SSD  HANDS HER A MIRROR.!>
<Q WIFE.> ILE BREAK THE GLASS,'TIS NOW WORTH NOTHING.
<Q BEAU.> WHY?
<Q WIFE.> YOU HAVE MADE IT A FLATTERING ONE.
<Q BEAU.> I HAVE A SUMMER-HOUSE FOR YOU; A FINE PLACE TO FLATTER
SOLITARINESS:WILL YOU COME AND LYE THERE?
<Q WIFE.> NO MY LORD.
<Q BEAU.> YOUR HUSBAND HAS PROMIS'D ME:WILL YOU NOT?
<Q WIFE.> I MUST WINK,I TELL YOU,OR SAY NOTHING.
<Q BEAU.>SO,ILE KISS YOU AND WINK TOO,MIDNIGHT IS CUPIDS HOLYDAY.
<SSD ENT. KNAVES-BEE.>
<Q KNA.> <SSD  ASIDE!> BY THIS TIME 'TIS CONCLUDED:WILL YOU GO MY LORD?
<Q BEAU.> <SSD  TO WIFE!> I LEAVE WITH YOU MY BEST WISHES TILL I SEE YOU.
<Q KNA.> THIS NOW (IF I MAY BORROW OUR LAWYERS PHRASE) IS MY
WIFES IMPARLANCE, AT HER NEXT APPEARANCE SHE MUST ANSWER YOUR
DECLARATION.
<Q BEAU.> YOU FOLLOW IT WELL,SIR.   <SSD EX.BEAUFORT & KNAVES-BEE.>
<Q WIFE.> DID I NOT KNOW MY HUSBAND
OF SO BASE COMTEMPTIBLE NATURE,I SHOULD THINK
'TWERE BUT A TRICK TO TRY ME;BUT IT SEEMS
THEY ARE BOTH IN WICKED EARNEST;AND METHINKS
UPON THE SUDDEN I HAVE A GREAT MINDE TO LOATH
THIS SCURVY UNHANDSOME WAY MY LORD HAS TANE
TO COMPASS ME:WHY 'TIS FOR ALL THE WORLD
AS IF HE SHOULD COME TO STEAL SOME APRICOCKS
MY HUSBAND KEPT FOR'S OWN TOOTH,AND CLIMB UP
UPON HIS HEAD AND SHOULDERS. ILE GO TO HIM,
HE WILL PUT ME INTO BRAVE CLOTHES,AND RICH JEWELS;
'TWERE A VERY ILL PART IN ME NOT TO GO,
HIS MERCER AND HIS GOLDSMITH ELSE MIGHT CURSE ME;
AND WHAT ILE DO HERE,A MY TROTH YET I KNOW NOT;
WOMEN THOUGH PUZZEL'D WITH THESE SUBTILE DEEDS,
MAY,AS I'TH SPRING, PICK PHYSICK OUT OF WEEDS.   <SSD EXIT LADY.>
                <SN   SCAENA II.! >
         <SSD  WATER CHAMLET'S SHOP.!>
<SSD ENTER(A SHOP BEING DISCOVER'A) WATER CHAMLET, TWO PRENTICES,
GEORGE AND RALPH.>
<Q GEORGE.> WHAT IST YOU LACK,YOU LACK,YOU LACK?
STUFFS FOR THE BELLY,OR THE BACK?
SILK-GROGRANS,SATTINS,VELVET FINE,
THE ROSIE-COLOUR'D CARNADINE;
YOUR NUTMEG HUE,OR GINGERLINE,
CLOTH OF TISSUE,OR TOBINE,
THATH LIKE BEATEN GOLD WILL SHINE
IN YOUR AMAROUS LADIES' EYNE,
WHILEST YOU THEIR SOFTER SILKS DO TWINE:     <SSD ENTER RACHEL.>
WHAT IST YOU LACK,YOU LACK,YOU LACK?
<Q RACH.> I DO LACK CONTENT SIR, CONTENT I LACK:HAVE YOU OR YOUR
WORSHIPFUL MASTER HERE,ANY CONTENT TO SELL?
<Q GEORGE.>IF CONTENT BE A STUFF TO BE SOLD BY THE YARD,YOU MAY
HAVE CONTENT AT HOME,AND NEVER GO ABROAD FOR'T.
<Q RACH.> DO, CUT ME THREE YARDS, ILE PAY FOR 'EM.
<Q GEORGE.> THERE'S ALL WE HAVE I'TH SHOP; WE MUST KNOW WHAT YOU'L
GIVE FOR 'EM FIRST.
<Q CHAM.> WHY RACHEL, SWEET RACHEL, MY BOSOM RACHEL,
HOW DIDST THOU GET FORTH? THOU WERT HERE SWEET RAC.
WITHIN THIS HOUR, EVEN IN MY VERY HEART.
<Q RACH.>AWAY} - OR STAY STILL, ILE AWAY FROM THEE,
ONE BED SHALL NEVER HOLD US BOTH AGEN,
NOR ONE ROOF COVER US: DIDST THOU BRING HOME -?
<Q GEORGE.> WHAT IST YOU LACK, YOU LACK, YOU LACK?
<Q RACH.>PEACE BANDOG,BANDOG, GIVE ME LEAVE TO SPEAK,
OR I'LE -
<Q GEORGE.>SHALL I NOT FOLLOW MY TRADE? I'M BOUND TO'T, AND MY
MASTER BOUND TO BRING ME UP IN'T.
<Q CHAM.> PEACE, GOOD GEORGE, GIVE HER ANGER LEAVE, THY MISTRISS WILL
BE QUIET PRESENTLY.
<Q RACH.>QUIET}I DEFIE THEE AND QUIET TOO:
QUIET THY BASTARDS THOU HAST BROUGHT HOME.
<Q GEORGE & RALPH.> WHAT IST YOU LACK,YOU LACK?ETC.
<Q RACH.>DEATH, GIVE ME AN ELL, HAS ONE BAWLING CUR
RAIS'D UP ANOTHER? TWO DOGS UPON ME,
AND THE OLD BEAR-WARD WILL NOT SUCCOUR ME,
I'LE STAVE 'EM OFF MY SELF:GIVE ME AN ELL,I SAY.
<Q GEORGE.>GIVE HER NOT AN INCH, MASTER, SHEE'L TAKE TWO ELLS IF
YOU DO.
<Q CHAM.> PEACE GEORGE AND RALPH, NO WORDS I CHARGE YOU;
AND RACHEL,SWEET WIFE,BE MORE TEMPERATE,
I KNOW YOUR TONGUE SPEAKS NOT BY THE RULE
AND GUIDANCE OF YOUR HEART, WHEN YOU PROCLAIM
THE PRETTY CHILDREN OF MY VERTUOUS
AND NOBLE KINSWOMAN, WHOM IN LIFE YOU KNEW
ABOVE MY PRAISES REACH, TO BE MY BASTARDS;
THIS IS NOT WELL, ALTHOUGH YOUR ANGER DID IT,
PRAY CHIDE YOUR ANGER FOR IT.
<Q RACH.> SIR,SIR, YOUR GLOSS
OF KINSWOMAN CANNOT SERVE TURN, 'TIS STALE,
AND SMELLS TOO RANCK - THOUGH YOUR SHOP-WARES YOU VENT
WITH YOUR DECEIVING LIGHTS, YET YOUR CHAMBER STUFF
SHALL NOT PASS SO WITH ME; I SAY, AND I WILL PROVE...
<Q GEORGE.> WHAT IST YOU LACK?
          <SSD ENTER TWO CHILDREN,  MARIA & EDWARD!.>
<Q CHAM.> WHY GEORGE,I SAY}
<Q RACH.> LETCHER I SAY, I'LE BE DIVORC'T FROM THEE,
I'LE PROVE 'EM THY BASTARDS, AND THOU INSUFFICIENT. <SSD EXIT RACHEL.>
<Q MAR.> WHAT SAID MY ANGRY COUSIN TO YOU SIR?
THAT WE WERE BASTARDS?
<Q ED.>I HOPE SHE MEANT NOT US.
<Q CHAM.>   NO,NO,
MY PRETTY COUSINS,SHE MEANT GEORGE AND RALPH;
RAGE WILL SPEAK ANY THING, BUT THEY ARE NE'RE THE WORSE.
<Q GEORGE.>YES INDEED FORSOOTH SHE SPOKE TO US, BUT CHIEFLY TO RALPH,
BECAUSE SHE KNOWS HE HAS BUT ONE STONE.
<Q RALPH.>NO MORE OF THAT IF YOU LOVE ME, GEORGE, THIS IS NOT THE WAY
TO KEEP A QUIET HOUSE.
<Q MAR.> TRULY SIR, I WOULD NOT FOR MORE TREASURE
THEN EVER I SAW YET, BE IN YOUR HOUSE
A CAUSE OF DISCORD.
<Q ED.> AND DO YOU THINK I WOULD, SISTER?
<Q MAR.> NO INDEED, NED.     <SSD ENT. FRANK. & YONG CRESS. DISGUIS'D.>
<Q ED.>WHY DID YOU NOT SPEAK FOR ME WITH YOU THEN,
AND SAID WE COULD NOT HAVE DONE SO?
<Q CHAM.> NO MORE SWEET COUSINS NOW:SPEAK GEORGE, CUSTOMERS
APPROACH.
<Q YOUN CRESS.>IS THE BARBER PREPAR'D?
<Q FRANK.> WITH IGNORANCE ENOUGH TO GO THROUGH WITH IT - SO NEER I
AM TO HIM, WE MUST CALL COUSINS - WOULD THOU WERT AS SURE TO HIT THE
TAYLOR}
<Q YONG CRESS.> IF I DO NOT STEAL AWAY HANDSOMLY,LET ME NEVER PLAY
THE TAYLOR AGEN.
<Q GEORGE.> WHAT IST YOU LACK?&C.
<Q FRANK.> GOOD SATTINS SIR.
<Q GEORGE.> THE BEST IN EUROPE,SIR;HERES A PIECE WORTH A PIECE EVERY
YARD OF HIM, THE KING OF NAPLES WEARS NO BETTER SILK; MARK HIS GLOSS,
HE DAZLES THE EYE TO LOOK UPON HIM.
<Q FRANK.> IS HE NOT GUM'D?
<Q GEORGE.>GUM'D} HE HAS NEITHER MOUTH NOR TOOTH, HOW CAN HE BE
GUM'D?
<Q FRANK.> VERY PRETTY}
<Q CHAM.> AN ESPECIAL GOOD PIECE OF SILK, THE WORM NEVER SPUN A
FINER THREAD, BELIEVE IT, SIR.
<Q FRANK> GASCOYN,YOU HAVE SOME SKILL IN IT.
<Q CHAM.> YOUR TAYLOR,SIR?
<Q FRANK.>  YES SIR.
<Q YONG CRESS.> A GOOD PIECE,SIR; BUT LET'S SEE MORE CHOICE.
<Q RALPH.> <SSD  ASIDE!> TAYLOR, DRIVE THOROW, YOU KNOW YOUR BRIBES.
<Q YONG CRESS.> <SSD  ASIDE!> MUM: HE BESTOWS FORTY POUNDS, IF I SAY THE
WORD.
<Q RALPH.> <SSD  ASIDE!> STRIKE THROUGH,THERE'S POUNDAGE FOR YOU THEN.
<Q FRANK.> I MARRY} I LIKE THIS BETTER, WHAT SAYST THOU, GASCOYN?
<Q YONG CRESS.> A GOOD PIECE INDEED ,SIR.
<Q GEORGE.>THE GREAT TURK HAS WORSE SATTIN AT'S ELBOW,THEN THIS SIR.
<Q FRANK.> THE PRICE?
<Q CHAM.> LOOK ON THE MARK, GEORGE.
<Q GEORGE.>O,SOUSE AND P, BY MY FACKS,SIR.
<Q CHAM.> THE BEST SORT THEN,SIXTEEN A YARD,NOTHING TO BE BATED.
<Q FRANK.> FIE SIR,FIFTEEN'S TOO HIGH - YET SO - HOW MANY YARDS WILL
SERVE FOR MY SUTE,SIRRAH?
<Q YONG CRESS.> NINE YARDS, YOU CAN HAVE NO LESS,SIR ANDREW.
<Q FRANK.> BUT I CAN SIR, IF YOU PLEASE TO STEAL LESS; I HAD BUT EIGHT
IN MY LAST SUTE.
<Q YONG CRESS.> YOU PINCH US TOO NEER IN FAITH, SIR ANDREW.
<Q FRANK.> YET CAN YOU PINCH OUT A FALSE PAIR OF SLEEVES TO A FREEZADO
DUBLET.
<Q GEORGE.>NO SIR, SOME PURSES AND PIN-PILLOWS PERHAPS: A TAYLOR
PAYS FOR HIS KISSING THAT WAYS.
<Q FRANK.> WELL SIR, EIGHT YARDS, EIGHT FIFTEENS I GIVE,AND CUT IT.
<Q CHAM.> I CANNOT TRULY,SIR.
<Q GEORGE.>MY MASTER MUST BE NO SUBSIDY-MAN,IF HE TAKES SUCH
FIFTEENS.
<Q FRANK.> I AM AT HIGHEST SIR, IF YOU CAN TAKE MONEY.
<Q CHAM.> WELL SIR, I'LE GIVE YOU THE BUYING ONCE, I HOPE TO GAIN IT IN
YOUR CUSTOM: WANT YOU NOTHING ELSE,SIR?
<Q FRANK.> NOT AT THIS TIME,SIR.
<Q YONG CRESS.> INDEED BUT YOU DO,SIR ANDREW, I MUST NEEDS DELIVER
MY LADIES MESSAGE TO YOU, SHE ENJOYN'D ME BY OATH TO DO IT,SHE
COMMANDED ME TO MOVE YOU FOR A NEW GOWN.
<Q FRANK.> SIRRAH,ILE BREAK YOUR HEAD, IF YOU MOTION IT AGEN.
<Q YONG CRESS.>I MUST ENDANGER MY SELF FOR MY LADY, SIR: YOU KNOW
SHE'S TO GO TO MY LADY TRENCHMORES WEDDING, AND TO BE SEEN THERE
WITHOUT A NEW GOWN} - SHE'L HAVE NE'RE AN EYE TO BE SEEN THERE, FOR
HER FINGERS IN 'EM: NAY BY MY FACK, SIR, I DO NOT THINK SHE'L GO, AND THEN
THE CAUSE KNOWN, WHAT A DISCREDIT 'T WILL BE TO YOU}
<Q FRANK.>NOT A WORD MORE, GOODMAN SNIP-SNAPPER, FOR YOUR EARS:
WHAT COMES THIS TO, SIR?
<Q CHAM.> SIX POUND,SIR.
<Q FRANK.> THERE'S YOUR MONEY:WILL YOU TAKE THIS, AND BE GONE, AND
ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS PRESENTLY?
<Q YONG CRESS.>TROTH SIR,ILE SEE SOME STUFFS FOR MY LADY FIRST, ILE
TELL HER AT LEAST I DID MY GOOD WILL; A FAIR PIECE OF CLOTH OF SILVER, PRAY
YOU NOW.
<Q GEORGE.>OR CLOTH OF GOLD IF YOU PLEASE SIR,AS RICH AS EVER THE
SOPHY WORE.
<Q FRANK.>YOU ARE THE ARRANTEST VILLAIN OF A TAYLOR, THAT EVER SAT
CROSS-LEG'D:WHAT DO YOU THINK A GOWN OF THIS STUFF WILL COME TO?
<Q YONG CRESS.>WHY SAY IT BE FORTY POUND SIR: WHAT'S THAT TO YOU?
THREE THOUSAND A YEAR I HOPE WILL MAINTAIN IT.
<Q FRANK.>IT WILL SIR, VERY GOOD, YOU WERE BEST BE MY OVERSEER: SAY I
BE NOT FURNISHT WITH MONEY, HOW THEN?
<Q YONG CRESS.> A VERY FINE EXCUSE IN YOU} - WHICH PLACE OF TEN NOW
WILL YOU SEND ME FOR A HUNDRED POUND, TO BRING IT PRESENTLY?
<Q CHAM.>SIR, SIR, YOUR TAYLOR PERSWADES YOU WELL, 'TIS FOR YOUR CREDIT,
AND THE GREAT CONTENT OF YOUR LADY.
<Q FRANK.>TIS FOR YOUR CONTENT SIR, AND MY CHARGES: NEVER THINK,
GOODMAN FALSE-STITCH, TO COME TO THE MERCERS WITH ME AGEN; PRAY WILL
YOU SEE I MY COUSIN SWEETBALL THE BARBER(HE'S NEEREST HAND) BE FURNISHT,
AND BRING ME WORD INSTANTLY.
<Q YONG CRESS.>I FLIE,SIR.         <SSD EXIT CRESS.>
<Q FRANK.>YOU MAY FLIE SIR, YOU HAVE CLIPT SOME BODIES WINGS FOR IT
TO PIECE OUT YOUR OWN; AN ARRANT THIEF YOU ARE.
<Q CHAM.> INDEED HE SPEAKS HONESTLY AND JUSTLY, SIR.
<Q FRANK.> YOU EXPECT SOME GAIN SIR, THER'S YOUR CAUSE OF LOVE.
<Q CHAM.>SURELY I DO A LITTLE SIR.
<Q FRANK.>AND WHAT MIGHT BE THE PRICE OF THIS?
<Q CHAM.>THIS IS THIRTY A YARD; BUT IF YOU'L GO TO FORTY, HERE'S A NON
PAREILE.
<Q FRANK.> SO, THERE'S A MATTER OF FORTY POUND FOR A GOWN CLOTH.
<Q CHAM.>THEREABOUTS,SIR; WHY SIR, THERE ARE FAR SHORT OF YOUR MEANS
THAT WEAR THE LIKE.
<Q FRANK.>DO YOU KNOW MY MEANS,SIR?
<Q GEORGE.> BY OVER-HEARING YOUR TAYLOR,SIR, THREE THOUSAND A YEAR:
BUT IF YOU'D HAVE A PETTICOAT FOR YOUR LADY, HERE'S A STUFF.
<Q FRANK.>ARE YOU ANOTHER TAYLOR,SIRRAH? HERE'S A KNAVE, WHAT ARE
YOU?
<Q GEORGE.>YOU ARE SUCH ANOTHER GENTLEMAN; BUT FOR THE STUFF SIR,
'TIS L.SS. AND K; FOR THE TURN STRIPT A' PURPOSE, A YARD AND A QUARTER
BROAD TOO, WHICH IS THE JUST DEPTH OF A WOMANS PETTICOAT.
<Q FRANK.> AND WHY STRIPT FOR A PETTICOAT?
<Q GEORGE.> BECAUSE IF THEY ABUSE THEIR PETTICOATS, THERE ARE ABUSES
STRIPT, THEN 'TIS TAKING THEM UP. AND THEY MAY BE STRIPT AND WHIPT TOO.
<Q FRANK.> VERY INGENIOUS.
<Q GEORGE.> THEN IT IS LIKEWISE STRIPT STANDING,BETWEEN WHICH IS
DISCOVER'D THE OPEN PART, WHICH IS NOW CALL'D THE PLACKET.
<Q FRANK.>WHY,WAS IT EVER CALL'D OTHERWISE?
<Q GEORGE.>YES: WHILE THE WORD REMAIN'D PURE IN HIS ORIGINAL, THE
LATINE TONGUE, WHO HAVE NO KS, IT WAS CALL'D THE PLACET, A PLACENDO,
A THING, OR PLACE, TO PLEASE.      <SSD ENTER YONG CRESSINGHAM.>
<Q FRANK.> BETTER AND WORSE STILL: NOW SIR, YOU COME IN HASTE, WHAT
SAYS MY COUSIN?
<Q YONG CRESS.> PROTEST S! SIR, HE'S HALF ANGRY, THAT EITHER YOU SHOULD
THINK HIM UNFURNISHT, OR NOT FURNISHT FOR YOUR USE - THERE'S A HUNDRED
POUND READY FOR YOU; HE DESIRES YOU TO PARDON HIS COMING, HIS FOLKS
ARE BUSIE, AND HIS WIFE TRIMMING A GENTLEMAN, BUT AT YOUR FIRST APPROACH
THE MONEY WANTS BUT TELLING.
<Q FRANK.> HE WOULD NOT TRUST YOU WITH IT: I CON HIM THANKS, FOR THAT -
HE KNOWS WHAT TRADE YOU ARE OF: WELL SIR, PRAY CUT HIM PATTERNS, HE
MAY IN THE MEAN TIME KNOW MY LADIES LIKING;LET YOUR MAN TAKE THE
PIECES WHOLE, WITH THE LOWEST PRICES, AND WALK WITH ME TO MY COUSIN'S.
<Q CHAM.>WITH ALL MY HEART, SIR: RALPH, YOUR CLOAK, AND GO WITH
THE GENTLEMAN, LOOK YOU GIVE GOOD MEASURE.
<Q YONG CRESS.>LOOK YOU CARRY A GOOD YARD WITH YOU.
<Q RALPH.>THE BEST I'TH' SHOP.SIR, YET WE HAVE NONE BAD:YOU'L HAVE
THE STUFF FOR THE PETTICOAT TOO?
<Q FRANK.>NO SIR, THE GOWN ONELY.
<Q YONG CRESS.>BY ALL MEANS SIR:NOT THE PETTICOAT? THAT WERE HOLY-
DAY UPON WORKING-DAY YFAITH.
<Q FRANK.>YOU ARE  TOO! FORWARD FOR A KNAVE,SIR.
<Q YONG CRESS.>'TIS FOR YOUR CREDIT AND MY LADIES BOTH, I DO IT SIR.
<Q FRANK.>YOUR MAN IS TRUSTY SIR?
<Q CHAM.>O SIR, WE KEEP NONE BUT THOSE WE DARE TRUST SIR.RALPH,HAVE
A CARE OF LIGHT GOLD.
<Q RALPH.>I WARRANT YOU SIR, ILE TAKE NONE.
<Q FRANK.>COME SIRRAH:FARE YOU WELL SIR.
<Q CHAM.>PRAY KNOW MY SHOP ANOTHER TIME, SIR.
FRANK I SHALL SIR, FROM ALL THE SHOPS I'TH TOWN; 'TIS THE
LAMB IN LOMBERD-STREET.        <SSD EXEUNTEUNT FRANK. CRESS. RALPH.>
GEORGE A GOOD MORNINGS WORK,SIR; IF THIS CUSTOM WOULD BUT
LAST LONG, YOU MIGHT SHUT UP YOUR SHOP AND LIVE PRIVATELY.
<Q CHAM.> O GEORGE} BUT HERE'S A GRIEF THAT TAKES AWAY ALL THE GAINS
AND JOY OF ALL MY THRIFT.
<Q GEORGE.> WHAT'S THAT,SIR?
<Q CHAM.>THY MISTRISS,GEORGE:HER FROWARDNESS SOWRES ALL MY COMFORT.
<Q GEORGE.>ALAS SIR, THEY ARE BUT SQUIBS AND CRACKERS, THEY'L SOON DIE;
YOU KNOW HER FLASHES OF OLD.
<Q CHAM.>BUT THEY FLIE SO NEER ME, THAT THEY BURN ME; GEORGE THEY ARE
AS ILL AS MUSQUETS CHARGED WITH BULLETS.
<Q GEORGE.>SHE HAS DISCHARG'D HER SELF NOW SIR, YOU NEED NOT FEAR HER.
<Q CHAM.>NO MAN CAN L I!VE WITHOUT HIS AFFLICTION,<Q GEORGE.>
<Q GEORGE.>AS YOU CANNOT WITHOUT MY MISTRISS.
<Q CHAM.>RIGHT,RIGHT, THERE'S HARMONY IN DISCORDS: THIS LAMP OF
LOVE WHILE ANY OYL IS LEFT, CAN NEVER BE EXTINCT, IT MAY(LIKE A SNUFF)
WINK AND SEEM TO DIE, BUT UP HE WILL AGEN AND SHEW HIS HEAD; I CANNOT
BE QUIET GEORGE, WITHOUT MY WIFE AT HOME.
<Q GEORGE.>AND WHEN SHE'S AT HOME, YOU'RE NEVER QUIET I'M SURE,
A FINE LIFE YOU HAVE ON'T: WELL SIR, ILE DO MY BEST TO FINDE HER, AND BRING
HER BACK IF I CAN.
<Q CHAM.>DO HONEST GEORGE, AT KNAVES-BEE'S HOUSE, THAT VARLOTS -
THERE'S HER HAUNT AND HARBOUR - WHO ENFORCES A KINSMAN ON HER, AND
 SHE! CALLS HIM COUSIN:
RESTORE HER GEORGE, TO EASE THIS HEART THAT'S VEXT,
THE BEST NEW SUTE THAT E'RE THOU WORE'ST IS NEXT.
<Q GEORGE.> I THANK YOU AFORE-HAND SIR.           <SSD EXEUNT.>
      <SN  SCAENA 111.!>
        <SSD  THE BARBER'S HOUSE.!>
  <SSD ENTER FRANKLIN, YONG CRESS. AS BEFORE, RALPH, BARBER, BOY.>
<Q BARB.>WERE IT OF GREATER MOMENT THEN YOU SPEAK OF (NOBLE SIR)
I HOPE YOU THINK ME SUFFICIENT, AND IT SHALL BE EFFECTUALLY PERFORMED.
<Q FRANK.>I COULD WISH YOUR WIFE DID NOT KNOW IT, CUZ. WOMENS
TONGUES ARE NOT ALWAYS TUNEABLE - I MAY MANY WAYS REQUITE IT.
<Q BARB.> BELIEVE ME, SHE SHALL NOT SIR, WHICH WILL BE THE HARDEST THING
OF ALL.
<Q FRANK.> PRAY YOU DISPATCH HIM THEN.
<Q BARB.>WITH THE CELERITY A MAN TELLS GOLD TO HIM.
<Q FRANK.><SSD  ASIDE!> HE HITS A GOOD COMPARISON} GIVE MY WASTE-GOOD YOUR
STUFFS, AND GO WITH MY COUSIN SIR, HE'L PRESENTLY DISPATCH YOU.
<Q RALPH.> YES SIR.
<Q BARB.> COME WITH ME YOUTH, I AM READY FOR YOU IN MY MORE PRIVATE
CHAMBER.                <SSD EXEUNT BARBER & RALPH.>
<Q FRANK.>SIRRAH GO YOU SHEW YOUR LADY THE STUFFS, AND LET HER
CHOOSE HER COLOUR - AWAY, YOU KNOW WH I!THER:BOY, PRITHEE LEND ME
A BRUSH I'TH MEAN TIME: DO YOU TARRY ALL DAY NOW?
<Q YONG CRESS.>THAT I WILL SIR, AND ALL NIGHT TOO, ERE I COME AGEN.
               <SSD EXIT YONG CRESSINGHAM.>
<Q BOY.>HERE'S A BRUSH SIR.
<Q FRANK.> A GOOD CHILDE}
<Q BARBER> <SSD WITHIN.> WHAT,TOBY}
<Q BOY.> ANON SIR.
<Q BARBER> <SSD WITHIN.> WHY WHEN,GOODMAN PICKLOCK?
<Q BOY.>I MUST ATTEND MY MASTER, SIR: I COME}     <SSD EXIT BOY.>
<Q FRANK.> DO PRETTY LAD:SO, TAKE WATER AT COLE-HARBOR -
AN EASIE MERCER,AND AN INNOCENT BARBER}     <SSD EXIT FRANKLIN.>
    <SSD ENTER BARBER,RALPH, BOY.>
<Q BARB.>SO FRIEND, ILE NOW DISPATCH YOU PRESENTLY:BOY,REACH ME
MY DIS-MEMBRING INSTRUMENT, AND LET MY CAUTERIZE R! BE READY; AND
HARK YOU SNIPSNAP}
<Q BOY.>I SIR.
<Q BARB.>SEE IF MY L I!XI V!IUM, MY FOMENTATION BE PROVIDED FIRST, AND
GET MY ROWLERS, BOLSTERS, AND PLEGGETS ARM'D.
<Q RALPH.> NAY GOOD SIR DISPATCH MY BUSINESS FIRST; I SHOULD NOT STAY
FROM MY SHOP.
<Q BARB.>YOU MUST HAVE A LITTLE PATIENCE SIR, WHEN YOU ARE A PATIENT;
IF PREPU T!IUM BE NOT TOO MUCH PERISHT, YOU SHALL LOOSE BUT LITTLE BY IT,
BELIEVE MY ART FOR THAT.
<Q RALPH.>WHAT'S THAT SIR?
<Q BARB.>MARRY IF THERE BE EXULCERATION BETWEEN PREPU T!IUM AND
GLAN S!, BY MY FAITH THE WHOLE PENIS MAY BE ENDANGER'D AS FAR AS OS
PUB I!S.
<Q RALPH.>WHAT'S THIS YOU TALK ON, SIR?
<Q BARB.>IF THEY BE GANGREN'D ONCE, TESTICULI, VESICA, AND ALL MAY RUN
TO MORTIFICATION.
<Q RALPH.>WHAT A POX DOES THIS BARBER TALK ON?
<Q BARB.> O FIE YOUTH, POX IS NO WORD OF ART, MORBUS CALLICUS, OR NEO-
POLITANUS HAD BIN WELL: COME FRIEND, YOU MUST NOT BE NICE; OPEN YOUR
GRIEFS FREELY TO ME.
<Q RALPH.>WHY SIR, I OPEN MY GRIEF TO YOU, I WANT MY MONEY.
<Q BARB.> TAKE YOU NO CARE FOR THAT, YOUR WORTHY COUSIN HAS GIVEN ME
PART IN HAND, AND THE REST I KNOW HE WILL UPON YOUR RECOVERY, AND I
DARE TAKE HIS WORD.
<Q RALPH.> 'S DEATH, WHERE'S MY WARE?
<Q BARB.>WARE} THAT WAS WELL, THE WORD IS CLEANLY, THOUGH NOT ARTFUL;
YOUR WARE IT IS THAT I MUST SEE.
<Q RALPH.>MY TOBINE, AND CLOTH OF TISSUE?
<Q BARB.>YOU WILL NEITHER HAVE TISSUE NOR ISSUE, IF YOU LINGER IN
YOUR MALADY: BETTER A MEMBER CUT OFF, THEN ENDANGER THE WHOLE
MICROCOSM.
<Q RALPH.>BARBER,YOU ARE NOT MAD?
<Q BARB.>I DO BEGIN TO FEAR YOU ARE SUBJECT TO SUBETH, UNKINDLY SLEEPS,
WHICH HAVE BRED OPILATIONS IN YOUR BRAIN;TAKE HEED, THE SIMPTOMA
WILL FOLLOW, AND THIS MAY COME TO PHRENSIE: BEGIN WITH THE FIRST CAUSE,
WHICH THE PAIN OF YOUR MEMBER.
<Q RALPH.>DO YOU SEE MY YARD, BARBER?
<Q BARB.>NOW YOU COME TO THE PURPOSE, 'TIS THAT I MUST SEE INDEED.
<Q RALPH.>YOU SHALL FEEL IT SIR: DEATH, GIVE ME MY FIFTY POUNDS, OR
MY WARE AGEN, OR I'LE MEASURE OUT YOUR ANATOMY BY THE YARD.
<Q BARB.> BOY,MY CAUTERIZING-IRON RED HOT.
      <SSD EXIT BOY   AND RE-ENTER WITH IRON.!>
<Q BOY.> 'TIS HERE, SIR.
<Q BARB.> IF YOU GO FURTHER, I TAKE MY DIS-MEMBRING KNIFE.
<Q RALPH.> WHERE'S THE KNIGHT YOUR COUSIN? THE THIEF} - AND THE
TAYLOR WITH MY CLOTH OF GOLD AND TISSUE?
<Q BOY.> THE GENTLEMAN THAT SENT AWAY HIS MAN WITH THE STUFFS, IS
GONE A PRETTY WHILE SINCE, HE HAS CARRIED AWAY OUR NEW BRUSH.
<Q BARB.>O THAT BRUSH HURTS MY HEARTS SIDE: CHEATED} CHEATED} HE
TOLD ME THAT YOUR VIRGA HAD A BURNING-FEAVER.
<Q RALPH.>POX ON YOUR VIRGA, BARBER}
<Q BARB.>AND THAT YOU WOULD BE BASHFUL, AND ASHAM'D TO SHOW YOUR
HEAD.
<Q RALPH.>I SHALL SO HEREAFTER, BUT HERE IT IS, YOU SEE YET MY HEAD,
MY HAIR, AND MY WIT, AND HERE ARE MY HEELS THAT I MUST SHEW TO MY
MASTER, IF THE CHEATERS BE NOT FOUND; AND BARBER, PROVIDE THEE PLAISTERS,
I WILL BREAK THY HEAD WITH EVERY BASON UNDER THE POLE.   <SSD EXIT RALPH.>
<Q BARB.>COOL THE L I!XI V!IUM, AND QUENCH THE CAUTERIZER,
I AM PARTLY OUT OF MY WITS, AND PARTLY MAD:
MY RAZOR'S AT MY HEART: THESE STORMS WILL MAKE
MY SWEET-BALLS STINK, MY HARMLESS BASONS SHAKE.    <SSD EXEUNT.>
   <SN ACTUS III. SCAENA I.!>
   <SSD  LORD BEAUFORT'S HOUSE.!>
  <SSD ENTER SELENGER, MRIS. KNAVES-BEE.>
<Q SEL.>YOU'RE WELCOME MISTRISS(AS I MAY SPEAK IT)
BUT MY LORD WILL GIVE IT A SWEETER EMPHASIS:
ILE GIVE HIM KNOWLEDGE OF YOU.       <SSD EXITURUS.>
<Q MRIS KNAVESB.>GOOD SIR STAY,
METHINKS IT SOUNDS SWEETEST UPON YOUR TONGUE,
ILE WISH YOU TO GO NO FURTHER FOR MY WELCOME.
<Q SEL.>MINE} IT SEEMS YOU NEVER HEARD GOOD MUSICK,
THAT COMMENT A BAG-PIPE: HEAR HIS HARMONY.
<Q MRIS KNA.> NAY GOOD NOW, LET ME BORROW OF YOUR PATIENCE,
ILE PAY YOU AGEN BEFORE I RISE TO-MORROW -
IF IT PLEASE YOU...
<Q SEL.>WHAT WOULD YOU FORSOOTH?
<Q MRIS KNA.> YOUR COMPANY SIR.
<Q SEL.>MY ATTENDANCE YOU SHOULD HAVE MISTRISS, BUT THAT MY LORD
EXPECTS IT, AND 'TIS HIS DUE.
<Q MRIS KNA.> AND MUST BE PAID UPON THE HOUR? THAT'S TOO STRICT,
ANY TIME OF THE DAY WILL SERVE.
<Q SEL.> ALAS 'TIS DUE EVERY MINUTE - AND, PAID, 'TIS DUE AGEN, OR ELSE
I FORFEIT MY RECOGNIZANCE, THE CLOTH I WEAR OF HIS.
<Q MRIS KNA.>COME,COME, PAY IT DOUBLE AT ANOTHER TIME, AND 'TWIL
BE QUITTED, I HAVE A LITTLE USE OF YOU.
<Q SEL.> OF ME,FORSOOTH, SMALL USE CAN BE MADE OF ME: IF YOU HAVE
SUIT TO MY LORD, NONE CAN SPEAK BETTER FOR YOU THEN YOU MAY YOUR SELF.
<Q MRIS KNA.> OH, BUT I AM BASHFUL.
<Q SEL.> SO AM I IN TROTH, MISTRISS.
<Q MRIS KNA.> NOW I REMEMBER ME, I HAVE A TOY TO DELIVER YOUR
LORD THAT'S YET UNFINISHT, AND YOU MAY FURTHER ME - PRAY YOU YOUR
HANDS, WHILE I UNWINDE THIS SKAIN OF GOLD FROM YOU, 'T WILL NOT DETAIN
YOU LONG.     <SSD  WINDS THE SKAIN ROUND HIS WRISTS.!>
<Q SEL.>YOU WINDE ME INTO YOUR SERVICE PRETTILY; WITH ALL THE HASTE
YOU CAN, I BESEECH YOU.
<Q MRIS KNA.> IF IT TANGLE NOT, I SHALL SOON HAVE DONE.
<Q SEL.> NO,IT SHALL NOT TANGLE IF I CAN HELP IT,FORSOOTH.
<Q MRIS KNA.> IF IT DO I CAN HELP IT,FEAR NOT THIS THING OF LONG LENGTH-
YOU SHALL SEE I CAN BRING YOU TO A BOTTOM.
<Q SEL.> I THINK SO TOO - IF IT BE NOT BOTTOMLESS, THIS LENGTH WILL REACH IT.
<Q MRIS KNA.> IT BECOMES YOU FINELY, BUT I FOREWARN YOU - AND
REMEMBER IT- YOUR ENEMY GAIN NOT THIS ADVANTAGE OF YOU,YOU ARE HIS
PRISONER THEN;FOR LOOK YOU,YOU ARE MINE NOW,MY CAPTIVE MANACLED,
I HAVE YOUR HANDS IN BONDAGE.   <SSD GRASPS THE SKAIN BETWEEN HIS HANDS.>
<Q SEL.> 'TIS A GOOD LESSON,MISTRISS,AND I AM PERFECT IN IT-ANOTHER
TIME I'LE TAKE OUT THIS,AND LEARN ANOTHER,PRAY YOU RELEASE ME NOW.
<Q MRIS KNA.> I COULD KISS YOU NOW SPITE OF YOUR TEETH,IF IT PLEASE ME.
<Q SEL.> BUT YOU COULD NOT,FOR I COULD BITE YOU WITH THE SPITE OF MY
TEETH,IF IT PLEASES ME.
<Q MRIS KNA.> WELL, I'LE NOT TEMPT YOU SO FAR, I SHEW IT BUT FOR
RUDIMENT.
<Q SEL.> WHEN I GO A-WOOING,I'LE THINK ON'T AGEN.
<Q MRIS KNA.> IN SUCH AN HOUR I LEARNT IT-SAY I SHOULD
(IN RECOMPENCE OF YOUR HANDS COURTESIE)
MAKE YOU A FINE WRIST-FAVOR OF THIS GOLD,
WITH ALL THE LETTERS OF YOUR NAME IMBOST
ON A SOFT TRESS OF HAIR,WHICH I SHALL CUT
FROM MINE OWN FILLET,WHOSE ENDS SHOULD MEET AND CLOSE
IN A FAST TRUE-LOVE-KNOT,WOULD YOU WEAR IT
FOR MY SAKE,SIR?
<Q SEL.> I THINK NOT,TRULY MISTRISS,
MY WRISTS HAVE ENOUGH OF THIS GOLD ALREADY,
WOULD THEY WERE RID ON'T. YET? PRAY YOU HAVE DONE,
IN TROTH I'M WEARY.
<Q MRIS KNA.> AND WHAT A VERTUE
IS HERE EXPREST IN YOU,WHICH HAD LAYN HID
BUT FOR THIS TRYAL;WEARY OF GOLD,SIR}
OH THAT THE CLOSE ENGROSSERS OF THIS TREASURE
COULD BE SO FREE TO PUT IT OFF OF HAND,
WHAT A NEW-MENDED WORLD WOULD  T!HERE BE}
IT SHOWS A GENEROUS CONDITION IN YOU,
IN SOOTH I THINK I SHALL LOVE YOU DEARLY FOR'T.
<Q SEL.> BUT IF THEY WERE IN PRISON,AS I AM,
THEY WOULD BE GLAD TO BUY THEIR FREEDOM WITH IT.
<Q MRIS KNA.> SURELY NO,THERE ARE THAT RATHER THEN RELEASE
THIS DEAR COMPANION,DO LYE IN PRISON WITH IT,
YES,AND WILL DIE IN PRISON TOO.
<SSD ENTER BEAUFORT.>
<Q SEL.> 'TWERE PITY BUT THE HANGMAN DID ENFRANCHISE BOTH.
<Q BEAU.> SELENGER,WHERE ARE YOU?
<Q SEL.> EEN HERE,MY LORD. MISTRISS,PRAY YOU MY LIBERTY,YOU HINDER
MY DUTY TO MY LORD.
<Q BEAU.> NAY SIR,ONE COURTESIE     <SSD BEAUFORT PUTS OFF HIS HAT.>
SHALL SERVE US BOTH AT THIS TIME;YOU'R BUSIE I PERCEIVE-WHEN YOUR
LEISURE NEXT SERVES YOU I WOULD EMPLOY YOU.
<Q SEL.> YOU MUST PARDON ME,MY LORD,YOU SEE I AM ENTANGLED HERE:
MISTRISS I PROTEST ILE BREAK PRISON,IF YOU FREE ME NOT-TAKE YOU NO
NOTICE?
<Q MRIS KNA.> OH CRY YOUR HONOR MERCY,YOU ARE NOW AT LIBERTY,SIR.
<Q SEL.> AND I'M GLAD ON'T,I'LE NE'RE GIVE BOTH MY HANDS AT ONCE AGEN
TO A WOMANS COMMAND,I'LE PUT ONE FINGER IN A HOLE RATHER.
<Q BEAU.> LEAVE US.
<Q SEL.> FREE LEAVE HAVE  I!,MY LORD,SO I THINK YOU MAY HAVE:FILTHY
BEAUTY,WHAT A WHITE WITCH THOU ART}     <SSD EXIT SELENGER.>
<Q BEAU.> LADY,Y'ARE WELCOME.
<Q MRIS KNA.> I DID BELIEVE IT FROM YOUR PAGE,MY LORD.
<Q BEAU.> YOUR HUSBAND SENT YOU TO ME.
<Q MRIS KNA.> HE DID MY LORD,
WITH DUTY AND COMMENDS UNTO YOUR HONOR,
BESEECHING YOU TO USE ME VERY KINDLY,
BY THE SAME TOKEN YOUR LORDSHIP GAVE HIM GRANT
OF A NEW LEASE OF THREESCORE POUNDS A YEAR,
WHICH HE AND HIS SHOULD FORTY YEARS ENJOY.
<Q BEAU.> THE TOKEN'S TRUE,AND FOR YOUR SAKE LADY
'TIS LIKELY TO BE BETTER'D,NOT ALONE THE LEASE,
BUT THE FEE-SIMPLE MAY BE HIS AND YOURS.
<Q MRIS KNA.> I HAVE A SUIT UNTO YOUR LORDSHIP TOO,
ONLY MY SELF CONCERNS.
<Q BEAU.> 'T WILL BE GRANTED SURE,
THO' IT OUT-VALUE THY HUSBANDS.
<Q MRIS KNA.> NAY,'TIS SMALL CHARGE,
ONELY YOUR GOOD WILL,AND GOOD WORD,MY LORD.
<Q BEAU.> THE FIRST IS THINE CONFIRM'D,THE SECOND THEN
CANNOT STAY LONG BEHINDE.
<Q MRIS KNA.> I LOVE YOUR PAGE,SIR.
<Q BEAU.> LOVE HIM}FOR WHAT?
<Q MRIS KNA.> OH,THE GREAT WISDOMS THAT
OUR GRANDSIRES HAD^DO YOU ASK ME REASON FOR'T?
I LOVE HIM,BECAUSE I LIKE HIM,SIR.
<Q BEAU.> MY PAGE}
<Q MRIS KNA.> IN MINE EYE,HEE'S A MOST DELICATE YOUTH,
BUT IN MY HEART A THING THAT IT WOULD BLEED FOR.
<Q BEAU.> EITHER YOUR EYE IS BLINDED,OR YOUR REMEMBRANCE BROKEN:
CALL TO MINDE WHEREFORE YOU CAME HITHER, LADY.
<Q MRIS KNA.> I DO MY LORD-FOR LOVE,AND I AM IN PROFOUNDLY.
<Q BEAU.> YOU TRIFLE SURE,DO YOU LONG FOR UNRIPE FRUIT?
'TWILL BREED DISEASES IN YOU.
<Q MRIS KNA.> NOTHING BUT WORMS
IN MY BELLY,AND THERE'S A SEED TO EXPEL THEM;
IN MELLOW FALLING FRUIT I FINDE NO RELLISH.
<Q BEAU.> 'TIS TRUE,THE YOUNGEST VINES YIELDS THE MOST CLUSTERS,
BUT THE OLD EVER THE SWEETEST GRAPES.
<Q MRIS KNA.> I CAN TASTE OF BOTH SIR;
BUT WITH THE OLD I AM THE SOONEST CLOID:
THE GREEN KEEP STILL AN EDGE ON APPETITE.
<Q BEAU.> SURE YOU ARE A COMMON CREATURE.
<Q MRIS KNA.> DID YOU DOUBT IT,
WHEREFORE CAME I HITHER ELSE? DID YOU THINK
THAT HONESTY ONELY HAD BIN IMMUR'D FOR YOU,
AND I SHOULD BRING IT AS AN OFFERTORIE
UNTO YOUR SHRINE OF LUST? AS IT WAS,MY LORD,
TWAS MEANT TO YOU,HAD NOT THE SLIPPERY WHEEL
OF FANCY TURN'D WHEN I BEHELD YOUR PAGE;
NAY HAD I SEEN ANOTHER BEFORE HIM
IN MINE YEES BETTER GRACE D!,HE HAD BIN FORE-STAL'D;
BUT AS IT IS,(ALL MY STRENGTH CANNOT HELP)
BESEECH YOU,YOUR GOOD WILL,AND GOOD WORD,MY LORD,
YOU MAY COMMAND HIM,SIR;IF NOT AFFECTION,
YET HIS BODY-AND I DESIRE BUT THAT-DO'T,
AND I'LE COMMAND MY SELF YOUR PROSTITUTE.
<Q BEAU.> Y'ARE A BASE STRUMPET-I SUCCEED MY PAGE}
<Q MRIS KNA.> OH THAT'S NO WONDER,MY LORD,THE SERVANT OFT
TASTES TO HIS MASTER OF THE DAINTIEST DISH
HE BRINGS TO HIM; BESEECH YOU,MY LORD.
<Q BEAU.> Y'ARE A BOLD MISCHIEF-AND TO MAKE ME YOUR SPOKES-MAN;
YOUR PROCURER TO MY SERVANT}
<Q MRIS KNA.> DO YOU SHRINK AT THAT?
WHY,YOU HAVE DONE WORSE WITHOUT THE SENSE OF ILL,
WITH A FULL FREE CONSCIENCE OF A LIBERTINE:
JUDGE YOUR OWN SIN,
WAS IT NOT WORSE WITH A DAMN'D BROKING-FEE
TO CORRUPT  A!HUSBAND,STATE HIM A PANDOR
TO HIS OWN WIFE,BY VERTUE OF A LEASE
MADE TO HIM AND YOUR BASTARD ISSUE,COULD YOU GET 'EM:
WHAT A DEGREE OF BASENESS CALL YOU THIS?
'TIS A POOR SHEEP-STEAL ER! PROVOK'D BY WANT,
COMPAR'D UNTO A CAPITAL TRAITOR;THE MASTER
TO HIS SERVANT MAY BE RECOMPENC'T,BUT THE HUSBAND
TO HIS WIFE NEVER.
<Q BEAU.> YOUR HUSBAND SHALL SMART FOR THIS.   <SSD EXIT BEAUFORT.>
<Q MRIS KNA.> HANG HIM,DO-YOU HAVE BROUGHT HIM TO DESERVE IT,
BRING HIM TO THE PUNISHMENT,THERE I'LE JOYN WITH YOU:
I LOATH HIM TO THE GALLOWES,HANG YOUR PAGE TOO,
ONE MOURNING-GOWN SHALL SERVE FOR BOTH OF THEM:
THIS TRICK HATH KEPT MINE HONESTY SECURE,
BEST SOLDIERS USE POLICY,THE LIONS SKIN
BECOMES NOT THE BODY WHEN  IT! IS TOO GREAT,
BUT THEN THE FOXES MAY SIT CLOSE,AND NEAT.  <SSD EXIT.>
 <SN  SCAENA II.!>
<SSD  A STREET.!>
<SSD ENTER FLESH-HOOK,COUNTER-BUFF,AND SWEETBALL THE BARBER.>
<Q BARB.> NOW FLESH-HOOK,USE THY TALON,SET UPON HIS RIGHT SHOULDER
THY SERGEANT COUNTER-BUFF AT THE LEFT,GRASP IN HIS JUGULARS-AND THEN
LET ME ALONE TO TICKLE HIS DIAPHRAGMA.
<Q FLESH.> YOU ARE SURE HE HAS NO PROTECTION,SIR?
<Q BARB.> A PROTECTION TO CHEAT AND COZEN} THERE WAS NEVER ANY GRANTED
TO THAT PURPOSE.
<Q FLESH.> I GRANT YOU THAT TOO,SIR,BUT THAT USE HAS BIN MADE OF 'EM.
<Q COUNTERB.> MARRY HAS THERE SIR,HOW COULD ELSE SO MANY BROKEN
BANKRUPTS PLAY UP AND DOWN BY THEIR CREDITORS NOSES,AND WE DARE
NOT TOUCH EM?
<Q BARB.> THAT'S ANOTHER CASE,COUNTER-BUFF,THERE'S PRIVILEDGE TO COZEN;
BUT HERE COZENAGE WENT BEFORE,AND THERE'S NO PRIVILEDGE FOR THAT; TO
HIM BOLDLY}-I WILL SPEND ALL THE SIZZARS IN MY SHOP,BUT I'LE HAVE
HIM SNAPT.
<Q COUNTERB.> WELL SIR,IF HE COME WITHIN THE LENGTH OF LARGE MACE
ONCE,WEE'L TEACH HIM TO COZEN.
<Q BARB.> MARRY HANG HIM,TEACH HIM NO MORE COZENAGE,HE'S TOO
PERFECT IN'T ALREADY;GO GINGERLY ABOUT IT,LAY YOUR MACE ON GINGERLY,
AND SPICE HIM SOUNDLY.
<Q COUNTERB.> HE'S AT THE TAVERN,YOU SAY?
<Q BARB.> AT THE MAN IN THE MOON,ABOVE STAIRS-SO SOON AS HE COMES
DOWN,AND THE BUSH LEFT AT HIS BACK,RALPH IS THE DOG BEHINDE HIM:
HE WATCHES TO GIVE US NOTICE,BE READY THEN MY DEAR BLOOD-HOUNDS,
YOU SHALL DELIVER HIM TO NEWGATE,FROM THENCE TO THE HANG-MAN;
HIS BODY I WILL BEG OF THE SHERIFFS,FOR AT THE NEXT LECTURE I AM LIKELY
TO BE THE MASTER OF MY ANATOMY,THEN WILL I VEX EVERY VEIN ABOUT HIM,
I WILL FINDE WHERE HIS DISEASE OF COZENAGE LAY,WHETHER IN THE VERTEBRAE,
OR IN OS COXENDIX!-BUT I GUESS I SHALL FINDE IT DESCEND FROM HUMORE,
THROUGH THE THOR AX!,AND LYE JUST AT HIS FINGERS ENDS.  <SSD ENTER RALPH.>
<Q RALPH.> BE IN READINESS,FOR HEE'S COMING THIS WAY,ALONE TOO;
STAND TO'T LIKE GENTLEMAN AND YEOMAN-SO SOON AS HE IS IN SIGHT,I'LE
GO FETCH MY MASTER.
<Q BARB.> I HAVE HAD A CONQUASS A!TION IN MY CEREBRUM EVER SINCE THE
DISASTER,AND NOW IT TAKES ME AGEN-IF IT TURN TO A MEGR I!M,I SHALL
HARDLY ABIDE THE SIGHT OF HIM.
<Q RALPH.> MY ACTION OF DEFAMATION SHALL BE CLAPT ON HIM TOO,I
WILL MAKE HIM APPEAR TO'T IN THE SHAPE OF A WHITE SHEET ALL EMBROIDERED
OVER WITH PECCAVI'S:LOOK ABOUT,I'LE GO FETCH MY MASTER.
<SSD ENTER FRANKLIN.>
<Q COUNTERB.> I ARREST YOU,SIR.
<Q FRANK.> HA QUI VA LA?-QUE PENSES VOUS FAIRE MESSIEURS?-ME
VOLES VOUS DEROBER?-JE NAY POINT D'ARGENT:JE SUIS UN POUVRE GENTIL-
HOMME FRANCOIS.
<Q BARB.> WHOOP}PRAY YOU SIR SPEAK ENGLISH-YOU DID WHEN YOU
BOUGHT CLOTH OF GOLD AT SIX NIHILS A YARD,WHEN RALPHS PREPUTIUM
WAS EXULCERATED.
<Q FRANK.> QUE VOULES VOUS,ME VOULES VOUS TUER? LE S! FRANCOIS NE
SONT POINT ENEMIS:VOILA MA BOURCE,QUE VOLES VOUS D'AVANTAGE?
<Q COUNTERB.> IS NOT YOUR NAME FRANKLIN,SIR?
<Q FRANK.> JE N'AY POINT DO JOIAUX QUE CESTUI CI;ET C'EST A MONSIEUR
L'AMBASADEUR,IL M'ENVOIE A  S!ES AFAIRES ET VOUS ENPAICHES MON SERVICE.
<SSD ENTER CHAMLET AND RALPH HASTILY.>
<Q COUNTER.> SIR,WE ARE MISTAKEN FOR OUGHT I PERCEIVE.
<Q CHAM.> SO,SO,YOU HAVE CAUGHT HIM,THAT'S WELL:HOW DO YOU SIR?
<Q FRANK.> VOUS SEMBLES ESTRE UN HOMME COURTOIS,JE VOUS PRIE,EN-
TENDES MES AFFAIRES:IL Y A ICI DEUX OU  T!ROIS QUENAILLES QUI M'ONT ASS IE!GE
-UN POUVRE ESTRANGER,QUI NE LEUR AY FAIT NUL MAL,NY DONNER MAUVAISSE
PARROLLE,NY TIRER MON ESPET;L'UN ME PREND PAR UNE ESPAULE,ET ME FRAPE
DEUX LIVRE PEISANT;L'AUTRE ME TIRE PAR LE BRAS,IL PARLE JE NE SCAY QUOY:
JE LEUR AY DONNE MA BOURCE,ET S 'ILS! NE ME VEULENT POINT LAISER ALLER;
QUE FERAY JE MONSIEUR?
<Q CHAM.> THIS IS A FRENCH-MAN IT SEEMS,SIRS.
<Q COUNTERB.> WE CAN FINDE NO OTHER IN HIM,SIR,AND WHAT THAT IS
WE KNOW NOT.
<Q CHAM.> HE'S VERY LIKE THE MAN WE SEEK FOR,ELSE MY LIGHTS GO FALSE.
<Q BARB.> IN YOUR SHOP THEY MAY SIR,BUT HERE THEY GO TRUE:THIS IS HE.
<Q RALPH.> THE VERY SAME SIR,AS SURE AS I AM RALPH,THIS IS THE RASCAL.
<Q COUNTERB.> SIR, UNLESS YOU WILL ABSOLUTELY CHALLENGE HIM THE MAN,
WE DARE NOT PROCEED FURTHER.
<SSD ENTER MARGARITA A FRENCH BAWD.>
<Q FLESH.> I FEAR WE ARE TOO FAR ALREADY.
<Q CHAM.> I KNOW NOT WHAT TO SAY TO'T.
<Q MARGA.> BON JOUR,BON JOUR,GENTILHOMMES.
<Q BARB.> HOW NOW} MORE NEWS FROM FRANCE?
<Q FRANK.> CESTE FEMME ICI EST DE MON PAIS-MADAME JE VOUS PRIE
LEUR DIRE MON PAIS,IL M'ONT RETARGE JE NE SCAY POUR QUOY.
<Q MARGA.> ESTES VOUS DE FRANCE MONSIEUR?
<Q FRANK.> MADAME V R!AY EST,QUE JE LES AY TROMPES,ET SUIS ARESTE,ET
N'AY NUL MOIEN D'ECHAPER QU' E!N CHAN GE!ANT MON LANGUAGE;AIDES MOY
EN CEST AFFAIRE:JE VOUS COGNOIS BIEN,OU VOUS TENES UN BORDEAU; VOUS
ET LES VOSTRE EN SERES DE MIEULX.
<Q MARGA.> LAISES FAIRE A MOY;ESTE VOUS DE LION DITES VOUS?
<Q FRANK.> DE LION,MA CHERE DAMME.
<Q MARGA.> M ON! COZIN} JE SUIS BIEN AISE DE VOUS VOIRE EN BONNE
DISPOSITION?      <SSD EMBRACE AND COMPLEMENT.>
<Q FRANK.> M A! COZIN}
<Q CHAM.> THIS IS A FRENCH-MAN SURE.
<Q BARB.> IF HE BE,'TIS THE LIKEST AN ENGLISH-MAN THAT EVER I SAW,ALL
HIS DIMENSIONS,PROPORTIONS}HAD I BUT THE DISSECTING OF HIS HEART,IN
CAPSULA CORDIS COULD I FINDE IT NOW; FOR A FRENCH-MANS HEART IS MORE
QUASS A!TIVE AND SUBJECT TO TREMOR,THEN AN ENGLISH-MANS.
<Q CHAM.> STAY,WEE'L FURTHER ENQUIRE OF THIS GENTLEWOMAN. MISTRISS,
IF YOU HAVE SO MUCH ENGLISH TO HELP US WITH(AS I THINK YOU HAVE,FOR
I HAVE LONG SEEN YOU ABOUT LONDON) PRAY TELL US,AND TRULY TELL US,IS
THIS GENTLEMAN A NATURAL FRENCH-MAN,OR NO?
<Q MARGA.> EY BEGAR,DE FRENCH-MAN,BORNE A LYON,MY COZIN.
<Q CHAM.> YOUR COUSIN?IF HE BE NOT YOUR COUSIN,HE'S MY COUSIN,SURE.
<Q MARGA.> EY KONOSHE HIS PERE,WHAT YOU CALL HIS FADRE? HE SELL POISONS.
<Q BARB.> SELL POISONS,HIS FATHER WAS A POTYCARRY THEN.
<Q MARG.> NO,NO,POISONS,WHAT YOU CALL,FISH,FISH?
<Q BARB.> OH,HE WAS A FISHMONGER.
<Q MARGA.> OUY,OUY.
<Q CHAM.> WELL,WELL,WE ARE MISTAKEN I SEE,PRAY YOU SO TELL HIM,
AND REQUEST HIM NOT TO BE OFFENDED; AN HONEST MAN MAY LOOK LIKE A
KNAVE,AND BE NE'RE THE WORSE FOR'T-THE ERROR WAS IN OUR EYES,AND
NOW WE FINDE IT IN HIS TONGUE.
<Q MARGA.> J'ESAIERAY ENCORE UNE FOIS MONSIEUR COZIN,POUR VOSTRE
SAUVETE,ALES VOUS EN;VOSTRE LIBERTE EST SUFISANT:JE GAINERAY LE RESTE
POUR MON DEVOIR,ET VOUS AURES VOSTRE PART A MON ESCOLE:J'AY UNE FILLIE
QUIE PARLE UN PEU FRANCOIS,ELLE CONVERSERA AVEC VOUS A LA FLEUR DE LICE
EN TURNBULL-STREET:MON COZIN AIES SOIN DE VOUS MESME,ET TROMPES CES
IGNORANS.
<Q FRANK.> COZIN POUR L'AMOUR DE VOUS,ET PRINCIPALLEMENT POUR MOY,
JE SUIS CONTENT DE M'EN ALLER,JE TROUVERAY VOSTRE ESCOLE,ET SI VOZ
ESCOLIERS ME SONT AGREABLE,JE TIRERAY A L'ESPE SEULE,ET SI D'AVENTURE JE LE
ROMPE,JE PAIERA DIZ SOULS-ET POUR CE VIEULX FOLL,E T! CE S! DEUX
QUENAILLES,CE POULLENS SNIP-SNAP,ET L'AUTRE BONNET ROND,JE LES VOIRAY
PENDRE PREMIER QUE JE LES VOIE.     <SSD EX. FRANK.>
<Q CHAM.> SO,SO,SHE HAS GOT HIM OFF; BUT I PERCEIVE MUCH ANGER IN
HIS COUNTENANCE STILL:AND WHAT SAYS HE,MADAM?
<Q MARGA.> MOOSH,MOOSH ANGER,BUT EY CONOSH HEERE LODGING,SHALL
COOLE HIM VERY WELL-DERE IS A KINSE-WOMANS CAN MOOSH ALLAY HEERE
HEAT AND HEERE SPLEEN,SHE SHALL DO FOR MY SAKA,AND HE NO TROBLA YOU.
<Q CHAM.> LOOK,THERE IS EARNEST,BUT THY REWARD'S BEHINDE: COME TO
MY SHOP,THE HOLY LAMB IN LOMBARD-STREET,THOU HAST ONE FRIEND MORE
THEN E'RE THOU HADST.
<Q MARGA.> TANCK U MONSIEUR,SHALL VISIT U: EY MAKE ALL PACIFIE:
A VOSTRE SERVICE TRES HUMB L!EMENT-TREE,FOUR,FIVE FOOL OF U. <SD EX. MARG>
<Q CHAM.> WHAT'S TO BE DONE NOW?
<Q COUNTERB.> TO PAY US FOR OUR PAINS SIR,AND BETTER REWARD US,THAT
WE MAY BE PROVIDED AGAINST FURTHER DANGER THAT MAY COME UPON'S
FOR FALSE IMPRISONMENT.
<Q CHAM.> ALL GOES FALSE I THINK: WHAT DO YOU NEIGHBOR SWEETBALL?
<Q BARB.> I MUST PHLEBOTOMIZE SIR, BUT MY ALMANACK SAYS THE SIGN
IS IN TAURUS; I DARE NOT CUT MY OWN THROAT, BUT IF I FINDE ANY PRE CE!DENT
THAT EVER BARBER HANG'D HIMSELF, ILE BE THE SECOND EXAMPLE.
<Q RALPH.> THIS WAS YOUR ILL L I!XI V!IUM, BARBER, TO CAUSE ALL TO BE
CHEATED.
<Q COUNTERB.> WHAT SAY YOU TO US, SIR?
<Q CHAM.> GOOD FRIENDS, COME TO ME AT A CALMER HOUR,
MY SORROWS LYE IN HEAPS UPON ME NOW;
WHAT YOU HAVE, KEEP, IF FURTHER TROUBLE FOLLOW
ILE TAKE IT ON ME; I WOULD BE PREST TO DEATH.
<Q COUNTERB.> WELL SIR, FOR THIS TIME WE'L LEAVE YOU.
<Q BARB.> I WILL GO WITH YOU, OFFICERS, I WILL WALK WITH YOU IN THE
OPEN STREET THOUGH IT BE A SCANDAL TO ME; FOR NOW I HAVE NO CARE OF
MY CREDIT, A CACOKENNY IS RUN ALL OVER ME.      <SSD EXEUNT.>
<Q CHAM.> WHAT SHALL WE DO NOW, RALPH?           <SSD ENTER GEORGE.>
<Q RALPH.> FAITH I KNOW NOT, SIR: HERE COMES GEORGE, IT MAY BE HE
CAN TELL YOU.
<Q CHAM.> AND THERE I TOOK FOR MORE DISASTER STILL,
YET GEORGE APPEARES IN A SMILING COUNTENANCE.
RALPH, HOME TO THE SHOP, LEAVE GEORGE AND I TOGETHER.
<Q RALPH.> I AM GONE, SIR.                        <SSD EXIT RALPH.>
<Q CHAM.> NOW GEORGE, WHAT BETTER NEWS EASTWARD? ALL GOES ILL T'OTHER WAY.
<Q GEORGE.> I BRING YOU THE BEST NEWS THAT EVER CAME ABOUT YOUR EARS
IN YOUR LIFE, SIR.
<Q CHAM.> THOU PUTST ME IN GOOD COMFORT, GEORGE.
<Q GEORGE.> MY MISTRISS, YOUR WIFE, WILL NEVER TROUBLE YOU MORE.
<Q CHAM.> HA? NEVER TROUBLE ME MORE: OF THIS, GEORGE, MAY BE MADE
A SAD CONSTRUCTION, THAT PHRASE WE SOMETIMES USE WHEN DEATH MAKES
THE SEPARATION, I HOPE IT IS NOT SO WITH HER, GEORGE?
<Q GEORGE.> NO SIR, BUT SHE VOWS SHE'L NEVER COME HOME AGEN TO YOU,
SO YOU SHALL LIVE QUIETLY, AND THIS I TOOK TO BE VERY GOOD NEWS, SIR.
<Q CHAM.> THE WORST THAT COULD BE, THIS-CANDI E!D POISON;
I LOVE HER, GEORGE, AND I AM BOUND TO DO SO,
THE TONGUES BITTERNESS MUST NOT SEPARATE
UNITED SOULS: 'TWERE BASE AND COWARDLY
FOR ALL TO YIELD TO THE SMALL TONGUES ASSAULT:
THE WHOLE BUILDING MUST NOT BE TAKEN DOWN,
FOR THE REPAIRING OF A BROKEN WINDOW.
<Q GEORGE.> I BUT THIS IS A PRINCIPAL, SIR: THE TRUTH IS, SHE WILL BE DI-
VORC'T, SHE SAYS, AND IS LABORING WITH HER COUSIN KNAVE (WHAT DO YOU
CALL HIM?)-I HAVE FORGOTTEN THE LATTER END OF HIS NAME.
<Q CHAM.> KNAVES-BEE, GEORGE.
<Q GEORGE.> I KNAVE, OR KNAVES-BEE, ONE I TOOK IT TO BE.
<Q CHAM.> WHY NEITHER RAGE, NOR ENVY, CAN MAKE A CAUSE, GEORGE.
<Q GEORGE.> YES SIR, NOT ONELY AT YOUR PERSON,BUT SHE SHOOTS AT YOUR
SHOP TOO, SHE SAYS YOU VENT WARE THAT IS NOT WARRANTABLE, BRAYDED WARE,
AND THAT YOU GIVE NOT LONDON MEASURE; WOMEN YOU KNOW LOOK FOR MORE
THEN A BARE YARD: AND THEN YOU KEEP CHILDREN IN THE NAME OF YOUR OWN,
WHICH SHE SUSPECTS CAME NOT IN AT THE RIGHT DOOR.
<Q CHAM.> SHE MAY AS WELL SUSPECT IMMACULATE TRUTH
TO BE CURSED FALSHOOD.
<Q GEORGE.> I BUT IF SHE WILL, SHE WILL-SHE'S A WOMAN SIR.
<Q CHAM.> 'TIS MOST TRUE, GEORGE: WELL, THAT SHALL BE REDREST,
MY COUSIN CRESSINGHAM MUST YIELD ME PARDON,
THE CHILDREN SHALL HOME AGEN, AND THOU SHALT CONDUCT'EM, GEORGE.
<Q GEORGE.> THAT DONE, ILE BE BOLD TO VENTER ONCE MORE FOR HER
RECOVERY, SINCE YOU CANNOT LIVE AT LIBERTY; BUT BECAUSE YOU ARE A RICH
CITIZEN, YOU WILL HAVE YOUR CHAIN ABOUT YOUR NECK; I THINK I HAVE A
DEVICE WILL BRING YOU TOGETHER BI'TH  EARS! AGEN, AND THEN LOOK TO 'EM
AS WELL AS YOU CAN.
<Q CHAM.> O GEORGE, AMONGST ALL MY HEAVY TROUBLES, THIS
IS THE GROANING WEIGHT; BUT RESTORE MY WIFE.
<Q GEORGE.> ALTHOUGH YOU NE'RE LEAD HOUR OF QUIET LIFE?
<Q CHAM.> I WILL ENDEAVOR'T GEORGE, I'LE LEND HER WILL
A POWER AND RULE TO KEEP ALL HUSHT AND STILL;
EAT WE ALL SWEET-MEATS, WE ARE SOONEST ROTTEN.
<Q GEORGE.> A SENTENCE} PITY'T SHOULD HAVE BIN FORGOTTEN.  <SSD EXEUNT.>
    <SN ACTUS IV.  SCAENA I.!>
<SSD  SIR FRANCIS CRESSINGHAM'S HOUSE.!>
<SSD ENTER SIR FRANCIS CRESSINGHAM, AND A SURVEYOR.>
<Q SUR.> WHERE'S  MASTER! STEWARD?
<Q CRESS.> WITHIN: WHAT ARE YOU, SIR?
<Q SUR.> A SURVEYOR, SIR.
<Q CRESS.> AND AN ALMANACK-MAKER, I TAKE IT: CAN YOU TELL ME WHAT
FOUL WEATHER IS TOWARD?
<Q SUR.> MARRY THE FOWLEST WEATHER IS, THAT YOUR LAND IS FLYING AWAY.
                                <SSD EXIT SURVEYOR.>
<Q CRESS.> A MOST TERRIBLE PROGNOSTICATION} ALL THE RESORT, ALL THE
BUSINESS TO MY HOUSE IS MY LADY AND  MASTER! STEWARD; WHILEST SIR
FRANCIS STANDS FOR A CYPHER: I HAVE MADE AWAY MY SELF AND MY POWER,
AS IF I HAD DONE IT BY DEED OF GIFT: HERE COMES THE COMPTROLLER OF THE
GAME.                                    <SSD ENTER SAUNDER.>
<Q SAUNDER.> WHAT, ARE YOU YET RESOLVED TO TRANSLATE THIS UNNECESSARY
LAND INTO READY MONEY?
<Q CRESS.> TRANSLATE IT?
<Q SAUN.> THE CONVEYANCES ARE DRAWN, AND THE MONEY READY: MY
LADY SENT ME TO YOU, TO KNOW DIRECTLY IF YOU MEANT TO GO THROUGH
IN THE SALE; IF NOT, SHE RESOLVES OF ANOTHER COURSE.
<Q CRESS.> THOU SPEAKEST THIS CHEERFULLY METHINKS, WHEREAS FAITHFUL
SERVANTS WERE WONT TO MOURN WHEN THEY BEHELD THE LORD THAT FED
AND CHERISHT THEM  A!S BY CURST INCHANTMENT REMOV'D INTO ANOTHER
BLOOD. CRESSINGHAM OF CRESSINGHAM HAS CONTINUED MANY YEARS, AND
MUST THE NAME SINK NOW?
<Q SAUN.> ALL THIS IS NOTHING TO MY LADIES RESOLUTION, IT MUST BE DONE,
OR SHE'L NOT STAY IN ENGLAND: SHE WOULD KNOW WHETHER YOUR SON BE
SENT FOR, THAT MUST LIKEWISE SET HIS HAND TO'TH' SALE; FOR OTHERWISE THE
LAWYERS SAY THERE CANNOT BE A SURE CONVEYANCE MADE TO THE BUYER.
<Q CRESS.> YES, I HAVE SENT FOR HIM: BUT I PRAY THEE THINK WHAT A HARD
TASK 'T WILL BE FOR A FATHER TO PERSWADE HIS SON AND HEIR TO MAKE AWAY
HIS INHERITANCE.
<Q SAUN.> NAY FOR THAT, USE YOUR OWN LOGICK: I HAVE HEARD YOU TALK
AT THE SESSIONS TERRIBLY AGAINST DEER-STEALERS, AND THAT KEPT YOU FROM
BEING PUT OUT OF THE COMMISSION.            <SSD EXIT SAUNDER.>
   <SSD ENTER YOUNG CRESSINGHAM.>
<Q CRESS.> I DO LIVE TO SEE TWO MISERIES, ONE TO BE COMMANDED BY
MY WIFE, THE OTHER TO BE CENSURED BY MY SLAVE.
<Q YONG CRESS.> THAT WHICH I HAVE WANTED LONG, AND HAS BIN CAUSE
OF MY IRREGULAR COURSES, I BESEECH YOU LET RAISE ME FROM THE GROUND.
                           <SSD  KNEELS!>
<Q CRESS.> RISE GEORGE, THERE'S A HUNDRED POUNDS FOR YOU, AND MY
BLESSING; WITH THESE, YOUR MOTHERS FAVOR: BUT I HE A!RE YOUR STUDIES
ARE BECOME TOO LICENTIOUS OF LATE.
<Q YONG CRESS.>  <SSD  ASIDE!>  H'AS HEARD OF MY COZENAGE.
<Q CRESS.> WHAT'S THAT YOU ARE WRITING?
<Q YONG CRESS.> SIR, NOT ANY THING.
<Q CRESS.> COME, I HEAR THERE'S SOMETHING COMING FORTH OF YOURS, WILL
BE YOUR UNDOING.
<Q YONG CRESS.> OF MINE?
<Q CRESS.> YES OF YOUR WRITING; SOMEWHAT YOU SHOULD WRITE, WILL BE
DANGEROUS TO YOU. I HAVE A SUIT TO YOU.
<Q YONG CRESS.> SIR, MY OBEDIENCE MAKES YOU COMMANDER IN ALL THINGS.
<Q CRESS.> I PRAY SUPPOSE I HAD COMMITTED SOME FAULT,
FOR WHICH MY LIFE AND SOLE ESTATE WERE FORFEIT
TO THE LAW, AND THAT SOME GREAT MAN NEER THE KING
SHOULD LABOR TO GET MY PARDON, ON CONDITION
HE MIGHT ENJOY MY LORDSHIP, COULD YOU PRIZE
YOUR FATHERS LIFE ABOVE THE GRIEVOUS LOSS
OF YOUR INHERITANCE?
<Q YONG CRESS.> YES, AND MY OWN LIFE AT STAKE TOO.
<Q CRESS:> YOU PROMISE FAIR, I COME NOW TO MAKE TRIAL OF IT:
YOU KNOW I HAVE MARRIED ONE WHOM I HOLD SO DEAR,
THAT MY WHOLE LIFE IS NOTHING BUT A MEER ESTATE DEPENDING
UPON HER WILL, AND HER AFFECTIONS TO ME:
SHE DESERVES SO WELL, I CANNOT LONGER MERIT
THEN DURANTE  BENEPLACITO!-'TIS HER PLEASURE,
(AND HER WISDOM MOVES IN'T TOO) OF WHICH ILE GIVE YOU
AMPLE SATISFACTION HEREAFTER, THAT I SELL
THE LAND MY FATHER LEFT ME: YOU CHANGE COLOUR}
I HAVE PROMIS'D HER TO DO'T, AND SHOULD I FAIL,
I MUST EXPECT THE REMAINDER OF MY LIFE
AS FULL OF TROUBLE AND VEXATION,
AS THE SUIT FOR A DIVORCE; IT LIES IN YOU
BY SETTING OF YOUR HAND INTO THE SALE,
TO ADD LENGTH TO HIS LIFE THAT GAVE YOU YOURS.
<Q YONG CRESS.> SIR, I DO NOW INGENIOUSLY PERCEIVE
WHY YOU SAID LATELY, SOMEWHAT I SHOULD WRITE
WOULD BE MY UNDOING, MEANING (AS I TAKE IT)
SETTING MY HAND TO THIS ASSURANCE: OH GOOD SIR,
SHALL I PASS AWAY MY BIRTH-RIGHT? OH REMEMBER
THERE IS A MALEDICTION DENOUNC'T AGAINST IT
IN HOLY WRIT: WILL YOU, FOR HER PLEASURE,
THE INHERITANCE OF DESOLATION LEAVE
TO YOUR POSTERITY? THINK HOW COMPASSIONATE
THE CREATURES OF THE FIELD THAT ONELY LIVE
ON THE WILDE BENEFITS OF NATURE, ARE
UNTO THEIR YONG ONES; THINK LIKEWISE YOU MAY
HAVE MORE CHILDREN BY THIS WOMAN, AND BY THIS ACT
YOU UNDO THEM TOO: 'TIS A STRANGE PRE CE!DENT THIS,
TO SEE AN OBEDIENT SON LABORING GOOD COUNSEL
TO THE FATHER} BUT KNOW SIR, THAT THE SPIRITS
OF MY GREAT-GRANDFATHER AND YOUR FATHER MOVES
AT THIS PRESENT IN ME, AND WHAT THEY BEQUEATH'D YOU
ON  THEIR! DEATH-BED, THEY CHARGE YOU NOT TO GIVE AWAY
IN THE DALLIANCE OF A WOMANS BED: GOOD SIR,
LET IT NOT BE THOUGHT PRESUMPTION IN ME, THAT
I HAVE CONTINUED MY SPEECH UNTO THIS LENGTH-
THE CAUSE SIR, IS URGENT AND, BELIEVE IT, YOU
SHALL FINDE HER BEAUTY AS MALEVOLENT UNTO YOU,
AS A RED MORNING THAT DOTH STILL FORETEL
A FOUL DAY TO FOLLOW: OH SIR, KEEP YOUR LAND,
KEEP THAT TO KEEP YOUR NAME IMMORTAL, AND YOU SHALL SEE
ALL THAT HER MALICE AND PROUD WILL PROCURES,
SHALL SHEW HER UGLY HEART, BUT HURT NOT YOURS.
<Q CRESS.> OH I AM DISTRACTED, AND MY VERY SOUL
SENDS BLUSHES INTO MY CHEEKS. <SSD ENTER GEORGE WITH THE TWO CHILDREN.>
<Q YONG CRESS.> SEE HERE AN OBJECT
TO BEGET MORE COMPASSION.
<Q GEORGE.> O SIR FRANCIS, WE HAVE A MOST LAMENTABLE HOUSE AT HOME,
NOTHING TO BE HEARD IN'T BUT SEPARATION AND DIVORCES, AND SUCH A
NOISE OF THE SPIRITUAL COURT, AS IF IT WERE A TENEMENT UPON LONDON-
BRIDGE, AND BUILT UPON THE ARCHES.
<Q CRESS.> WHAT'S THE MATTER?
<Q GEORGE.> ALL ABOUT BOARDING YOUR CHILDREN-MY MISTRISS IS DEPARTED.
<Q CRESS.> DEAD?
<Q GEORGE.> IN A SORT SHE IS, AND LAID OUT TOO, FOR SHE IS RUN AWAY
FROM MY MASTER.
<Q CRESS.> WHITHER?
<Q GEORGE.> SEVEN MILES OFF, INTO ESSEX-SHE VOWD NEVER TO LEAVE
BARKING WHILE SHE LIV'D, TILL THESE WERE BROUGHT HOME AGEN.
<Q CRESS.> OH THEY SHALL NOT OFFEND HER. I AM SORRY FOR'T.
<Q I CHILDE.> I AM GLAD WE ARE COME HOME SIR, FOR WE LIV'D IN THE
UNQUIETEST HOUSE}
<Q 2 CHILDE.> THE ANGRY WOMAN ME THOUGHT GRUTCHT US OUR VICTUALS:
OUR NEW MOTHER IS A GOOD SOUL, AND LOVES US, AND DOES NOT FROWN
LIKE A VIXEN AS SHE DOES.
<Q I CHILDE.> I AM AT HOME NOW, AND HEAVEN ME THINKS: WHAT A
COMFORT 'TIS TO BE UNDER YOUR WING}
<Q 2 CHILDE.> INDEED MY MOTHER WAS WONT TO CALL ME YOUR NESTLE-
COCK, AND I LOVE YOU AS WELL AS SHE DID.
          <SSD ENTER SAUNDER, KNAVES-BEE, AND SURVEYOR.>
<Q CRESS.> YOU ARE MY PRETTY SOULS.
<Q YONG CRESS.> DOES NOT THE PRATTLE OF THESE MOVE YOU?
<Q SAUN.> LOOK YOU SIR, HERE'S THE CONVEYANCE AT MY LADIES SOLICITOR,
PAY RESOLVE WHAT TO DO, MY LADY IS COMING DOWN. HOW NOW GEORGE,
HOW DOES THY MISTRISS THAT SITS IN A WAINSCOT GOWN, LIKE A CITIZENS
LURE TO DRAW IN CUSTOMERS? OH SHE'S A PRETTY MOUS-TRAP}
<Q GEORGE.> SHE'S ILL BAITED THOUGH TO TAKE A WELCH-MAN, SHE CANNOT
AWAY WITH CHEESE.
<Q CRESS.> AND WHAT MUST I DO NOW?
<Q KNA.> ACKNOWLEDGE A FINE AND RECOVERY OF THE LAND, THEN FOR
POSSESSION THE COURSE IS COMMON.
<Q CRESS.> CARRY BACK THE WRITINGS SIR, MY MINDE IS CHANG'D.
<Q SAUN.> CHANG'D} DO YOU NOT MEAN TO SEAL?
      <SSD ENTER LADY CRESSINGHAM.>
<Q CRESS.> NO SIR, THE TIDE'S TURN'D.
<Q SAUN.> <SSD  ASIDE!> YOU MUST TEMPER HIM LIKE WAX, OR HE'L NOT SEAL.
<Q LADY.> ARE YOU COME BACK AGAIN? HOW NOW, HAVE YOU DONE?
<Q I CHILDE.> HOW DO YOU, LADY MOTHER?
<Q LADY.> YOU ARE GOOD CHILDREN; BID MY WOMAN GIVE THEM SOME
SWEET-MEATS.
<Q I CHILDE.> INDEED I THANK YOU: IS NOT THIS A KINDE MOTHER?
<Q YONG CRESS.> POOR FOOLS, YOU KNOW NOT HOW DEAR YOU SHALL PAY
FOR THIS SUGAR.
<Q LADY.> WHAT, HAN'T YOU DISPATCHT?
<Q CRESS.> NO SWEETEST, I AM DISSWADED BY MY SON FROM THE SALE O'TH LAND.
<Q LADY.> DISSWADED BY YOUR SON}
<Q CRESS.> I CANNOT GET HIS HAND TO'T.
<Q LADY.> WHERE'S OUR STEWARD?
CAUSE PRESENTLY THAT ALL MY BEDS AND HANGINGS
BE TAKEN DOWN; PROVIDE CARTS, PACK THEM UP,
I'LE TO MY HOUSE I'TH COUNTREY-HAVE I STUDIED
THE WAY TO YOUR PREFERMENT AND YOUR CHILDRENS,
AND DO YOU COOL I'TH UPSHOT?
<Q YONG CRESS.> WITH YOUR PARDON,
I CANNOT UNDERSTAND THIS COURSE A WAY
TO ANY PREFERMENT, RATHER A DIRECT PATH
TO OUR RUINE.
<Q LADY.> OH SIR, YOU ARE YOUNG-SIGHTED:
SHEW THEM THE PROJECT OF THE LAND I MEAN
TO BUY IN IRELAND, THAT SHALL OUT-VALUE YOURS
THREE THOUSAND IN A YEAR.
<Q KNA.> LOOK YOU SIR, HERE IS CLANGIBBON, A FRUITFUL COUNTREY, AND WELL
WOODED.
<Q CRESS.> WHAT'S THIS, MARSH-GROUND?
<Q KNA.> NO, THESE ARE BOGGS, BUT A LITTLE COST WILL DRAIN THEM. THIS (MAP
UPPER PART THAT RUNS BY THE  BLACKWATER!, IS THE C U!SSACKS LAND A
SPACIOUS COUNTREY, AND YIELDS EXCELLENT PROFIT BY THE SALMON, AND FISHING
FOR HERRING: HERE RUNS THE KERNES-DALE, ADMIRABLE FEED FOR CATTEL, AND
HEREABOUT IS ST. PATRICK'S PURGATORY.
<Q YONG CRESS.> PURGATORY} SHALL WE PURCHASE THAT TOO?
<Q LADY.> COME, COME, WILL YOU DISPATCH TH'OTHER BUSINESS-
WE MAY GO THROUGH WITH THIS?
<Q CRESS.> MY SON'S UNWILLING.
<Q LADY.> UPON MY SOUL SIR, I'LE NEVER BED WITH YOU
TILL YOU HAVE SEAL'D.
<Q CRESS.> THOU HEAR'ST HER: ON THY BLESSING
FOLLOW ME TO'TH' COURT, AND SEAL.
<Q YONG CRESS.> SIR, WERE IT MY DEATH, WER'T TO'TH' LOSS OF MY ESTATE,
I VOW TO OBEY YOU IN ALL THINGS; YET WITH IT REMEMBER THERE ARE TWO
YOUNG ONES LIVING THAT MAY CURSE YOU: I PRAY DISPOSE PART OF THE MONEY
ON THEIR GENEROUS EDUCATIONS.
<Q LADY.> FEAR NO T! YOU SIR:
THE CAROCHE THERE}-WHEN YOU HAVE DISPATCHT,
YOU SHALL FINDE ME AT THE SCRIVENERS WHERE I SHALL
RECEIVE THE MONEY.
<Q YONG CRESS.> SHE'L DEVOUR THAT MASS TOO.
<Q LADY.> HOW LIKEST THOU MY POWER OVER HIM?
<Q SAUN.> EXCELLENT.
<Q LADY.> THIS IS THE HEIGHT OF A GREAT LADIES SWAY,
WHEN HER NIGHT-SERVICE MAKES HER RULE I'TH DAY. <SSD EXEUNT.>
<SN  SCAENE II!>
<SSD  BEFORE KNAVES-BEE'S HOUSE.!>
<SSD  ENTER! KNAVES-BEE.>
<Q KNA.> NOT YET SIB? MY LORD KEEPS THEE SO LONG, TH'ART WELCOME
I SEE THEN- AND PAYS SWEETLY TOO: A GOOD WENCH SIB TH'ART, TO OBEY
THY HUSBAND. <SSD  ENTER KNAVES-BEE'S WIFE.!> SHE'S COME: A HUNDRED MARK
A YEAR, HOW FINE AND EASIE IT COMES INTO MINE ARMS NOW} WELCOME
HOME, WHAT SAYS MY LORD, SIB?
<Q WIFE.> MY LORD SAYS YOU ARE A CUCKOLD.
<Q KNA.> HA, HA, HA, HA, I THANK HIM FOR THAT BOB IFAITH, ILE AFFORD IT
HIM AGAIN AT THE SAME PRICE A MONETH HENCE, AND LET THE COMODITY
GROW AS SCARCE AS IT WILL. CUCKOLD SAYS HIS LORDSHIP} HA, HA, I SHALL
BURST MY SIDES WITH LAUGHING, THAT'S THE WORST- NAME NOT A HUNDRED A!
YEAR, FOR THEN I BURST. IT SMARTS NOT SO MUCH AS A FILLIP ON THE FORE-
HEAD BY FIVE PARTS: WHAT HAS HIS DALLIANCE TAKEN FROM THY LIPS? 'TIS AS SWEET
AS  E'ER! 'TWAS, LET ME TRY ELSE: BUSS ME, SUGAR-CANDY.
<Q WIFE.> FORBEAR, YOU PRESUME TO A LORDS PLEASURE}
<Q KNA.> HOW'S THAT} NOT I SIB?
<Q WIFE.> NEVER TOUCH ME MORE,
ILE KEEP THE NOBLE STAMP UPON MY LIP,
NO UNDER BASENESS SHALL DEFACE IT NOW;
YOU TAUGHT ME THE WAY, NOW I AM IN, ILE KEEP IT-
I HAVE KIST AMBITION, AND I LOVE IT,
I LOATH THE MEMORY OF EVERY TOUCH
MY LIP HATH TASTED FROM THEE.
<Q KNA.> NAY BUT SWEET SIB, YOU DO FORGET YOUR SELF.
<Q WIFE.> I WILL FORGET ALL THAT I EVER WAS,
AND NOURISH NEW  THOUGHTS!-SIRRAH, I AM A LADY.
<Q KNA.> LORD BLESS US MADAM.
<Q WIFE.> I HAVE ENJOY'D A LORD-
THAT'S REAL POSSESSION- AND DAILY SHALL,
THE WHICH ALL LADIES HAVE NOT WITH THEIR LORDS.
<Q KNA.> BUT WITH YOUR PATIENCE MADAM, WHO WAS IT THAT PREFER'D
YOU TO THIS LADYSHIP?
<Q WIFE.> 'TIS ALL I AM BEHOLDING TO THEE FOR,
TH'AST BROUGHT ME OUT OF IGNORANCE INTO LIGHT-
SIMPLE AS I WAS, I THOUGHT THEE A MAN
TILL I FOUND THE DIFFERENCE BY A MAN: THOU ART
A BEAST, A HORNED BEAST, AN OX.
<Q KNA.> ARE THESE LADIES TERMS?
<Q WIFE.> FOR THY PANDORS FEE
IT SHALL BE LAID UNDER THE CANDLESTICK,
LOOK FOR'T, ILE LEAVE IT FOR THEE.
<Q KNA.> A LITTLE LOWER, GOOD YOUR LADYSHIP, MY COUSIN CHAMLET IS IN
THE HOUSE, LET THESE THINGS GO NO FURTHER.
<Q WIFE.> 'TIS FOR MINE OWN CREDIT IF I FORBEAR,
NOT THINE, THOU BUGLE-BROWD BEAST THOU}
<SSD ENTER GEORGE WITH ROLLS OF PAPER.>
<Q GEORGE.> BIDDEN, BIDDEN ,BIDDEN, BIDDEN; SO, ALL THESE ARE PAST:
BUT HERE'S AS LARGE A WALK TO COME- IF I DO NOT GET IT UP AT THE FEAST,
I SHALL BE LEANER FOR BIDDING THE GUESTS I'M SURE.
<Q KNA.> HOW NOW} WHO'S THIS?
<Q GEORGE.> <SSD  READING!> DOCTOR GLISTER, ET; WHAT WORD'S THIS? FUXOR,
OH UXOR, THE DOCTOR AND HIS WIFE: MR. BODY ET UXOR OF BOW-LANE,
MR. KNAVES-BEE ET UXOR.
<Q KNA.> HA, WE ARE IN, WHAT SOEVER THE MATTER IS.
<Q GEORGE.> HERE'S FORTY COUPLE MORE IN THIS QUARTER; BUT THERE, THE
PROVISION BRINGING IN, THAT PUZZELS ME MOST: ONE OX- THAT WILL HARDLY
SERVE FOR BEEF TOO; FIVE MUTTONS, TEN LAMBS, POOR INNOCENTS, THEY'L
BE DEVOURED TOO; THREE GROSS CAPONS.
<Q KNA.> MERCY UPON US} WHAT A SLAUGHTER-HOUSE IS HERE}
<Q GEORGE.> TWO BUSHELS OF SMALL BIRDS, PLOVERS, SNIPES, WOOD-
COCKS, PARTRIDGE, LARKS; THEN FOR BAK'D-MEATS.
<Q KNA.> GEORGE, GEORGE, WHAT FEAST IS THIS? 'TIS NOT FOR ST. GEORGE'S DAY?
<Q GEORGE.> CRY YOU MERCY SIR, YOU AND YOUR WIFE ARE IN MY ROLL:
MY MASTER INVITES YOU HIS GUESTS TO-MORROW DINNER.
<Q KNA.> DINNER SAYST THOU? HE MEANS TO FEAST A MONETH SURE.
<Q GEORGE.> NAY SIR, YOU MAKE UP BUT A HUNDRED COUPLE.
<Q KNA.> WHY, WHAT SHIP HAS BROUGHT AN INDIA HOME TO HIM,
THAT HE'S SO BOUNTIFUL? OR WHAT FRIEND DEAD
(UNKNOWN TO US) HAS SO MUCH LEFT TO HIM
OF ARRABLE LAND, THAT HE MEANS TO TURN TO PASTURE THUS?
<Q GEORGE.> NAY, 'TIS A VESSEL SIR, A GOOD ESTATE COMES ALL IN ONE BOTTOM
TO HIM, AND 'TIS A QUESTION WHETHER EVER HE FINDE THE BOTTOM OR NO; A
THOUSAND A YEAR, THAT'S THE UPPERMOST.
<Q KNA.> A THOUSAND A YEAR}
<Q GEORGE.> TO GO NO FURTHER ABOUT THE BUSH SIR, NOW THE BIRD IS
CAUGHT; MY MASTER IS TO-MORROW TO BE MARRIED, AND AMONGST THE REST
INVITES YOU A GUEST, AT HIS WEDDING-DINNER THE SECOND.
<Q KNA.> MARRIED}
<Q GEORGE.> THERE IS NO OTHER REMEDY FOR FLESH AND BLOOD - THAT WILL
HAVE LEAVE TO PLAY WHETHER WE WILL OR NO, OR WANDER INTO FORBIDDEN
PASTURES.
<Q KNA.> MARRIED} WHY HE IS MARRIED, MAN; HIS WIFE IS IN MY HOUSE
NOW, THY MISTRISS IS ALIVE, GEORGE.
<Q GEORGE.> SHE THAT WAS, IT MAY BE SIR, BUT DEAD TO HIM- SHE PLAID
A LITTLE TOO ROUGH WITH HIM, AND HE HAS DISCARDED HER, HE'S DIVORC'D SIR.
<Q KNA.> HE DIVORC'D}THEN IS HER LABOR SAV'D; FOR SHE WAS LABORING A
DIVORCE FROM HIM.
<Q GEORGE.> THEY ARE WELL PARTED THEN SIR.
<Q KNA.> BUT WILT THOU NOT SPEAK WITH HER? I'FAITH INVITE HER TO'T.
<Q GEORGE.> 'TIS NOT IN MY COMMISSION, I DARE NOT, FARE YOU WELL SIR,
I HAVE MUCH BUSINESS IN HAND, AND THE TIME IS SHORT.
<Q KNA.> NAY BUT GEORGE, I PRITHEE STAY, MAY I REPORT THIS TO HER FOR
A CERTAIN TRUTH?
<Q GEORGE.> WHEREFORE AM I EMPLOY'D IN THIS INVITATION SIR?
<Q KNA.> PRITHEE WHAT IS SHE, HIS SECOND CHOICE?
<Q GEORGE.> TRULY A GOOD PRESENCE, LIKELY TO BEAR GREAT CHILDREN,
AND GREAT STORE, SHE NEVER SAW FIVE AND THIRTY SUMMERS TOGETHER IN HER
LIFE BY HER APPEARANCE, AND COMES IN HER FRENCH-HOOD, BY HER FECKS
A GREAT MATCH 'TIS LIKE TO BE; I AM SORRY FOR MY OLD MISTRISS BUT CANNOT
HELP IT; PRAY YOU EXCUSE ME NOW SIR, FOR ALL THE BUSINESS GOES THROUGH
MY HANDS, NONE EMPLOY'D BUT MY SELF. <SSD EXIT GEORGE.>
<Q KNA.> WHY HERE IS NEWS THAT NO MAN WILL BELIEVE, BUT HE THAT SEES.
<Q KNA. WIFE.> THIS, AND YOUR CUCKOLDRY, WILL BE DIGESTION THROUGH-
OUT THE CITY DINNERS AND SUPPERS, FOR A MONETH TOGETHER, THERE WILL
NEED NO CHEESE.  <SSD ENTER MRIS CHAMLET.>
<Q KNA.> NO MORE OF THAT SIB: ILE CALL MY COUSIN CHAMLET, AND MAKE
HER PARTAKER OF THIS SPORT; SHE'S COME ALREADY. COUSIN, TAKE'T AT ONCE,
Y'ARE A FREE WOMAN, YOUR LATE HUSBAND'S TO BE MARRIED TO-MORROW.
<Q MRIS CHAM.> MARRIED}TO WHOM?
<Q KNA.> TO A FRENCH-HOOD BIRLAKINS, AS I UNDERSTAND, GREAT CHEAR
PREPAR'D, AND GREAT GUESTS INVITED, SO FAR I KNOW.
<Q MRIS CHAM.> WHAT A CURST WRETCH WAS I TO PARE MY NAILS TO-DAY,
A FRYDAY TOO; I LOOKT FOR SOME MISCHIEF.
<Q KNA.> WHY, I DID THINK THIS HAD ACCORDED WITH YOUR BEST LIKING,
YOU SOUGHT FOR HIM WHAT HE HAS SOUGHT FOR YOU, A SEPARATION, AND BY
DIVORCE TOO.
<Q MRIS CHAM.> ILE DIVORCE 'EM} IS HE TO BE MARRIED TO A FRENCH-
HOOD? I'LE DRESS IT THE ENGLISH FASHION; NE'RE A COACH TO BE HAD WITH
SIX HORSES TO STRIKE FIRE I'TH STREETS AS WE GO?
<Q KNA.> WILL YOU GO HOME THEN?
<Q MRIS CHAM.> GOOD COUSIN, HELP ME TO WHET ONE OF MY KNIVES,
WHILE I SHARP THE T'OTHER, GIVE ME A SOWR APPLE TO SET MY TEETH AN EDGE,
I WOULD GIVE FIVE POUND FOR THE PARING OF MY NAILS AGEN: HAVE YOU ERE A
BIRD-SPIT I'TH HOUSE?- I'LE DRESS ONE DISH TO THE WEDDING.
<Q KNA.> THIS VIOLENCE HURTS YOUR SELF THE MOST.
<Q MRIS CHAM.> I CARE NOT WHO I HURT; OH MY HEART, HOW IT BEATS A
BOTH SIDES; WILL YOU RUN WITH ME FOR A WAGER INTO LOMBARD-STREET NOW?
<Q KNA.> I'LE WALK WITH YOU COUSIN A SUFFICIENT PACE; SIB SHALL COME
SOFTLY AFTER, I'LE BRING YOU THOROUGH BEARBINDER-LANE.
MRS <Q CHAM.> BEARBINDER-LANE CANNOT HOLD ME, I'LE THE NEEREST
WAY OVER ST. MILDREDS CHURCH- IF I MEET ANY FRENCH-HOODS BY THE WAY,
I'LE MAKE BLACK PATCHES ENOW FOR THE RHUME. <SSD EXEUNT.>
<Q KNA. WIFE.> SO, 'TIS TO MY WISH, MASTER KNAVESBEE,
HELP TO MAKE PEACE ABROAD, HERE YOU'L FINDE WARS,
I'LE HAVE A DIVORCE TOO, WITH LOCKS AND BARS.   <SSD EXIT.>
<SN  SCAENA III.!>
<SSD  WATER CHAMLET'S SHOP.!>
<SSD ENTER GEORGE, MARGARITA.>
<Q GEORGE.> MADAM, BUT STAY HERE A LITTLE, MY MASTER COMES INSTANTLY-
I HEARD HIM SAY HE DID OW YOU A GOOD TURN, AND NOW'S THE TIME TO TAKE
IT, ILE WARRANT YOU A SOUND REWARD E'RE YOU GO.
<SSD ENTER CHAMLET.>
<Q MAR.> EY TANK U DE BON COUR MONSIEUR.
<Q GEORGE.> LOOK HE'S HERE ALREADY, NOW WOULD A SKILFUL NAVIGATOR
TAKE IN HIS SAILS, FOR SURE THERE IS A STORM TOWARDS.  <SSD EXIT GEORGE.>
<Q CHAM.> OH MADAM I PERCEIVE IN YOUR COUNTENANCE(I AM BEHOLDING
TO YOU) ALL IS PEACE?
<Q MAR.> ALL QUIET, GOOR FRENDSHEEP, EY MOOCH ADOE, EY STRIVE WID HIM:
GIVE GOOR WORDA FOR YOU; NO MORE SPEAK A DE MATRA, ALL ES UNDONNE-
U NO MORE TROBLA.
<SSD ENTER MRIS CHAMLET, AND KNAVESBEE.>
<Q CHAM.> LOOK, THERE'S THE PRICE OF A FAIR PAIR OF GLOVES, AND WEAR
'EM FOR MY SAKE.
<Q MRIS CHAM.> OH, OH, OH, MY HEARTS BROKE OUT OF MY RIBBES.
<Q KNA.> NAY A LITTLE PATIENCE.
<Q MARG.> EY TANK U ARTELY, SHALL NO BESTOWE EN GLOVES, SHALL PUT
MOOSH MORE TO DEES, AN BESTOWE YOUR SHOP; REGARDE DEES STOF A! MY
PETTYCOTE- U NO SOOSH ANODRE; SHALL DEAL WID U FOR MOOSH; TAKE IN
YOUR HAND.
<Q CHAM.>I SEE IT MISTRESS, 'TIS GOOD STUFF INDEED, 'TIS A SILK RASH, I
CAN PATTERN IT.
<Q MRIS CHAM.> SHALL HE TAKE UP HER COATS BEFORE MY FACE? OH BEASTLY
CREATURE; FRENCH-HOOD, FRENCH-HOOD, I WILL MAKE YOUR HAIR GROW
THOROUGH.
<Q CHAM.> MY WIFE RETURNED} OH WELCOME HOME, SWEET RACHEL.
<Q MRIS CHAM.> I FORBID THE BANES - LETCHER AND STRUMPET, THOU
SHALT BEAR CHILDREN WITHOUT NOSES.  <SSD  BEATS MARGARITA!>
<Q MARG.> O PARDONNE MOY, BY MY TRAT EY MEANE U NO HURTA: WAT U
MEANT BY DEES?
<Q MRIS CHAM.> I WILL HAVE THINE EYES OUT, AND THY BASTARDS SHALL BE
AS BLINDE AS PUPPIES.
<Q CHAM.> SWEET RACHEL}- GOOD COUSIN HELP TO PACIFIE.
<Q MRIS CHAM.> I FORBID THE BANES, ADULTERER.
<Q CHAM.> WHAT MEANS SHE BY THAT SIR?
<Q KNA.> GOOD COUSIN FORBID YOUR RAGE A WHILE- UNLESS YOU HEAR, BY
WHAT SENSE WILL YOU RECEIVE SATISFACTION?
<Q MRIS CHAM.> BY MY HANDS AND MY TEETH SIR- GIVE ME LEAVE, WILL
YOU BINDE ME WHILES MINE ENEMY KILLS ME?
<Q CHAM.> HERE ALL ARE YOUR FRIENDS SWEET WIFE.
<Q MRIS CHAM.> WILT HAVE TWO WIVES? DO AND B E! HANG'D FORNI-
CATOR}- I FORBID THE BANES; GIVE ME THE FRENCH-HOOD-I'LE TREAD IT
UNDER FEET IN A PAIR OF PANTOPHLES.
<Q MARG.> BEGER SHALL SAVE HOOD HEAD AND ALL; SHALL COME NO MORE
HEER, EY WARRAN U.       <SSD EXIT MARGARITA.>
<Q KNA.> SIR, THE TRUTH IS, REPORT SPOKE IT FOR TRUTH, YOU WERE TO-MORROW
TO BE MARRIED.
<Q MRIS CHAM.> I FORBID THE BANES.
<Q CHAM.> MERCY DELIVER ME,
IF MY GRAVE IMBRACE ME IN THE BED OF DEATH,
I WOULD TO CHURCH WITH WILLING CEREMONY;
BUT FOR MY WEDLOCK-FELLOW, HERE SHE IS-
THE FIRST AND LAST THAT ERE MY THOUGHTS LOOKT ON.
<Q KNA.> WHY, LAW YOU COUSIN}- THIS WAS NOUGHT BUT ERROR OR AN ASSAULT
OF MISCHIEF.
<Q CHAM.> WHOSE REPORT WAS IT?
<Q KNA.> YOUR MAN GEORGES, WHO INVITED ME TO THE WEDDING.
<SSD ENTER GEORGE.>
<Q CHAM.> GEORGE? AND WAS THE SOBER? GOOD SIR CALL HIM.
<Q GEORGE.> IT NEEDS NOT SIR, I AM HERE ALREADY.
<Q CHAM.> DID YOU REPORT THIS GEORGE?
<Q GEORGE.> YES SIRE I DID.
<Q CHAM.> AND WHEREFORE DID YOU SO?
<Q GEORGE.> FOR A NEW SUTE THAT YOU PROMIST ME SIR, IF I COULD BRING
HOME MY MISTRISS- AND I THINK SHE'S COME WITH A MISCHIEF.
<Q MRIS CHAM.> GIVE ME THAT VILLAINES EARS.
<Q GEORGE.> I WOULD GIVE EAR, IF I COULD HEAR YOU TALK WISELY.
<Q MRIS CHAM.> LET ME CUT OFF HIS EARS.
<Q GEORGE.> I SHALL HEAR WORSE OF YOU HEREAFTER THEN- LIMB FOR LIMB,
ONE OF MY EARS, FOR ONE OF YOUR TONGUES, AND ILE LAY OT FOR MY MASTER.
<Q CHAM.> 'TWAS KNAVERY WITH A GOOD PURPOSE IN'T,
SWEET RACHEL, THIS WAS E'EN GEORGES MEANING,
A SECOND MARRIAGE 'TWIXT THY SELF AND ME-
AND NOW I WOOE THE E! TO'T, A QUIET NIGHT
WILL MAKE THE SUN LIKE A FRESH BRIDEGROOM RISE.
AND KISS THE CHASTE CHEEK OF THE ROSY MORN
WHICH WE WILL IMITATE, AND LIKE HIM CREAT E!
FRESH BUDS OF LOVE, FRESH SPREADING ARMS, FRESH FRUIT,
FRESH WEDDING ROBES, AND GEORGES FRESH NEW SUTE.
<Q MRIS CHAM.> THIS IS FINE STUFF, HAVE YOU MUCH ON'T TO SELL?
<Q GEORGE.> A REMNANT OF A YARD.
<Q CHAM.> COME, COME, ALL'S WELL, SIR, YOU MUST SUP, INSTEAD OF TO-
MORROWS DINNER.      <SSD EXEUNT.>
<Q KNA.> I FOLLOW YOU...NO: 'TIS ANOTHER WAY,
MY LORDS REWARD CALLS ME TO BETTER CHEER,
MANY GOOD MEALS, A HUNDRED MARKES A YEER;
MY WIFES TRANSFORM'D A LADY-TUSH,SHEE'L COME
TO HER SHAPE AGEN, MY LORD RIDES THE CIRCUIT,
IF I RID E! ALONG WITH HIM, WHAT NEED I GRUTCH?
I CAN AS EASIE SIT, AND SPEED AS MUCH.   <SSD EXIT KNAVES-BEE.>
<SN ACTUS V.  SCAENA I.!>
<SSD  BEFORE SIR FRANCIS CRESSINGHAM'S HOUSE.!>
<SSD ENTER OLD FRANCKLIN IN MOURNING: YOUNG CRESSINGHAM WITH YOUNG
FRANCKLIN DISGUIS'D LIKE AN OLD SERVING-MAN.>
<Q YO. CRESS.> SIR, YOUR SONS DEATH WHICH HAS APPARREL'D YOU
IN THIS DARKER WEARING, IS A LOSS WHEREIN
I HAVE AMPLE SHARE: HE WAS MY FRIEND.
<Q OLD FRAN.> HE WAS MY NEEREST
AND DEEREST ENEMY, AND THE PERPETUAL FEAR
OF A WORSE END, HAD HE CONTINUED
HIS FORMER DISSOLUTE COURSE S!, MAKES ME WEIGH
HIS DEATH THE LIGHTER.
<Q YONG CRESS.> YET SIR, WITH YOUR PARDON,
IF YOU VALUE HIM EVERY WAY AS HE DESERV'D,
IT WILL APPEAR YOUR SCANTING OF HIS MEANS,
AND THE LORD BEAUFORTS MOST UN-LORDLY BREACH
OF PROMISE TO HIM, MADE HIM FALL UPON
SOME COURSES, TO WHICH HIS NATURE AND MINE OWN,
(MADE DESPERATE LIKEWISE BY THE CRUELTY
OF A MOTHER IN LAW) WOULD ELSE HAVE BIN AS STRANGE,
AS INSOLENT GREATNESS IS TO DISTRESS'D VERTUE.
<Q OLD FRANK.> YES, I HAVE HEARD OF THAT TOO; YOUR DEFEAT
MADE UPON A MERCER- I STYLE'T MODESTLY,
THE LAW INTENDS IT PLAIN COZENAGE.
<Q YONG CRESS.>'TWAS NO LESS,
BY MY PENITENCE AND RESTITUTION MAY
COME FAIRLY OFF FROM'T;IT WAS NO IMPEACHMENT
TO THE GLORY WON AT AGENCOURTS GREAT BATTEL,
THAT THE ATCHIEVER OF IT IN HIS YOUTH
HAD BIN A PURSE-TAKER - THIS WITH ALL REVERENCE
TO'TH GREAT EXAMPLE. HOW TO MY BUSINESS,
WHEREIN YOU HAVE MADE SUCH NOBLE TRYAL OF
YOUR WORTH, THAT IN A WORLD SO DULL AS THIS,
WHERE FAITH IS ALMOST GROWN TO BE A MIRACLE,
I HAVE FOUND A FRIEND SO WORTHY AS YOUR SELF,
TO PURCHASE ALL THE LAND MY FATHER SOLD
AT THE PERSWASION OF A RIOTOUS WOMAN,
AND CHARITABLE TO RESERVE IT FOR HIS USE,
AND THE GOOD OF HIS THREE CHILDREN; THIS I SAY,
IS SUCH A DEED SHALL STYLE YOU OUR PRESERVER,
AND OW THE MEMORY OF YOUR WORTH, AND PAY IT
TO ALL POSTERITY.
<Q OLD FRANK.>SIR, WHAT I HAVE DONE,
LOOKS TO THE END OF THE GOOD DEED IT SELF,
NO OTHER WAY I'TH WORLD.
<Q YONG CRESS.>BUT WOULD YOU PLEASE
OUT OF A FRIENDLY REPREHENSION,
TO MAKE HIM SENSIBLE OF THE WEIGHTY WRONG
HE HAS DONE HIS CHILDREN? - YET I WOULD NOT HAVE IT
TOO BITTER, FOR HE UNDERGOES ALREADY
SUCH TORMENT IN A WOMANS NAUGHTY PRIDE,
TOO HARSH REPROOF WOULD KILL HIM.
<Q OLD FRANK.>LEAVE YOU THAT
TO MY DISCRETION: I HAVE MADE MY SELF
MY SONS EXECUTOR, AND AM COME UP
ON PURPOSE TO COLLECT HIS CREDITORS,
AND WHERE I FINDE HIS PENNYWORTH CONSCIONABLE,
ILE MAKE THEM IN PART SATISFACTION:    <SSD ENTER GEORGE.>
OH THIS FELLOW WAS BORN NEER ME, AND HIS TRADING HERE I'TH CITY MAY
BRING ME TO THE KNOWLEDGE OF THE MEN MY SON OUGHT MONEY TO.
<Q GEORGE.>YOUR WORSHIP'S WELCOME TO LONDON - AND I PRAY HOW
DOES ALL OUR GOOD FRIENDS I'TH COUNTREY?
<Q OLD FRANK.> THEY ARE WELL, GEORGE:HOW THOU ART SHOT UP SINCE
I SAW THEE} WHAT, I THINK THOU ART ALMOST OUT OF THY TIME?
<Q GEORGE.>I AM OUT OF MY WITS SIR, I HAVE LIV'D IN A KINDE OF BEDLAM
THESE FOUR YEARS - HOW CAN I BE MINE OWN MAN THEN?
<Q OLD FRANK.>WHY,WHAT'S THE MATTER?
<Q GEORGE.>I MAY TURN SOAP-BOYLER, I HAVE A LOOSE BODY:I AM TURN'D
AWAY FROM MY MASTER.
<Q OLD FRANK.>HOW} TURN'D AWAY}
<Q GEORGE.>I'M GONE SIR,NOT IN DRINK, AND YET YOU MAY BEHOLD MY
INDENTURES:( SHOWS!INDENTURE.)OH THE WICKED WIT OF WOMAN} - FOR
THE GOOD TURN I DID BRINGING HER HOME, SHE NE'RE LEFT SUCKING MY
MASTERS BREATH, LIKE A CAT, KISSING HIM I MEAN, TILL I WAS TURN'D AWAY}
<Q OLD FRANK.> I HAVE HEARD SHE'S A TERRIBLE WOMAN.
<Q GEORGE.>YES,AND THE MISERABLEST} HER SPARING IN HOUSE-KEEPING
HAS COST HIM SOMEWHAT, THE DAGGER-PYES CAN TESTIFIE: SHE HAS STOOD IN'S
LIGHT MOST MISERABLY, LIKE YOUR FASTING-DAYS BEFORE LETTERS IN THE
ALMANACK: SAYING, THE PINCHING OF OUR BELLIES WOULD BE A MEAN TO
MAKE HIM WEAR SCARLET THE SOONER. SHE HAD ONCE PERSWADED HIM TO
HAVE BOUGHT SPECTACLES FOR ALL HIS SERVANTS, THAT THEY MIGHT HAVE WORN
'EM DINNER AND SUPPER.
<Q OLD FRANK.> TO WHAT PURPOSE?
<Q GEORGE.>MARRY, TO HAVE MADE OUR VICTUALS SEEM BIGGER THAN'T
WAS: SHE SHEWS FROM WHENCE SHE CAME - THAT MY WINDE-COLLICK CAN
WITNESS.
<Q OLD FRANK.> WHY, WHENCE CAME SHE?
<Q GEORGE.> MARRY FROM A COURTIER, AND AN OFFICER TOO, THAT WAS UP
AND DOWN I KNOW NOT HOW OFTEN.
<Q OLD FRA.>HAD HE ANY GREAT PLACE?
<Q GEORGE.>YES, AND A VERY HIGH ONE, BUT HE GOT LITTLE BY IT; HE WAS
ONE THAT BLEW THE ORGAN IN THE COURT CHAPPEL, OUR PURITANS, ESPECIALLY
YOUR PURITANS IN SCOTLAND, COULD NE'RE AWAY WITH HIM.
<Q OLD FRAN.>IS SHE ONE OF THE SECT?
<Q GEORGE.> FAITH I THINK NOT,FOR I AM CERTAIN SHE DENIES HER HUSBAND
THE SUPREMACY.
<Q OLD FRANK.>WELL GEORGE,YOUR DIFFERENCE MAY BE RECONCIL'D.I AM
NOW TO USE YOUR HELP IN A BUSINESS THAT CONCERNS ME:HERE'S A NOTE OF
MENS NAMES HERE I'TH' CITY, UNTO WHOM MY SON OUGHT MONEY, BUT I
DO NOT KNOW THEIR DWELLING.
<Q GEOR.>LET ME SEE SIR: FIFTY POUND TA'NE UP AT USE OF  MASTER!
WATER THIN THE BREWER.
<Q OLD FRANK.>WHAT'S HE?
<Q GEOR.> AN OBSTINAT FELLOW, AND ONE THAT DENI'D PAYMENT OF THE
GROATS, TILL HE LAY BY'TH' HEELS FOR'T; I KNOW HIM: ITEM,FOURSOME PAIR
OF PROVANT BREECHES A'TH' NEW FASHION, TO PINCHBUTTOCK A HOSIER IN
BURCHEN-LANE,SO MUCH.
<Q OLD FRANK.>WHAT THE DEVIL DID HE WITH SO MANY PAIR OF BREECHES?
<Q YO. FRAN.>SUPPLY A CAPTAIN SIR, A FRIEND OF HIS WENT OVER TO THE
PALATINATE.
<Q GEOR.>ITEM,TO MY TAILOR MASTER!WETHERWISE,BY ST CLEMENTS-
CHURCH.
<Q YO. CRESS.>WHO SHOULD THAT BE? IT MAY BE 'TIS THE NEW PROPHET,
THE ASTROLOGICAL TAILOR.
<Q YO. FRANK.>NO, NO,NO SIR, WE HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH HIM.
<Q GEORGE.>WELL,I'LE READ NO FURTHER, LEAVE THE NOTE TO MY DIS-
CRETION, DO NOT FEAR I'LE ENQUIRE THEM ALL.
<Q OLD FRANK.>WHY,I THANK THEE, GEORGE.  SIR, REST ASSUR'D I SHALL
IN ALL YOUR BUSINESS BE FAITHFUL TO YOU, AND AT BETTER LEISURE FINDE TIME
TO IMPRINT DEEPLY IN YOUR FATHER THE WRONG HE HAS DONE YOU.
<Q YO. CRESS.>YOU ARE WORTHY IN ALL THINGS.
IS MY FATHER STIRRING?                                                    #
 <SSD EXEUNT OLD FRANKLIN, GEORGE, AND YOUNG FRANCKLIN. ENTER SAUNDER.>
<Q SAUND.>YES,SIR, MY LADY WONDERS YOU ARE THUS CHARGEABLE TO YOUR
FATHER, AND WILL NOT DIRECT YOUR SELF UNTO SOME GAINFUL STUDY MAY QUIT
HIM OF YOUR DEPENDANCE.
<Q YO. CRESS.>WHAT STUDY?
<Q SAUND.>WHY THE LAW,THAT LAW THAT TAKES UP MOST A'TH' WITS I'TH
KINGDOM, NOT FOR MOST GOOD, BUT MOST GAIN - OR DIVINITY; I HAVE HEARD
YOU TALK WELL, AND I DO NOT THINK BUT YOU'D PROVE A SINGULAR FINE CHURCH-
MAN.
<Q YO. CRESS.>I SHOULD PROVE A PLURAL BETTER, IF I COULD ATTAIN TO FINE
BENIFICES.
<Q SAUND.>MY LADY NOW SHE HAS MONEY, IS STUDYING TO DO GOOD WORKS,
SHE TALK'D LAST NIGHT WHAT A GOODLY ACT IT WAS, OF A COUNTESS(NORTHAMPTON-
SHIRE BREED BELIKE,OR THERABOUTS) THAT TO MAKE COVENTRY A CORPORA-
TION,RODE THROUGH THE CITY NAKED, AND BY DAYLIGHT.
<Q YO. CRESS.>I DO NOT THINK, BUT YOU HAVE LADIES LIVING WOULD
DISCOVER AS MUCH IN PRIVATE, TO ADVANCE BUT SOME MEMBER OF A COR-
PORATION.     <SSD ENTER SIR FRAN. CRESSINGHAM.>
<Q SAUND.>WELL SIR, YOUR WIT IS STILL GOARING AT MY LADIES PROJECTS:
HERE'S YOUR FATHER.
<Q OLD CRESS.> THOU COMST TO CHIDE ME, HEARING HOW LIKE A WARD I
AM HANDLED, SINCE THE SALE OF MY LAND.
<Q YO. CRESS.>NO SIR, BUT TO TURN YOUR EYES INTO YOUR OWN BOSOM.
<Q OLD CRESS.> WHY,I AM BECOME MY WIVES PENSIONER; AM CONFIN'D
TO A HUNDRED MARK A YEAR, T'ONE SUTE, AND ONE MAN TO ATTEND ME.
<Q SAUND.> AND IS NOT THAT ENOUGH FOR A PRIVATE GENTLEMAN?
<Q OLD CRESS.> PEACE SIRRAH, THERE IS NOTHING BUT KNAVE SPEAKES IN
THEE-AND MY TWO POOR CHILDREN MUST BE PUT FORTH TO PRENTICE.
<Q YO. CRESS.> HA} TO PRENTICE?
SIR, I DO NOT COME TO GRIEVE YOU,BUT TO SHEW
HOW WRETCHED YOUR ESTATE WAS,THAT YOU COULD NOT
COME TO SEE ORDER,UNTIL FOUL DISORDER
POINTED THE WAY TO'T-
SO INCONSIDERATE,YET SO FRUITFUL STIL
IS DOTAGE TO BEGET ITS OWN DESTRUCTION.
<Q OLD CRESS.> SURELY I AM NOTHING,AND DESIRE TO BE SO,
PRAY THEE FELLOW INTREAT HER ONELY TO BE QUIET,
I HAVE GIVEN HER ALL MY ESTATE ON THAT CONDITION.
<Q SAUND.> YES SIR, HER COFFERS ARE WELL LIN'D BELIEVE ME.
<Q OLD CRESS.> AND YET SHE IS NOT CONTENTED; WE OBSERVE
THE MOON IS NE'RE SO PLEASANT,AND SO CLEAR
AS WHEN SHE IS AT THE FULL.
<Q YO. CRESS.> YOU DID NOT USE
MY MOTHER WITH THIS OBSERVANCE-YOU ARE LIKE
THE FROGS WHO,WEARY OF THEIR QUIET KING,
CONSENTED TO THE ELECTION OF THE STORK,
WHO IN THE END DEVOUR'D THEM.
<Q OLD CRESS.> YOU MAY SEE
HOW APT MAN IS TO FORFEIT ALL HIS JUDGEMENT
UPON THE INSTANT OF HIS FALL.
<Q YO. CRESS.> LOOK UP SIR.
<Q OLD CRESS.> O MY HEARTS BROKE; WEIGHTY ARE INJURIES
THAT COME FROM AN ENEMY,BUT THOSE ARE DEADLY
THAT COME FROM A FRIEND,FOR WE SEE COMMONLY
THOSE ARE TANE MOST TO HEART:SHE COMES. <SSD ENTER THE LADY CRESSINGHAM.>
<Q YO. CRESS.> WHAT A TERRIBLE EYE SHE DARTS ON US}
<Q OLD CRESS.> OH MOST NATURAL,FOR LIGHTNING TO GO BEFORE THE THUNDER.
<Q LADY.> WHAT? ARE YOU IN COUNCEL? ARE YE LEVYING FACTION AGAINST US?
<Q OLD CRESS.> GOOD FRIEND}
<Q LADY.> SIR,SIR,PRAY COME HITHER,THERE IS WINTER IN YOUR LOOKS,A
LATTER WINTER-DO YOU COMPLAIN TO YOUR KINDRED? I'LE MAKE YOU FEAR
EXTREAMLY TO SHEW YOU HAVE ANY CAUSE TO FEAR: ARE THE BONDS SEAL'D
FOR THE SIX THOUSAND POUNDS I PUT FORTH TO USE?
<Q SAUND.> YES MADAM.
<Q LADY.> THE BONDS WERE MADE IN MY UNCKLES NAME?
<Q LADY.>'TIS WELL.
<Q SAUND.> YES.
<Q OLD CRESS.> 'TIS STRANGE THOUGH.
<Q LADY.> NOTHING STRANGE,YOU'L THINK THE ALLOWANCE I HAVE PUT YOU
TO AS STRANGE,BUT YOUR JUDGEMENT CANNOT REACH THE AIM I HAVE IN'T:
YOU WERE PRICKT LAST YEAR TO BE HIGH SHERIFF,AND WHAT IT WOULD HAVE
COST YOU I UNDERSTAND NOW-ALL THIS CHARGE AND THE OTHER BY THE SALE
OF YOUR LAND,AND THE MONEY AT MY DISPOSE,AND YOUR PENSION SO SMALL,
WILL SETTLE YOU IN QUIET,MAKE YOU MASTER OF A RETIR'D LIFE-AND OUR
GREAT ONES MAY THINK YOU A POLITIQUE MAN,AND THAT YOU ARE AIMING AT
SOME STRANGE BUSINESS,HAVING MADE ALL OVER.
<Q OLD CRESS.> I MUST LEAVE YOU,MAN IS NEVER TRULY AWAKE
TILL HE BE DEAD.     <SSD EXEUNT OLD CRESS. AND SAUND.>
<Q YO. CRESS.> WHAT A DREAM HAVE YOU MADE OF MY FATHER}
<Q LADY.> LET HIM BE SO,AND KEEP THE PROPER PLACE OF DREAMS-
HIS BED,UNTIL I RAISE HIM.
<Q YO. CRESS.> RAISE HIM} NOT UNLIKELY}-'TIS YOU HAVE RUIN'D HIM.
<Q LADY.> YOU DO NOT COME TO QUARREL?
<Q YO. CRESS.> NO,CERTAIN,BUT TO PERSWADE YOU TO A THING,THAT IN THE
VERTUE OF IT NOBLY CARRIES ITS OWN COMMENDATION,AND YOU SHALL GAIN
MUCH HONOR BY IT, WHICH IS THE RECOMPENCE OF ALL VERTUOUS ACTIONS-TO
USE MY FATHER KINDLY.
<Q LADY.> WHY? DOES HE COMPLAIN TO YOU SIR?
<Q YO. CRESS.> COMPLAIN? WHY SHOULD A KING COMPLAIN FOR ANY THING,
BUT FOR HIS SINS TO HEAVEN?-THE PREROGATIVE OF HUSBAND IS LIKE TO HIS,
OVER HIS WIFE.
<Q LADY.> I AM FULL OF BUSINESS SIR, AND WILL NOT MINDE YOU.
<Q YO. CRESS.> I MUST NOT LEAVE YOU THUS; I TELL YOU MOTHER
'TIS DANGEROUS TO A WOMAN, WHEN HER MINDE
RAISES HER TO SUCH HEIGHT, IT MAKES HER ONELY
CAPABLE OF HER OWN MERIT; NOTHING OF DUTY}
OH, 'TWAS A STRANGE UNFORTUNATE O'RE-PRISING
YOUR BEAUTY BROUGHT HIM(OTHERWISE DISCREET)
INTO THE FATAL NEGLECT OF HIS POOR CHILDREN:
WHAT WILL YOU GIVE US OF THE LATE SUM YOU RECEIV'D?
<Q LADY.> NOT A PENNY; AWAY, YOU ARE TROUBLESOME AND SAWCY.
<Q YO. CRESS.> YOU ARE TOO CRUEL: DENIALS EVEN FROM PRINCES
WHO MAY DO WHAT THEY LIST, SHOULD BE SUPPLIED
WITH A GRATIOUS VERBAL USAGE, THAT THOUGH THEY
DO NOT CURE THE SORE, THEY MAY ABATE THE SENCE OF'T;
THE WEALTH YOU SEEM TO COMMAND OVER, IS HIS,
AND HE I HOPE WILL DISPOSE OF'T TO OUR USE.
<Q LADY.> WHEN HE CAN COMMAND MY WILL.
<Q YO. CRESS.> HAVE YOU MADE HIM
SO MISERABLE, THAT HE MUST TAKE A LAW FROM HIS WIFE?
<Q LADY.> HAVE YOU NOT HAD SOME LAWYERS FORC'T TO GRONE
UNDER THE BURDEN?
<Q YO. CRESS.> OH} BUT THE GREATER THE WOMEN,
THE MORE VISIBLE ARE THEIR VICES.
<Q LADY.> SO SIR, YOU HAVE BEEN SO BOLD; BY ALL CAN BINDE
AN OATH, AND I'LE NOT BREAK IT, I WILL NOT BE
THE WOMAN TO YOU HEREAFTER YOU EXPECTED.
<Q YO. CRESS.> BE NOT; BE NOT YOUR SELF, BE NOT MY FATHERS WIFE,
BE NOT MY LADY CRESSINGHAM, AND THEN
I'LE THUS SPEAK TO YOU, BUT YOU MUST NOT ANSWER
IN YOUR OWN PERSON.
<Q LADY.> A FINE PUPPET-PLAY}
<Q YO. CRESS.> GOOD MADAM, PLEASE YOU PITY THE DISTRESS
OF A POOR GENTLEMAN, THAT IS UNDONE
BY A CRUEL MOTHER IN LAW-YOU DO NOT KNOW HER,
NOR DOES SHE DESERVE THE KNOWLEDGE OF ANY GOOD ONE,
FOR SHE DOES NOT KNOW HER SELF-YOU WOULD SIGH FOR HER
THAT E'ER! SHE TOOK YOU R! SEX, IF YOU BUT HEARD
HER QUALITIES.
<Q LADY.> THIS IS A FINE CROTCHET.
<Q YO. CRESS.> ENVY AND PRIDE FLOW IN HER PAINTED BREASTS,
SHE GIVES NO OTHER SUCK; ALL HER ATTENDANTS
DO NOT BELONG TO HER HUSBAND, HIS MONEY IS HERS-
MARRY HIS DEBTS ARE HIS OWN-SHE BEARS SUCH SWAY,
SHE WILL NOT SUFFER HIS RELIGION BE HIS OWN,
BUT WHAT SHE PLEASE TO TURN IT TO.
<Q LADY.> AND ALL THIS WHILE,
I AM THE WOMAN YOU LIBEL AGAINST.
<Q YO. CRESS.> I REMEMBER
E'RE THE LAND WAS SOLD, YOU TALKT OF GOING TO IRELAND,
BUT SHOULD YOU TOUCH THERE, YOU WOULD DIE PRESENTLY.
<Q LADY.> WHY MAN?
<Q YO. CRESS.> THE COUNTRY BROOKES NO POISON: GO,
YOU'L FINDE HOW DIFFICULT A THING IT IS,
TO MAKE A SETLED OR ASSUR'D ESTATE
OF THINGS ILL GOTTEN: WHEN MY FATHER'S DEAD,
THE CURSE OF LUST AND RIOT FOLLOW YOU-
MARRY SOME YOUNG GALLANT THAT MAY RIFLE YOU;
YET ADD ONE BLESSING TO YOUR NEEDY AGE,
THAT YOU MAY DIE FULL OF REPENTANCE.
<Q LADY.> HA, HA, HA}
<Q YO. CRESS.> OH} SHEE  I!S LOST TO ANY  KIND OF GOODNESS.<SSD EXEUNT.>
   <SSD ENTER LORD BEAUFORT, AND KNAVES-BEE.>
<Q BEAU.> SIRRAH, BE GONE, Y'ARE BASE.
<Q KNA.> BASE, MY GOOD LORD?
'TIS A GROUND PART IN MUSICK-TREBLES, MEANS,
ALL  IS! BUT  F!IDLING-YOUR HONOR BORE A PART
AS MY WIFE SAYS, MY LORD.
<Q BEAU.> YOUR WIFES A STRUMPET.
<Q KNA.> AH HA, IS SHE SO? I AM GLAD TO HEAR IT,
OPEN CONFESSION, OPEN PAYMENT-
THE WAGERS MINE THEN, A HUNDRED A YEAR MY LORD,
I SAID SO BEFORE, AND STAK'D MY HEAD AGAINST IT,
THUS AFTER DARKSOME NIGHT, THE DAY IS COME, MY LORD.
<Q BEAU.> HENCE HIDE THY BRANDED HEAD, LET NO DAY SEE THEE,
NOR THOU ANY BUT THY EXECUTION DAY.
<Q KNA.> THAT'S THE DAY AFTER WASHING DAY-ONCE A WEEK
I SEE'T AT HOME MY LORD.
<Q BEAU.> GO HOME AND SEE
THY PROSTITUTED WIFE (FOR SURE 'TIS SO)
NOW FOLDED IN A BOYS ADULTERY,
MY PAGE; ON WHOM THE HOT-R E!IN'D HARLOT DOATS-
THIS NIGHT HE HATH BEEN HER ATTENDANT - MY HOUSE HE'S FLED FROM,
AND MUST NO MORE RETURN - GO, AND MAKE HASTE SIR,
LEAST YOUR REWARD BE LOST FOR WANT OF LOOKING TO.
<Q KNA.> MY REWARD LOST} IS THERE NOTHING DUE
FOR WHAT IS PAST, MY LORD?
<Q BEAU.> YES PANDER, WITTOLL, MACRIO, BASEST OF KNAVES,<SSD  KICKS HIM!>
THOU BOULSTER-BAWD TO THINE OWN INFAMY}
GO, I HAVE NO MORE ABOUT ME AT THIS TIME,
WHEN I AM BETTER STOR'D THOU SHALT HAVE MORE
WHERE E'RE I MEET THEE.
<Q KNA.> PANDER, WITTOLL, MACRIO, BASE KNAVE, BOULSTER-BAWD; HERE IS
BUT FIVE MARK TOWARD A HUNDRED A YEAR: THIS IS POOR PAYMENT; IF LORDS
MAY BE TRUSTED NO BETTER THEN THUS, I WILL GO HOME AND CUT MY WIFES
NOSE OFF; I WILL TURN OVER A NEW LEAF, AND HANG UP THE PAGE; LASTLY
I WILL PUT ON A LARGE PAIR OF WET-LEATHER BOOTS AND DROWN MY SELF, I
WILL SINK AT QUEEN-HIVE, AND RISE AGEN AT CHARING-CROSS CONTRARY TO THE
STATUTE IN EDWARDO PRIMO.                   <SSD EXIT.>
    <SSD ENTER OLD FRANKLIN, HIS SON AS BEFORE, GEORGE, THREE OR FOUR
   CITIZENS, CREDITORS.>
<Q OLD FRANK.> GOOD HEALTH TO YOUR LORDSHIP.
<Q BEAU.>  MASTER! FRANKLIN, I HEARD OF YOUR ARRIVAL, AND THE CAUSE OF
THIS YOUR SAD APPEARANCE.
<Q OLD FRANK.>AND 'TIS NO MORE THEN AS YOUR HONOR SAYS, INDEED-
APPEARANCE; IT HAS MORE FORM THEN FEELING SORROW SIR, I MUST CONFESS
-THERE'S NONE OF THESE GENTLEMEN (THOUGH ALIENS IN BLOOD) BUT HAVE
AS LARGE CAUSE OF GRIEF AS I.
<Q I CRED.> NO, BY YOUR FAVOR SIR, WE ARE WELL SATISFIED; THERE WAS IN
HIS LIFE A GREATER HOPE, BUT LESS ASSURANCE.
<Q 2 CRED.> SIR, I WISH ALL MY DEBTS OF NO BETTER PROMISE TO PAY ME
THUS, FIFTY IN THE HUNDRED COMES FAIRLY HOMEWARDS.
<Q YONG FRANK.> CONSIDERING HARD BARGAINS AND DEAD COMMODITIES, SIR.
<Q 2 CRED.> THOU SAYST TRUE, FRIEND, AND FROM A DEAD DEBTOR TOO.
<Q BEAU.> AND SO YOU HAVE COMPOUNDED AND AGREED ALL YOUR SONS
RIOTOUS DEBTS?
<Q OLD FRANK.> THERE'S BEHINDE BUT ONE CAUSE OF WORSE CONDITION,
THAT DONE, HE MAY SLEEP QUIETLY.
<Q I CRED.> YES SURE MY LORD, THIS GENTLEMAN IS COME A WONDER TO
US ALL, THAT SO FAIRLY WITH HALF A LOSS COULD SATISFIE THOSE DEBTS WERE DEAD,
EVEN WITH HIS SON, AND FROM WHOM WE COULD HAVE NOTHING CLAIM'D.
<Q OLD FRANK.> I SHEWED MY REASON; I WOULD HAVE A GOOD NAME LIVE
AFTER HIM, BECAUSE HE BORE MY NAME.
<Q 2 CRED.> MAY HIS TONGUE PERISH FIRST (AND THAT WILL SPOIL HIS TRADE)
THAT FIRST GIVES HIM A SYLLABLE OF ILL.      <SSD ENTER CHAMLET.>
<Q BEAU.> WHY THIS IS FRIENDLY.
<Q CHAM.> MY LORD}
<Q BEAU.>  MASTER! CHAMLET} VERY WELCOME.
<Q CHAM.>  MASTER! FRANKLIN, I TAKE IT-THESE GENTLEMEN I KNOW WELL:
GOOD  MASTER! PENNYSTONE,  MASTER! PHILLIP,  MASTER! CHEYNEY} I AM GLAD
I SHALL TAKE MY LEAVE OF SO MANY OF MY GOOD FRIENDS AT ONCE; YOUR HAND
FIRST, MY LORD, FARE YOU WELL SIR-NAY I MUST HAVE ALL YOUR HANDS TO MY
PASS.
<Q GEORGE.> WILL YOU HAVE MINE TOO SIR?
<Q CHAM.> YES, THY TWO HANDS GEORGE, AND I THINK TWO HONEST HANDS
OF A TRADES-MAN, GEORGE, AS ANY BETWEEN CORNHIL AND LOMBARD-STREET.
<Q GEORGE.> TAKE HEED WHAT YOU SAY SIR, THERE'S BIRCHEN-LANE BETWEEN 'EM.
<Q BEAU.> BUT WHAT'S THE CAUSE OF THIS,  MASTER! CHAMLET?
<Q CHAM.> I HAVE THE CAUSE IN HANDLING, NOW MY LORD; GEORGE, HONEST
GEORGE IS THE CAUSE, YET NO CAUSE OF GEORGES-GEORGE IS TU RN!'D AWAY ONE
WAY, AND I MUST GO ANOTHER.
<Q BEAU.> AND WHITHER IS YOUR WAY SIR?
<Q CHAM.> E' EN! TO SEEK OUT A QUIET LIFE, MY LORD: I DO HEAR OF A
FINE PEACEABLE ISLAND.
<Q BEAU.> WHY 'TIS THE SAME YOU LIVE IN.
<Q CHAM.> NO, 'TIS SO FAM'D,
BUT WE TH'INHABITANTS FINDE IT NOT SO;
THE PLACE I SPEAK OF HAS BIN KEPT WITH THUNDER,
WITH FRIGHTFUL LIGHTNINGS, AMAZING NOISES,
BUT NOW (TH'INCHANTMENT BROKE) 'TIS THE LAND OF PEACE,
WHERE HOGS AND TOBACCO YIELD FAIR INCREASE.
<Q BEAU.> THIS IS A LITTLE WILDE METHINKS.
<Q CHAM.> GENTLEMEN FARE YOU WELL, I AM FOR THE BERMUDAS.
<Q BEAU.> NAY, GOOD SIR STAY-AND IS THAT YOUR ONELY CAUSE, THE LOSS
OF GEORGE?
<Q CHAM.> THE LOSS OF GEORGE, MY LORD} MAKE YOU THAT NO CAUSE?
WHY BUT EXAMINE, WOULD IT NOT BREAK THE STOUT HEART OF A NOBLEMAN
TO LOOSE HIS GEORGE, MUCH MORE THE TENDER BOSOM OF A CITIZEN?
<Q BEAU.> FIE, FIE, I'M SORRY YOUR GRAVITY SHOULD RUN BACK TO LIGHTNESS
THUS: YOU GO TO THE BERMOTHES}
<Q OLD FRANK.> BETTER TO IRELAND SIR.
<Q CHAM.> THE LAND OF IRE?-THAT'S TOO NEER HOME, MY WIFE WILL BE
HEARD FROM HELLBREE TO DIVELLIN.
<Q OLD FRANK.> SIR, I MUST OF NECESSITY A WHILE DETAIN YOU: I MUST
ACQUAINT YOU WITH A BENEFIT THAT'S COMING TOWARDS YOU. YOU WERE
CHEATED OF SOME GOODS OF LATE, COME, I'M A CUNNING-MAN, AND WILL
HELP YOU TO THE MOST PART AGAIN, OR SOME REASONABLE SATISFACTION.
     <SSD ENTER MRIS CHAMLET.>
<Q CHAM.> THAT'S ANOTHER CAUSE OF MY UNQUIET LIFE, SIR; CAN YOU DO
THAT, I MAY CHANCE STAY ANOTHER TIDE OR TWO: MY WIFE} (I MUST SPEAK
MORE PRIVATE WITH YOU) - BY FORTY FOOT, PAIN OF DEATH, I DARE NOT REACH
HER: NO WORDS OF ME SWEET GENTLEMEN}       <SSD SLIPS BEHINDE THE ARRAS.>
<Q GEORGE.> I HAD NEED HIDE TOO           <SSD  FOLLOWS CHAMLET.!>
<Q MRIS CHAM.> OH, MY LORD, I HAVE SCARCE TONGUE ENOUGH YET TO
TELL YOU; MY HUSBAND, MY HUSBAND'S GONE FROM ME, YOUR WARRANT GOOD
MY LORD, I NEVER HAD SUCH NEED OF YOUR WARRANT; MY HUSBAND'S GONE
FROM ME.
<Q BEAU.> GOING HE IS, 'TIS TRUE; HAS TANE HIS LEAVE OF ME, AND ALL THESE
GENTLEMEN, AND 'TIS YOUR SHARP TONGUE THAT WHIPS HIM FORWARDS.
<Q MRIS CHAM.> A WARRANT, GOOD MY LORD}
<Q BEAU.> YOU TURN AWAY HIS SERVANTS, SUCH ON WHOM HIS ESTATE DEPENDS
HE SAYS, WHO KNOW HIS BOOKS, HIS DEBTS, HIS CUSTOMERS; THE FORM AND ORDER
OF ALL HIS AFFAIRS YOU MAKE ORDERLESS - CHIEFLY, HIS GEORGE
YOU HAVE BANISHT FROM HIM.
<Q MRIS CHAM.> MY LORD, I WILL CALL GEORGE AGEN.
<SSD GEORGE WITHIN.>  CALL GEORGE AGEN.
<Q BEAU.> WHY HARK YOU, HOW HIGH-VOIC'D YOU ARE, THAT RAISE AN ECCHO
FROM MY SELLERIDGE WHICH WE WITH MODEST LOUDNESS CANNOT.
<Q MRIS CHAM.> MY LORD, DO YOU THINK I SPEAK TOO LOUD?
<SSD GEORGE WITHIN.>  TOO LOUD.
<Q BEAU.> WHY HARK, YOUR OWN TONGUE ANSWERS YOU, AND REVERBERATES
YOUR WORDS INTO YOUR TEETH.
<Q MRIS CHAM.> I WILL SPEAK LOWER ALL THE DAYS OF MY LIFE: I NEVER
FOUND THE FAULT IN MY SELF TILL NOW- YOUR WARRANT GOOD MY LORD, TO
STAY MY HUSBAND}
<Q BEAU.> WELL, WELL, IT SHALL O'RETAKE HIM, ERE HE PASS GRAVESEND,
PROVIDED THAT HE MEET HIS QUIETNESS AT HOME, ELSE HE'S GONE AGEN.
<Q OLD FRANK.> AND WITHAL TO CALL GEORGE AGEN.
<Q MRIS CHAM.> I WILL CALL GEORGE AGEN.
<SSD GEORGE  WITHIN!.>  CALL GEORGE AGEN.
<Q BEAU.> SEE, YOU ARE RAISED AGEN, THE ECCHO TELLS YOU.
<Q MRIS CHAM.> I DID FORGET MY SELF INDEED, MY LORD: THIS IS MY
LAST FAULT, I WILL GO MAKE A SILENT ENQUIRY AFTER GEORGE, I WILL WHISPER
HALF A SCORE PORTERS IN THE EAR, THAT SHALL RUN SOFTLY UP AND DOWN THE
CITY TO SEEK HIM. BEWY YE MY LORD, BUOY'LL, GENTLEMEN.  <SSD EXIT.>
<Q BEAU.> GEORGE, YOUR WAY LIES BEFORE YOU NOW, CROSS THE STREET, AND
COME INTO HER EYES, YOUR MASTERS JOURNEY WILL BE STAID.
<Q GEORGE.> ILE WARRANT YOU BRING IT TO BETTER SUBJECTION YET.<SSD EXIT.!>
<Q BEAU.> THESE ARE FINE FLASHES: HOW NOW  MASTER! CHAMLET?
<Q CHAM.> I HAD ONE EAR LENT TO YOU-WARD, MY LORD,
AND THIS O'TH T'OTHER SIDE, BOTH SOUNDED SWEETLY:
I HAVE WHOLE RECOVERED MY LATE LOSSES SIR,
TH'ONE HALF PAID, THE T'OTHER IS FORGIVEN.
<Q BEAU.> THEN YOUR JOURNEY IS STAID?  <SSD ENTER BARB. & KNAVESBEE.>
<Q CHAM.> ALAS MY LORD, THAT WAS A TRICK OF AGE,
FOR I HAD LEFT NEVER A TRICK OF YOUTH
LIKE IT, TO SUCCOUR ME.
<Q BEAU.> HOW NOW? WHAT NEW OBJECT'S HERE}
<Q BARB.> THE NEXT MAN WEE MEET SHALL JUDGE US.
<Q KNA.> CONTENT, THOUGH HE BE BUT A COMMON-COUNCIL-MAN.
<Q BEAU.> THE ONE'S A KNAVE, I COULD KNOW HIM AT TWELVE SCORE DISTANCE
<Q OLD FRANK.> AND T'OTHER'S A BARBER-SURGEON, MY LORD.
<Q KNA.> ILE GO NO FURTHER, HERE IS THE HONORABLE LORD, THAT I KNOW
WILL GRANT MY REQUEST; MY LORD-
<Q BARB.> PEACE, I WILL MAKE IT PLAIN TO HIS LORDSHIP: MY LORD, A
CONVENANT BY JUS JURANDUM IS BETWEEN US, HE IS TO SUFFOCATE MY RESPIRA-
TION BY HIS CAPISTRUM, AND I TO MAKE INCISSION SO FAR AS MORTIFICATION BY
HIS JUGULARS.
<Q BEAU.> THIS IS NOT ALTOGETHER SO PLAIN NEITHER, SIR.
<Q BARB.> I CAN SPEAK NO PLAINER MY LORD, UNLESS I WRONG MINE ART.
<Q KNA.> I CAN MY LORD, I KNOW SOME PART OF THE LAW, I AM TO TAKE
HIM IN THIS PLACE WHERE I FINDE HIM, AND LEAD HIM FROM HENCE TO THE
PLACE OF EXECUTION, AND THERE TO HANG HIM TILL HE DIES; HE IN EQUAL
COURTESIE IS TO CUT MY THROAT WITH HIS RAZOR, AND THERE'S AN END OF BOTH
ON'S.
<Q BARB.> THERE IS THE END MY LORD, BUT WE WANT THE BEGINNING: I
STAND UPON IT TO BE STRANGLED FIRST, BEFORE I TOUCH EITHER HIS GULA OR
CERVIX.
<Q KNA.> I AM AGAINST IT, FOR HOW SHALL I BE SURE TO HAVE MY THROAT
CUT AFTER HE'S HANG'D?
<Q BEAU.> IS THIS A CONDITION BETWIXT YOU?
<Q KNA.> A FIRM COVENANT, SIGN'D AND SEAL'D BY OATH AND HANDFAST, AND
WANTS NOTHING BUT AGREEMENT.
<Q BEAU.> A LITTLE PAUSE: WHAT MIGHT BE THE CAUSE ON EITHER PART?
<Q BARB.> MY PASSIONS ARE GROWN TO PUTRIFACTION, AND MY GRIEFS ARE
GANGREN'D;  MASTER! CHAMLET HAS SCARIFIED ME ALL OVER, BESIDES THE LOSS
OF MY NEW BRUSH.
<Q KNA.> I AM KEPT OUT OF MINE OWN CASTLE, MY WIFE KEEPS THE HOLD
AGAINST ME: YOUR PAGE MY LORD, IS HER CHAMPION; I SUMMON'D A
PARLE AT THE WINDOW, WAS ANSWERED WITH DEFIANCE: THEY CONFESS THEY
HAVE LAYEN TOGETHER, BUT WHAT THEY HAVE DONE ELSE I KNOW NOT.
BEAU, THOU CANST HAVE NO WRONG THAT DESERVES PITY, THOU ART THY
SELF SO BAD.
<Q KNA.> I THANK YOUR HONOR FOR THAT, LET ME HAVE MY THROAT CUT THEN.
     <SSD ENTER SELENGER AS A WOMAN, AND MRIS KNAVESBEE.>
<Q CHAM.> SIR, I CAN GIVE YOU A BETTER REMEDY THEN HIS CAPISTRUM;
YOUR EAR A LITTLE.
<Q MRIS KNA.> I COME WITH A BOLD INNOCENCE TO ANSWER
THE BEST AND WORST THAT CAN ACCUSE ME HERE.
<Q BEAU.> YOUR HUSBAND.
<Q MRIS KNA.> HE'S THE WORST, I DARE HIS WORST.
<Q KNA.> YOUR PAGE, YOUR PAGE.
<Q MRIS KNA.> WE LAY TOGETHER IN BED, IT IS CONFEST;
YOU, AND YOUR ENDS OF LAW  MAKE! WORSER OF IT,
I DID IT FOR REWARD.
<Q BEAU.> ILE HEAR NO MORE OF THIS, COME GENTLEMEN WILL YOU WALK?
     <SSD ENTER YOUNG CRESSINGHAM.>
<Q YOUNG CRESS.> MY LORD, A LITLE STAY; YOU'L SEE A SIGHT
THAT NEIGHBOR AMITY WIL BE MUCH PLEAS'D WITH,
'TIS COME ALREADY- MY FATHER SIR.
     <SSD ENTER OLD CRESSINGHAM  BRAVELY DRESSED!>
<Q BEAU.> THERE MUST BE CAUSE,CERTAIN,FOR THIS GOOD CHANGE:
SIR, YOU ARE BRAVELY MET, THIS IS AT THE BEST
I EVER SAW YOU.
<Q CRESS.> MY LORD, I AM AMAZEMENT TO MY SELF;
I SLEPT IN POVERTY, AND AM AWAKE
INTO THIS WONDER; HOW I CA ME! THUS BRAVE,
MY DREAMS DID NOT SO MUCH AS TELL ME OF;
I AM OF MY KINDE SONS NEW MAKING UP,
IT EXCEEDS THE PENSION MUCH, THAT YESTERNIGHT
ALLOW'D ME, AND MY POCKETS CENTUPLED,
BUT I AM MY SONS CHILDE, SIR, HE KNOWS OF ME
MORE THEN I DO MY SELF.
<Q YOUNG CRESS.> SIR, YOU YET HAVE
BUT EARNEST OF YOUR HAPPINESS, A PINACE
FORE-RIDING A GOODLY VESSEL, BY THIS NEAR ANCHOR-
BULKT LIKE A CASTLE, AND WITH JEWELS FRAUGHT,
(JOYS ABOVE JEWELS SIR,) FROM DECK TO KEEL-
MAKE WAY FOR THE RECEIPT, EMPTY YOUR BOSOM
OF ALL GRIEFS AND TROUBLES, LEAVE NOT A SIGH
TO BEAT HER BACK AGAIN, SHE IS SO STOR'D
YE'AD NEED HAVE ROOM ENOUGH, TO TAKE HER LADING.
<Q CRESS.> IF ONE COMODITY BE WANTING NOW,
ALL THIS IS NOTHING.
<Q YOUNG CRESS.> TUSH, THAT MUST OUT TOO,
THERE MUST BE NO REMEMBRANCE, NOT THE THOUGHT
THAT EVER YOUTH IN WOMAN DID ABUSE YOU,
THAT E'ER! YOUR CHILDREN HAD A STEPMOTHER,
THAT YOU SOLD LANDS TO PLEASE YOUR PUNISHMENT,
THAT YOU WERE CIRCUMSCRIB'D AND TAKEN IN,
ABRIDG'D THE LARGE EXTENDURE OF YOUR GROUNDS,
AND PUT INTO THE PINFOLD THAT BELONG'D TO 'T,
THAT YOUR SON DID CHEAT FOR WANT OF MAINTENANCE;
THAT HE DID BEG, YOU SHALL REMEMBER ONELY,
FOR I HAVE BEG'D OFF ALL THESE TROUBLES FROM YOU.
<SSD ENTER LADY CRESS. IN CIVIL HABIT, SAUND, AND CHILDREN  VERY GALLANT.>
<Q BEAU.>  THIS WAS A GOOD WEEKS LABOR.
<Q YOUNG CRESS.> NOT AN HOURS MY LORD, BUT 'TWAS A HAPPY ONE;
SEE SIR, A NEW DAY SHINES ON YOU.
<Q LA. CRESS.> OH SIR,
YOUR SON HAS ROB'D ME.
<Q CRESS.>HA} THAT WAY I INSTRUCTED?
<Q YO. CRESS.> NAY, HEAR HER SIR.
<Q LA. CRESS.> OF MY GOOD PURPOSE SIR,
HE HATH FORC'D OUT OF ME, WHAT LAY CONCEAL'D,
RIPEN'D MY PITY WITH HIS DEWS OF DUTY-
FORGIVE ME SIR, AND BUT KEEP THE NUMBER
OF EVERY GRIEF THAT I HAVE PAIN'D YOU WITH,
I'LE TEN-FOLD PAY WITH FRESH OBEDIENCE.
<Q CHAM.> OH, THAT MY WIFE WERE HERE TO LEARN THIS LESSON.
<Q LADY CRESS.> YOUR STATE IS NOT ABATED, WHAT WAS YOURS,
IS STILL YOUR OWN- AND TAKE THE CAUSE WITHAL
OF MY HARSH-SEEMING USAGE; IT WAS TO RECLAIM
FAULTS IN YOUR SELF, THE SWIFT CONSUMPTION
OF MANY LARGE REVENUES, GAIMING; THAT
OF NOT MUCH LESS SPEED, BURNING UP HOUSE AND LAND,
NOT CASUAL BUT CUNNING FIRE, WHICH THOUGH
IT KEEPS THE CHYMNEY, AND OUTWARD SHOWS
LIKE HOSPITALITY, IS ONELY DEVOURER ON'T,
CONSUMING CHYMISTRY; THERE I HAVE MADE YOU
A FLAT BANQUEROUT; ALL YOUR STILLATORIES
AND LABORING MINERALS ARE DEMOLISH E!D,
THAT PART OF HELL IN YOUR HOUSE IS EXTINCT-
PUT OUT YOUR DESIRE WITH THEM, AND THEN THESE FEET
SHALL LEVEL WITH MY HANDS, UNTILL YOU RAISE
MY STOOP'D HUMILITY TO HIGHER GRACE,
TO WARM THESE LIPS WITH LOVE, AND DUTY DO
TO EVERY SILVER HAIR- EACH ONE SHAL BE
A SENATOR TO MY OBEDIENCE.
<Q CRESS.> ALL THIS I KN E!W BEFORE- WHO EVER OF YOU
THAT HAD BUT ONE ILL THOUGHT OF THIS GOOD WOMAN,
YOU OWE A KNEE TO HER, AND SHE IS MERCIFUL
IF SHE FORGIVE YOU.      <SSD ENTER GEORGE, AND MRIS CHAMLET.>
<Q BEAU.> THAT SHAL BE PRIVATE PENANCE SIR, WE'L ALL JOY IN PUBLIQUE
WITH YOU.
<Q GEORGE.> ON THE CONDITIONS I TELL YOU, NOT ELSE.
<Q MRIS CHAM.> SWEET GEORGE, DEAR GEORGE, ANY CONDITIONS.
<Q CHAM.> MY WIFE}
<Q OLD FRANK.> PEACE, GEORGE IS BRINGING HER TO CONDITIONS.
<Q CHAM.> GOOD ONES, GOOD GEORGE.
<Q GEORGE.> YOU SHALL NEVER TALK YOUR VOICE ABOVE THE KEY, SOL, SOL SOL.
<Q MRIS CHAM.> SOL,SOL,SOL, I GEORGE.
<Q GEORGE.> SAY, WELCOME HOME HONEST GEORGE, IN THAT PITCH.
<Q MRIS CHAM.> WELCOME HOME HONEST GEORGE.
<Q GEORGE.> WHY THIS IS WELL NOW.
<Q CHAM.> THAT'S WELL INDEED, GEORGE.
<Q GEORGE.> ROGUE, NOR RASCAL MUST NEVER COME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH.
<Q MRIS CHAM.> THEY SHALL NEVER COME IN, HONEST GEORGE
<Q GEORGE.> NOR I WILL NOT HAVE YOU CALL MY MASTER PLAIN HUSBAND,
THAT'S TOO CO A!RSE, BUT AS YOUR GENTLEWOMEN IN THE COUNTRY USE, AND
YOUT PERSONS' WIVES IN THE TOWN- 'TIS COMELY, AND SHALBE CUSTOMED IN
THE CITY- CALL HIM MASTER CHAMLET AT EVERY WORD.
<Q MRIS CHAM.> AT EVERY WORD, HONEST GEORGE.
<Q GEORGE.> LOOK YOU, THERE HE IS,SALUTE HIM THEN.
<Q MRIS CHAM.> WELCOME HOME, GOOD  MASTER! CHAMLET.
<Q CHAM.> THANKS, AND A THOUSAND, SWEET-WIFE, I MAY SAY, HONEST
GEORGE?
<Q GEORGE.> YES SIR, OR BIRD, OR CHUCK, OR HEARTS EASE, OR PLAIN RACHEL,
BUT CALL HER RAC NO MORE, SO LONG AS SHE IS QUIET.
<Q CHAM.> GOD-A-MERCY, SHA'T HAVE THY NEW SUTE A SUNDAY GEORGE.
<Q MRIS CHAM.> GEORGE SHALL HAVE TWO NEW SUTES.  MASTER! CHAMLET.
<Q CHAM.> GOD-A-MERCY, IFAITH CHUCK.
<Q BAR.>  MASTER! CHAMLET, YOU AND I ARE FRIENDS, ALL EVEN BETWIXT US?
<Q CHAM.> I DO ACQUIT THEE, NEIGHBOR SWEETBAL.
<Q BAR.> I WILL NOT BE HANG'D THEN, KNAVES-BEE DO THY WORST; NOR I WILL
NOT CUT THY THROAT.
<Q KNA.> I MUST DO'T MY SELF.
<Q BAR.> IF THOU COM'ST TO MY SHOP, AND USURP'ST MY CHAIR OF MAIN-
TENANCE, I WILL GO AS NEER AS I CAN, BUT I WILL NOT DO'T.
<Q YOUNG CRESS.> NO, 'TIS I MUST CUT KNAVES-BEES THROAT, FOR SLANDERING
A MODEST GENTLEWOMAN, AND MY WIFE, IN SHAPE OF YOUR PAGE, MY
LORD- IN HER OWN I DUST NOT PLACE HER SO NEER YOUR LORDSHIP.
<Q BEAU.> NO MORE OF THAT SIR, IF YOUR ENDS HAVE ACQUIR'D THEIR OWN
EVENTS, CROWN 'EM WITH YOUR OWN JOY.
<Q YO. CRESS.> DOWN A YOUR KNEES KNAVES-BEE, TO YOUR WIFE, SHE'S TOO
HONEST FOR YOU.
<Q BAR.> DOWN ,DOWN, BEFORE YOU ARE HANG'D, 'TWIL BE TO O! LATE AFTER-
WARDS, AND LONG THOU CANST NOT SCAPE IT.  <SSD KNAVES-BEE KNEELS.>
<Q MRIS KNA.> YOU'L PLAY THE PANDOR NO MORE, WILL YOU?
<Q KNA.> OH, THAT'S AN INCH INTO MY THOAT.
<Q MRIS KNA.> AND LET OUT YOUR WIFE FOR  HIRE!?
KNA OH SWEET WIFE, GO NO DEEPER.
<Q MRIS KNA.> DARE ANY BE BAIL FOR YOUR BETTER BEHAVIOR?
<Q BEAU.> YES, YES I DARE, HE WILL MEND ONE DAY.
<Q MRIS KNA.> AND BE WORSE THE NEXT.
<Q KNA.> HANG ME THE THIRD THEN, DEAR MERCIFUL WIFE,
I WILL DO ANY THING FOR Q QUIET LIFE.
<Q BEAU.> ALL THEN IS RECONCIL'D?
<Q BARB.> ONELY MY BRUSH IS LOST, MY DEAR NEW BRUSH.
<Q OLD FRANK.> I WILL HELP YOU TO SATISFACTION FOR THAT TOO SIR.
<Q BARB.> OH, SPERMA CETI!, I FEEL IT HEAL ALREADY.
<Q OLD FRANK.> GENTLEMEN, I HAVE FULLY SATISFIED MY DEAD SONS DEBTS?
<Q OMNES.> ALL PLEAS'D, ALL PAID SIR.
<Q OLD FRANK.> THEN ONCE MORE HERE I BRING HIM BACK TO LIFE,
FROM MY SERVANT TO MY SON- NAY, WONDER NOT;<SSD  REVEALS YOUNG FRANKLIN.!>
I HAVE NOT DELT BY FALLACY WITH ANY,
MY SON WAS DEAD, WHO E'RE OUT LIVE HIS VERTUES
IS A DEAD MAN, FOR WHEN YOU HEAR OF SPIRITS
THAT WALK IN REAL BODIES, TO THE AMAZE
AND COLD ASTONISHMENT OF SUCH AS MEET 'EM.
AND ALL WOULD SHUN; THOSE ARE MEN OF VICES,
WHO NOTHING HAVE BUT WHAT IS VISIBLE,
AND SO BY CONSEQUENCE THAY HAVE NO SOULS-
BUT IF THE SOUL RETURN HE LIVES AGEN,
CREATED NEWLY; SUCH MY SON APPEARS
BY MY BLESSING ROOTED, GROWING BY HIS TEARS.
<Q OMNES.> YOU HAVE BEGUIL'D US HONESTLY SIR.
<Q FRANK.> AND YOU SHALL HAVE YOUR BRUSH AGEN.
<Q BARBER.> MY BASONS SHALL ALL RING FOR JOY.
<Q BEAUFORT.> WHY THIS DESERVES A TRYUMPH, AND MY COST
SHALL BEGIN A FEAST TO'T, TO WHICH I DO
ENVITE YOU ALL; SUCH HAPPY RECONCILEMENTS
MUST NOT BE PAST WITHOUT A HEALTH OF JOY-
DISCORDED FRIENDS ATTON'D, MEN AND THEIR WIVES,
THIS HOPE PROCLAIMS YOUR AFTER QUIET LIVES.      <SSD EXEUNT.>
              <SN FINIS.>
<Q EPILOGUE.>
I AM SENT T'ENQUIRE YOUR CENSURE, AND TO KNOW
HOW YOU STAND AFFECTED? WH E!THER WE DO OWE
OUR SERVICE TO YOUR FAVORS, OR MUST STRIKE
OUR SAILS (THOUGH FULL OF HOPE) TO YOUR DISLIKE:
HOW E'RE, BE PLEAS'D TO THINK WE PURPOS'D WELL,
AND FROM MY FELLOWS THIS MUCH I MUST TELL,
INSTRUCT US BUT IN WHAT WE WENT ASTRAY,
AND TO REDEEM IT, WEE'L TAKE ANY WAY.